Preschoolers' Friends & Socializing
Berkeley Parents Network >
Advice >
Preschool-aged Kids >
Preschoolers' Friends & Socializing
Feb 2007
I wanted to ask for some guidance on how to help my 4-yr-old
daughter through a broken friendship. She had made a friend at
her preschool whom she really liked (her ''best friend''), and
who seemed to really like her. They would run to each other
laughing when they first saw each other, and played together
every morning at preschool. A couple of months later, after
acting out of sorts for couple of days, my daughter suddenly
burst into tears and said that this girl told her she didn't
want to be her friend anymore. It's been a few weeks since
then, and her friend no longer lets her sit next to her for
snacks, and plays only with other children. My daughter is
confused and hurt. A little background on my daughter's
personality- she is rather precocious, sensitive, shy, and
verbally capable for her age, and openly shows appreciation for
friends and friendships (although not behaving as well with her
younger sibling). I doubt anything of sigificance happened
between the two girls; I suspect it was just ''fickleness'' of
most 4-yr-olds, and maybe the other girl just wanted to start
playing with other kids. I'm also not worried about my
daughter not knowing what to do- she's already making other
friends. But she still says, I don't know why she never plays
with me anymore, and she's sad, hurt, and confused about the
abrupt end of their friendship. I have no idea what to say or
how to emotionally support her or guide her (where is my
fountain of wisdom that moms are supposed to have). Has anyone
had a similar experience, and suggest ways I can be of help to
her?
what should I say
I'm so sorry to hear about your child's hurtful experience. My son had a similar
experience when he was 4 -- his best friend in preschool for the first year (when he
was 3) was a girl. Early in his second year, he was absent for about a week, due to
illness. While he was gone, his best friend made friends with a new arrival -- and
was no longer really interested in playing with him much when he came back.
He was very sad about this, and asked me about it for a long time. I don't know that
I was terribly wise in my responses, I just told him (many times) that yes, I could
certainly understand that this would make him sad, and that he missed his friend.
However, he could still play with his other friends, he could still do all of the
things
he liked, and perhaps his old friend would play with him again sometime.
This didn't really solve the problem in the moment (I don't know that I could have
made him feel better instantly). However, eventually he did make new friends, and
after awhile his old girl friend did start playing with him again, at least a bit.
I guess it's just one of those things that happens in life, and that we learn to cope
with by actually coping with it. Doesn't make it feel better while it's happening,
though.
Karen
Hi,
the girls at my daughter's preschool play a daily game of who
will be who's friend that day. I was very alarmed at first and
my daughter had a hard time when she first went to that school
In general it seems that they have a hard time focusing on more
than one friend at a time. I have noticed this with my
daughter - if there is more than one aunt around she is very
torn and cannot divide her affection/attention to them both and
usually favors one. And at her birthday, when her two favorite
cousins were there, she had a hard time dividing her attention.
So, in the beginning I was concerned, but just helped her
negotiate it and did not make a big deal about it. I think the
key is to teach your daughter how to be resilient and find new
friends to play with. Point it out to the teacher and they can
help steer her toward new friends since perhaps this did not
register on their radar.
I think it's good to acknowledge how it makes her sad - but it
is equally important to use the opportunity to learn how to
make new friends and negotiate the social world. I also keep
emphasizing how it is important to be kind and not exclude
anyone...and that it is possible to play with more than one
friend at a time - someday!
she will learn...
August 2006
My three-year-old has an imaginary friend who joins us all the
time. She gets into trouble, feels sad, feels happy and throws
partys. He often has to break away from a game of ''kick the ball
around'' in order to work out something with her about sharing,
etc. I have absolutely no problem with this, and I'm not worried
at all, but I am curious to hear about other people's experiences
with this. Did your kids have this? how long did they last? How
did they go away? Not surpisingly, in our case his ''friend''
emerged after his sister was born. Clearly he uses her to
express a variety of emotions and explore the dynamics of
relationships. I would love to hear about other people's
experiences with this.
My youngest son had an imaginary friend until he was at least 7 (maybe even 8)! As
time, went on, the imaginary friend declined in importance, he talked about him less
and finally not at all.
At the height, my son would even call him on the phone when he was away on a trip (I
asked him why his friend didn't come along and he said that he didn't have a plane
ticket, so how could he come?!). I was fascinated by the relationship.(my son is an
extremely intelligent child with alot of adult like insight). He seemed to use his
friend as companion (there's 5 years between my youngest and next son) and also as a
way of processing social relationships, ethics, and issues. I thought it was kinda sad
when the friend disappeared.
By the way, I had an imaginary friend myself (I was an oldest child by 5 years). I
don't remember him at all now, but my parents did - vividly anonymous
my almost 4 year-old has had 2 imaginary friends for about a year & a half. I think
it is very sweet & endearing. She takes very good care of them, is concerned about
their feelings, etc. I also had an imaginary friend when I was little.
mom of an
imaginative kid
Imaginary friends are fun! My first child, now 11, had an imaginary boyfriend in a
place that she called ''Invisible Land.''
The boyfriend could fit in her hand and she carried him around.
I ''sat'' on him a few times. This lasted until she was about 6 or 7 I think. She
still remembers him. My second child, now 6, talks about ''FairyLand'' all the time.
No, not the one in Oakland. This FairyLand is a utopia where there is a ''King'' who
leaves her messages to give her special power. With my second child, sometimes
FairyLand rules are interfering with reality, but we talk to her and she comes back to
earth. Enjoy it while it lasts. My husband is still teased by his parents about
''Blabby'' who he used to go on long walks with. Jeanne
My son's first imaginary friend (a mouse named "Mouse") appeared when he was about two
and a half, shortly after his baby brother was born. In the two plus years since
then, many more imaginary friends have appeared, mostly animals with human abilities.
These friends have very distinct appearances and each play a particular instrument in
my son's "band." He's gone through phases of talking incessantly about these friends.
He sometimes uses their imaginary presence to try to avoid consequences to his own
behavior (saying he hit his brother accidentally when Mouse pushed him). He's now
almost five years old and still has these friends but his reliance on them has
diminished. He seemed to depend on them the most when he was struggling with getting
less attention due to the baby's arrival and when he started a preschool where he
didn't know anybody. I think the creation of imaginary friends is a positive coping
mechanism and also shows that the child is very creative. amanda
I think this is very common, and quite entertaining! When our daughter was two she had
a list of imaginary people she told stories about-which just seemed to be her
exercising her imagination. Now she has one, ''Muy,'' and as you say the purpose of
the imaginary friend seems to be to explore feelings and relationships. If we tell her
she can't do something, she'll sometimes tell us that Muy is allowed to do it; if
there's somewhere she wants to go that isn't possible, Muy takes her there. If
something bothered her, she'll sometimes retell the event with Muy as a stand-in for
her, and this time things go her way. (: Muy's age varies but it's always a little
older than her, as she seems to really look up to 5-6 year old girls. I'm not worried
about it either as it's very natural at this age, doesn't impact a child having ''real
friends'' and probably goes away by age 5. Kids are full of imagination and role
playing at this stage. Talk to your friends with kids the same age and I'm sure you'll
hear many similar stories.
Julie
Nov 2005
We feel that my 3-yr old daughter's very close friend in
preschool has been a bad influence due ot her friend's 14 year
old sister. My husband and I recently noticed that my
daughter is learning some words that a 3 year old should not be
speaking of. My husband also overheard my daughter's friend say
something not so nice during one of the birthday parties that
we attended. We are assuming that my daughter's friend is
learning some of these words from her older teenage sister.
So, in turn we've asked the preschool director to separate my
daughter and her friend into different groups. Now, my
daughter is sad because she doesn't get to play with her best
friend anymore. And, now I feel guilty. Any advice? Did my
husband and I do the right thing?
-V
You should feel guilty, in my opinion. What you did was mean and unessecery, and I
would bet it unfairly put the teachers in awkward positions. Your daughter has the
right to her own friends. Yes, of course, the elder sister is a problem. You should try
to (to an extreme) limit playdates at the other girl's house, and simply tell the other
girl that she is not allowed to use those sort of words. You may want to speak to the
other girl's mother; not in a blame sort of way but she in fact may not know that this
is happening and would probably be very upset about. It is not fair to seperate your
daughter from her best friend, especially going behind her back to try to get ride of
her.
Laurie
I understand your instinct to want to eliminate the ''bad influence.''
I also think that a good/best friend is an important and special thing
to have and not all kids have the good fortune to have one. I
remember one of my children's teachers remarking to my child,''Going
through school with a best friend like yours is such a warm and
supportive experience, _______; not everyone has one,'' and so it
is. If the foul-mouthed friend is otherwise a loyal, engaged, fun,
loving friend, then you might consider helping your child invalidate
undesireable language and behaviors for herself. Calling upon the
school to separate your child is delaying what I think is a necessary
developmental behavior - being able to reject certain behaviors in
someone and still maintain a friendship if there are other redeeming
qualities. God knows we do such a thing as adults since not all of us
have the good fortune of having perfect friends. The approach of
changing the school culture instead of working on your own kid will
backfire and obstruct a wonderful opportunity for learning, and the
next school, teacher, might not be so willing to separate the
children, feeling that it might be better to talk to your little
darling about why such behavior is yucky. Finally, some parents are
approachable about their kid's behavior, and some will go balistic, so
tread carefully.
About enlightening your own child
Nov 2004
Our daughter is 3.5 yrs old and is generally a sweet, empathetic girl who
plays well with other children. In the last few months or so, however,
she's started saying, ''You're no longer my friend!'' if she's upset by
something another child did or did not do. For instance, one of her
dearest friends didn't want to hold her hand one time, she got upset by
this and hence he was no longer her friend. Another child wasn't her
friend because she wanted to play with someone else. We're
concerned that our daughter is feeling excluded and is responding by
excluding others. We have recently moved and she started at a new
school. We've tried talking to her about it, but it doesn't seem to be
helping.
Any suggestions on how to stop this kind of hurtful behavior? I looked
on the website but couldn't find a discussion on this. Thanks.
concerned mom
I think (or at least hope) this is a totally normal phase. My
4 1/2 yr old son has been saying this for at least 6 months
now, and all his little daycare friends say it too. It just
seems to be their knee-jerk reaction to any disappointment, no
matter how small. Other frequent variations include ''You're
not coming to my house'' and ''You're not coming to my party.''
(even if his birthday is 11 months away). He says these things
to my husband and I as frequently as he does to his friends.
It's pretty much lost its meaning due to the frequency of use
and minor nature of offenses that trigger the response (eg.
Mom: ''time to take a bath'' son: ''Then you're not my friend'')
It seems to be a pretty harmless way for him to express his
anger/disappointment/displeasure, and he usually takes it back
within 5 minutes (''OK, you can come to my party''). I don't
worry about it, as I'm sure it will pass, and I actually am
even amused by it sometimes.
Tracy
Two things:
1. I would think that your recent move precipitated this particular behavior,
and that it would be a great idea to try and talk to your daughter about her
feelings regarding the move, making new friends, etc. Explaining to her how
you yourself feel about moving and the chaos surrounding it would be a good
start. For instance, ''Mommy feels sad too; Mommy misses ''so- and-so'' (a
friend from your old neighborhood). Let her know that it is okay to feel upset
or excluded, because those feelings/situations are inevitable for all upon
moving. Be sure to then highlight the positive aspects of moving (new house,
new friends to meet on the block, new parks, etc). It is important to address
the emotions behind the behavior, too.
2. I suggest that when she tells kids they're not her friends anymore, jump in
right away and help her define what she really means to say. It is doubtful that
she truly does not want to be friends with a particular child. Rather, she's upset
in the moment and isn't expressing herself as accurately as she could. Talk to
her before a playdate and try to come up with an alternative phrase for her to
say, like, ''What ''so-and-so'' did makes me sad,'' or ''I'm not feeling like sharing
right now.'' You need to acknowledge her feelings surrounding the
circumstance as valid, but also guide her so that she can properly express what
she is feeling. Be as consistent as possible, and have all other caregivers do the
same. Eventually, she'll catch on because she'll understand that it is okay to
feel whatever she's feeling, and that there are better ways to communicate that
to other children.
Hope this helps.
M
When I saw your note I thought you were writing about MY 3.5
year old daughter. ''You're not my friend'' (variation: ''you're
not my best friend'') is running rampant at her preschool. When I
spoke to the preschool director about it, she sighed and said it
happens among the 3 year old girls every single school year.
Apparently ''you're not my friend'' is code for, ''I'm tired of
playing with you now.'' But it's certainly temporary.
I don't like it either, and we frequently reinforce the concept
that ''everyone is our friend, even when we aren't playing with
them'' at home, but it did make me feel somewhat better that this
happens all the time, and they grow out of it... sort of.
Remember high school??
mean girl's mom
I hear this at preschool all the time in 3 and 4 year olds. My
4 1/2 year old son still says this to his friends, and of course
then gets very upset when they say this back to him when the
tables are turned. I guess it is hurtful in the short term, but
they also seem to get over it quickly if you help them find a
solution to the disagreement that triggered it in the first
place, and suggest they hug and apologize and make up, and
remind them that they are good friends. I also try to reiterate
how it makes someone feel when you say this by reminding him,
and he's learning. It seems better than name calling, and
appears to be just a phase I'm sure they will grow out of as
well. Sometimes he says it to me and his father as well, and we
remind him that we are his parents and don't have to be his
friends, and he quickly changes his tune so he can remain
friends with us. It's one of the only powers they have, I feel,
much like a toddler who is just discovering the power of ''no.''
Friendly Mom
This behavior is developmentally normal for your daughter's age. So
yes, she probably is hearing it -- but she's probably initiating some of it
herself.
Three and a half year olds use this kind of behavior (You're not my
friend, you can't come to my birthday party, etc.) to express one of two
kinds of feelings. Often, two kids playing together will say it to a third
who's trying to join their play. What they really mean, but don't know
how to say, is that they are having fun playing together right now, and
don't want a third person to join.
The second kind of reason they use it is, as in your daughter's case,
when they are upset with something the other child has done. But they
don't yet know how to say, ''Hey, I really don't like it when you do that.
Please don't do it in the future.'' So they say this instead.
The best way to help is, first, to realize that this is a phase. It's going to
happen in most kids, and doesn't mean some serious exclusion, unique
to your child, is happening. Second, help them learn to say what they
really mean. For example, ''I want to play with Sally right now. But I
hope we can play together later.'' Third, help her to understand what
other kids mean by their upsetting actions ''Sally sometimes might need
a little space and doesn't want to hold anyone's hand. She will want to
hold your hand later. Everyone needs a little space sometimes.''
This managing of interpersonal relations and the accompanying
emotions is tough for little kids, and takes quite a while to learn. But they
will learn, and better if we help them.
Karen
March 2004
My 4 year old has a great *best* friend that she has known since
she was 6 months old--through daycare. Now, in preschool, it
seems that my daughter will play with this *best* friend or play
alone. The teachers are I are trying to encourage her to play
with others, reminding her of her many other friends, etc. But,
I am concerned that she is too reliant on this friend. I am
considering moving her to another school closer to home, which
will make play dates with other kids easier. I know that this
*best* friend is GREAT and is a real treasure, but I worry that
this will hinder her socialization and making friends in the
future. BTW, this *best* friend and my daughter won't be going
to the same Kindergarten (in 1 1/2 years) as we live in different
counties. Any thoughts on this topic would be greatly appreciated!
anon
I wouldn't worry too much about this. I think it is pretty common
for 4-year-olds to hook up with a buddy, especially in a larger
social setting like preschool. My kids also had a One True Best
Friend at this age. But there are still lots of opportunities for
them to widen their social circle, especially as they progress
through grade school and kids move away and change schools and
refine their interests. Right now you have a lot of control over
who they play with outside of school - you can arrange play dates
with kids you like and ''not get around to'' arranging them with
the kids you don't like. I learned from one of the other moms to
always ask my child first though. When a friend's parent calls
with a playdate invitation, you can say ''I'll ask him and call
you back.'' Then you don't have the problem of a reluctant child
being sent off to play with a more enthusiastic child.
What happened with my kids was that when they got to
kindergarten, and started to be on sports teams and develop other
interests, they built up a set of friends that they really stuck
with all through elementary school, many of whom they still keep
in touch with as young adults (they are 18 and 21 now). My
18-year-old is still good friends with his 4-year-old best buddy,
but they both have many other friends too. This friendship has
endured a move to another city, school changes, and all sorts of
shenanigans the two got in to, but it seems to mean a lot to my
son to have such a long-term friend, even though their interests
have diverged over the years and they don't see each other very
often. I think it's really valuable for little kids to develop
intense friendship - it lays the groundwork for later relationships.
G
How lucky you are to have ''best'' friends for your kids vs no
friends (something I had to deal with until recently when my
child finally developed a good friendship with another child at
preschool). I can only tell you that in our case, playdates with
children he did not identify as wanting to have playdates with
had been a disaster. He didn't want to do anything with these
other children. So the moral was, you can't force a situation,
but you can always try. I would ask them to identify another
child they might like to have over and/or try with one they have
mentioned before. I tried to match him up with another with a
similar temperament, but to no avail because he did not identify
this child.
Anon
May 2003
My daughter is almost 4, and has been in preschool for almost a
year. She attends five mornings a week. Although she enjoys the
activities and teachers at preschool, and plays casually with the
other children, she doesn't really have any preschool friends. I
attribute this partly to the situation that when she joined the
school, all the other girls were already in a very tight clique,
and she was the only new one. She is also the youngest girl in
the school, and there is only one boy younger. My heart breaks
when she says she doesn't have any friends. (I do point out a
couple friends she has out of school.) I keep her in this school
because she does like to go, and I think changing would just
create the same situation of being the new one.
I've tried encouraging her to play with the other girls and
boys. I've called the parents of a couple of the other girls to
try to set up playdates, but they have been unresponsive, and no
one has ever asked me. I could call again, but I don't know if
it's even polite to keep asking. Maybe it's just an
organizational issue, or maybe their children don't want to play
with her. (Or maybe I'm the problem?)
Several new children, both girls and boys, are starting at the
beginning of July. Is there any way to coach her on how to make
friend with these new kids? I remember my mother trying to give
me advice on how to make friends when I was a child, and though I
couldn't tell her at the time, it was seemed totally impractical
because it didn't acknowledge the whole social landscape of my
peers. I don't want to give that kind of advice. Also I didn't
have many friends as a child, so I don't know what to tell her.
I'm seeking advice from people who were more socially adept
children, or anyone with any insight.
Seeking Friends
Often older kids (and they don't have to be that much older)
just zone out on younger ones who just cannot keep up socially.
They also have their established friends and patterns of play
and for a lot of children it can be difficult to make the
adjustment to include a new person.I would try and make
playdates with the new incoming crowd who might be more around
her age and social maturation level.
The incoming mom's are more likely to be receptive as they will
in most cases want to encourage and support friendships for
their children in their new school.
Good Luck
I'm sure your situation is similar to many other moms. I have
found it difficult to 'break the ice' with other parents and so
far have only been relatively successful. Like you, i don't know
if it's the parents, or me, or my daughter. I am a little shy
though i don't think people would usually think that of me. I
think maybe it's just that it takes a certain amount of
persistance and an ability to not feel 'put out' if you don't
get the response that you would like. I have found that it's
sometimes easier getting my own daughter playtime with the boys
in her preschool as they haven't 'yet' formed those tight
cliques that you described. You might also try helping out with
any sort of extracurricular activities that your daughters
school does. I know having school picnics and potlucks where all
the parents are involved and able to socialize is a great way to
meet the other parents and suggest 'again' those playdates for
your daughter and other children.
best of luck to you...
Why not just you yourself immediately get friendly with the new parents
and invite them and their children over for a few playdates? I'm doubtful that
any kind of coaching will help a 4 year old make friends....just show her
by example and set up a situation where she can interact one-on-one with
them. If the parents are very busy, you can also just offer to host the
playdate yourself. Playdates really helped our daughter alot at age 4.
That being said, our daughter also had trouble making friends at preschool
at age 4. Switching preschools did it for us we found better teachers
more able to facilitate kids' interactions, friendlier families eager for
playdates, and more compatible kids. Or maybe she was just suddenly ready.
So you might want to consider it, especially as lots of places will be starting up
again anew in the fall.
Karen
July 2002
My 4.5 year old son has a playmate at preschool who bosses him
around. My son is very clever, perceptive, sensitive,
imaginative, and somewhat naove. His friend is the class
genius, a sweet little boy with the social and academic skills
of a 6 or 7 year old. The two boys share some common interests
and they play together a lot both at school and in the
afternoons. The problem is that this playmate tends to be bossy
and manipulative, and my son, who aims to please and is very non-
confrontational, never gets to make the rules such as what game
is played, who is to participate, when do move on to the next
activity, etc. Sometimes he decides not to let my son into a
game (the infamous ''you are not my friend any more''). My son
is very aware of the situation, and very articulate about the
kinds of interactions they have, and his feelings about them.
But he still wants to be his friend. I'm trying to use this
experience to teach my son some social skills (for example by
teaching him the kinds of lines he needs to respond to this
boy). But I'm running out of lines, and I'm starting to think
that perhaps it is time to wake him up from his innocence (i.e.,
tell it like it is, some people are manipulative and bossy and
you need to learn how to deal with them). Any advice would be
appreciated!
anon
My 4.5 year old son has a playmate at preschool who bosses him
around. My son is very clever, perceptive, sensitive,
imaginative, and somewhat naove. His friend is the class
genius, a sweet little boy with the social and academic skills
of a 6 or 7 year old. The two boys share some common interests
and they play together a lot both at school and in the
afternoons. The problem is that this playmate tends to be bossy
and manipulative, and my son, who aims to please and is very non-
confrontational, never gets to make the rules such as what game
is played, who is to participate, when do move on to the next
activity, etc. Sometimes he decides not to let my son into a
game (the infamous ''you are not my friend any more''). My son
is very aware of the situation, and very articulate about the
kinds of interactions they have, and his feelings about them.
But he still wants to be his friend. I'm trying to use this
experience to teach my son some social skills (for example by
teaching him the kinds of lines he needs to respond to this
boy). But I'm running out of lines, and I'm starting to think
that perhaps it is time to wake him up from his innocence (i.e.,
tell it like it is, some people are manipulative and bossy and
you need to learn how to deal with them). Any advice would be
appreciated!
anon
I think your intuition is right. You should tell your son that
people will not always behave in ways that are in his best
interest. You are his advocate, after all, and he is counting
on you to show him the ropes in life.
What's more, some kids who are confronted in a
straightforward way with objections to their offensive
behavior can suprise you. My daughter, who, like your son,
is a pretty gentle person, finally got around to telling her
friend in first grade that she was too controlling (something
like, ''You're not the boss of my life!''). To her credit, the friend
good naturedly backed off immediately. A year later, they are
still pals. You may want to explain to your son that
confrontation can often be constructive. If the other boy
resists changing his behavior, then ask your son, ''If he
doesn't want to treat you fairly, is this boy really your friend?''
Your son can take it from there.
My girl's advocate
It sounds like your son is happy with the friendship, but you're
not. To be perfectly blunt, you sound a little bit bummed that
this kid is smarter than yours (your child is clever but the
other one is a genius). Your judgment may not even be true! I
would try to refrain from managing their interaction. I am
concerned that you will send a message to your son that there is
something wrong with him tolerating his friend's behavior.
(''Don't you see that he is taking advantage of you? What's wrong
with you that you let him boss you around like that?'' -- even if
you don't say it that way.) My mom was always very negative and
protective about friendships my sister and I had (''She isn't
nice to you!'') and it hurt our self-confidence. It sounds to me
that your son understands very well what is going on but feels
that the pluses of the relationship outweigh the minuses. Being
able to make that kind of tradeoff is an important life skill in
my opinion. (If we only had friends who were perfect, we would
be pretty lonely.) It's great that he is talking to you so
well about his feelings -- keep listening but let him come up
with his own ''lines'' and don't run down a friend that he likes,
or tell him how he should feel. If you must give your opinion, I
think you should make it clear it's YOUR view: ''If it was my
friend, I might feel that he was too bossy.'' Also keep in mind
that these kinds of dynamics change a lot over time - both kids
will grow.
Anon.
We were having a similar problem with our son a couple of years
ago, except it dealt more with hitting than bossing around.
As many parents often teach their kids, I taught him that
hitting was not acceptable. I always told my child not to hit
any child, regardless of the circumstances. If the child
continued to hit him, he was to tell me or the child's parent
for intervention. Well, as he got older that solution didn't
work anymore. He was the tallest kid in the class, but he was
always being bullied by other much smaller kids. Finally my
husband got tired of talking to him and letting him know that it
was okay to defend himself, and ''demanded'' that he fight back.
Now I admit, my husband was a bit more aggresive than what I
would have liked, but he warned my son that if he came home
crying over another child hitting him and did nothing about it
he would be in trouble with him. In fact, there were a couple of
times when my husband would push my son back outside and
demanded that he defend himself and warn the other child to back
off or he will hit him in return. It was heart breaking seeing
my son go through this, but I have to say admist it all it
worked.
My son now knows when to defend himself and understands the
difference between being aggressive and standing up for himself.
He just needed a little assurance that it was going to be okay
if he did.
I'm not suggesting that you take the same aggressive approach,
but sometimes you have to be firm and direct with your child.
Explain to your son that it's okay not to be included in some
play groups, and that it's okay to say no to someone who is
obviously being mean to him. Bring him around other children who
are less bullies, and show that as an example of how kids should
play with each other and not how he and his playmate to.
Talking and showing by example are very important.
Best of luck to you.
Understanding mother
this page was last updated: Nov 13, 2008
The opinions and statements expressed on this website
are those of parents who subscribe to the
Berkeley Parents Network.
Please see
Disclaimer & Usage for
information about using content on this website.
Copyright © 1996-2013 Berkeley Parents Network