Berkeley Parents Network: Preschooler Fears

Berkeley Parents Network

Preschooler Fears

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Preschool-aged Kids > Preschooler Fears

Questions

3-year old is scared of a lot of things
4-year-old is suddenly afraid of familiar things

More Advice about Fear in Pre-schoolers

3-year old is scared of a lot of things

Jan 2008

I'm wondering if the fear my son feels is normal development or not. He seems to be scared of a lot of things and it stops him wanting to do things. For example, he fell off his bike, didn't get hurt really, but now is scared to get on it or the jogging stroller because they will tip over.

He was in a major car accident this summer - he wasn't hurt but it involved multiple rollovers and a trip to the emergency room on a backboard. It was very scary. I'm wondering if his fears now are typical for kids his age or if they are in some way related to the accident and therefore if I should have him see someone.

I imagine the accident has something to do with your son's fear, but I think it's also normal for kids this age to have a lot of random fears and sometimes take a long time to process scary events. My daughter is 3.5 and she's gone through long periods of being very scared of things. We saw a semi-truck tip over once and after that she talked a lot about our car tipping over, driving too fast, etc. The level of fear reaches different heights -- for a while she would get really scared when we went out of the house and ask, in a sad, pitiful little voice, to go home right away. It was hard do deal with, especially hard to see her in such distress. But we keep talking to her about her fears and try to come up with different strategies -- ways for her to conquer her fear -- she likes to hear about our experiences (''when mama was a little girl X happened to her too...''). She likes to hear stories about pretend kids going through similar situations and how they resolved them. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to get your son seen by someone, but also know that he will probably grow out of his fears with support and patience (as hard as it is to maintain sometimes) from you. anon

It could well be that he still remembers the car accident, either consciously or unconsciously. I recommend checking out Joan Lovett's book Small Wonders, which deals with healing childhood traumas using a technique called EMDR. She is a developmental pediatrician in Berkeley, and so you could make an appointment with her if you think it might be useful.

My son was very ginger on things like suspension bridges, balance beams, swings and scooters. He seemed to have an anxiety about safety that we couldn't understand. We thought it was purely a mental thing but it turned out that he physically could not feel safe because he had sensory integration issues that affected his ability to know where his limbs were in space and to feel balanced on something like a swing or a scooter. This is something for which early intervention matters, so if you think it could be something of the sort you might have him evaluated by an OT if you are at all concerned that it could be something like this. Mary Kawar and Rita Montez in El Cerrito are excellent.

The other thing I wonder is whether he was bumped or jostled in some way on the head during the accident and if head trauma could possibly be at issue, even if the emergency room docs didn't catch that. You could consult with Dr. Lovett to see if the symptoms suggest head trauma. Good luck. hope this helps

WOW! What an experience you BOTH went through. I would say, on the one hand, that three year olds can get fearful, and it's easy for them to overgeneralize from, say, a minor bike fall to other wheeled things. Kids vary a lot in how fearful they are (how vivid their imaginations are?). One the other hand, this must have been pretty traumatic, and it might well help him tremendously to meet with someone a few times to do some play therapy around his fears and see if that can alleviate some of this. It's worth helping him work through this now, would be my view. Best of luck! anon

YES I would say his fears are related to the accident-I think even an adult might be afraid of vehicles after that! I can't even imagine being in a rollover-it must have been absolutely terrifying for him-I would certainly avoid cars in that situation for quite a long time if I had the option. Maybe since he doesn't have control of whether he can go in the car or not- he's expressing his fears with bikes, etc. Does he need to see a therapist? Can't hurt-and could really help. Julie

4-year-old is suddenly afraid of familiar things

Sept 2007

My daughter is suddenly afraid of a lot of familiar things. She's afraid of the front door, her room, the dark, the living room, outside... It's usually when these places are dark-ish (even before dusk as the light begins to wane is scary for her), but not neccesarily. It's not that I think being afraid of the dark is abnormal, just for her it is. Last week - in fact, her entire life - she wasn't afraid of the dark but now she is. How do I help her get past this? What's it all about?

We had another baby about 5 months ago and he sleeps in our room every night. I can see that this new fear could possibly be a strategy for sleeping with the 3 of us in our room; but she's not just scared at bedtime or about her bedroom. She's been scared of the stained glass window on our front door in the morning! Jenny

Hi - Both my kids developed fears around the time they turned four. Fear of the dark, night-shadows, night-sounds, racoons, barking dogs, etc. and both had nightmares around that time too. Things they were never afraid of before. Both grew out of it within a few months although it did mean quite a few nights of going in and reassuring them that they were safe and yes, sometimes bringing them into our bed for the night. There is a series of books called ''Your One Year Old'', ''Your Two Year Old'', etc. by Louise Bates Ames and Carol Chase Haber. I believe it was in ''Your Four Year Old'' that they discussed the developmental stage that kids go through around their fourth year and the fearful stage that is a normal part of their development. Reading their books has really helped me get through the expected developmental changes that we don't expect as parents. All Sleeping Soundly Now

My son, now 6, became very afraid of the dark at around this age. He isn't afraid anymore, so I think it is something that is common at that age. He was afraid of the dark closet and the dark corners in his room. He said he had bad dreams. We brought in some extra lamps and illuminated all the corners - just inexpensive nightlight type lamps that take a very low wattage bulb. Ikea has some good ones. We left the closet light on all night. So the overhead light wasn't on, but there were no dark patches. That helped. When he came into our room, we'd just walk him back to his bed and tuck him in and make sure there no dark places that were bothering him. Getting him a dreamcatcher to hang over his bed and reading a story about dreamcatchers really helped a lot (he felt it protected him from the bad dreams). Hope that helps! Ginger

I think it's developmental. My daughter also had no problem with the dark when she was younger, and in fact wanted the room pitch black when she went to sleep. Right around the time she turned four, she also suddenly became afraid. I've been dealing with it by leaving the hall light on for her, but not her room light as she requests because it keeps her up. Good luck. anon

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