I'm about 5 months pregnant and I have almost no interest in all the things I thought I would have interest in. Shopping for cute baby clothes, cribs, and other baby stuff is not only boring to me, it is just plain unpleasant. I've never been into shopping as a hobby or sport. I've tried a couple times already to do it, but I leave almost immediately.

In addition, I'm not the kind of person that gets excited about scrap books, crafts or even wedding stuff. (My husband and I were married in City Hall. I wore a black cocktail dress and he wore shorts. It was perfect.) My co-workers and friends are all talking about a baby shower, but the concept seems completely uncomfortable to me. (No I didn't have a bridal shower either.) I really, truly don't want one.

I thought I would be more 'into' all this since we had been trying to have a baby for 4 years. My husband is doing all the room decorating, crib buying and other related stuff.

Am I just strange or does this mean I won't be a good mommy? Will I get more 'into' it as the due date approaches? Anyone out there have similar feelings? Not 'into' it in Oakland.

As for the shower, UGH! No interest. Some friends of ours ended up throwing a little potluck party for both my husband and me. Not a girlie thing with games and party favors. Just a plain old BBQ potluck with pals -- Moms and Dads, friends without kids, everyone. Some people did bring gifts, but it was mostly just a party to celebrate the fact that we were excited about the imepnding arrival of our little guy and wanted to party with our pals. It was really fun.

One thing I would say, if you do something like that its good to have a list of things you need. People really like to buy gifts and it's a good way to get what you need without having to shop yourself. The friends who threw the party for us distributed it.

Baby clothes are pretty easy -- we got along fine with hand-me- downs, gifts and supplemental stuff purched on sale online at gap.com and the like.

It really doesn't have to be a big production. The special thing about being pregnant and having a baby is being pregnant and having a baby -- not the stuff. Don't worry about not wanting to shop. You might also find you get more into it later. Or not. It has nothing to do with whether you'll be a good mommy! Berkeley Mom

Of course, this is coming from a woman who refers to ''Babies 'R' Us'' as ''Giant Evil Baby Thing....''

I think you'll be fine. Actually, I think you'll be great. Babies don't need a lot of crap, they need a lot of love, and believe me, when they hand you that little bundle, you'll have lots of that.

And even I find (with an 18-mo-old) that sometimes, now that I have the kid, that there are occasional decadent cutesy things I just can't resist. Just you wait GRIN.... Sara

I'm sure that once your baby is born, you'll be ''into'' that. Don't be afraid to tell your friends or colleages that you don't want a shower or whatever. I have been turned down pleanty of times, and have never taken offense. If they are good friends, they will be supportive, and allow you to ''nest'' in which ever way makes you comfortable.

Besides, it's what's on the inside that counts. Love and appreciations is a much better asset than having the hottest maternity clothes, the hippest baby or the latest in nursery design. Enjoy yourself, and do what's comfortable for you.

Happy nesting! jen

You might post another message for new advice from parents about the top essentials and go from there. Our top 2 baby items used from the get go and that we could not have done without was our vibrating bouncy chair and our stroller.

Good luck with your new baby. It is such a special time that you don't want to spend your first few weeks/months shopping for things that you could get before they get here. been there

You still have a few months, just relax, and shop occasionally on the days that you want to accomplish some shopping. At least, start with the ''necessities'' such as diapers, wash clothes; they are not personal and easier to decide. anon

You are not strange. At least, I don't think so. In fact, you sound like someone I would like to be friends with.

You say you have been trying to have a baby for 4 years. That's a long time! (And maybe a lot of stress, too?) We too tried for many years before we had our baby. My theory is that the more time you spend trying to have a baby, the less all the other ''stuff'' becomes important. I really didn't care about anything but a healthy baby! After it became clear that things really were going to work out, I did relax and got more excited about some baby preparations...but still, compared to a lot of people, I didn't really do much. I did have very fun baby shower--not because of gifts, but because people I cared about were there and were really happy for me--but for a long time didn't know if I wanted one.

I also do not like to shop. I HATED going to BabiesRUs and felt like it was sucking the soul right out of me. All of frenzy around the baby stuff--especially the super-competitive, has-to-be-perfect, research-and-pay-a-lot-of-money-for-stuff just left a bad taste in my mouth. I still remember people telling me that ''of course'' I would get a certain car seat or that it was ''so worth it'' to buy $100 maternity pants, and thinking, oh my god, what weird club have I just joined?

Nor do I have any interest in scrapbooking. My kid's photos are all in shoeboxes. I look at them and think, well, that's a couple more trips to the zoo that we were able to take, instead of me cutting and pasting all afternoon. Maybe someday his dad will put them in an album, but I have already made peace with the fact that I am not going to do it.

So, I don't think you are strange at all. I loved my kid so much from the moment he arrived (although I was prepared for the possibility that it might take a while, too)--and it really didn't matter what his room looked like, what clothes we had ready for him, etc. Now that he's older we have great fun and he has no clue that he doesn't have all the toys that other kids have, or that his mom is not a real ''mommy'' kind of mom. I actually think my lack of interest in all that stuff has just made me more creative as a parent. From my point of view, I think you will be just fine! Also Not Into Shopping

Also, after 4 years of trying to get pregnant, I can imagine it would be hard to get into being a parent emotionally until it actually happens. not a much of a comsumer either

I think your attitude is healthy. Often it's the people who plan out these ''big events'' like weddings and births to every detail who are then disappointed when things aren't all they thought they would be. It seems like you're more into actually living the experience of life rather than either preparing for it (shopping) or commemorating it (scrap books). Don't worry (yet) about not being into it enough. All through my pregnancy I was almost not convinced that there would actually be a real baby coming out of all this. But indeed here she is, and I am very into her. Good luck! liz

The only thing your kid is going to pick up on is when you are not mellow, so don't stress out. If you want the baby, and you follow your rhythm, you'll be fine. Despite what advice you're given (including this), there are as many ways to raise a happy, healthy child as there are ways to make chicken soup.

Only time will tell how good a mom you will be, but no one can judge that until it happens. Don't let people get up in your kool-aid and convince you otherwise. -- mellow mom

With 3 kids, I've bought very little stuff and I'm glad for it. I can't imagine why you feel you are somehow delinquent for not wanting to engage in all that gross consumerism just because you're about to become a parent! Maybe you've been reading too many parenting magazines? karen s.

At any rate, I love my son more than I can say - an aversion to shopping does not have any bearing on how much you will love your child in my opinion. It also could be that it doesn't feel quite real to you, especially since you spent so much time trying to get pregnant and, I suspect, trying to temper your disappointment when it didn't work. You just might still be in a self protecting mode even though you don't need to be anymore. Congratulations! you will love your baby even though you don't want to shop for him/her right now. annie

You really don't need a whole lot, by the way. The conversations I overheard in baby supply stores made me sad. Shop assistents lecturing to-be-parents in a warning intimidating tone about all the stuff they need to buy to be good parents. It's obvious to whose benefit that is. And having a child really is not about having a big house or lots of stuff or toys. It's about being there with the child, sharing whatever is there. You are living in the present doing whatever you want to do before the child is there, that's just perfect.

Your relation to your child will come bit by bit and getting less abstract. There's the kicking, which already make the pregancy a little less abstract. However, I wasn't even crying over the heartbeat towards the end of pregnancy. The birth didn't suddently establish a relationsship with my child either, and I've heard just the same thing from other women. At labor and birth I was so involved in doing my job, enjoying the success and recovering, that I could even totally mentally focus on my baby when she was there. I just hold her and cared for her, and not until 2 days after I totally fall in love with her. It's supposed to happen when baby come out, or even before conception, is what you heard. It's a process for that happens on different timescales for everyone. The fact someone started earlier doesn't make her a better mother.

You are already on the right track for parenting because you are honest with your feelings and with living and enjoying the present rather than planning abstract future. For every missed hours of shopping, I probably spent 3 hours making infant mobilees, dolls, blankets. The bride's nice dress doesn't make a good marriage.

Maybe, at some point, you'll be interested in getting ready for your transitioning into being a mother, but that doensn't have to be via shopping. Obviously, you are interested already, otherwise, what are you doing on this list? Maybe you are a person who'll read advice books and stories about birth and motherhood. Maybe you just want to chat to people. Or you want to be around other pregnant women at all these classes. Or you go to a baby massage workshop. Or just enjoy lots of sleep at night. Or you just need to do Mt. Witney or go to the movies every night before you'll have to pause with this for a while. All the best, Julia