Handling Comments about Pregnancy Appearance
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Handling Comments about Pregnancy Appearance
Why do people feel it's appropriate to comment about how
someone looks pregnant? I am petite, small boned and weigh just
over 100 lbs when not pregnant. I really don't like the whole
flowered maternity dress look and have easily tranistioned into
larger sizes through both of my pregnancies.
I don't feel comfortable with the added attention and questions
that come when people (mostly strangers) ask questions about
pregnancy. I prefer to blend in and not call attention to
Lately people (all women) have been telling me that I need to
wear maternity clothes. What can I say? I feel uncomfortable
when people fixate on how I don't seem to look pregnant
(believe me, I know I am) or that I somehow am not doing things
right. I like to look like me. And what's so wrong with that?
Everyone has their ''own look'' while pregnant and I wish people
would just respect that this is mine.
We're all fine thank you!
I'll never forget when I was pregnant with my first son, somebody said to me ''Did
your face look like that before you were pregnant?'' I was shocked but I love to
laugh about it now.
There's something about being pregnant that makes people think they don't have to
respect you or your boundaries. They'll touch your tummy unasked, they'll say rude
things about how big or how small you're carrying, and they give lots of unsolicited
I usually just say something sarcastic, like ''Oh, are you a doctor?'' which stuns
them into silence, but for the most part people are just going to be rude and there's
not much you can do about it. If being rude back doesn't work for you like it works
for me, a casual ''thanks'' and walking away is your best bet.
I got a lot of comments too when I was pregnant - add to that strangers touching your
belly without asking or taking guesses at the baby's gender without being asked.
(Mostly during the 8th/9th month when I was showing).
I changed my attitude really fast at that point - this is all about attitude, really.
I realized that I live among other people and not in a silo. The arrival of a newborn
sparks interest everywhere - probably a biological response. It is a time of
celebration, of being talked to, of having seats offered to you, of people smiling at
you, because it is a special and joyful situation.
I decided to fit in with the rest of the world by enjoying their excitement about my
pregnancy - and how rewarding that was instead of fighting it or wanting to deny my
pregnancy. Now that is not fitting in. Rethink, relax and enjoy! You could be having a
good time right now. It's all in the mind. How much more beautiful life is when you
let things flow instead of putting up immediate resistance...
Ha! Do what Miss Manners would advise: the next time some one tells you that you
''should'' be wearing maternity clothes, fix them with a cold stare, and say as
chillingly as you can ''thank you for your concern about my personal appearance.'' And
then leave it at that! Just the tone of voice, if done coldly enough, will make it
clear that you're not interested in discussing it. Short of wearing a sign, though, I
don't know how you can prevent the initial comment to begin with.
Best of luck.
I feel your annoyance, and I remember mine all too well. I think that if strangers
absolutely must comment on a pregnant woman's appearance, the only appropriate thing
to say is something like, ''Wow! You look wonderful!'' When people spewed dumb cliches
at me, I would smile radiantly and respond, ''Really? Well, I think I look great.''
(Works better if you can manage to sound unirritated, but very
Get used it. The comments from people who don't know you at all continue on once the
baby is born. ''Don't you think your baby should be wearing a hat?'' ''What an odd
name you gave him, why did you do that?'' And several friends who went through a
heart wrenching time trying to breastfeed and couldn't would have strangers come up to
them and make nasty comments about how bad it is to feed their babies formula. The
other day I saw a posting from a woman who said once someone told her that her working
full time out of the house was equal to child abuse.
Then there are the people who feel it's ok to stick their fingers in your baby's
mouth. There are many times I wish I had the right passive aggressive comment to
through back at people, but in the end these rude people have served me by teaching me
that I should not be so quick to judge others and to think twice before opening my
mouth to say something that might be offensive.
To heck with everyone. I'm going through the same thing but I get things like ''are
you sure you're not having twins'' or ''you're HUGE.'' I am nearly 7 mos pregnant, and
I've only gained about 13 pounds. I dont' know why people feel like they have to
comment but you don't have to listen to them. It's hard. I'm pretty outgoing and can
laugh it off, but for a shy person, it must really suck. As far as someone telling you
you need to wear materniy clothes...that's your decision. As long as you're
comfortable and you feel you're dressing appropriate for work and stuff, do what you
want. However, be careful about wearing constricting clothes like jeans and things
because I don't know if that's so good. Some people don't need to wear maternity until
they are way into the pregnancy. I was not one of those people and love having nice
comfortable waistbands around me. but, don't dis all the maternity clothes. There's
actually some cute stuff out there.
Good luck and ignore all those people. they're just jealous!
I'm so glad you posted this question! I felt like posting something similar a week or
so ago. I am 4-1/2 months pregnant with my first child. The biggest surprise I've had
so far about my pregnancy is how personal and private I feel about it; I'm normally a
reserved person, and this experience is so intimate that I really only want to talk
about it with my husband and my close friends and family. I've been feeling
overwhelmed with how public pregnancy is, and how strangers or co-workers feel free to
make comments about my size, progress, etc. I know that a lot of women like the
attention, but lately I've been feeling like everyone looks at me as some kind of
breeding cow! I can't imagine another situation where strangers would think it's
acceptable to make comments about your body or your clothes.
I feel like pregnancy is the first round women get of the 18-year deluge of
unsolicited advice from everyone on the planet about what they're doing wrong! I think
that there are a lot of people out there (yes, it's been all women for me too) who
make the kind of bossy comments like the ones about maternity clothes. These are the
same people who will be telling us, ''You know, you really shouldn't let him cry like
that,'' during a grocery store tantrum in 2 years! I've just started saying ''Great!
Thanks for the feedback!'' in a cheery voice, and ending the conversation. It's worked
One thing I've noticed, though, is that I have good days and bad days with my
tolerance of other people in general, which is probably hormonal. On good days, I can
see that everyone genuinely means well even though they're being nosy and
inappropriate, and I try to be a good sport about their questions. On days when I'm
irritable and have a short fuse, I just try to lay low and change the subject when the
pregnancy questions come up, but it's still annoying. Good luck, and know that you're
I am completing my 7th month, and as a health care professional, working
primarily with women, I find their comments to be unique and amusing at
times. This is my second pregnancy and my daughter is a teenager, so I
have had many years to strengthen my self in boundaries, body image (as
we all seem to)and in knowing what a healthy pregnant women looks like!
There are three body constitutions, therefore we are all going to look
differently in our non and pregnant states. Second pregnancies and
beyond normally show sooner and bellies normally manifest greater. This
is based upon our muscles and overall bodies knowing what to do and
I, myself am at the same weight and size as I was when I birthed my
teenage daughter - now at 7, almost 8 mos. But, I will share I am
healthier, more vibrant, more active, eat healthier, am happier and have
an attitude and outlook of embracing pregnancy in all of it's glories.
I might be bigger than a woman due now, but, I have a healthier
pregnancy and feel great!
I do remember my first pregnancy, feeling unhealthy, suffering the
majority of the pregnancy, and people imposing their opinions and advice
or touching me. That extended to strangers touching my child and for
some reason I could not find the voice to stop this! That has changed
for me now and I hold myself with confidence, and strength. Therefore,
even if I am asked,how much have you gained? I answer with I feel great,
my midwife says I am healthy.
We simply must re-educate others as to what healthy pregnancy is.
Inorder to lactate healthfully, we must provide nutrients and have the
reserves to do so. Healthy MAMAs to me look somewhat round, at least for
the first year or so after birth. And if you look at their babies, they
are plump, well fed and happy babies!
Isn't the health of our babies the whole point?
Embrace your child bearing years! And ignore those who are projecting
their uncomfortabilities with themselves, or who envy you and your baby.
Many blessings in your pregnancy, birth and in welcoming your child!
I am sure I am not the only one who has gone through this, but I
am feeling like I am at my wit's end! I am 5 months pregnant and
like my mom, showed early and have gained all my weight in my
tummy. For some reason, this has prompted all the women in my
office (and my mother in law) to make little ''comments''.
My doctor assures me that my weight gain is normal and I feel
fantatic. I know that overall, the most important thing is the
health of the baby. However, I am getting so many comments that
it's starting to make me feel bad. I had a history of issues
with my weight (what woman hasn't) and these make me feel worse.
What can I do? Particularly, the comments aren't as much ''wow,
are you a fatso'' as much as ''Oh, I told so-and-so I saw you and
that you are nice and chunky now'' or ''Your face is getting so
much fuller and fatter lately'' or ''boy, you sure do eat a lot,
I got lots of comments on my size both times I was pregnant. The
first time it really upset me, the second time I found it sort
of amusing. I am not very tall, so my sweet husband took to
telling people that when you aren't very big, you have to
build 'high-rise' rather than 'ranch', which I thought was cute.
If I felt someone's comment was inappropriate but well-intended,
I would sometimes say, in a teasing way, ''You're not supposed to
say that...the only appropriate comment on a pregnant woman's
looks are variations on 'You look fabulous!''' If the comments
seem unkind, I would either ignore them or say, ''Gosh, that
makes me feel badly.'' This usually embarrasses the person enough
to keep them from making more comments.
As for how you feel about yourself, just try not to stress about
it. Everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy and I'm not
sure how much you can really control it. If you're eating
healthfully then you're doing the right thing for your baby, and
you can worry about the weight post-pregnancy.
been called fatso...
OH man, your post hit a nerve with me! I am a pretty go-with-
the-flow person and it takes a LOT to embarass or offend me.
But I was just amazed at how being pregnant turns everyone
around you into a medical expert. For me, I actually gained the
amount of weight that my doc targeted, I felt great. But,
sometimes people would come to me and say, oh my god, you're
enourmous...you're going to have a big baby, etc., and then the
next person would say, you're not that big, you don't even look
If your doctor says you're fine, you're fine. The question is,
how to handle all the unwanted comments. I don't have a good
answer. I just blew it off most of the time but on occasion I'd
say, I just went to the doctor and I'm right on track.
Sometimes, I was downright b*tchy...depending on how hormonal I
was. It took me two years to get pregnant so I wasn't going to
let these people get to me. I sometimes said, I'm pregnant and
I hope I get so big I can't fit in my car to come to work!
It's amazing how insensitive people are. And, I think I was
probably insensitive to some poor pregnant woman before I was
Eat right. Go for walks. Ignore all the crap. It will get more
and more intense as things get closer and then, after you have
the baby, there's EVEN more unsolicited advice coming your way.
Everyone loves to tell you how to parent. Trust your gut.
Good luck with your baby.
I weighed 125 lbs before I got pregnant.
I showed early (4 months) and gained 60 lbs by the end of
my pregnancy. I'm now down to a healthy 135 (at 5'4'').
I have a belly with scars (Badges of Honor!).
And am very concerned when women who choose to
become moms are very worried about weight gain during
pregnancy. Who cares what people at the office say!
You're pregnant!! There's a human taking up space inside
you! Relying on you!!
I think pregnant women should be less concerned about
weight gain and more concerned about the foods they put
into their bodies that feed the baby. If you want to lose the
weight quickly AFTER the baby is born...then breast feed.
All that weight gain is food and nutrition being stored for the
baby. If you bottle feed, your chances of losing weight quickly
is lessened. If you're worried about your breasts sagging,
then use a pump.
Your concern might falter into an obsession which could
potentially harm the baby if you're trying to lose weight while
pregnant. Light exercise, like walking daily or gentle yoga
(Read: Yoga For Pregnancy - with photos and complete
instructions of Do's & Don't's. And also prepares you for
birth by opening your hips and lower back), drink plenty
water to reduce water retention and eat a healthy (possibly
all organic!) diet.
That's the best thing you can do for you and the baby.
Once you really start showing you will look less
disproptionate. Spare yourself the worry of weight gain and
remember that you are, right now, the 'home' of your new
baby. And protecting your baby should be more important
than your outward appearance.
Oh, also, the best secret to looking 'slimmer' is to wear lots
of tight fitting clothing, like stretch cottons with Lycra, in
BLACK! And use accent colors like red beads and braclets,
decorative touches in your hair and fun comfortable shoes!)
Your pregnancy should be a time of wonder and joy... not
Good luck and stay healthy!!
You are pregnant. You will gain weight. Weight is progress.
Perhaps these people making these comments have never seen a
pregnant person before and don't realize some of the basic
It is stressful. People will always tell you (I am five months
into pregnancy number 2, myself) some variety of 'you are so
big' or 'you are so small.' The only two people with a good
handle on the real situation of your weight gain are you and
your doctor. If you feel healthy and your doctor isn't telling
you lay off the milk shakes, then you are doing just fine.
Whenever people make a comment about my wieght gain, I just
say, 'My doctor is really pleased with our progress.'
It doesn't help you that people make these comments, but keep
in mind that everyone carries differently. I put on 50 pounds
during my first pregnancy (oops...but, I did manage to lose 55
pounds over the next four to five months), but everyone thought
that I was 'so small' and looked great. I looked fine because
I am 5 feet 10 inches tall. My next-door neighbor put on a
normal 25 pounds during her pregnancy and everyone thought that
she was starving her fetus. She is 5 feet 11 inches tall and
carried a little too well (Our babies weighed within a few
ounces of each other). Put either weight gain on a five feet
two inch girl and she is going to look huge.
Enjoy your pregnancy. You will lose the weight at the other
end of this. And remember, whenever you see a pregnant person
don't tell them that they look 'big' or 'small' (small isn;t
always perceived as a compliment). Tell them simply that they
look fabulous. Maybe you can help start a trend.
I can totally relate! When I was pregnant with my son, it was
open season on my belly and it really bothered me, especially
when perfect strangers felt the need to comment on how big I was.
It made me so mad because without even knowing when I was due,
people would say, wow, you sure are big! I had a colleague ask
me to turn around so she could see if my butt was getting bigger!
When I got my haircut, the cutter asked when I was due, saying I
looked like I would ''pop any day!'' I was 7 months and she lost
me as a customer. Anyway, I wish I had the perfect response but
I don't. I tried ignoring it, agreeing (I know, I'm
huge!),laughing it off, and getting angry (''I'm pregnant, what's
your excuse!''), but didn't find much that helped. It helped to
realize that people seem to want to connect with pregnant women
and babies in general. I think it is also important to respond
differently depending on your relationship. You might tell your
MIL that it hurts your feeelings and or just ask her not to
comment. With my coworkers, I kind of made a joke about
''workplace harassment'' which it kind of was. Don't know if this
helps other than to say you are not alone.
Hang in there and know that you are growing a person inside of
you and that to him/her, your body is absolutely perfect in every
I can totally sympathize with you! I just had my baby 2 months
ago and everyone at work made comments the entire pregnancy,
comments ranging from the relatively benign like ''it's nice to
see you round'' and ''you got a bootie'' to the more hurtful
like ''fatty.'' I even went home in tears one day! The only
thing that helped me was to remember that the comments were not
meant to be cruel. People are just rather insensitive and
clueless. When I was feeling less emotional about it all, I did
ask individual people to stop commenting, which they did. I
also tried to spend more time with the people who were
supportive. I found, oddly enough, that the most helpful,
supportive people were men with children and/or pregnant wives.
You could also ask your husband to talk to his mom. Ultimately,
however, the only true remedy is to remember that you are
healthy and beautiful! It will all be over sooner than you
realize and then you will miss your big, wonderful belly.
Been There Too
This might be a little different perspective -- when I was
pregnant with my son I was worried about my weight gain. I
think at 33 weeks I had gained over 40 lbs already. But you
know what? My son was born unexpectedly at 33 weeks,
prematurely. And you know what happened? He was big for his
gestational age (4 lbs, 15 oz), and that helped him while he was
in the hospital. And you know how I feel now that he is 17 mos
old? Really really glad that I ate healthily and fully while
pregnant, gained weight, and in doing so gave him the maximum
opportunity to develop in the time he had available to be inside
me. So I guess I am saying regardless of others making comments
about your weight, I hope that you can know that giving your
baby maximum potential to grow and thrive is so much more
important than anything else. It took me over a year to lose
all my pregnancy weight -- and it wasn't fun to be heavier, and
it wasn't super easy to lose it (and I didn't even go through
the last 7 weeks of pregnancy!). But I never ever once
regretted that I had gained the weight. You tell anyone who
gives you a hard time that you are giving your growing child the
deluxe treatment and that if you have anything to do with it
he/she is going to be the most well fed baby on the planet!
Healthy (fat) mama equals healthy (fat) baby
I feel like this shouldn't matter, but the amount of
insensitive comments I am getting these days regarding the
size of my pregnant belly is starting to get to me:
But you're SOO BIG, (open mouth, gasp)...
Wow, i thought you must be due any day now. (I'm not)
You must be due really soon now.
When are you due?
You must be having twins. (I'm not)
I/my (sister, cousin etc) only gained 20 pounds.
The big insensitive comments/ beautiful belly comment ratio
runs about 10/1. On good days I marvel at what folks will
say to strangers and try to enjoy my big round belly with
my dancing baby during these last months. But on other
days I feel like crying or hitting someone. I think I'd
feel better if I had a snappy comeback for these
insensitive folks. Any suggestions??
Hard to believe we become common property when
pregnant, the things people say! You could try the ole
dead pan eye to eye contact and say ''I'm not pregnant''
just for the discomfort it will cause for that split
moment.or '' I know you are but what am I?'' or '' You
should see my sister!'' or ''Hey, I won the pie eating
contest!'' or ''MOO'' All right, i could go on and
on...seriously though, bask in your huge and lovely glory
and marvel at what your body is capable of. Wrap your
arms around that beautiful belly and know that in only a
short time you'll be holding your baby and people will
then want to try and tell you how to parent!!! Good luck.
I don't have any snappy comebacks, but just wanted to tell
you that I experienced the same thing. I was pretty large
during my last trimester and received comments from
everyone - including strangers in a car who pulled over
while I was walking down the street to ask if I was having
twins! I just said that the doctor told me it would be a
large baby (she didn't!) and that seemed to satisfy most.
Of course, my friends then discovered that my daughter was
only 7.5 lbs at birth! Oh well - by then it didn't matter
so much. At the time, I was very insulted and hurt, but
looking back, I just have to laugh at how silly people are.
Good luck! Enjoy this precious time!
I thought I as the only one to experience this. I am six
months pregnant and I started receiving comments as early as
3 1/2- 4 months!!! About a month ago a co-worker (male at
that!) said ''Wow you are Huge!!!'' My response was ''I know
imagine if I were pregnant!!!!'' Don't let it bother you
just enjoy you big beautiful belly and the little one
kicking around in there!!!
I find that saying ''I'm not pregnant'' really shuts 'em up.
Pregnancy ettiquite is a underreported issue. I actually
wrote an article called Snappy Answers to Stupid
Questions (based on Mad Magazine's format). I too
endured stupid questions while pregnant, and know
how you feel. You can always do what Dear Abby says
and answer with a question ''Why do you ask?'' That
usually shuts them up...
Some of my responses to the big belly comments are:
Q: You're that big already?
A: (smile) Yes! Isn't it amazing?
Q: You must be due really soon!
A: Yes, I must be...
Q: Are you having twins?
A.: No, are you?
Q: My sister only gained 20 lbs
A: How nice for you (or her).
I know it's hard to grin and bear it, but you could try
having fun and getting the last laugh. Good luck!
I just gave birth last week, so have been hearing all of
the unfortunate comments myself for the past few months.
Most people who blurt out unkind comments probably don't
even realize what they are saying. I decided to smile and
walk away when I heard silly things about how large my
belly was (still is!). Just keep feeling good about
yourself and your healthy baby.
I, too, am very large for the month I'm at, and I was with my first
pregnancy as well. I also had the same comments from strangers,
co-workers, and friends.
I suppose it didn't bother me much because I felt they were all
comments on the baby and not me and not necessarily my body
(whereas I'd consider comments on ''T & A'' or general shape
[''fatso''' or ''anorexic''] to be about my body). Never had a body
''worth'' commenting on pre or post pregnancy, so maybe I enjoyed
the focus on this big ol' baby my body was producing.
I usually respond with a smile, a ''thanks - looks like it's gonna be a
big ol heatlhy baby alright!'' and leave it at that. I do think that
people feel compelled to comment because they have personal
experience, or just ''admire'' the whole pregnancy experience. So I
hope you can remind yourself that yes, it's the baby people want to
talk about, and not you.
Conversely, I feel regret at my constant comments regarding a
friend's ''invisible'' pregnancy - people constantly marvelled at how
small she was, where was that baby hiding, surely you can't be that
far along. Brava to her for not thinking there must be something
I am getting lots of the same comments. It may not be
snappy, but I tell folks, sometimes with a smile, sometimes
not, that they should never say something like that to a
pregnant woman and that they should not underestimate the
power of raging pregnancy hormones. If it is coming from
someone I know or work with, I have said that I am very
sensitive about my big belly and would appreciate not
hearing about how huge I am. Again, not snappy, but it
gets the job done. This leaves me to enjoy my big fat
belly in peace!
Big bellied too!
I didn't have a big belly with my pregnancies--I had an
unusually small one. So I got nailed with the opposite
comments: ''gosh you're so small! is the baby alright?'' ''do
you eat enough?'' and ''it must be because you exercise'' and
that kind of rude, nosey nonsense (weren't we all raised not
to comment on people's bodies????) It was sort of like I was
the anti-Mommy because of the way my body grows when I'm
pregnant! By the end of my 2nd pregnancy I was also spitting
nails, and I came up with two responses. To some people I
just said, ''yes I do carry kind of small and I feel very
lucky!'' This seemed to stop the people who were just needling
me. (So you could say ''yes, I'm big--isn't it GLORIOUS?''). To
one woman, who EVERY time she saw me said, ''I hate women like
you who don't gain a lot of weight'' I finally said, ''I feel
really uncomfortable when you comment negatively on my body,
especially in front of my 3-year-old daughter. I'm sorry my
size bothers you, but I have to ask you to stop.'' She looked
mortified and never said anything again!
i am still trying to find a snappy comeback for people who
think i am pregnant now (2 years after my last baby was
I also got those comments and hated them. Although I never
came up with a good one-liner, I did have an amusing
conversation with a friend that helped take the sting out
We fantasized about a whole list of similarly intrusive,
offensive questions we could ask in return--about their
hair, weight, habits, appearance etc--and cracked up at all
the possibilities. ''Do you cut your hair yourself? You
should really pay someone to do it...it will look a lot
better'' and so on. Then, when some clueless person thought
themselves licensed to give me unsolicited feedback, I
could chuckle inside at what their reaction might be if I
actually said some of the things I wanted to.
And then, if they tried to rub my belly, I'd wonder what
their reaction would be if I started rubbing some of their
I really sympathize--I just wanted to give you a hug when I
read your message! I don't know that there is anything you
can say to stop these people... unfortunately, pregnant
bellies seem to be magnets for comments and people forget
that there's a person with feelings attached to the
bellies, that their comments are rude and/or insensitive,
and that we get tired of the seemingly endless stream of
comments and advice. The best advice I can give you is to
change the topic--you don't have to answer any question or
respond to any comment you don't want to, and if someone is
being rude, you have every right to just walk away. Please
try to enjoy the time you have left in your pregnancy...
it's a special time, and it will be over before you know
it. Good luck!
How about ''Well, at least I have a reason...what's yours?''
or tell them it's quadruplets and then let them gasp at how
small you are.
I am a doula and I absolutely love pregnant bellies, so
obviously I am coming from a positive place in those rare
moments when I make a comment to a stranger about their
pregnant belly. It never occurred to me that someone would
take offense. When I was pregnant I just loved my second
and third trimester when my belly was getting soooo big!
Perhaps a good way to frame it in your mind when someone
makes comments is to find joy in the fact that people can't
help but notice that you have a big healthy baby inside of
you. Albeit you would prefer the use of a nicer adjective
than the word ''huge!'' I can't even imagine saying that to a
stranger. I guess some people are a little oblivious. Good
luck with finding some kindly comments to set them straight.
Re: Snappy Comebacks.
Yes, it's very annoying that some people feel that you are
public property just waiting for their
observations/comments on the size of your belly. My
Yes, that's what happens when you have a baby growing
inside of you. (flash them a smile).
I understand completely! I carried all out in front, so
much so that from behind I still had a waist. It truely
looked like I had a beach ball in my shirt. I worked with
elementary children until I delivered my child and I got
comments from both children and their parents. Several
different children, in the presence of their parent, made
comments like, ''Your belly is so fat! You look like a
basketball is in your shirt!''. I took the opportunity to
discuss with the child (in front of the parent) that, Yes-
my tummy was getting big but that it means that the baby is
healthy. I then would turn to the parent and sort of
jokingly say, ''So my body's changed but I'm still the same
old teacher. It bothers me when that's all they seem to
focus on!'' Other parents were usually around, so they would
hear this and understand that I didn't just want to be
identified as a pregnant woman with a big belly.
I really felt protective of my belly and baby rolling around
like a little wiggle worm and I relished the times that he
was rolling around and no one else but me knew. I did read
in a magazine a few snappy comeback lines that I used with
people on the bus- ''You're so huge!'' was responded to with,
''I'm pregnant. I'm supposed to look this way.'' ''You must be
due any day now!'' was met with, ''Acutally I'm only 2 months
along!'' And, ''Are you having twins?''-- and this was my
favorite--''Yes, would you like to see them? They're in
here!'' and I'd start to open my bag! I delivered several
weeks early, so I'm wondering what I would have heard if I'd
gone 40 weeks!
On the post-baby body note, I was told a few weeks ago by an
aquaintance that it was disgusting how easily I lost my
pregnancy weight (I gained 35 pounds, ALL in the belly it
seemed) and that some women should not be allowed to look so
good after having a baby. Maybe she thought she was giving
me a complement, but I thought it was rude. I simply said,
''Well, I breast fed my son exclusively for six months (he's
still nursing 4x a day at age one), I eat well, excercise
and just enjoy my baby as much as I can.''
Enjoy your big, round belly. Try to remember with all your
might the view from above your belly as you try to see your
feet- take a picture of it! Enjoy the feeling of your baby
inside your tummy. You are a wonder. Just try to teach
your child how to comment with feeling and tact. More than
likely the people who make these comments didn't have
someone to help them learn this valuable skill.
Check out this new website called www.LAPregnancy.com - it's
perfect for pregnant women and it's all about humor and
The come back I used for some particularly annoying
commments from particularly annoying people was
simply,''Didn't your parents teach you any manners?''
To the woman offended by the big belly comments and to all
of those out there who think it is insensitive to notice or
mention it. I think your problem with the big belly comments
are more of a reflection of how you feel about yourself, not
how others feel about you. There is nothing shameful about
a big belly and people's comments should not be interpreted
as offensive or insensitive, especially children's. Comments
that are considered ''insensitive'' I would say, are comments
that regard something a person is sensitive about. Why on
earth would anyone be sensitive about a pregnant belly? It
is exactly as it should be. Being pregnant may not be all of
who your are, but it certainly is important and it is
different. Otherwise would we take all of those pictures of
our bulging bellies?
My last child was over 10lbs. You can bet I was huge. When I
went in for a non-stress test at 6 months, a nurse brought
me a wheelchair thinking I was there to deliver. It was
funny. I was ''huge''! People looked, kids commented. I
looked. It was awesome. What the body will do. It's
incredible! Of course people are fascinated by it. Of course
people will comment on it. You do look like there is a
basketball under your shirt (or a watermelon), so what? It's
another whole human being. People are empathizing (sp?), in
awe, noticing, commenting, sharing, connecting (there
certainly is not enough of that around).
I'd rather have that anytime over the ''sensitive'' business
people on the BART who would not notice my belly even as it
poked into the newspaper they were too busy looking at so
they would not realize I might appreciate a seat! Or the
sensitive people at the airport the other day who did not
notice my daughter's huge stomach and her struggle with her
two year old to get on the plane. She would certainly have
appreciated a ''Boy you are huge! Can I help you with your
How about the next time someone comments on your belly, you
think about who is in there, put a beaming smile on your
face and say ''Amazing isn't it?''
Enjoy your belly. It will be gone all too soon.
I just thought I'd add that it's important to keep in mind that
people don't generally mean anything by it when accidentally or
intentionally calling attention to a big belly. When I saw a
friend of mine who was huge, I was embarrassed that I'd mixed up
her due date, and was in the process of apologizing when she told
me her due date was two months off. Also, some people are just
amazed by what the body can do when they mention that a belly is
huge, and it may not always be appropriate to try to insult
somebody back just because they unintentionally insulted you.
Then two people feel bad. Sometimes it's fun to have the snappy
comeback, but it sometimes gets the message across
more effectively to simply look at somebody and let them figure
out the impact of what they just said for themselves.
this page was last updated: Nov 4, 2007
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