Night-time Potty Training
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Night-time Potty Training
September 2002
Hi,
I saw the responses about a 2 year old wanting the pullup only
to poop, and I remembered my problem. My 2.5 year old daughter
is toilet trained except for the night time and we usually have
her wear a pullup at night. Of late, however, she has been
refusing to wear one. Im not sure why that is, but I think it
has something to do with the fact that only the younger kids
wear pullups at her montessori.
Its leading to a lot of laundry loads and sometimes when she
doesnt wake up immediately when she wets herself, Im concerned
that being cold and wet may result in a cold.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas on how I can handle
this?
Thanks a lot in advance!
V.
This suggestion is directed not at how to get your daughter to
wear pull-ups, but how to avoid the need for them in the first
place. I offer advice from the point of view of a mother and of
someone who wet the bed until she was 12. My problem was that I
slept too soundly to be awoken by the discomfort of a full
bladder. After consulting several specialists, my parents simply
set an alarm to wake me in the middle of the night. I would
visit the restroom and finally there were no more wet sheets.
Eventually I learned to wake myself. As a mother, I wanted to
avoid the laundry problem and her embarrassment. This is what I
did when my daughter was little. Each night when I got up to use
the restroom myself (or before I went to bed late at night), I
went to my daughter's bed, picked her up, and set her on the
potty. Usually she awakened enough to sit upright on the potty (I
provided support when necessary), but even when she appeared
completely asleep, she would urinate. Then she either walked or
was carried back to bed where she fell right back to sleep. You
might try this with your daughter. After the first dry night,
you can heap praise upon her and the positive reinforcement will
help her feel good about herself. I kept this up for several
months and then tapered back my intervention. She never wet
the bed again, so either she was learning to get up herself
or developing a stronger bladder. Good luck!
Been there!
My 2 year 4 month daughter has been potty trained
during the day for a few months now. She is a very
good potty user during the day, and does not need
adult assistance in using her potty. She also takes her
2-hour afternoon naps without diapers. In fact, we usually
place the potty in her room just before she naps,
telling her the potty is there just in case she needs to
use it. She has used the potty a few times during
her naptime, without calling out for help. At night,
we continue to put her in diapers, and her diapers
are always wet in the morning (since she always
drinks milk before bedtime). Some mothers have
chided me for putting her in diapers at night, saying
that this will confuse the kid. Of course there
are other mothers who told me that most kids need
night time diapers till at least 4-5 years old. My questions
are How do I know when my daughter is ready
to get out of her diapers at night? Is this something
that needs to be trained such as waking her up in
the middle of the night to go to the potty? Is it
possible to train her to use the potty in her room
without waking anyone up? How do other parents
help their kids transition from needing diapers
at night to saying goodbye to them?
I suggest that you should keep your child in diapers or
pull-ups (or, if bigger, "overnights") until you regularly
find them dry in the morning. You'll know she's ready to be
rid of them when she no longer pees in the night. Lots of kids
still use nighttime "protection" until well past 4 or 5; let it
be "no big deal."
I was told to wait until my daughter woke up dry before I
took her out of diapers at night. Luckily, I didn't listen
to them! One day I just put her to bed in underwear and she
was dry in the morning! She did go through a short period
(later) where she would wet the bed. We started getting her
up before we went to sleep and had her pee. We did this for
6 weeks and then stopped to see what she did. We have found
that she gets herself up now. All that said, 2 1/2 is young
to be totally potty trained. It is possible and I suggest
giving it a try but if it doesn't work I would give her a few
more months in a diaper at night.
I have 2 boys who potty trained very differently from
each other. My suggestion is not to make a big deal out
of it. Your daughter will be dry at night when she's physically
able. Some children sleep so deeply (as my older son did)
that they can't wake themselves up to pee. Eventually they grow
out of it and can last through the night. Maybe the critisizm
from other mothers makes it seem a bigger deal to you.
It's really a matter of physiology and physical maturity. I know
that as a parent we like to see our children progressing
developmentally (along with their friends) but this has nothing
to do with controllable behavior.
Good luck.
I think 2 1/2 is still pretty young to stay dry all night.
Most kids learn to stay dry through the night when they are
physically able to do it. If the diapers don't turn up dry
by age 3 on their own and the problem continues you should
probably not use the diapers. Modern disposable diapers do
such a good job at keeping the moisture away from the skin
that the kids don't know they are wetting. My daughter has a
severe wetting problem and with the diapers on she would
sometimes think her diaper was dry in the morning and that
she had accomplished her goal, but she really hadn't. As they
get older with a wetting problem they need to know when they
are wetting so they can use the muscles to stop it or wake
up and go to the bathroom. It can be a lot of work for the
parents to change sheets everyday, but there are bath towel
size water proof pads that I place on top of the sheets (also
using a waterproof mattress pad under the sheets), then a bath
towel on top of the pad helps keep it in place so then you only
have to wash the pad and towel. Both my kids were daytime
trained by 2 yrs old but both are very deep sleepers. The older
one wet at night until 6 yrs old and then finally out grew it.
The second one is even worse, at 6 yrs she doesn't even wake up
after she has wet. I have just started to read a book called
"Getting to Dry" which takes a very in depth look at solving
this problem and the different physical conditions that can
contribute to it. I have just started reading, but they do
suggest physically taking your child to the toilet in the middle
of the night to build this habit for them. I do know from
experience that a child may remain asleep during the whole
trip to the toilet. Good luck
January 2007
For a number of months, our 2.5-year-old son has been potty
trained during the day and wearing a diaper just at bedtime.
The past few weeks, though, he has been waking up in the middle
of the night and screaming for someone to take him to use the
potty. He still sleeps in a crib so this is not something he
can do himself (plus, at 2.5 y.o., I don't really think he has
the physical skills to get up in the middle the night, take off
his pajamas, use the potty--even a little training potty in his
room--and get back into bed). Although it seems a little
counter-intuitive to encourage him to use his diaper at night,
we've told him it's okay to pee in his nighttime diaper, but he
still cries out to be taken to the bathroom. We've tried
limiting liquids in the evening and stopped letting him take a
sippy of water into his crib, to no avail. We've also tried to
outlast him, figuring if we don't take him to the potty right
away, he'll have no choice but to use his diaper, but this
feels a little cruel and hasn't been terribly successful (it's
amazing how long he can hold it at 2:00 in the morning while
screaming his lungs out, whereas at 2:00 in the afternoon I
have about 30 seconds to get him to a bathroom!). I'm
reluctant to wake him and take him to the bathroom when we are
going to bed for fear that he won't go back to sleep. Any
ideas?
We thought the midnight wakings were long gone
Take him to the potty when you go to bed. He'll most likely not really wake up but he
will be able to pee, I'm pretty certain. Then he shouldn't have to go again. (We called
this The Sleepy Pee.)
-Check it out.
Why not just take him to the potty and be done with it?
He's doing FANTASTIC in letting you know that he needs to go,
and waiting. Please keep supporting him in communicating his
needs and helping him.
The ''interruption'' seems to be only once a night, and a real
need, so I'd consider it cruel NOT to help him. He already is
quite awake, from what you describe, but if it makes it easier
for all of you, consider a night light or dimmer in the bathroom
so noone has to be brutally awake for the potty visit.
And remember, it's only a phase, like so many things, so pretty
soon his bladder will get into a different pattern and not wake
him/you at midnight. Or he will actually develop the skill to go
potty himself - maybe some easy-on/off PJs, a nearby potty, and
some help the first few times will do it.
But please, keep supporting him in going to the potty, not the
diaper...
Hooray for the little communicator
You should be very happy that your 2.5 year old is so far along
in potty training! He/She is doing really really well. It could
be quite confusing from your child's perspective that you are
saying sometimes it is ok to pee in his pants (diaper), and
sometimes not. Consistency helps in matters of behavior
expectations; I think you will need to take him to the potty
when he calls in the middle of the night, and praise him for
being aware, as so few children have this awareness so young.
We moved our 2 year olds to mattresses on the floor which
solved several problems. A mattress on the floor would allow
him the ability to safely get out of his bed (though
developmentally, it is a lot to expect a 2 year old to urinate,
flush, wash hands, and go back to bed quietly...) Check with
your pediatrician.
Anon
Well, yeah. Obviously, it's time to get the 2.5 year old out of
the crib and into a bed where he can go to the potty by himself
at midnight. Leave a light on in the bathroom - a nightlight
works well - and let him at it. This is not a problem, this is
good potty training!
Did you see the note below yours about the 5 year old still
wearing pullups? Do you really want to prolong this so that you
don't have to wake up at midnight? I can't figure out why
anyone would want their child to pee in a pullup when the child
WANTS to be potty trained.
Again, it's not a problem. It's a success.
anon
This may sound weird ... but maybe try to transition him in a
toddler bed and get some Chinese split pants or other nighttime
pants that are easy-off so he can get up and go by himself at night?
I know the midnight wakings must be a pain, but look at how well
potty-trained he is! My son didn't start waking up to go to the
bathroom at night by himself until he was four (and he still
calls out for us sometimes even though he's physically able to
get up and take his pants off by himself), so I think it's really
great that your little guy has picked up on it so fast.
Beth
Don't let this window of opportunity pass you by! If your child
is waking to go potty -- great. I got less sleep when my
daughter was 2.5-3 years old than at any other time, but it was
completely worth it because it meant no more diapers. Get him a
toddler bed and two-piece PJs so he can start trying to go alone.
-- a mom
I think its time to put your child into a big boy bed and let
him use the potty at night. Put a nightlight in the bathroom
and get him PJs that are easy to pull up and down. Put big kid
underwear on him. Out boy did this of his own will at this age
and we were amazed (shocked!) that he could do all this in the
dark. He would get up, do his business (this was pre
nightlight so it was really dark) and then march himself right
back to bed. He obviously wants to be trained at night, so why
not?
Mommy of a dry kid
You need to take him to the toilet! Is it really that much of a hardship for you? If
you just go to him and take him to the toilet before he has to scream for you
very long, he will go back to sleep without too much hassle. He uses the toilet
now, just like you. How would you feel if you had to go in a diaper at night?
This may just be a phase he's going through--to see what the potty is like at
night. You can also cut back on liquids at night and make sure he goes right
before bedtime.
potty 24/7
You should have him sleep in a regular bed so that he can get
up at nite and use the potty!
You are so lucky that he even wants to use the potty at nite
instead of going in his diaper. That's the ultimate goal of
potty training, and you're holding him back by keeping him in a
crib.
At 2.5 yrs old, he's definitely old enough to get out of bed
use the potty and get back into bed.
leslie
you can let your 2.5 year old sleep in a regular bed. If you're
worried about him falling out of bed, you can get those rails
that attach to the side of the bed. Get some easy sweats for
pajamas, no zippers. It must be difficult for your 2.5 year old
to know when he can pee in his pants and when he can't. You are
causing more confusion. Be grateful that you have a 2.5 year old
who is already potty trained. Get safety gates if you have stairs.
anon
That is great that he is potty trained AND asking to go pee at night. I would just get
up and take him. It sounds like he realizes that sleeping in his pee is not so
comfortable. I bet that he would just pee in the potty, feel relaxed that he was able
to empty his bladder and then sleep the rest of the night and stay dry. I think you
should definitely go with his request as people often have a hard time teaching their
older kids to wake up to pee. I've talked to frustrated parents of 4 yr olds whose
children are so attached to their disposable pullups that they can't get them to stop
wearing them at night. The earlier you start this the better. It will also save you
money and landfill space (assuming he's in a disposable) Our son was potty trained
at 2 yrs 10 months and by 3 yrs he started waking up to pee. We took him for a few
nights then he started just sleeping through the night again but stayed dry. Some
kids can hold it all night and some kids need to get up every night to pee.
Are you concerned that he would have a hard time falling back to sleep? Or are you
not wanting to get up with him? If you're worried that he would have a hard time
falling back to sleep then just talk minimally, keep the lights low (put a night light in
bathroom) and act really sleepy yourself. Then hopefully he'll realize that it is not a
time to socialize, but just to go to the bathroom and go back to sleep.
good luck!
Suzanne
April 2006
Background: Our daughter is two and a half, and she's semi-
toilet trained. She has been out of diapers during the day for
about five months, and at night too (for the last month); she
lets us know when she needs to go, we accompany her, and give
her a hand with getting on to the toilet and wiping. She
doesn't use a training potty, we just started her on the adult
potty. Also, we recently switched her from a crib to a toddler
bed, so she's just starting to realize she can get out of bed
by herself.
Situation: Before she was toilet trained, she used to sleep
through the night just fine. But these days, she typically
wakes up between 2-4 times in the middle of the night
and ''asks'' us to take her to the potty. (Sometimes by the 3rd
or 4th time there's hardly any pee, only a few drops.) I
say ''asks'' because she actually tends to wake up crying or
yelling ''potty''. We would love her to go on her own, but she's
so used to our taking her that she refuses. We think
everything is set up for her to go by herself - her room is
right next to the bathroom, there's a footstool, and there's a
nightlight in the bathroom (but not her room). We tell her
when we put her down that if she wakes up, she has to go by
herself, but we still end up helping her - so thus far we
haven't really backed up our words.
Advice needed: My wife wants us to go cold turkey and not get
up to help, letting our daughter realize she has to go by
herself, even if it means a few accidents. I'm worried she
could hold it in and hurt herself, and that it may also result
in a regression in toilet training. I'd prefer to try to
gradually help her less both during the day and night, so that
she becomes completely independent, and going by herself will
become no big deal. But perhaps this might just perpetuate the
current state? Thanks in advance for everyone's help.
I would go cold turkey but get a little potty, too. She is very
young--and the big potty (even if it is all she has used) is
scary at night alone! Get a little baby bjorn Little potty (one
piece, very easy for kids to use alone) and put it in her room or
right in the bathroom door (we put a little changing pad
underneath ours because sometimes when alone our son misfires).
Tell her that she can use the potty at night all by herself-- it
is her potty. And then I would go cold turkey. She may be so
happy about the little potty that it is a distraction from you
not helping her anymore... My son loves his little potty. He can
go on the big potty, too--but he really likes his little one. It
is an inexpensive item ($10 new) that you can pass in easily.
Laura
Nov 2004
Our 2 year 10 month daughter has been potty trained during
the day for about 6 months. She's now initiated nap and
nighttime potty training, refusing to wear a diaper or pull-up.
Because of this, she often wakes up crying during the night
when she has a full bladder. We tried initiating a sticker
system - every time she gets up and goes potty without
waking mommy or daddy she gets to put a sticker on the
piece of paper we've taped next to the toilet. When she fills
all the squares, we get to go to the toy store and she picks
out a potty prize. This worked well for a week or so, and she
ended up with one prize, but she seems to have gone back
to crying and waking us. Sometimes it's only once a night,
other nights it's 3 times. I thought maybe if she saw her
portable potty when she woke it would be more successful
than walking to the bathroom (which is only one room away
from hers), so we then tried putting her little potty right next
to her bed, with the stickers and sheet posted next to that.
This also hasn't worked. I think she's just too tired and in
that sleepy haze to remember what she needs to do.
Before this self-initiated nighttime training began, she
consistently slept through the night since she was 9 months
old.
I'm looking for other advice/ideas. I'm happy she wants to be
trained at night, but the 2-3 times per night is making me a
cranky mom, especially now that our 8 month old is
sleeping through the night. nap times are not as much of a
concern since she doesn't wake us and her nap usually just
gets cut short if she has to go potty. I do try to limit liquids at
night, but she does tend to be thirsty before bed.
Has anyone been successful with other incentives or
ideas? Or is this just something that time will work out?
thanks!
need a few nights of uninterrupted sleep
Time will work this out. DO help her to the bathroom at night.
This is much better than giving her a complex about bothering
you when she needs help with something, or paying for pull-ups.
Maybe trade off which nights mommy will help and which nights
daddy will help, then she and you will know who gets to sleep
and who gets to help.
a mom
I think nighttime potty training this young is a hard road
towards independence. Especially hard on parents. Similarly to
your daughter, my son was daytime potty trained around 2 took
off his night time pullups at 2.5. 2 years later he still wakes
at night about twice a week, and requests our help. No amount
of reward system worked, as in his sleepy state, it was too
difficult to remember all of that wakeful stuff, when desperate
to empty his bladder. The times he has, he has peed in the tub,
on himself or missed a vessel altogether. What we found to work
was to limit liquids an hour before bedtime, pee before bed, and
if we're up until 11 or later, get the sleeping child up to pee
before you turn in. As your daughter grows, so will her bladder.
Sorry you're so sleepy.
on the winding road to a full nights sleep
I think that children's nighttime needs are very different from their daytime needs.
It's great that your daughter learned to use the potty so easily, but I believe it's
asking too much of her to take herself to the potty when waking from a sound sleep
in the dark. I'd encourage her to return to diapers or pull-ups for the nights.
However, the most important thing is to help her out when she needs you at night.
Since she made it for a week without waking you, she's letting you know that your
presence is more important to her than any reward. I bet this will pass soon
enough.
anon
Sept 2002
Hi,
I saw the responses about a 2 year old wanting the pullup only
to poop, and I remembered my problem. My 2.5 year old daughter
is toilet trained except for the night time and we usually have
her wear a pullup at night. Of late, however, she has been
refusing to wear one. Im not sure why that is, but I think it
has something to do with the fact that only the younger kids
wear pullups at her montessori.
Its leading to a lot of laundry loads and sometimes when she
doesnt wake up immediately when she wets herself, Im concerned
that being cold and wet may result in a cold.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas on how I can handle
this?
Thanks a lot in advance!
This suggestion is directed not at how to get your daughter to
wear pull-ups, but how to avoid the need for them in the first
place. I offer advice from the point of view of a mother and of
someone who wet the bed until she was 12. My problem was that I
slept too soundly to be awoken by the discomfort of a full
bladder. After consulting several specialists, my parents simply
set an alarm to wake me in the middle of the night. I would
visit the restroom and finally there were no more wet sheets.
Eventually I learned to wake myself. As a mother, I wanted to
avoid the laundry problem and her embarrassment. This is what I
did when my daughter was little. Each night when I got up to use
the restroom myself (or before I went to bed late at night), I
went to my daughter's bed, picked her up, and set her on the
potty. Usually she awakened enough to sit upright on the potty (I
provided support when necessary), but even when she appeared
completely asleep, she would urinate. Then she either walked or
was carried back to bed where she fell right back to sleep. You
might try this with your daughter. After the first dry night,
you can heap praise upon her and the positive reinforcement will
help her feel good about herself. I kept this up for several
months and then tapered back my intervention. She never wet
the bed again, so either she was learning to get up herself
or developing a stronger bladder. Good luck!
Been there!
Unfortunately, I've had a good deal of experience with the
nighttime wetting thing. The only idea I have for you is to
involve your daughter in the consequences of wetting her
bed. When I expected my son (and later my daughter) to
strip the wet bed in the morning, I think it made their wetting
mean more to them personally and motivated them to stop.
If you change the bed at night, maybe have her fold the
clean linens the next day or do some other related work
that's created by her accidents. Caution: don't make the
''work'' she does into a fun, rewarding time she gets to
spend with you playing like a grownup. (Also, don't make it
a punishment: just a simple chore that needs to be done.)
Incidentally, being cold and wet doesn't cause colds:
viruses do, so no need to worry there.
Susan
Our 2.5 year old also refuses to wear diapers. During the day she
uses her potty, but she can't make it through the night dry yet.
So we let her fall asleep without a diaper and put one on her as
soon as she is in a deep sleep. In the morning she takes it
right off !
another mom
Once our twins were no longer wearing diapers during the daytime,
for years we took them to the bathroom just before we went to bed
each night (about 2-3 hours after they went to bed). It only
takes a short while for them to learn to go pee when they're
still mostly asleep, and then it becomes automatic. We just
picked them up out of bed, carried them in, put them on the
toilet seat, (or in my son's case, stood him up in front of it
when he was tall enough to reach it) and then put them back to
bed once they had gone to the bathroom. Never in 4 years did
they ever wake up. They virtually always went to the bathroom
(if they didn't it was a sign to us that they hadn't had enough
to drink over the course of the day). When they got too heavy, we
walked them in, holding up their shoulders and steering them to
the bathroom. We considered it 1) a courtesy to them so they
could sleep more comfortably; 2) an aid to avoiding bedwetting,
and 3) they slept longer in the AM because the need to go wasn't
so urgent. We quit diapers early (2.5 years) and never had any
problems. It was both easy and a time to be very loving with a
child who is more than half asleep. If they needed
encouragement, we said softly ''let's go pee.'' We finally quit
when they turned six!
Mary
July 2005
For the past few weeks my almost 3 year wakes at night to go pee.
He is still in a crib so we have to get up with him. He has been
potty trained since 2 1/2 except at nighttime. He goes right back
to sleep however occassionally he wakes up his brother in the
same room. It also often takes me a while to go back to sleep. We
have wondered about moving him to a bed, but still think he will
cry out for us to help him in the middle of the night. Prior to
this his diapers were almost always wet at night - now they are
dry. He generally doesn't get any milk before bed but does drink
water in the evening. Is this something he will just outgrow? Any
advice??
tired mama
First, let me say that I sympathize with your sleeplessness.
The solution is simple...get him a bed and make SURE he goes potty right
before bedtime. My daughter is three and sleeps in a pull-up. She is in
a big-girl bed and we do not allow liquids within 30 minutes of bedtime.
Also, going right before sleep allows them to empty what little may be
in the bladder. You have to be strong and consistent! Good luck.
never wet at night
I know this feels like a problem due to loss of sleep, but by the books
this is GREAT that he is aware and able to initiate going to the potty
rather than wetting the bed or regressing back to diapers. Of course
you can limit liquids before bed to decrease the need but short of that,
I would actually be praising him for his ability to seek out the potty.
When he's in a regular bed he will be able to bring himself, or if he's
still scared to go to the bathroom alone you could have a child's potty
by the bed. If he then still wants assistance it may take some time and
positive reinforcement for him to gain confidence to go himself at night
without assistance.
Deb
A 3 year old is pretty young to be expected to get up by herself at
night without your assitance, if she has to go. If she pretty reliably
needs to go every night and you're worried about her waking the other
child, you might try waking her up yourself a bit before she usually
wakes herself, to avoid the noise. Just for comparison, my 6 year old
stopped needing help around age 4 and no longer gets up in the night,
while my ten year old still gets up, and still on occasion needs our
help.
Each kid is different.
anon
Wow, it doesn't sound like much of a problem that your child under three
is so well potty trained he wakes up at night to use the potty! I wish
my 4 year old did that - she sleeps so soundly, she still has to use a
pull up or she will wet the bed.
The standard advice in this situation, I believe, is to wake your child
to use the potty just before YOU go to sleep. Then there's a better
chance the child will make it till morning.
Restrict liquids before bedtime. You might also try a regular bed - your
child may learn from you how to go use the potty by himself at night.
But from my perspective, I wouldn't try to discourage night time potty
visits, because once they start going in the pull up at night, it's
difficult to get them to stop.
anon
Don't let this window of opportunity close for 100% potty training! Get
him a bed, let him sleep in underwear. Waking you up at night for help
will probably only last for a couple of months.
Mom of a 5 year old
Sept 2005
Our three year old twins are doing well with day-time potty
training but bedtime is becoming a circus. If they are not
quite settled down at bedtime (which happens a couple of times
a week if they happen to nap that day) they get up several
times after lights are out and tell me they need to go. These
trips drag out bedtime to 10pm as we pace back and forth to the
potty.
Like I said, once in a while they seem to need that nap and
then I have to extend bedtime a half an hour or more, past
9pm. We have a set routine that includes potty time before bed
but if they say they need to go after lights out, I feel I
always need to treat that seriously. They do go, even if just
a few trickles, about 80% of the time after lights out. Also,
if they need to go after lights out, we don't turn up the
bathroom light much, I don't allow more books, and I just put
them back into bed (as opposed to kisses and hugs which have
already gone round).
But also, because they are not night time potty trained, they
still wear a diaper to bed, so the extra trips to the potty not
only drag out bedtime but I'm putting back on diapers 3-4 times
per kid (that's eight re-diaperings in about 30 minutes). Whew
my back!
Is this a phase (to drag out the bedtime ritual) that will pass
or are there tricks I can use to get them to go potty and also
think they are done? I don't want give them a message they
cannot get up to use the potty so I'm a bit stumped.
Potty mama
Pullups are MUCH easier to deal with than diapers. If your kids
can get up and go at night without involving so much of your
time of attention, maybe they'll stop yanking your chain this
way.
Sara
April 2006
My son is 3.3 years old and has been out of diapers since he was
2.5 years old. He sleeps like a rock and becomes EXTREMELY
irritable when awoken ''before his time.'' When do I know he's
ready to stop wearing diapers at night/nap? How do we get him
to stop wearing diapers during his sleep? I have seen him sleep
through wet clothes and sheets so I don't think that it would
motivate him to not pee in bed. We already try to limit his
liquid intake and make him pee before bedtime. Is there any way
to train him without waking him up in mid-slumber? He now has
occasional dry diapers in the morning but they're mostly wet.
Any tips would be helpful- thanks.
eugenie
My son is just a little older than yours (3 yr, 8 mo), and I
think he was in exactly the same place yours is at 3 yr 3 mo. He
was pretty much dry during the day, we'd put him in pullups for
night, and he'd sometimes have a dry one in the morning but not
usually. A few months after that he started waking up when he
needed to pee and crying, and we'd bring him to the potty. Now
he wakes up and says that he needs the potty.
We didn't do anything special... just continued with that. Today
he told me, ''Mama, Friday is the last day that I'll wear a
pull-up. AFter that I'm going to wear underwear to bed.'' We did
have a week or so where he wore underwear to bed about 2 months
ago and stayed dry, then after a night where he wet his underwear
he started asking for a pullup again. Lately though his pullups
have been dry every morning.
So I guess what I'm saying is that we've entirely left it to him
(of course, getting excited with him about being dry in the
morning, but otherwise no pushing one way or the other)... and
he's on his way to night potty-training himself.
will be happy when he can take himself to the potty though!
If your son is over three and still wearing diapers then he is
not potty trained... But don't worry! I think you just need to
stop letting him rely on the diaper for nap/bed time and just go
for it. You may have a bed wetter for a six months to a year
(the older the child, the longer it takes) but he has got to
learn to wake himself up or hold his pee. It is better now than
when he is older! The diaper is not letting him learn. Do not
use pull ups or any disposable diapers. Get him in the cotton
training pants--you can even fold a cloth diaper in thirds and
put this in the training pants if need be.
A good way to deal with the bed is to buy some extra shower
curtains. Cut them in half--and then put one on top of the top
sheet and then place a big towel on top of that. Then another
plastic sheet, then another towel. I wouls set an alarm and
check him every three hours or so at night. When he is wet
immediately wake him up or change him if he will not wake up at
all (he will cry, but he needs to learn this)--remove the first
towel and plastic sheet and put him back to bed dry. This way
you don't have to make the whold bed in the middle of the night.
Two weeks of this and you will notice him changing. Sure he'll
still have accidents, but all kids do. Try to keep positive and
just keep saying ''we need to keep you clean and dry.''
Cloth Diapers Rule
My advice for you is to just let it go for awhile. Especially at night,
there's
probably nothing you can do with a three-year-old boy to get him to
wake up when he has to go; nor can his bladder probably hold enough
to get him through most nights. He's just going to have to grow out of it.
Everything I have read says that many kids, boys especially, may have
to wait until they are at least 6 before they can make it through the night.
My son's almost 5, and sleeps extremely deeply; he wears the ''good-
night'' kid diapers. Just in the last month or so, he's started to have more
than a very occasional dry diaper. When more than 50% of his diapers
are dry, I'll think about it. In the meantime, it's just not worth worrying
about, as it is perfectly normal.
Karen
My 3 year old has also been potty trained since 2.5 yrs. He
doesn't wear a pull-up at nap time, and has no problem with that
as long as he pees right before going down. At night he still
wears a pull-up, and I am prepared to do that until he's 5 or
so.
It's quite common for boys to have a hard time w/ bed wetting at
night. Our other son, who's in his teens, wet his bed at night
at least once a week until he was 12. According to the Nat'l
Kidney Foundation, that's totally normal in boys. Even waking
him up at night didn't help, and other things we'd heard said
that was bad to do as you interrupt their deep sleep regularly.
Small bladders and other conditions in boys are also common, and
for older kids there are bladder stretching excersises that your
doctor should be able to teach him.
anon
My son is almost 6 years old and is soaking wet every night.
Why? Because he sleeps deeply and is not ready to be dry at
night. Many, if not most, boys are in the same boat. Our ped.
is not even going to recommend nighttime dryness methods until
he is 8 because it just doesn't work this early.
Contrary to what someone has said, your son IS potty trained
even if he is not dry at night and he very well might not be
ready to ''learn to wake himself up or hold his pee.''
He has no control of what his body does when he's sleeping and
pushing the issue might lead to worse problems. My advice, let
it go and he will be dry at night when his body is ready to be
dry. Good luck!
Jen
April 2005
Help with advice for best night time disposable for a 3.5 y/o boy
whose diaper overfills/leaks often. He pees before bed and has
milk 1/2 bfr bed. Any recomendations so that we are not waking
up at 4:30 and 5:00 with wet jammies? Thanks
Try Huggies Overnights, purple package, hard to find, look at Walgreens.
Carolyn
I used to use diaper doublers but the drug stores near my house don't
carry them anymore. I now just use a nighttime maxi pad and it works
great. I usually fold under the top inch or so just to give extra
coverage at the very top of the diaper.
anon
Get the GoodNites brand of night time pull-ups. At this point diapers
and regular pull-ups won't work. Make sure his penis is pointing down
too!
Been There
Aug 2003
Hello,
Our 2 3/4 year old daughter is potty trained, but still uses a pull up or
diaper for nap and night time. We just did this because that's what we
saw friends of ours with older children do. Recently we had some
friends over who have a 3 1/2 year old who said we should've stopped
diapers cold turkey at all times when she potty trained .Do any of you
have advice on transitioning out of diapers for nap and night time?
Thanks so much!
The process of potty-training our daughter was in phases, and I really
feel this was the best. My daughter is over three. She first became potty-
trained for everything except nap-time and night-time. Now she can get
through her nap in her panties. We still have her in a diaper at night, and
she wakes up most mornings with a very wet diaper. I talked to our
pediatrician, and she said some children simply cannot hold their
bladders all night. I would hate to think of the daily struggle of cleaning
up a messy bed every morning in an attempt to go cold turkey (both
effort-wise and my daughter's self esteem). If your child is not that wet
after nap/night-time, you could talk to her about trying to stay dry for her
naps, and then move on to night-time from there.
Also, we encourage our daughter to drink lots of water all day. We know
we will have to do a better job of tapering this off at night, but with the
heat and her high activity level, we have let her drink what she wants.
Monitoring your child's fluid intake may be something that works for you,
but I think 2 3/4 is pretty young to be completely potty trained.
Elizabeth
My daughter was finally potty trained during the day, around her
3rd birthday. A couple weeks later she was dry all night, for a
week straight. We kept her in Pull-Ups after she was
day-trained, assuming it would take months for the night training
to follow...but it happened spontaneously, and fairly quickly.
Once she'd been dry every night for a week, she switched to
sleeping in panties, with only a rare accident once or twice
since (it's been 6 months). I don't think there's much you can do
to speed it along, it just happens...their muscles & brains have
to connect, and once they do, they stay dry all night. Best of luck!
Heidi
I have been very pragmatic about this issue -- I don't see how
you ''train'' kids to do something while they're asleep. Both my
older kids eventually stopped peeing during sleep on their own --
but rather later than other kids did. Basically, when your
child is dry through the night for several nights running (or
through nap time, which ususally happens first), then you take
off the pullup. I get the kids to pee before bed and try to
limit fluids. Otherwise, what can you do?
Mom of 3
My friend did the biggest favor by lending us her absorbent bed
bads (they absorb without leaking) that were similar to lap pads
but much larger. That night we put one on my daughter's bed and
one on our bed, and have not put her in pull-ups since. She had
about 7 accidents and as soon as I figured out that her last
drink had to be one hour before bedtime, the few accidents
stopped altogether. It's been great! Good luck.
am
Just because it worked for their kid doesn't mean it's best for
your kid.
I think 2 3/4 is pretty young to be dry at night. My boy trained
during the daytime quite early (about 22 months) but he's now 3
1/2 and just recently stopped nighttime diapers (naptime diapers
stopped at about 2 3/4). It's a big challenge and there are still
lots of accidents, and most of my friends are telling me that's
too young!
What ended up happening for us is that at naptime he was quite
often dry afterward, so we just stopped using them. Bedtime
happened when there was a miscommunication and nobody put him in
a diaper one night, and he woke up dry. After that, we used a
reward system (stay dry seven nights and get Bob the Builder
underwear) that worked just fine.
Anon
Sept 2005
My 4 year old son wets his bed several nights a week. I realize
this is common at his age, but the problem is that we can't
find a diaper to contain the urine. He often wets through the
diaper and wets his sheets and blanket. We use Huggies
Goodnites (pull-up types of diaper). He is 42 lbs, and that is
the only brand that I have found in his size. Are there any
inserts out there to help absorb the urine? I've started
putting in maxi pads, but is there another option?
Thanks.
anon
My daughter wet her bed at night until she was about 5. Here are
2 things you can do (if you don't find better diapers).
Put a crib protector on his bed over the bottom sheet (one of those
diaper pad things you put in a crib to protect the crib mattress...they
are absorbent and leak proof. Then put a large beach towel folded in
half over that. This way, if his diaper leaks it will wet the towel and
possibly the pad, but not the sheets and everything. Much easier to
change the towel and let the pad dry out (unless very wet in which case
it may also need to be washed) than to change the sheets and everything.
Make sure you put something over the crib pad...they are very cold (I
tried napping with my child once and forgot the towel...couldn't stand
the crib pad).
Also, with my daughter, she could not wear diapers at night after she
was potty trained...they tended to give her diaper rash (the doc said it
was because she wasn't wearing them during the day and her skin was no
longer as ''tough'' as it was). So, I started taking her to go to the
potty when I went to bed (around 11pm) or when I woke to go to the
bathroom in the night. I would carry her from bed to the bathroom
(still asleep), sit her on the toilet and shake her a little and tell
her to pee. She would usually wake up a little, pee then immediately
fall back to sleep. Another friend of mine who's child weighs more than
mine, walks her child to the bathroom kind of in front of her between
her legs. I did this with my child too...she is really mostly still
asleep but I could get her to walk to the bathroom usually.
You have to wait until about 2 hours after they first go to bed...if I
tried to do this with my daughter too soon, she was just too deeply
asleep to go potty. But usually, in the middle of the night, she was
able to do this.
This usually prevented any bed-wetting that night. I did this for about
1 year. I would try every once in a while to skip and see if she was
able to hold it yet. Eventually she no longer needed this.
Good Luck
Anon
They do have disposable diaper liners/doublers available. I usually can
find them at the Albertsons in Montclair. They are in a yellow package
(it may be an Albertsons brand) and they look a lot like maxipads. I bet
that would solve your problem.
Mom of a heavy wetter
We've had similar issues with our 3 year old, who insists on drinking a
cup of milk and a cup of water each night. What's worked for us is
having my husband change her diaper right before he goes to bed. So she
gets one diaper when she gets into her jammies at around 8:30, and a new
one when he turns in at 11:30 or 12. We've been doing this for long
enough that she usually manages to sleep through the diaper change.
Most of her pee seems to be released into the first diaper, so even
though she wears the second diaper for a longer time each night, she
rarely ends up wetting the bed. Hope this helps.
Janice
My son (almost 5) also wets the bed somewhat frequently. We no longer
use pull-ups at night, but I have another suggestion for you. Buy
saddle pads from One Step Ahead or Target. It is a waterproof sheet a
couple of feet wide that tucks in across the bed above the bottom sheet.
When the bed is wet, you simply pull this off and the rest of the sheets
are protected. No changing the entire bed in the middle of the night.
It is machine washable and dryable, but buy two so you're covered when
one is in the wash. When you want to abandon the pull-ups (I think it
helped decrease the night wetting--) I'd suggest a spare washable
blanket too! Good Luck!
Hoping for dry nights
Hi,
We had the same problem. What helped, (though there are still
occasional leaks), are (1) moving up to the largest size of GoodNites-XL
and (2) using inserts. What we use are Depends incontinence pads which
are designed for use with disposable underwear. If you use maxi-pads,
make sure that the urine can flow through to the diaper - e.g. no
plastic backing. Also, with any pads, make sure that the edges are
tucked under the elastic on the diapers, otherwise the urine gets
channeled straight to the bed. Don't bother with the new Safeway
version of GoodNites - they led to quite a few wet nights.
KB
I'm so interested in what we all may find out! I have a almost 6 year
old son. still in a nightime pull up. 42 lbs too. we wear the
goodnites also. i have to add 2 adult pads (depends, assure etc) which
can do the trick. I would love to also hear if someone has a better
idea. Wouldn't it be great if there was a nighttime pull up that is
really made for big kids. Big kids = alot of urine!
looking forward to not spending $on pullups!
You could try to wake him up at the time he usually gets wet, and put
him on the potty. I made it with my 1-year old daughter for a period and
it worked. When she anyway woke up a little bit (around 1 a.m.), I put
her on the potty and then she was dry after that the rest of the night.
After a while she was completely dry the whole night through and I
rushed to put her on the potty in the morning. At daytime she was then
almost diaper-free.
You can have the potty in his bedroom, so you have not to turn on lights
that can disturb him falling asleep again.
MiaL
We found the problem wasn't so much the diaper leaking -- it was that
our son would, well, play with himself at bedtime and end up falling
asleep with the tip of his penis either sticking out of, or just really
close to, the waist of the pullup. (We use the Goodnights also; as far
as I know they are the only thing available for kids this size.)
So now we wait until he's solidly asleep, and then yank his pullup back
up, making sure nothing is sticking out and his pjs aren't tucked in to
it either. No more wet sheets!
anon
Diaper Doubles work. They come in a light blue package. I can only find them at the Safeway on Broaway and 51rst. They are tucked in between the diapers, so look hard for them. They look like a maxi pad, but without the plastic( the plastic stops urine from getting to diaper,which you want). Plus they are a lot less expensive then maxi pads.
mom
Nov 2003
Recently, my 4 yr old son has ''graduated'' from pull-ups at
night. For two weeks all went well. He woke up at night and went
to the bathroom if he needed to. Then all of a sudden it's been
a bed wetting bonanza EVERY single night - in our bed and his
bed (sometimes he sleeps with us). We try to make sure he pees
right before bedtime, and are no limiting how much milk he
drinks. Nothing traumatic or unusual has occurred in his life
over the past few weeks to bring about the bed wetting. Is this
normal? Should we go back to those expensive pull-ups?
Tired of washing sheets everyday
Go back to pull-ups!
Mary-Anne
Hi,
my 4 year old also started wetting her bed after a few 'lucky'
days without pullups. Now I am extremely strict about not
drinking anything after 6:30 (she goes to bed at 8:30-9:00).
This includes grapes or other food high in water content. She
has to pee right before going to bed. Now she sleeps all night
without any accidents. I told her to drink as much as she can
during the day, since water is important for our bodies.
Laura
I have a 4-year-old daughter who is having a real problem with wetting
her bed at night. She is perfectly potty-trained during the day, and
has been for over a year. But she has never been able to be consistent
about not wetting her bed. Sometimes she will go for as much as a month
without wetting, and just as my husband and I are thinking she's finally
over it, she will start wetting it 2-3 times in a week. The pattern of
bedwetting is very irregular. One thing we have noticed is that she
seems to have a VERY hard time waking up in the middle of the night.
On those nights when she "wakes up" to go potty, she can't manage to get
out of bed and go potty by herself. She sits up in bed with her eyes closed
and cries until one of us comes in to get her. Then we try to wake her up
(talk to her, shake her gently, etc.) and get her to go potty. We get her
out of bed and she will start wandering vaguely down the hall in the
opposite direction from the bathroom. I've even tried using cold, wet,
washcloths to wake her up more, but it doesn't seem to work. I suspect
that her inability to really wake up at night has a lot to do with the
bedwetting, but I don't know what to do about it. My husband and I are
thinking about putting her back into diapers or pull-ups at night, but
since she hasn't worn them for over a year I am concerned that she will
somehow feel disgraced or punished by wearing them at night (our concern is
more for keeping the bed dry!). I don't want to do any psychological damage.
I am also considering taking her to see the pediatrician about this, but when
I suggested that to her she did not like the idea at all. I am really
at my wits end about this, and would appreciate any help/information I
can get! Thanks so much!!
P.S. I don't know if this makes any difference, but she is the oldest, and
has a 2.5 year old younger brother. She was not potty trained before he
was born; became potty trained about 9 months after he was born; he is
almost potty trained now (wears diapers only at night). The bed-wetting has
been going on with her, off and on, ever since she started wearing underwear.
It is not a new/recent development.
to the parent concerned about 4-year-old bedwetting:
Our daughter is four years and five months old and is often not dry at
night. We don't think of it as bedwetting, but as not being night-time
toilet trained, i.e. she's just not there yet. She wears pullups at
night and sometimes she's dry, sometimes not. It doesn't seem to make
much difference whether she goes to the bathroom shortly before bed,
drinks or doesn't drink etc.
Our pediatrician says don't worry or even do anything until she's
five--some children's bladders are just not physically mature enough to
last the night. I don't know if we're doing the right thing--I just have
my fingers crossed that she'll outgrow it. We've encouraged her to try
to stay dry and offered the reward of getting to wear panties, but
whenever we've tried the panties the bed ends up wet. Mostly we haven't
made a big deal about it, and, for better or worse she doesn't seem to
mind wearing the diaper or be embarrassed about it. We did buy a vinyl
mattress cover for her futon at Sears which simplifies life when she
wants to try panties. I know this information may not be very helpful,
but maybe you should try consulting your pediatrician by phone before
taking your daughter in. If the doctor says just wait till nighttime
dryness happens, then you might spare your daughter some embarrassment.
On the other hand, if anyone has any techniques that have helped
children this age stay dry, I'd like to hear them!
This sounds familiar in more ways than one. Both of our children took
a long time with night training, and both were very heavy sleepers. It
sounds like your daughter is highly motivated and really doing pretty
well, but consistent control might have to wait on a change in her
sleep patterns (which I think is wired in--nobody can do much about
it).
Your pediatrician should be aware of this, of course, though it's
probably not a sign of anything serious. If s/he wants to examine her,
s/he probably should. A phone call certainly wouldn't hurt, and with
cold season coming on you'll probably have more than one occasion to
bring your daughter in anyway! Of course you could take the bull by
the horns and tell your daughter, "I know you don't want to see the
doctor about this, but this is the kind of thing we have doctors for."
Both our children, around the age of seven, licked the problem once
and for all by using an alarm (Sleep-Dry is one brand name). I want to
emphasize that this tactic has to be the child's choice--if it's
forced on them it probably won't work and will probably do more harm
than good. It's important that this be THEIR battle, project,
challenge, whatever.
Another tactic that might be good is the use of "chucks"--absorbent
disposable sheets, about 2 x 3 feet, with waterproof backing; they're
used a lot in hospitals, and I think you can get them at most
drugstores. They protect the bedding but aren't as intrusive (or
humiliating) as a diaper.
My husband and I are thinking about putting her back into diapers or
pull-ups at night, but since she hasn't worn them for over a year I
am concerned that she will somehow feel disgraced or punished by
wearing them at night (our concern is more for keeping the bed dry!).
I think if you present this to her in just that light, she'll
understand it that way. I mean, you should specifically say, "This is
not a punishment or anything bad--it's just something to help you keep
the bed dry."
Good luck. Learning to keep the bed dry is a bit of childhood learning
that is consistently underrated, when you think of what we ask the
brain/mind to do: relax, lose consciousness, dream--but remember this
one thing . . . .
[My children would probably prefer that this remain anonymous!]
Oct 2003
Our 4.5 year old son (who is a deep sleeper) has suddenly
started wetting his bed at night, despite waking up once a
night to use the bathroom. He's been potty trained for a year
(daytime) and a half year (night time), so this seems strange
to us.
The only signifigant change in our lives was the birth of his
second sister (now 6 mo), and his regression seemed to last a
few months (but not now). He's very close to both of his
siblings so we don't think he's doing it to get attention.
We limit his drinks (no more after dinner, 6ish) and have him
use the bathroom before bed (8pm). We're also thinking about
waking him when we go to sleep 2-3 hrs later. Any other ideas??
Help!!
Frustrated
My slightly over 4-year old son could not make it through the
night if he were to last pee at 8 in the evening. (As well, he
is a deep, deep sleeper.) We awaken him between 12 and 1A to pee
(''pot'') him and, then, again, in the dark of the morning around 5
or 6 (if we can get up). This seems to stop him from having
bedwetting incidents even though he has been diaperless since
about 3 1/2. Know also that it is reasonable that the diapers
not be able to contain all of the urine that a 4.5 year old can
produce. I would try ''potting'' him at least once (if not twice)
after the 8 o'clock peeing session.
When I watch/hear my son pee, I realize that he can produce and
store so much pee that it would make sense that a diaper, if he
wore one, could not contain all of his pee. You can pot your
child even if he is wearing a diaper of pull-up at night.
Take heart; by the time he is college-bound this will be a
non-issue.
I also know that sleeping boys are so much less responsive to
their need to pee than sleeping girls.
Good luck
Dry sheets
4 1/2 year old son is bedwetting
I know this topic has been somewhat addressed in the past and I've
read the posts, nevertheless, wouldn't mind some fresh thoughts. My
son potty-trained at about 3 years old. We were pretty lazy about the
night stuff and kept him in a pull-up until recently. He is now 4
1/2. He was the type who always got complacent as soon as he got his
pull-up on, and even if he were still awake, he would use that rather
than the potty. About a month ago, he decided he wanted to be through
with pull-ups completely. We had a week or two of accidents, then
suddenly it appeared that he "got it". For two weeks in a row, he
would wake up in the middle of the night, go pee, then go back to
sleep (in our bed, but that's another post!!). But now, for the past
week, he doesn't seem to be able to wake up until after the
accident. We are being very careful about restricting the fluids after
dinner, and making sure he goes right before bed. Yet its not
working. My husband works at night, so at first we had tried having
him wake my son up when he came home. This met with mixed results.
There was usually a lot of crying and struggling, (the poor guy was
being roused out of a sound sleep!), but often he would pee. I'm
thinking we need to go back to this method, as unpleasant as it is.
Any thoughts??
My first advice is to remember that his bedwetting in not necessarily
something your son has control over. His body needs to recognize when
the bladder is full and that it is time to get up and visit the bathroom.
You did not mention limiting his liquid intake before bedtime or whether
you require him to empty his bladder before bedtime. Do not ask him to
do something over which he may have no control.
This is for the parent who was concerned that her son wet his bed at
4.5. Don't worry! That is normal. All kids develop differently, even in
their bladder control. My daughter used a pull up until she was 6 years old.
There were a couple of her friends who did the same. She is now 7 and
doesn't need any sort of diaper. Your son will get there, he just needs more
time. His bladder obviously isn't developed enough to hold urine all night.
I would like to respond to the person who was concerned about a 4.5 year
old boy wetting the bed at night. I have two sons 9 & 11 and neither one
of them stayed dry at night until they were 6. I may be blocking this out,
but I think my oldest was almost 7!! They were both day-time potty trained
at 3 but couldn't stay "dry" all night for years more. I think it is very
early to get worried about these types of accidents. My two didn't mind
pull-ups since I didn't make a big deal about them wearing them, so maybe
if you can back off this issue a little, your son won't mind pull ups
either. It may be a while from my experience and I can imagine washing
bed clothes everyday would be awful. But I'd suggest dropping the issue
entirely for a while. I don't know whether boys mature here slower than
girls, but I don't remember my friend's sons staying dry this early either.
Relax, it will happen when he's ready and then, as mine have, go on to
bigger and better ways to make you crazy.
If your 4 year old is bedwetting at night, it his not under his
volitional control, as in the day. He probably just needs to be a
bigger boy with a bigger bladder. How he views pull-ups probably has
a lot to do with how they're presented, and if he was taken to Disney
for obstensibly giving them up, then it wouldn't be too surprising if
he saw using them as a failure. I'd suggest a low key and matter of
fact approach: "kids who wet the bed pretty regularly need pull ups,
and when you're bladder is a little bigger, you won't need them
anymore." NO shame, embarrassment or berating, just "that's the
situation for now."
My son wet through age 5 and had occasional bedwetting with once or
twice per year til 8 or so. I have friends whose kids wet past 7 and
have heard that boys especially can go up til 10 and be within normal
limits. Huggies finally started making large sizes after enough requests.
My son had a friend sleep over twice who wet the bed: my only rule was
that he put the bedding in the bathroom and crawl in to a dry bed. After
the second time, I asked his mom to provide pull-ups that he could discreetly
put on under his pyjamas, but she said he wouldn't wear them. Too
bad.
We haven't even considered taking our almost-5-yr-old out of pullups
for the night. If he's not yet dry on his own, why make the extra
fuss/discomfort/work? I understand that lots of kids aren't ready to
sleep through the night without peeing by this age -- and even later.
Their bladders may not be large enough yet, or the body control just
there isn't yet. I'd change tactics and not make it an issue anymore --
no blame, no shame. Get him back into pullups in a non-shaming way, or
get those larger, less-bulky "pretend underpants" that are advertised in
a lot of the parenting magazines.
My daughter, now 10+, had the same problem and did need to wear
pull-ups until almost 6. I understand that it can be quite frustrating,
above all when you have to change the bed every day; luckly she was ok
with pull-ups, so that made things easier.
One thing that seemed to help was that for quite a while, after we
decided to give it another shot to night without pull-up, I would wake her
up around 11:30pm or so and ask her to go to the bathroom which would
ensure that the rest of the night would be dry. And there was no drinking
from 1/2 hour before she was going to bed. It took some time (2-3 months),
but it worked.
To the parent worried about your son's bedwetting: I wet the bed
almost every night until I was twelve. It didn't have anything to
do with lack of motivation get up. Rather, I was a very very heavy sleeper.
Eventually my parents brought in an expert to diagnose my sleep patterns.
I had to be trained to wake up (at least once) during the night so that I
wouldn't wet the bed. I would recommend investigating the web or the
library for more information on sleep cycles and bedwetting. My
guess is that if you could help him wake up in the middle of the
night (or before you go to bed) until he got into the habit of waking
up on his own, that his bedwetting would diminish. I only wish my
parents had brought in the expert earlier in my life as it would have
saved me years of embarrassment. Good luck!
I would like to respond to the person who was concerned about a 4.5
year old boy wetting the bed at night. I have two sons 9 & 11 and neither
one of them stayed dry at night until they were 6. I may be blocking this
out, but I think my oldest was almost 7!! They were both day-time potty
trained at 3 but couldn't stay "dry" all night for years more. I think it
is very early to get worried about these types of accidents. My two didn't
mind pull-ups since I didn't make a big deal about them wearing them, so
maybe if you can back off this issue a little, your son won't mind pull ups
either. It may be a while from my experience and I can imagine
washing bed clothes everyday would be awful. But I'd suggest dropping the
issue entirely for a while. I don't know whether boys mature here slower
than girls, but I don't remember my friend's sons staying dry this early
either. Relax, it will happen when he's ready and then, as mine have, go on
to bigger and better ways to make you crazy.
According to my pediatrician, about 12% of children are still not dry
through the night by age 6 or 7. This is largely due to the fact that
some children are such sound sleepers. I would talk to your pediatrician.
If your child is drinking a lot however, and peeing a lot, have your
doctor check for diabetes. Those are two classic symptoms of the disease.
I wet the bed until I was 8, and so did my sister. I
really think it has to do with sleeping too heavily to
wake up when you have to go to the bathroom. I was
humiliated by my parents' efforts to cure me by playing
a song called "I Woke Up in a Dry Bed." Stress
might have something to do with it (I stopped wetting
the bed when my mom left work), but I think it is
something some kids just have to grow out of. It is
definitely not something kids can control -- what
8-year-old would choose to wet the bed?
I don't think it is uncommon for a 4.5 year old not to be dry at night.
My son, now aged 16, toilet trained himself when he was 2 years old, but he
was not dry at night until he was 6 or more. It has, in part, to do with
how soundly the child sleeps and whether or not she or he wakes up to the
need to pee. My son did wear diapers (pull-ups weren't around yet) for many
years. In fact, his younger brother (3 years younger) was dry at night while
the older still was not. I was encouraged to know that his situation was
well in the realm of normal and tried not to stress myself or him about it.
I think the key is to not consider it a problem. We did use an "alarm" for
awhile. Pinned to his underwear, it would buzz when he first started to pee.
It had the positive effect of waking me up, so that I could wake him up. He
slept right through it. Hope this helps.
Probably you will get lots of advice from experienced parents (which, as
a parent of a two-year-old, I am not) on this, but just in case you don't,
I wanted to chime in on this. I've read a far amount on this issue,
including on this list, if memory serves. As far as I understand it,
bedwetting in a four-year-old is not at all uncommon--not the norm, but I
think somewhere around 15-25% of kids this age, particularly boys, wet at
night. It's typically not "bad behavior" that's causing it, but usually very
deep sleep: the child sleeps through the bladder's "wake-up" signal. I think
it's not even considered an "official problem" until age 7 or 8. There are
all kinds of coping stratgies, from instituting a practice of "pee three
times" right before bed, to limiting fluids after seven p.m., to parent-led
awakenings during the night, to hypnotherapy, and onwards to more intrusive
measures involving electronic moisture sensors and buzzers. How about talking
with your pediatrician about this, since there is also a possibility that
there is a medical issue underlying the situation. But above all, and this is
why I decided to pipe up here, it is most important not to shame or punish
your child for his "accidents." Most likely this is something out of his
control. Try to keep the tone light, not serious, when you address the
matter with him.
About the laundry...one strategy I've read about is to make up the bed
with several layers of bedding, with waterproof layers in between. Then if
the bed gets wet, you only have to strip off the wet layer, and the clean
sheets are already ready to go. As for pajamas--how about sleeping
"bottomless," or how about poly-propylene long-johns, which stay warm even
if wet.
Best of luck to you in coping with this--it will surely pass.
A friend of mine had two sons, who both kept wetting their beds at
night. She tried various methods over time, but the one that worked was the
alarm method mentioned by several people in the previous post. If their pants
were even a little wet, the alarm went off and woke them up so they
could go to the bathroom.
I've read all the answers to the mom whose child is wetting the bed at 4
1/2 and I agree with the majority of responses that said "don't worry, he's
normal." I also agree with responses about use of an alarm system for
older kids, but it my experience it's best to wait until they are much older,
7 or 8 and really motivated on their own. If you persuade a younger child to
try it and he gets upset with being awakened or the device doesn't work for
him, he may be unwilling to try it again later. I have a much longer piece
about this in Parents' Press in the next month or so (it really is a common
question!). You'll have to pick up the paper since they hold copyright
on my columns. Meg Zweiback
When my daughter was about 3 years old she began to refuse to wear
pull-ups at night. The problem was that she did not stop wetting her
bed regularly (so can you call these accidents?) for another couple
of years. In fact for several more years she would go through phases
of wetting her bed every other night or so. We talked to a couple of
pediatricians about this, and they both said that some children do not
develop the hormone that prevents people from urinating in their sleep
until quite late. Another explanation was that our daughter would
not want to miss any play during the day, so she would hold her urine in
until she couldn't possibley stand it. This trained her body to not awaken
her at night until it was too late. This pediatrician recommended having her
try to urinate every two hours during the day so that she would train her body
to feel uncomfortable before the bladder was completely full. This strategy
seems to have been the one that finally worked.
So, I would recommend that you talk to your pediatrician about your 4
year old's bed wetting. It will probably put your mind at rest, and your
pediatrician will probably have some good advice about how to deal with it
as well. Hope this helps.
I actually asked Par. Dig. readers about this issue last year. My 4/12 yr.
old daughter was wearing Pull-Ups at night and wetting during the day. She
was starting kindergarten in the fall and I was getting nervous. The advice
to just wait worked out. Without any pressure, she eventually stopped
wetting all by herself, just before her 5th birthday
I noticed a couple of parents recommended not giving their child anything
to drink after dinner to prevent the bedwetting. While I suppose that
would work, I know that my son who is 4 1/2 is so busy during the day that
he probably doesn't remember to stop and drink as often as he should. We
can't expect day care providers to keep tabs on the fluid intake of all
the kids. I think I'd rather let my kid drink in the evening and wear
pull ups than risk his not getting enough fluids. Of course, there are some
drinks which run right through their little systems, like coke etc, and
those should be avoided.
As for the deep sleepers, I have a friend whose 7 year old daughter had
this problem and repeatedly wet her bed. His doctor suggested she stop
drinking milk, as she may have some mild allergic reaction which made her
sleep so soundly. Anyway, it worked -- I'm not sure I understand why!
Waking him up is exactly the wrong thing. His body needs to recognize
when he needs to pee, and wake him up. Waking him up saves you some
laundry but doesn't help the problem. Maybe he needs to grow up some
more?
I had a problem with my daughter wetting the bed at night- several
times. Several children in my family have had this problem. This
went on for years and the body does not learn to "wake up".
Apparently the problem is twofold. One, the body should not
produce so much pee at night, and two our children sleep too
deeply to wake up in response to the need to pee, which is
considered a sleep disorder and causes the body not to get enough
of the sleep they need. The only solution to the nightly pee
production was a nasal spray (hormone) and I did not opt for that.
I started taking my daughter to the bathroom several times a night
to avoid changing the bed - she would not wake up through these
visits to the toilet. This did not help. Then I was told (by my
sister who is a nurse and did some research on the subject for her
own children) that I actually needed to wake her up and take her
to the bathroom and that this was the way to resolve her sleep
disorder. I began to do that (not easy believe me) and she stopped
wetting the bed every night within two weeks and within a couple
of months did not wet the bed at all. When my son turned out to be
a bed wetter also, I immediately began to wake him up a couple of
times a night to go to the bathroom and his bedwetting was
resolved shortly after he got out of diapers.
My son is almost 4.5 years old and he is having accidents every other
night! I wonder if I can call it "accidents" anymore since it happens
so regularly!
We have tried bribing him by toys and reward for staying dry and even
took him to Disneyland when we thought he graduated from pull-ups during
the summer. but alas...
Should we go back to using pull-ups? He hates wearing pull-ups and
refuses wearing them, but I am afraid that sleeping in wet clothes may
cause a cold or other problems. besides, it is not fun to wash linens
every day. We have talked to him many times, but seems like he cannot
control it.
I am also getting a little concerned because I not seen children
over 4 with bed-wetting problem.
To the parent who asked about bedwetting -- I think this is not all
that uncommon. Our daughter wet the bed until she was about 6. It
gradually tapered off, and now, at nearly 8, she never does. I think
it was a combination of immature muscles and the fact that she is a
deep sleeper. I have also heard anecdotally of other children also up
to about 6 or 6 and a half who wet the bed. I think I had heard that
it was usually boys who had this problem, but I know of at least two
other girls like my daughter. It did help a little if we made sure she
went to the bathroom before going to bed. Other than that, I would put
her in pullups or else get a mat for the bed and a few sets of sheets!
(That, in fact, is what we did.) I think we were a little worried that
it was some deep-seated psychological problem (or an attempt to drive
us insane), but it now seems that her muscles were just slow in
developing.
Some hints about night time bed wetting: Approximately 10% of children
have night time bed-wetting, and this is normal. It's clear that even
when children are very motivated they often can't wake up to go to the
bathroom. It's not uncommon for some children to still wear pull-ups
when they are 6, 7, or 8. You just don't hear people talking about it
much. One plan that has worked for some people is to increase water
intake! You want to have your child drink lots of fluids during the
day to try and help to stretch his bladder(you can talk with your
Pediatrician about how much is ok). It's ok to limit fluids some in the
evening, but make sure to increase it during the day.This is a key
piece that can work very well for some children. Then with a child
who is older (over 6) who wants to stay dry I would try the alarm. The
problem is that most of these kids are very deep sleepers, and they
don't hear it when it goes off.Parents try it a few nights and then
give up. SO, what you can do is tell the child that you want to help
them learn to wake up.If they too want to stop bed-wetting they will
probably go for this plan. Take a mattress and put it on the floor of
your bedroom. If you have a partner you can take turns getting up each
night (this is worth doing, even though it takes work). Put the
special Enurisis alarm (different types..cost approx. $40-60) in place
after your child has gone to the bathroom. When you hear it go off in
the middle of the night wake your child up and take him to the
bathroom. DO this every time it goes off until your child learns to
wake himself up. Again, the key is to increase the fluids during the
day....their bladder can hold more so they feel more pressure...and
hopefully it will be towards early morning when they need to go and at
that time they are not in such a deep sleep.DIfferent things work for
different families...this has worked for some I know. Good luck, and
keep in mind that the worst thing of all is for a child to feel
ashamed about wetting the bed. Pay attention to your facial
expressions and tone of voice when he or she is wet in the morning. If
possible just say something like, "OK lets get the sheets off into the
washer" Some folks also just put a towel under the child in the middle
of the night so the sheets can wait to be changed till morning.
Mattresses that smell like urine can be thrown away, a child's shame
stays with him for life.
Regarding the 4 year old bedwetting. My child had this same problem
which also came with a family history of it. When he was five we asked
the pediatrician about it. He said that it is not unusual for boys to go
up to age 7 with this problem. They usually outgrow it he said. Well, 7
came and went and he didn't outgrow it. We went back for more help and
were told we had two alternatives. There is a nasal spray that somehow
helps. And an alarm pad method which alerts the bedwetter with a buzz at
the first drop of wetness. The nasal spray sounded like a drug to me so
we went with the alarm pad. Within 2 weeks the problem was solved and we
have never had the problem again. You can buy the alarm pad from your
pharmacist without a prescription. They keep them behind teh counter
and come with great instructions. Remember, the child has absolutely
no control over this problem. It is not a sign of laziness. It is
unusual at all. A large percentage of children suffer from
bedwetting and for some reason boys suffer from it more than girls.
My son's dr. said not to consider them bed wetters until the age of
six. He further stated that we should just be matter of fact and not make
a big deal, but continue using the pull-ups until he was dry 3/4 of the
time. If your son is giving you trouble with the pull-ups I would just
explain that until he is "ready" to get up and go to the bathroom at night
he has to wear them. I would stop talking about it so much and just wait
for the sign that he is ready.
My 4 year old also has "accidents", but his are during the day. We have
not yet dealt with night time issues. However, we have recently started a
reward system for him that seems to be working. One of the main
advantages is that it has been a lot easier for me to deal with my frustration
when these accidents occur. Simply, he gets stickers for peeing or pooping
in the potty. If he gets enough stickers in one day, 5 in his case, he gets
to have a special treat. He and I came up with the treats - such things as
watch a video, blow bubbles, play blocks, chocolate milk, etc. If he
has an accident, then I don't feel inclined to give a lecture, etc. He just
missed an opportunity to work toward his special treat. It has successfully
helped him take responsibility for himself in this area, and helped us
emphasize the positive results.
It may also be that your son is not ready to stay dry every night.
That your son wants to stay dry but can't despite your attractive
incentives seems to suggest that there is a physiological side to the
problem. May I suggest that you contact a Jin Shin Jyutsu practitioner who
can teach you how to do Baby Pose on your child. I can teach you this pose
over the phone or give you a referral.
My husband wet the bed until he was 5, and he said that
his parents got a "Wee-Alert" or something -- a pad that
sounded an alarm when wet. He said that really taught
him how to read his body's signals when he was asleep.
December 2002
Our daughter, just turned 4, is finally potty-trained except she
still wears pull-ups at night. She wakes up wet 9 out of 10
times, but I suspect that she's wetting right when she first
wakes up or is about to wake. My evidence for this is that one
night she mysteriously removed her diaper (which was dry) and
when I came in to her room to change her brother, she was dry.
As soon as she started to wake up, she wet the bed. Also, when I
send her in to use the toilet in the a.m., she often doesn't
need to go. Suspicious, eh?
So, here's my question: She's still in a crib, but moving into
a ''big girl'' bed after Christmas -- do I take the diapers off,
put her on a rubber sheet and let her figure out that it's
better to get up and go? Or do I wait until she starts waking
up dry more frequently? There were a couple of times a few
months ago when she woke up in the middle of the night saying
she needed to go potty, but that hasn't happened since. I'm
afraid to misstep here and would appreciate hearing other
people's experiences with this.
Thanks,
elisabeth
Your daughter is almost certainly NOT ready to sleep through
without a diaper. Putting pressure on her will make everyone
miserable. Some people don't manage to ''bed train'' themselves
until they are quite old - even as old as onset of puberty. (Yes,
puberty.) My mother was one of those, as was my older brother,
and so was I. Now my older daughter is showing signs of not being
ready until later. This is not nearly as uncommon as we're led
to believe.
Remember that YOU don't ''train'' her - she trains herself, and
nothing anyone can do will force her to do what her body is not
ready for. Four is not that old. Trust in her body's ability to
decide for itself. Believe me: nobody likes waking up wet.
The canonical determining factor for ascertaining whether a child
is ready to go diaperless at night is if she is dry every morning
for a week. Don't do a thing until that happens on its own. Even
then, expect a setback if anything upsetting or unsettling
happens in life.
Refer to those old standbys, Sears, Spock and of course Penelope
Leach.
A late bedwetter
My husband's family are from England, and they have a
technique there that no one here seems to do, called
''lifting''. I learned about it while living there with him, and
now we do it with our 3 1/2 year old, with absolutely
fabulous success.
Basically, our daughter goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, and then
we go to bed at 10 or 11. I usually am up at least once in
the night to drink something or pee, and at that point
(usually about 2 or 3) I go pick her up and carry her to the
toilet, where she basically ''sleep pees'', then I put her back
in bed and she sleeps beautifully until pretty late (no
bladder waking her up early).
If you go to bed later than that, you can simply do it before
you go to sleep. The point is that with less pee in her during
the night, she sleeps better (many nightmares are bladder-
related), she sleeps later, and she doesn't do what she
used to do, which is wake up with a bladder so full that she
can't make it to the bathroom. Somehow sleep supresses
the urge a bit, so if we don't lift her she goes longer than
she would if she were awake, which means she simply
can't hold it any more.
This method is not for everyone. Some people simply don't
wake up at night, and to be honest there are some nights
we forget to do it (and lately we are actually okay, she
makes it). But if you are someone who wakes in the night
anyway, or if you have a baby who wakes you or one of you
goes to bed late, it works wonderfully! I don't know why
more Americans don't do it.
Heather
My daughter was in night diapers until 4 and a half. What
happened at 4.5 was me instituting you have to pee before bed
time deal. Before that, I would suggest peeing, but did not make
her, and she would never go (she never much liked having anyone
else in control of her bodily functions). For a couple of weeks,
she would have to sit on the toilet before bed and I would run
water. If that didn't work, I would wake her up every hour until
she did pee. My daughter is a very deep sleeper, and I'm sure
that's why night-training took so long, although when she was
initally potty trained she would not pee at night or during nap.
Everyone said to restrict fluids at night, but my daughter often
didn't drink much during the day and was often very thirsty at
night. If your hunch about wetting her diaper right before she
wakes up is correct, maybe you could try getting her up early to
go to the toilet then.
Bethany
Don't worry about your 4 y.o. who wets the bed at night.
Approximately 40% of 4 y.o.'s still wet the bed sometimes,
and this is something they grow out of. In those who wet at
an older age, it appears to be a combination of being a
''deep sleeper'' and having a smaller bladder capacity. I
recommend just continuing the Pullups, not making a big
deal, and wait till she's dry all of the time. It's not her ''fault'',
and it is generally not something these children can control
(unlike daytime potty training at this age). So save yourself
the trouble of constantly washing sheets, and your child the
embarrassment, not to mention discomfort, of sleeping in a
wet bed.
BTW my daughter potty-trained at 2 but wet at night
consistently until age 5yr. 4mo. After she was dry every night
for over a week, we took her out of Pullups and she's been
dry ever since. It was never a big issue for us or for her.
Margery
I'd let her stay in diapers until she's waking up dry more often
than not. It is NO fun to be changing sheets at 3 a.m. and when
you get tired of that, it might well be that going from no
diapers back to diapers could make your kid feel as if she's
failed. Some children are just heavy sleepers and need longer
to recognize those nighttime signals. I'd wait until your
daughter begins to wake up dry with some regularity. Then you
can take her to pee every night right before you go to bed. But
I know plenty of kids his age who still need a pullup. Big
deal. They all get there.
Wendy
Jan 2007
My 5 year old daughter is still wearing pullups for sleeping at
night. I just don't know how to potty train her so she wakes up
to go pee. She does wake up when she has a bowl movement but this
happends anyway more during the day and is kind of rare at night.
I know she is a deep sleeper because I can actually vacuum her
room and she doesn't wake up from that. Her pullups are pretty
much always wet in the morning and every once in a while it's
actually so full that it leaks on the sheets. She does use the
bathroom before she goes to bed and she told me that she wants
to use the bathroom during the night when she has to go. We tried
it without pullups for a while but the sheet where wet everytime.
The last few days I also woke her up at around 11:30 pm to use
the bathroom. She did pee but her pullup was still wet in the
morning. I think she drinks a normal amount of water. I have to
use the bathroom at least 3 times a night (weak bladder???) but
my friends say that's a lot. I guess it's normal for me and maybe
my daugher and I are just the typ of people who have to pee a
lot. Does anybody have an idea how to potty train a five year old
at night ?
anon
Is there some reason you feel the need to train your daughter
NOT to wear them? My daughter is 5.33 yrs and still wears
pull-ups at night. Lilke yours, my daughter is almost always wet
in the morning, and her pull-ups are quite full. Once in a blue
moon they are completely dry. This has nothing to do with her
fluid intake before bed. At her 5 year appointment, I asked my
pediatrician about this and she said, of her three girls, one was
out of pull-ups at night by age 4, one at age 5 and the last at
age 7. Kids develop at different rates. My ped says that some
kids just don't produce enough of the hormone that tells their
body that they need to wake up and go potty, like my daughter. As
for you, getting up 3 times in a night is A LOT, and not to scare
you, but I would get tested for diabetes if I were you. It's a
classic sign. I think you can stop worrying about your daughter,
though. Good luck.
OK with pull-ups
Don't worry about your daughter. My daughter was potty trained
during the day quite easily at 2.5 years. She was a very sound
sleeper and just simply did not wake up to feel the signals
about needing to urinate at night. She stayed in pull ups
also, and partly because we didn't want to get up and change
the sheets in the middle of the night. Her pediatrician
assured us it was nothing to worry about and pretty common.
One day she said she wanted to try going without the pull ups.
She was dry all night and hasn't worn them since. Sometimes
she gets up to go, but mostly she sleeps through the night and
doesn't need to go until morning. Maybe it has also to do with
bladder control in some kids -- being able to ''hold it'' longer
or something. Anyway, don't worry, she'll give them up when
she's ready. Maybe check with your pediatrician if you are
worried.
been there
If the pull-up is wet in the morning, I suggest she's not ready
to give it up. My daughter was 4 1/2 or so when dry pull ups
started appearing in the morning. Before that they were loaded,
sometimes leaked, and she had worse diaper rash on her butt
than at anypoint prior. Once the dry pullups started occuring
in the morning we attached a reward (a new barbie I think) to
multiple nights dry. I think some people's bladder sphincter to
brain control starts later than others. We do insist on her
peeing before AND after stories. If sitters forget the second
or skip the first we do have the occasional wet sheet. it tends
to be in the wee am hours. Personally, as someone who wakes to
pee at night, I decided to try and avoid taking her in her
sleep or teaching her to wake up to pee at night. And she for
now sleeps through and is dry unless she sleeps an extra 45
minutes to an hour, but even then she wakes herself up before
there's any damage beyond pjs and tears into the bathroom. To
alleviate shame/frustration, we keep a rubberized flannel on
under the top sheet just in case. If you can wait a few months
it might resolve itself is the short version of my reply.
anonymous
My daughter wore pullups until she was just shy of her 6th
birthday. My husband and I argued about the situation, my
mother-in-law weighed in on the situation and was furious with
me for allowing her to still be in pullups. I decided that the
stress of waking her in the middle of the night; the
humiliation of a wet bed for her; and the pain of frequent
sheet changes for me was not worth it for any of us. She was
also a deep sleeper and clearly was not able to rouse herself.
The situation was resolved when a cousin, a year younger, came
for an overnight. My daughter was humiliated to note that her
little cousin wore big girl underwear at night. There was
suddenly an incentive for her to correct the situation on her
own and this clearly coincided with the development of her
ability to hold her urine in her bladder throughout the night.
Within weeks pullups were ancient history. ANON
anon
I say, let her outgrow it. My older son stopped pull-ups around 9 years old, he was
ready to work on the problem himself. My 7 year old still wears pull-ups, and I
don't fret about it. He says some of his friends tease him at sleepovers, so last time
he took a sleeping bag and no pull-up and we laundered the sleeping bag after. But
he doesn't seem ready to stop the pull-ups at home. Certain kids just have more
tendency to this: we come from a family of ''bedwetters'' and deep sleepers; with
time, the issue will resolve itself.
Not so worried with the 2nd child
Don't fret! My 5 year old son is still in Pull-ups at night and they are almost always wet
in the morning as well. I have been told by many that this is fine and normal. Some
kids wet the bed at night for years. When my son is really engaged in something, he
has occasional accidents during the daytime hours, so imagine how hard it is to be that
kind of kid and have to wake up, get out of bed, and use the potty. Be grateful that
she is such a good sleeper and that you don't have to get up in the middle of the night
to change her sheets!
anon
Dear Pull up Mommy!
Don't worry about your daughter's age and the fact that she is
still not out of pullups at night. My own daughter was also a
VERY HEAVY sleeper and no matter what I did - limit water,
chocolate, sugar, wake her up multiple times a night - she
would rarely have a dry morning. Her pediatrician never
worried about it (but I did!) and kept telling me that she
would eventually outgrow it which she did. Some kids outgrow
this quickly and others do not (my daughter was 10 when she
finally stopped wetting). It was a test of my patience, but
like the doctor said she did outgrow it and is no longer
wetting the bed. My best advice is not to worry about it and
let your daughter's body figure it out. As long as we all got
a good nights sleep was all that really mattered.
One thing that helped with the constant wet sheets was moving
up to Goodnight's - they seem to be more absorbent than pull
ups and fit better (more like underwear) so the leaking factor
is less of a problem.
Good luck to your family from someone who has been there.
anon
Sounds like my daughter. Please do not stress about it. I was
just grateful that they invented those pull-ups for nighttime
use. (pull-ups were wet every morning) I think I remember
researching and discovering that there is a hormone that needs
to come into play that decreases the amount of urine during
sleep hours and that the age at which the hormone starts being
produced in adequate amounts is very variable. So I think it is
simply a developmental issue. If her doctor is not concerned,
you should just relax and let nature take its course. It is
unusual, but probably if everyone were to come clean, not that
unusual. I actually remember consulting the Huggies on line
site for reassurance. My daughter probably wore pull-ups at
night until she was about 9. I understand some kids (maybe more
often boys) are not completely done until 12. She won't go off
to college needing them! As for us, my daughter has stopped even
getting up at night to use the bathroom. I am not sure when
that happened, but she is 16 now and it is all a dim memory.
Good luck, don't stress and don't let her stress either.
everything will be fine
How do you night train a heavy-wetting, heavy-sleeping five year
old? You wait about two years. ;-)
And you thank your lucky stars that you live now, when night-
time pull-ups are readily available, instead of a generation
ago, when you'd've been washing cloth pads and sheets all the
time!
I've heard that devices like pee alarms can help, but really,
it's too early for you to worry about it. Some kids (more often
boys, but sometimes girls too) just aren't
physically/neurologically ready to stay dry at night until they
are 6 or 7 or 8 years old. Any push to train your 5yo now will
only lead to stress and upset, for no purpose.
Also still buying GoodNights
Our almost 6yr old daughter is also still in pull ups. The
facts around my d sound just like yours. I'm interested in what
others have to say, but for now I have decided it is just
perfectly OK. I wet my bed until I was 6 or 7 because I was a
deep sleeper and just couldn't or didn't wake up. I was
ashamed of the wet sheets and smell etc. I think just not
having it be a big deal is the way to go, since I can't think
of any way to change it. And from all I know of life most of us
learn eventually how to wake up!
Seems like no big deal
The ability to wake up to pee is a purely physical development that is not under
conscious control in any way. I also think that the normal range for this development is
up to 7 years old. I really wouldn't worry about it until then. (What does your
pediatrician say?) I think it would only be a problem if she were to be too embarrassed
to have a sleepover that she would otherwise enjoy. In that case, my advice would
involve either the discreet use of pull-ups and possibly sheet protectors and/or talking
with the other kids and parents. (BTW, I had a 6 1/2 year old friend of my daughter's
pee in her bed during a sleepover and it was not a big deal.)
--also took a long time to develop that ability
What we did was to cut our kids off from liquids at 5:00. We were
very clear with them that it was their choice, but that if they
wanted to stay dry (which they did) this would help them. We
explained to them that if they drank no liquids in the evening,
their bodies would really need a lot of liquid during the day to
make sure they stayed healthy and hydrated. Also, we took them to
the bathroom (essentially in their sleep as they are very deep
sleepers) around 10 or 11 at night (whenever we were going to bed
ourselves). Even though the night time diapers had been soaking
wet every morning before we tried these things, we took away
diapers cold turkey when we started and the kids woke up dry
almost every time right from the start (a puddle pad on top of
the bed sheet worked to handle any wetness and meant no hassle of
changing sheets).
Good luck!
Julie
My daughter who just turned 6 in December is also still wearing
pull-ups all night and our situation sounds identical to yours.
I was concerned so I discussed it with her pediatrician at her 6
yr old check-up. He guessed that she was a very heavy sleeper -
which she is. He wasn't overly concerned and said that if she is
still not able to sleep without pull-ups when she is 7, there are
things we can do to help her with it. So, we have just decided
to let it go and see if it gets better before she is 7. Her
older brother did not have this issue and was completely dry at
night by the age of 4. I have a waterproof mattress pad on her
bed and sometimes put a towel under her sheet to absorb any
leakage. She isn't bothered by it, so I decided I shouldn't be
either. I hope this helps.
Mom of heavy sleeper
We had the same issue with our daughter and received the same advice you have
been getting here, except one- to try a bedwetting alarm. We did, with excellent
results. Our daughter had her first dry night ever the third night, and used the
alarm a total of 2 weeks before going it alone. She has been successfully waking
herself to use the restroom ever since.
The brand we used was WetStop, but there are several to choose from online. The
alarm has a moisture sensor that attaches to underwear and sets off an alarm to
wake your child at the first sign of wetness. It helps your child learn to identify the
sensations of needing to urinate while sleeping by waking them immediately.
Sharon
March 2005
My 5 year old daughter is trying very hard to stay dry at
night. (Although my husband and I initially suggested that she
try, this is now something that is very important to her and
not something we feel that strongly about because it seems that
she may not be ''ready''). Unfortunately, she is very determined
to sleep in underpants AND she is a VERY deep sleeper. About 3
nights out of 7 she wakes up wet. Over a year ago our
pediatrician mentioned that for children who really want to
sleep in underpants, but whose bodies are not waking them up
when they need to go pee, a ''bed-wetting alarm'' may
help ''train'' their bodies. Has anyone had experience using
these? How do they work? Are they likely to work for someone
who sleeps very heavily (through her younger brother
crying/screaming, through alarm clocks, etc...)?
tired of changing the sheets
Our son was still wearing Pull-ups to bed as he was approaching his 7th
birthday.
We tried wearing underwear at night, but he just didn't seem to care if
his bed was wet. He would just sleep right through it into the morning.
I happened to be at the Ped's office for something else and saw a
brochure for an alarm called Wet-Stop.
You attach one part of the alarm to the underwear and the speaker part
attaches to the shoulder of the pajamas. (All the pouches and velco
comes in the kit) When the sensor feels the wetness, the alarm sounds,
waking the child. At first the parent goes to the child and helps to
finish emptying the bladder, change underwear and go back to bed.
Eventually the child can do this alone. With my son, he taught himself
to just sleep through the night without needing to use the bathroom
until the morning. It took him about a week of being awoken, then a
couple weeks of occasional wakings and then permanently dry. I think
that in his case, he just didn't know how to stop the flow when he was
asleep. So, yeah, they do work. You can find the kind that we used at
www.palcolabs.com.
Sleeping Better
We used bedwetting alarms and it was like magic. My son was 6 at the
time, slept like the dead, and was wet almost every night. Using the
alarm, he was dry on his own in about 9 nights. We haven't had a single
incident since. My daughter was four at the time and not as sound a
sleeper, and she was dry within two weeks. It is hard as the parent to
get yourself out of bed and take them to the bathroom ( a must even if
they are already wet at that point), and my son hated the alarm by about
night 4 or 5, but we stuck with it and had great great results. If your
room is far away from hers, you might want a baby monitor in your room
and hers so you wake up when the alarm goes off. The funny thing is
that they both manage their bladders differently at night: my son just
goes before bed time and then as soon as he wakes (still pretty much
sleeps like a log, although on the very odd occasion he will go to the
toilet at night), and my daughter gets up regularly in the middle of the
night to go. But it worked equally well with each of them.
Follow the directions carefully and good luck!
We used one I found on the internet -- It had ''starry'' in the name, I
can't remember the exact brand but I believe they were in Santa Cruz. I
called them and they shipped it out immediately and we received it
within a couple of days.
happy dry nights
We used a bedwetting alarm very successfully with our younger daughter.
We used one by StarChild Alarms which hooked onto her underwear and when
it got wet the alarm went off. The point is that the alarms wake up you
and you wake her up to get up, go to the bathroom and change the bed.
I do have to add that my daughter was 7 when we did this; some children
just are not ready to be dry at night until that age.
But if your daughter is motivated then you should give it a try, it
really worked quite well for us in a matter of weeks.
Glad we tried it
We did not have success with one of these alarms. I think they do work
with some kids, but it's definitely not 100%. If the bedwetting is
secondary to psychological issues, your success rate may be lower. Our
older child was traumatized by a divorce when she was young and we found
out way down the line that her bedwetting was due to this. In the end,
time pretty much cured it.
anon
Nov 2004
My 5 year old son has been toilet trained by day for almost 2
years but has NEVER had a dry night. He's still wearing pull-
up's and shows no interest in giving them up. I'd hoped he'd
have a few dry nights which would be the start to sleeping in
underwear. Has anyone been through this? Should we start
waking him up to pee, putting him to bed in underwear or
continue waiting for him to show some readiness? All we've done
so far is limit drinks in the evening, have him pee before
bedtime and talk vaguely about rewards... Thanks!
Tired of Pull-Up's
I really wanted to respond to your request because I've gone through the same
thing. Our son did not become dry at night until he was 7 yo. I read books, tried
waking him, tried using the cloth training pants at night (he would just sleep all
night in a wet bed)... I finally tried to let it go. It didn't bother him at all,
even when he understood that other friends didn't wear pull-ups at night. And everything I
read stated that until a boy is 8yo, it's not usually a physical problem, but rather
an issue of developemental readiness. Every few weeks, we would ask him if he was
ready to try to stay dry, but he never was. I started worrying that maybe he was
afraid to try. Anyway, one day at the ped's office (for something else) I picked a
brochure for a bedwetting alarm. It's called Wet-Stop and is made by a company
called Palco (www.palcolabs.com). It fits on your child's underwear and when s/he
wets the pants an alarm sounds, waking the child to (hopefully) finish emptying the
bladder in the toilet. Well, I showed it to my son, explained to him that I thought
that he was ready to try and that this would help him. He was game and so we did it.
He set off the alarm about 3 nights in a row, and got a little discouraged. But he
kept trying and within the week he was staying dry (he can actually sleep all night
without needing to go to the bathroom). I think that, for him, the issue was
understanding how it felt to have a full bladder at night, and what to do about it.
Hang in there. Keep trying things gently, but don't give up. Chances are good that
one day soon it will all come together for you and your child.
ruth
we went through the exact same thing with our 6.5-y.o. son who
had a similar attitude. a 6.5 y.o. friend of his had success
with wearing a monitor/alarm (made by malem). his friend gave
our son the device, and our son was interested in being dry.
it seems cruel and our son was upset when the alarm sounded in
the middle of the night, but he did really well and has been
consistently dry after just a few weeks. we'll be passing that
monitor on to another 6-yo friend of ours who has the same
problem.
no more pull-ups!
I strongly recommend getting a bedwetting alarm (clever device that, soon
after urination starts, senses the wetness and sounds a buzzer and wakes the
child) Sears used to sell them. They are everywhere. They cannot electrocute
your child. They just sit under the sheet and wait for wetness. It helps to sleep
naked (the alarm gets the wetness quicker) but is not necessary.
As a child I went through many silly privations (no water late in the day) and
probably harmful recriminations (if you don't...) BUNK and a waste of time.
Your kid is very likely a sound sleeper and needs help training to recognize the
feeling of a full bladder and to have that sensation stimulate waking up. All
you need in most cases is some classical conditioning which is what the
bedwetting alarm provides.
A quick explanation to your child that he or she is a sound sleeper (a good
thing probably) and the alarm is to help them learn how to wake when they
need to use the toilet. It takes a little time but you can usually sense the
progress as there are usually ''almost got it'' nights on the way to success... If
your child has a scientific bent it might be interesting for them to keep a log of
how it is going. This could give them more sense of control and efficacy.
Please do not make this a ''growing up'' issue if you can avoid it. If it is treated
as a learning project like kicking a ball or drinking from a cup (you just develop
a feel) you'll get farther faster with less of a downside.
Remember standing near your child as they climbed up and down stairs? They
did so with greater and greater facility but still occasionally fell. You gave
advice but they still had to do it over and over and get the sense in their body.
Here you are again training a different part of the nervous system (and at a less
convenient time of day, sorry to say, but the process is the same: they try, you
give feedback and cheer.)
I wish someone had told this to my mom and dad.
dry dad
Our former developmental pediatrician pointed out to us that
some children have bladders that need to be trained to hold
urine throughout the night and the muscles need to strengthen
in order to keep it in. With these children, rewards for
staying dry throughout the night are not enough because their
bladders just don't have the control. Her recommendation to us
was to have our child pee before he went to bed, get him up to
pee before we go to bed, and then set the alarm for 4:30 (or
whatever interval your child is able to successfully stay dry),
wake the child up and have them pee again. Stick with this
interval for about a week, and then move the time back to 5:00
a.m., 5:15 a.m., 5:30 a.m., etc. until the child is able to go
all night without wetting. We did not use this method with our
son since he was only 2-1/2 when it was recommended to us (this
was our last visit before our beloved pediatrician retired and
she was filling us up with information), but it does sound
logical and might be worth a try for a 5 year old. You might
also want to check with your own pediatrician to see if he/she
has any other ideas.
anon
May 2002
Anyone out there with a 5 year old girl who goes through
phases of regularly wetting her bed? She has had urine
tests-- everything normal. No unusual stressors. The
pediatrician says she will outgrow this, but in the
meantime, any advice? Thanks!
If your 5-year-old is still wetting the bed, and all the tests are normal,
then don't worry about it. It takes some kids longer to awaken at night.
My daughter didn't start staying dry at night until about 5-1/2. We just
kept her in Pullups, made no big deal about it. To keep your/her stress
level low, I strongly recommend the Pullups. There's no evidence that
having a child wet the bed shortens the course of bedwetting. There's
nothing ''wrong'' with your child, he/she just sleeps heavily, or has a
small bladder capacity, or both. These resolve with time.
margery
Both my daughters wet their beds - only at night, not even naps -
until they were 6 years old. It can/does just stop abrubtly. The
older one stopped right at 6 years, the second one was going past
that and I was frustrated and tried the ''wetting alarm'' because I
believe they were both deep sleepers and just didn't feel it until
it was too late.She did stop wetting not long after using the
alarm, but I am not sure if that was it or if it was just the time
she would have stopped anyway. I would use water proof pads (made
for this) and a towel or two on top so that I would not have to
change the whole bed each time, especially in the middle of the
night. Neither of my daughters has had any problems with this
since they stopped.
lynn
Bedwetting can recur when the diet is too high in sugars. Even 10 year olds
can have recurrences, much to their dismay and
social embarassment. When I mention sugars, keep in mind anything that
tastes sweet--including fruit juices, dried fruit,
sweeteners (even natural ones like honey, although stevia appears to be
safe), juice squeezes and sodas-- would be best avoided.
If you have no progress there or your child doesn't have much sugar in her
diet, try a Jin Shin Juytsu practitioner who can
address the underlying cause, be it emotional (very common in illnesses),
digestive or other physical stress. Self-help is freely
given to parents and the children accept this bodywork as they know it is
helping them.
Nori
5-year-old son needs diaper at night
How do you get a child out of pull-ups at night?
My 5 year old son potty-trained just fine but still needs a pull-up at
night. He routinely wakes up with it very full. We haven't pressured him
to lose the pull-up or anything, but he's starting to feel a little
embarrassed about it now. He is an extremely sound sleeper and is afraid
of the dark, so it's hard to figure out how best to help him to learn to
wake up and go pee. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Our 5 year old is still in pull-ups at night and I am just going to
wait until he's more ready. He is also a very deep sleeper, but for the
first time ever, he has recently mentioned that sometimes he wakes up at
night and just decides to pee in his pull-up rather than get up. So I
suppose if I wanted to get up, I could tell him to wake me, but I'm not
ready for that yet. I wet my bed til I was 7, my husband was also a
bedwetter and we both remember just "growing out of it." My sister was
11 or so before she outgrew it and my mom would send her to sleep-overs
in a sleeping bag that she could just roll up and bring home.
In reply to the issue of the five-year old still in pull-ups at night: we have a daughter who got out of nighttime pull-ups at age 9 1/2. It seemed at times she would never be able to do it. We played it real low-key and waited for her to start being really unhappy about it, which she began to be quite a long time before she could do anything about it. Every few months we would give it another try for two weeks, but after the lack of sleep both she and I experienced stripping wet beds and pj's we would give it up for a while. It was helpful to log on to the web site that is sponsered by I think Huggies. Although it is not really discussed much, there is a fairly high percentage of kids, esp. boys, not dry up to the age of 12. I know that sounds like forever to you now, but something does happen when they are physically ready. My daughter also slept very soundly, I've personally watched her throw up in her bed and hardly rouse. But for many of these kids, there is a hormone not yet produced in their bodies that concentrates the urine in the bladder at night, so the volume is greatly reduced and the kid can make it through the night. Some physicians actually think this is the biggest cause of night
wetting and can prescribe something to help this along. (But as soon as the drug is stopped, the wetting recurs) In our case, our daughter did get out of pull-ups, but does get up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. I wonder sometimes if she has just trained herself in spite of the lack of the production of the urine-concentrating hormone. I also wonder if she didn't get a better-quality night's sleep when she didn't have to get up 3 times. However, this is just to say that if you really polled everyone, you would find there are many of you out there- kind of like finding out how many people actually let their kids in bed with them for the night. Somehow it is just not what we think everyone else is doing. Someday, he'll be out of them and that will be that.
Sept 2003
My five year old still wears pull ups every night. He hasn't
needed diapers since he was about 2 1/2 and is generally a
pretty mature guy. I didn't want to work on his going without
pull ups at night during the kindergarten transition, but now
that that has happened I'm wondering when to do something and
what to do. Also, he sleeps in a top bunk so I'm wondering if
getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
will be more difficult for him. Should I keep waiting until he
stops needing a pull up on his own, or try to do something to
help him make this transition? Any advice?
Anon
I would say wait it out. You're already ahead by having him
wear pull-ups so you aren't washing sheets everyday. As for
being in the top bunk it's a possible but not likely situation.
Plus if you take him out because he wets the bed it well
make him hurt and angry. Some children aren't ready until
they are in a ways to grade school. So just wait for him to be
ready. Five is still pretty young.
Anonymas
5 1/2 yr. still wants diaper at night
Jan 1999
My healthy 5 1/2 yr. old daughter still uses "Good Nights"(the big kid
version of Pull Ups), and has no interest in kicking the habit! And, she
refuses to go to the bathroom before she goes to bed to reduce the chances
of her peeing. The Good Night usually has been used by morning. I think
she's afraid to try to go without a "diaper" though I've tried to make it
a completely non-judgmental endeavor. She doesn't want to discuss this
topic at all. Is this something that she'll grow out of? Thanks in advance
for any responses.
My 41/2 yo son still has some trouble staying dry at night, too. I'm told
that this is normal, especially for boys, and that he will eventually
out-grow it. He wears pull-ups to bed. We put him on the toilet when we go
to bed (11ish). He doesn't usually wake up, but if we carry him in and put
him on the toilet (running water in the sink), he will pee. We have been
doing this for the last month or so, and he has been dry in the morning for
about 15 nights. He is so proud of himself for staying dry that he makes
sure that he pees before bed, and one night he got up on his own at 3 am
and when to the bathroom. Good luck!
My daughter is also 5.5 and still wears a diaper at night. My pediatrician
has told me that 12% of kids still use diapers at age of 7 so in his view
my daughter was doing fine (well within the range of "normal") and I
shouldn't worry. He said that some kids are such heavy sleepers in their
early years that they are not developmentally able to rouse themselves to
go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. My question is--are there
diapers larger than size 5 for bigger kids? Where do you get them?
I have a suggestion for the parent who wrote about the
5-and-a-half-year-old wearing Good Nights to bed: Good for you for not
shaming her about it. I have a thought that hypnotherapy might really
help get to the bottom of the "why" of it, and also get to dry
sleeping. Probably your hunch about fear of going without a diaper
has a good basis, but the way I read what you you wrote, it sounds to
me as though she is happy with the way things are. Maybe she keeps on
this way because she feels comfortable peeing without getting up
during the night, and is afraid to go without the diaper because then
the bed will get wet. If she is happy this way, there will have to be
some motivation to change before change will happen. Maybe outgrowing
the largest size of the GoodNights would be motivating? Until
then...hypnotherapy works principally by finding appealing ways to
attract the mind to the desired direction. It could help find a fun
(i.e. motivating) reason for or approach to dry sleeping.
My daughter wore disposable diapers until she was eight, but after many
nights of dry diapers and her no longer choosing to wear a diaper at
night, she stopped. Several years ago (when she was five or six), my
pediatrician told me that some children do not experience "light" sleep
cycles while sleeping. So in my daughter's case, since she didn't
experience light sleep, she was incapable of waking herself up to go to
the bathroom even if she needed to. This may or may not be the case for
your daughter.
My pediatrician also said that bladder size is a factor. As a child
grows her bladder gets larger and her sleep patterns change, all of
which contribute to fewer wet beds (or diapers).
Your daughter may just need the security of a diaper at night right now,
but I bet that when she is ready to give them up, she will. I would
encourage you not to make a big deal about it. The only thing I don't
understand is why your daughter won't pee before bed. Maybe if you let
her wear the diaper even if she pees before bed, then she'll get in the
habit of peeing before bed, and after many dry diapers will decide to
give them up.
This is in response to the questions about diapers at night. We just got our
daughter out of the Good Nights about 6 months ago right as she turned 6.
She had been able to get up and go by herself at 3-31/2, then just started
having accidents over Christmas while we were traveling. After changing
sheets every night and getting her up to go before we went to bed, we
started using the Good Nights after a couple months. That lasted about two
years. We checked several times for urinary infections, but there was no
medical reason for the change. It seemed like she was sleeping so heavily
that she didn't even wake when she wet.
Some friends in the same situation gave us a device called a Potty Pager
that they used with success. It is a pager-sized device that has a moisture
sensor and vibrates when it gets wet. I sewed a little pocket into her
underwear to hold it in place. She hated it because it woke her up, cried
and complained everytime we put it in her underwear, but within a couple
weeks she wasn't having any accidents and after that didn't have to wear the
device. She later said she liked wearing diapers better because she didn't
have to get up. I loved the thing because it put the responsibility on her -
if she took the Pager out after we put her to bed, she had to clean up the
accident. Now when she wants a big drink before bed, I make sure she
understands that she is responsible for getting up to go or cleaning up.
I, too, have a 5 1/2 yr old daughter who wears pullups at night and shows no real
urge to get rid of them. She's not even in a hurry to take them off in the morning
when they're soaking wet. She was dry, wearing the pullups, for several weeks
last August and then kindergarten started and she started being wet almost every
night again. I suppose that was a natural response to the stress of starting
school, but there hasn't been any improvement as the school year goes on. Our
pediatrician, whom I trust completely, says just wait, don't worry, and if she's
still wet at night by her sixth birthday she can try those electronic wake-up
sheets that buzz when they get wet. My daughter is a very sound sleeper--sleeps
right through the loud wails of her baby sister, and I wonder if that's part of
the problem. Do any of you have kids who magically became dry at night at age
six? I guess I'm just being lazy, partly, taking a laissez-faire attitude, but I
also don't want to put her through a lot of traumatic effort if her body's just
not ready, as her doctor suggests. Any advice?
July 1999
I know this is going to sound odd, but have you looked at t