Kids and Public Bathrooms
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May 2006
After reading responses from women with sons in Women's
restrooms, I'm wondering what dads with daughters do??? I won't
want to take my daughter into the Men's restroom, and at least
until she's old enough, I won't want her to go alone into the
Women's restroom either! What do you guys do????
--Wondering in Advance
hi dad,
not to worry. my daughter is now 7 1/2. i have been taking her
into men's restrooms since she was a baby and no one has ever said boo
about it. a while back she started going into the women's restrooms
WITH HER FRIEND. of course i watched the door very carefully when they
first did that and was very relieved when they came out. now i'm more
relaxed about it.
when it's just the two of us, it is now about 50/50; half the time
she'll come with me into the men's room, half the time she elects to go
on her own into the women's. of course i still watch the door when she
chooses the latter, but i am pretty relaxed and comfortable with it.
but as far as taking her with me into the men's? never have i
worried about this for one second or had any problem whatsoever. most
of the men and boys we encounter inside understand the situation and
some are even friendly and seem glad to see her. all act as though she
has the same right to be there that they do (which she does, of course).
doug
I have two daughters, ages 5 3/4 and 3 3/4, and I'm familiar with your
situation. I just take them into the men's room with me.
Sure, the men's restroom is often smellier than the ladies' (so my
daughters tell me), but whatever. Nobody seems to care, really. I see
lots of fathers do this. I also take them to the boys' locker room when
we go swimming at the YMCA. I know that girls over 6 are supposed to go
to the girls' locker room, but whatever. Nobody seems to care. I don't
worry about exposing my daughters to male genitalia. Being in the boys'
locker room so much, I think they've seen enough for there to be no
fascination.
Are you uncomfortable with ''exposing'' your daughter?
Personally, I don't see any problem with it.
Paul, daddy with two
daughters
We have a 31/2 year old daughter, who I have been taking care of (sahd)
for the past 3 years. I generally don't worry about taking her into a
men's room with me if she needs to go. We just go into one of the stalls
and I stay with her until she's done. We've gotten a coupple of odd
looks but since we don't really have an alternative,(and I don't think
that it would be okay for me to take her into the woman's room) I'll
just continue to do this until she's old enough to go herself.
Good luck
wes
Until I was five or six, I always went into the bathroom (or the shower
room at the pool) with whichever of my parents was present. Spending
time in men's and women's rooms was a good
lesson: everybody's bodies are different, but everyone goes to the
bathroom to do more or less the same thing. (Also that urinals, though
they look cool, can be pretty gross.)
I think the key is to be confident in what you're doing, so that if
someone asks why you're bringing your daughter into the men's room,
you're not put on the defensive. You can just state it as family policy:
''my daughter always has one of her parents with her when she goes into
public bathrooms.''
bathroom-forward
If you go along with the ''conventional wisdom''--whether you agree with
it or not--that appears on BPN, that male strangers are predators and
perverts (the basis for most mothers' fears about sending young sons
alone in public men's rooms), and female strangers are motherly and
nurturing. So according to this ''conventional wisdom'', you can send
your daughter (you didn't say how old) into the public women's restroom
by herself and in fairly good confidence hope that some motherly
nurturing woman/women will look out for her while she's in there.
Go
figure
Sept 2003
What advice to people have about how a Dad can deal with
toileting with a toddler girl who is in the process of potty
training? If he is with her all day outside of the home, each
of them will have to use the toilet. How should he use a public
restroom when he needs to bring her in the stall with him? How
should he help her to use the toilet when they must go in a
men's room?
anon
I was worried about this too. My husband is in charge of our 3
year old daughter one day a week and there is no getting around
the potty problem. Occasionally they find a ''family bathroom''
or a single unisex potty room, but most of the time he has to
take her into the men's room. She was very concerned about
this, but we assured her that it was OK, since she has to go to
the potty with an adult. She is getting used to it. My
husband just tries to choose the quieter, cleaner bathrooms and
quickly whisks her into a stall - they are all the same anyway.
Jaime
I hope that potty thing doesn't get into the way of daddies and
daughter getting around together. Some ideas...
Many cafes, small restaurants, and same stores have little mixed
bathrooms, which both dad and daughter can use (at the same time).
If she refuses to go on a men's bathroom, she could use a travel
potty (for example ''Potette'', you get that at Baby World or at
Longs). It comes with liners, but you could as well buy a
matching tupperware with lid that can be emptied into the
canalisation or a bathroom (for #2). The traditional is ''to go
behind the bushes'', and clean up like you would do with a dog,
but that's probably a bad idea for fathers.
As to bringing a girl into a bathroom with other men in it, I am
not sure either. Would the other men be offended? Would your
daugher feel intimidated? This all depends on the design of
men's bathrooms which I don't know very well.
A similar thing: Moms have to take their sons into locker rooms
at the swimming pool until they are Kindergarten age or so.
They can watch all the other women naked there, and they can see
him naked. I think it's no problem and certainly not a big deal,
but maybe other people feel different.
Julia
April 2006
My son turned 5 years-old last month. Whenever he and I are together in public and
he has to use the restroom, I bring him into the women's restroom with me. He is still
a young boy and I am not comfortable sending him into the men's restroom by
himself, even if I were to stand outside of the men's restroom. Yet, I am astounded by
the inappropriate looks I get from women when I bring him into the women's restroom
with me. I would like to find out how other mothers handle these ackward glances
from other women. Am I being overprotective? Also, when should a young boy use
the men's restroom if he is by himself?
Sabrina
Many public pools use 6 as cut off age. Frankly, I think it
should be less of an issue in women's restrooms since there are
always private stalls. But some of those stuffy department
stores have crabby ladies who don't even like moms to nurse in
the ''ladies lounge.'' I'd be more uncomfortable if I were a dad
bringing a young girl into men's room.
Fortunate to have child with a bladder of steel
Personally, I am mystified by rules barring, and social
disapproval of, young boys in women's restrooms. I am not
comfortable with sending him alone into a men's restroom; I
simply won't do it. I make sure that he behaves appropriately
in the women's restroom, and ignore any dirty looks that come my
way.
I'm With You
Of course you should bring a 5 year old into the women's
restroom with you. I could not imagine sending a child that
age into a men's room (unless my husband took him in there).
If someone gives you a look, ignore them. If they say
something to you, simply respond ''I'm so sorry if you are not
comfortable with my son using the stall in here. I'm sure you
understand the need for safety precautions and how
irresponsible I would feel putting my 5 year old alone in a
room full of adults whom I don't know and where I can't see
him.''
Give them a weak smile and proceed to do what you need to do.
The doors close so I cannot understand what their rational
concern could be.
Mom who brings her 7 year old son too
I think a 5 year old should still go into the women's room with
you. My son is almost 4, and I can't see being comfortable with
sending him into a public restroom alone, any time soon. I don't
think twice when I see a 5 year old in the women's room.
I can't speak to WHEN it would start being inappropriate, though.
anon
I take my 7 years old son with me to women's bathroom whenever possible, and
I
have never noticed any looks from others. Maybe I am insensitive,,, or too
busy
caring my children. He sometimes go to men's bathroom by himself but if he
needs
to go number 2 he still wants to go with me to women's restroom. Whenever he
goes to men's restroom, I feel very worried. You just never know what kind
of
people are inside. I even ask some guys walking inside to see how he is
doing, and
by saying so, especially if the person asked is also a father of young
children, he
does look after my son while inside the bathroom. In all cases so far, he
is fine. I
am not probably even embarrased to go inside men's bathroom if my son shouts
and calls my name from inside. I need to make sure he is safe.
Mom of two busy young boys
My son is nearly 10 and I still often take him into the bathroom
with me - because when I don't, he comes in to get me anyway!
Seriously, I think I only recently allowed him to go by himself
and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. He is respectful
in the bathroom - women's bathrooms have stalls w/doors so there
is no big deal there.
I think you may be projecting your own self-consciousness about
this onto the other women - I honestly have never noticed anyone
staring and no one has EVER commented on this.
In any case, I would think 5 is still young enough to go in with
you. You could go by the 48 inch rule at amusement parks.
My son is my baby forever
I have three sons, and my youngest is 5. I wouldn't dream of
sending him off to the men's room by himself. Maybe when he's 6
or 7. My older boys started to feel uncomfortable around that
age and asked to use the men's, so then it was a few years of me
hovering outside the men's bathroom door wringing my hands and
fretting if they were gone for more than 2 minutes. I have never
noticed any dirty looks in the women's room except for one time a
teenaged girl gave me a dirty look when I walked in with my
5-year-old. I was surprised! Just an issue of immaturity. One
day she will be fretting about this herself.
Just keep doing what you're doing!
Ginger
My son will be 6 in July and I still take him to the women's
restroom when my husband is not with me to take him to the Men's
Room. I don't particularly care what other people think about
this, he is my child and it is my job to protect him. Sexual
predators are known to hang out in bathrooms waiting for their
next victim, and I'll be damned if my son will be the one! I've
told my son that he could go to the men's restroom by himself
when he is 7 or 8, and he was okay with it. Trust your gut and
don't let the stares bother you.
Anon
My son is 7 1/2 and I still often bring him into the women's room with me and
I have
never noticed any odd ''looks.'' However, I many not be sensitive as you are
but I'm not
comfortable having my son go into a men's room alone. He will sometimes
request to
go to the men's room by himself and when that happens I let him, giving
specific
directions to wash hands, leave as soon as he is done, etc. I don't think you
are being
overprotective at all. I think five is to young to use a men's room on his
own and not
only because of sexual predators but they get distracted easily and lose
track of time.
Patricia
I really wouldn't give a hoot about anybody's dirty looks. In
my experience, most women understand why moms keep their kids
with them, and if they don't, well...''F 'em.'' But at some point
soon, your son is probably going to start feeling uncomfortable
in the women's room. My 6 1/2 year old has been using the men's
room for about a year. It was his choice, not mine, he just
suddenly stopped feeling comfortable in the women's room and
liked the independence of going to the men's room by himself. I
just stand outside and look at my watch and if it ever feels
like it's taking a long time I yell in and ask if he's okay, or
ask a man coming out to give me a report. It's a rite of
passage, like anything else, nerve-wracking at first but fine
when you're used to it. Any place really sketchy, I still make
him come with me.
Nelly
I'm curious to see what people say. I have a five year old boy and have no
intention of
allowing him into a men's room on his own anytime soon. My husband is in
total
agreement with me on this. While I've not had the experience of women
seeming
surprised/disturbed to see our son in the bathroom with me, I wouldn't care
if I did.
As my husband said, ''I'd rather err on the side of caution than have
something happen
that I couldn't reverse.'' In some instances, I've gone into the men's room
with him -
not the big, multi-stall kind, but the single use ones.
-Anon.
My son will be six in a few weeks, and he always accompanies me
into the women's restroom. I've never thought twice about this---
I haven't noticed any looks from other women, whether I've ever
received any or not---and to be honest, I don't really care what
other people think about my son being in the restroom. I
wouldn't dream of sending him into a men's room on his own any
more than I'd send him away with perfect strangers (male or
female) to pull his pants down. And I don't know what
the ''normal'' age is for little boys to use the men's room
unaccompanied, but I have no plans to do it in the near future.
My guess is the women who are looking at you funny are the same
ones who say little boys shouldn't wear dresses or girly shoes,
and those aren't the people I'd take parenting advice from.
As parents, it's often hard to deal with other people's
disapproval over any issue, but if the only question in your
mind is whether other people find your decision socially
acceptable or not, I say stand up for your instincts and ignore
the looks.
DL
You are absolutely in the right. It is perfectly fine for you to bring him
into the
women's restrooms (if it were a father with a daughter it would be different,
but in
women's there are only stalls). If someone gives a look, just shrug it off,
and if
someone looks at your son and he notices, glare at them with your ''don't you
dare
even THINK about looking at my kid like that'' look. It is best to bring
them until
seven or eight, depending on maturity level. It's not overprotectiveness,
it's
sensibility.
Anna
I still take my 7-year old son into women's restrooms in
airports, sports stadiums, museums, etc. Everything is very
private (stalls for toilets), so I don't think twice about it.
He is well-behaved and not peering under stalls or staring at
people. I believe it is my job to keep him safe, so I don't
worry about it. However, at our swim club where women are
changing clothes out in the open, I have him go into the men's
dressing room as he is at the age where he will stare at
women's bodies. I feel this is a different situation because
there are not private changing areas. At the same time, this
is a family club where I am comfortable having him go into the
dressing room. I don't know what I would do at a large public
pool where I didn't know the people or layout well. Bottomline
is that I would follow my gut feelings and do what I think was
the safest thing for my young son and handle any complaints
if/when they came up.
Safe not Sorry Mom
My son is 9 and started using the mens room when he was bout 7.
If I can find a family bathroom I have him use that. Ignore the
nasty looks....they must not have kids or they would understand.
When my son uses the mens bathroom I have him talk the whole
time he is in there. He either tells me jokes or a story or
something. When he was younger I would have him say the ABC's
or count to whatever big number he could get to. I told him if
he stops I am coming in!!! I also keep a mental description of
everyone who goes in and out of the restroom and how long they
take. (If I was a man doing this outside the womens room I am
sure I would be arrested!!!!)
Good luck...
Annon
I would just ignore looks. We've only ever gotten any looks from little girls
that are
in the bathroom at the same time. I think most women (esp. mothers)
understand
the desire to protect children.
This is a very personal decision that you get to make about your son's
safety. If
you're comfortable and your son is comfortable, then that's the thing to do.
In our case, our son started going into the men's room between 7 and 8 years
old.
protective mom
My older son is seven and when I am out without my husband I
still bring him in the restroom with me if we are in a place
that is too public (lots of people going in and out) or when I
have to go too and can't be outside the door waiting for him. I
started letting him go by himself occaisionally when he was six.
I will sometimes let him go with his younger brother who is
four, but again only if I can stand right outside and it isn't
too busy. Usually if the two of them go in it takes about five
times as long as if one goes alone or they go with me. I think
they are playing with the water at the sinks. (OK, I hope that
is what they are doing.) When my older one is on his own I ask
him if he is just going to pee or needs to poop too, and then
give him a time limit. Personally, I don't know if I have gotten
and dirty looks and would ignore them if I could. My son is
using a toilet behind a closed door, and so are the other women.
He doesn't pee on the seat, look under the stall walls or doors
and is usually in my company in the handicapped stall since you
can't fit three people in a regular stall. The only time he can
see them, or they him, is at the sink washing hands which
doesn't have to be a single sex activity, and that is the end of
that for now.
I've been trying to decide how old is too old. My first reaction
is 8 or 9. I will amend that to, when they are old enough to be
embarassed too, but only if they also have enough sense to
recognize danger and behave on their own. And I probably will
still be waiting outside the door until he is bigger than me!
mom of 2 boys
I say ignore the awkward glances, a five year-old boy IS too
young to go to the men's room alone (unfortunate in this day
and age, but true.) Your son's safety is more important than
strangers' looks.
Constance
Hi,
When my 10 year old stepson was in town, I took him into the woman's restroom
with
me. It's more important for me to know he is ok than to worry about others.
People
should not give you disapproving looks. If they do, ignore them. Five years
old is fine
to bring into the ladies restroom. Our world isn't always safe and we must
do what is
necessary to protect our children. I think strange looks is better than a
missing child!!
anon
Perhaps it is because I am so busy with the two year old and the
five year old (both boys) I have never noticed any bad looks from
other women in the restroom. I think you should continue to take
you son in the restroom with you. I do--and will until he is
seven or eight, at least. My son is very mature and polite
(well, you know five year olds) but I would never let him go to a
restroom by himself. If his dad isn't there then he goes with me
into the ladies' room. Don't worry what other people think!
Keep your kids safe and do what you feel best about. These other
people aren't the mama of your son!
Laura
Hi-
I am the dad of a 6.5 year old girl, and if I am alone with her
at a restaurant, gas station, wherever, I will generally take her
into the men's room. I have never experienced any grief with
this. I also will take her into a single-stall women's room (for
example, the one at Picante restaurant) rather than wait for the
one-person men's room, if she really has to ''go'' badly. I've
gotten a couple of stares when I walk out of a women's room with
her, but I just don't care that much. No one has ever given me
any real problem about it. I wouldn't worry about it - my feeling
is, the world is full of woe, and if this is anyone's big
problem, well, I just put in in perspective!
michael
You are not being overprotective, but you might be oversensitive to these
''inappropriate looks''. Forget them! You know very well and so would they if
they
thought about it, that a 5 year old boy can not go in the men's room by
himself! If
you must, or if someone actually says something to you, just tell them that.
I don't
see what the big deal is at all--contrary to the men's room, everyone in the
women's
room is in their nice little stall and there is no way your son would see
anything
untoward. If you want to avoid the situation further, scout out those
new-fangled
''family restrooms'' that are at the mall, the zoo, etc, or places with
''one-seaters''
like some cafes and smaller businesses.
I.P. Freely
We're in the same situation. And to boot, my son is very tall
and looks a couple years older than his five years. But he's
really not ready to go by himself into the men's bathroom. Some
places we know have strict age limits, like four or five. So
far, I've only rarely had to deal with other women who are upset
by seeing my son in the bathroom. Maybe that's because I try not
to make eye contact withh other people in the bathroom, but get
in, do our business, and get out again. Once, however, I had a
woman come up to me and basically cuss me out--in front of my
son--for bringing him into the bathroom. I then checked with
management and found out that we were within their age
restrictions, so I tried to let it go. I think if I encounter
someone who gets upset again, I'll just look them straight in the
eye and ask them in this day and age how old they think a young
boy should be to take care of himself by himself in the men's
room? And then just keep doing what we're doing. I'm not sure
how long I'll be taking my son into the women's bathroom,
probably another year or two given that my son is shy and doesn't
want to be left alone. I have a feeling that this is going to be
another one of those issues--like finally putting changing
stations in men's rooms--that management will have to help us
find a solution to. Some places have co-ed bathrooms or ''family''
bathrooms for families with young kids. I look for those.
Don't like it either
I agree with all the other posters that your child's safety is
paramount. The only time I think it might be an issue is at a
changing room kind of place (like a pool). But in places like
that, that often have age limits for children of the opposite
sex, they should also have some single room option for you to
use. In any case, one way to avoid any stares is to ask if they
have single room bathrooms where you can take your son with you.
Shahana
March 2005
My daughter recently turned 2 so we are gearing up for potty
training. While I have a number of anxieties about this, I
recently had a real scare. She and I were taking a walk along
the Bay and I needed to find a toilet. What we found were a
couple of those portable outhouses. Luckily for us we had a
''best case scenario'' in that one was large (wheelchair) and very
clean. Even still, I didn't want my daughter to touch anything
(I can't imagine that working in a normal sized outhouse) and
there I stood staring at a hole over a large vat of human waste.
So how do people deal with public toilets, both indoors and
outhouse, as far as cleanliness and hole size? I can imagine
several things such as carrying a small toilet or even seat
along, but we won't always have those. Or maybe holding her
suspended over the hole, but then where do her feet/pants dangle?
And even if that worked with urinating, I am guessing that for
poop she would need a more comfortable seating arrangement.
I feel like I should be looking forward to ending diapers but I'm
not.
Scared to Potty Train
**You're going to go into the restroom with her for a long time
from now forward; she won't be solo.
**You'll almost always wipe the seat first, thanks to all those
parents who hold their kids above the seat and don't clean the
resulting spills.
**Bring backup wipes along - you never know when you're stuck
with a porta potty.
Oh, also... despite germ gross out and toileting learning curves,
you will naturally relax a little as time goes on. Children take
a few years to learn how to wipe really well, but of course, you
have to let them do it themselves at some point; otherwise you
will end up with 5 year olds yelling to the end of the house
''Someone come wipe me!''. At some point, you just do your best and
know your kid will perform less than perfect wiping for awhile.
Try not to think about it. It is sorta gross. You will also learn
to give your HOME toilet seat a good looking at before sitting on
it, as aim is not always perfect in children either.
Squeezes eyes shut and makes sure they bathe regularly.
Hi,
I'm the mom of 5 yr old and 3 yr old girls, so have been dealing
with this for a few years now...and I'm a clean-freak! First,
calm down, you're thinking about all the right things...and as
long as there's toilet paper, you'll be fine. Tell your daughter
the basics about not touching anything in a public
restroom--''germs are like tiny little bugs we can't see, and
they're dirty. There are lots of germs in public bathrooms''. Or
something like that.
Then, use a seat cover, if available, or cover the seat with TP
if not. You can lift her up and set her on the seat, and hold
her there. Neither of my girls had a problem going #1 or #2
(that only happens rarely, though--they usually prefer to poop at
home) while I'm holding them. Yes, their dress or pants might
touch the front of the toilet, but hey, that's what washing
machines are for...
And I can't say enough about that waterless hand cleaner--Purell,
or any generic form of it (Safeway, Albertsons, Longs & Walgreens
have their own brands which are cheaper and exactly the same).
We have numerous bottles of it all over the house, and in the car
and diaper bag. I have a tiny bottle in each stroller and in my
purse, fannypack, etc. We are never without the stuff. It makes
me feel so much better when I can squirt that in my kids' hands
after an encounter with a public toilet (sink or not--sometimes I
just want to get my 3 year old out fast (she still tries to touch
too many things in public restrooms), so we forego the sink and
use the ''special stuff'' instead.) Another tip--scope out public
restrooms around town (in stores, restaurants...), and try to
plan your trips around the cleanest ones.
Heidi
We've just gone through this phase and I too dreaded having to
use often yucky public toilets. I recommend having the fold-up
toilet seat with you as much as possible, as it really helps to
be able to whip it out at a moment's notice. When you are caught
without it--which we know will happen--you end up holding your
child while they try and poop. Not as comfortable, but it has
worked for us.
It seems our ''diaper bag'' is bigger now than when my child was
in actually diapers because we not only carry the fold-up potty
seat, but a spare pair of underpants, pants and socks (yes, they
can get mighty wet in an accident). We always have a spare pull-
up too in case our son is just too tired to make it to the
toilet, has diarrhea, or we end up on a long drive for nap
potential.
Good luck mastering the logistics, it won't seem as difficult in
a few months.
Constance
My two year old was potty trained at 22 months, and we use a
foldable toilet seat for public places. They can be purchased at
BabiesRus. She was not able to use it the first time, but had no
problem from then on. She really likes ''her potty seat'' and it
folds small enough for me to carry in my purse. As for touching
things in the restroom, I have no answer, she has touched the
most disgusting things. We use lots of soap after.
happy with seat
Hi there - my best buy ever was a portable, foldable potty
seat. It fits on any toilet and you know it's clean - just
keep it in a ziploc bag and then clean it when you get home.
Here's a link, search for Folding Potty Seat
http://www.leapsandboundscatalog.com
Good Luck - using public toilets is not that scary!
cathy
January 1999
I was reading all the postings about the
Mom & Dad disagreeing on safety
issues, and I have a related question of my own. All the opinions
expressed adamantly stated that children should never be sent alone into
a public restroom. I was wondering: At what age *does* it become safe to
send a child to the bathroom alone? 5? 8? 12? Sometimes I find myself in
a very uncomfortable position: I have a 3 yr old boy and a 5 yr old girl.
The three of us will be at a restaurant, and one of the children will need
to go to the bathroom. We can't all pick up our stuff and go, or the
restaurant employees are likely to think we've left and to clear away our
food; I can't go into the bathroom with one child, leaving the other all
alone and unsupervised at a table in the restaurant (I would think this is
even more dangerous than sending one to the bathroom alone); I'm not
keen on sending one child to the bathroom alone, because even assuming the
child could *find* the bathroom there always are fears about what might
happen. I usually compromise by walking the child to the bathroom door,
sending him/her in alone, but standing near the door, but where I can
also see the table. I didn't think this was that bad a solution, but
everyone who posted a response to the Mom & Dad safety question seemed to
think sending a child into the bathroom alone is a horrible thing to do.
So does anyone have any alternative suggestions?
I'm a single mother with no father in the picture and I started letting
my son go into public restrooms by himself when he was about 5. I stand
outside of the door and estimate how much time it should take him to get
in and do his business and get out. If it seems to be taking longer
I call out to see if he is okay. I am perfectly willing to go into a
men's restroom if I'm sufficiently worried. I've just had to do this
once or twice in the last 4 years. There is a strong cultural taboo
against a woman in a men's bathroom (and vice versa), but I recognize
it for what it is, just a cultural taboo, and I feel no qualms about
breaking it if I think the situation warrants it.
I think the compromise of waiting for the one kid while keeping the
other kid in view in the restaurant is a good one.
Dianna
August 2003
My daughter has complained quite a bit about the condition of the
bathrooms at her Berkeley public elementary school. As we approach the
beginning of the school year, I'm wondering what other parents
have done to improve the condition of the bathrooms at their
children's schools. Any advice on how to organize around this
issue? Didn't Berkeley voters pass measure AA or BB or something
like that a couple of years ago to hire more janitors to deal
specifically with this issue? Weren't there some Berkeley High
moms a few years ago who organized and got some results? From what
I've seen and heard, this situation really is intolerable and I'd
like to join up with some other parents to effect some positive
change. The impression I have is that many kids' solution is to
not use the bathrooms at all. Isn't there a better solution?
public school parent
I have no solution to the bathroom issue - just a few observations. I work
in a school and we struggle with the bathroom problem. It is not
necessarily an issue of more custodians, although BUSD custodians
have had their hours cut in many schools due to the budget crisis.
(Measures AA/BB do not necessarily provide more custodial hours). All
schools schedule the custodians to clean bathrooms on a regular and
reasonable schedule; it's a priority. The problem is: children and
bathooms. (How many 6 year olds always remember to flush?) Multiply it by 200,
300, 400 incidents a day and....school bathrooms. Really, they are never
as nice as yours at home, and they are the one place at school where
kids are unsupervised. Imagine the activities that occur when adults
aren't looking! As a staff member I have ''popped in'' on all sorts
of...unusual...activies, by kids of all kinds. But how do we feel about
adults ''supervising'' this very personal place? Even if it was possible to
escort each kid to the bathroom (it's not!) the real issue lies in teaching
all children to behave responsibly when adults AREN''T watching. And
there's the rub. We've create signs, posters, art work, had ''workshops''
with classes, did spot checks and drop-ins...but still our school
bathrooms are ''nasty''. (The boys are the worst - those of us with boys at
home know why - poor aim). Anyone with suggestions - I want to hear
them! BTW, my own kids have survived BUSD bathrooms all the way
through high school...the call of nature wins over delicate sensibilities.
But does it have to be this way?
bathroom monitor
I did not find out until he was graduating from an El Cerrito
middle school, but my son never used the bathrooms at school and
held it until he got home. This was due to the conditions of
the facilities as well as the rowdiness that went on in them.
He was also complaining of stomach aches. My plan was, if the
stomach aches were caused by ''holding it'' all day, to get a note
from his pediatritian requesting that he be allowed to use the
teachers' bathroom. School was over, however, before I got to
take any action and the stomach aches went away. By the way, I
went to Cragmont in the 60's and also never used the bathrooms
because I got roughed-up in one once when I was in the first
grade, and the bathrooms were pretty clean.
LC
I feel compelled to answer this post, even though my older
daughter is still 2 years away from kindergarten at the Berkeley
public schools. If the bathrooms are filthy and kids are too
disgusted or afraid to visit them, and the schools are
understaffed, underfinanced, whatever, why not call on volunteer
parents?
I would happily go to my daughter's school a few times a week to
supervise the bathroom situation during recesses/lunchtimes. It
wouldn't be fun, per say, but having relatively clean, safe,
accessible bathrooms is very important to me, as I imagine it
will be for my kids too. Heck, I wouldn't even mind doing a
little cleaning if it's necessary! I bet if the parents saw
where their kids had to do their business, enough would volunteer
to help keep things orderly and sanitary. I would!
Heidi
November 2002
My potty training 2 1/2 year old refuses to go on any potty
other than the one at home. At home, he's great, even
getting up from the middle of a video to tell me he has to go.
Great, right? The downside is that when we are not at
home, he HOLDS it, sometimes 4 or 5 or 6 hours at a time (I
know, I can't believe it either).
I feel no rush to potty train, but I feel like we're neither here
nor there, and I'm concerned about how long he's holding it.
Any ideas?
A 2 1/2 year old can hold out for 4,5,6 hours without using the
potty, with no problem. Ask him/her if s/he to go before you
leave home, and then if s/he refuses to use a public toilet
while you're out but has no accidents, I wouldn't worry about
it. My child can go a LOT longer than I can and seems to have
suffered no ill effects. Sometimes he wants to use a public
toilet and lots of times he doesn't. I don't fight him on this
one.
Fran
I don't know if your son has expressed his reasons for only
wanting to use the potty at home, but for my daughter, she found
the big industrial toilets that you find in many public places to
be quite menacing.
My solution: To carry around a Baby Bjorn potty (about $10) and a
ziploc of Clorox wipes (well-marked, so as not to confuse them
with diaper wipes!!). I usually just got smiles in public as we
went from place to place with the potty in tow. (My husband found
it to be a little too crass for his comfort, so he'd stick the
potty in a plastic bag.) When she'd have to go, we'd stop in the
nearest restroom and do our thing.
Now, she doesn't mind going on the public toilets, but if they are
the big industrial ones, she asks to leave the room before I
flush, as she finds that noise to be too scary.
-- Ilana
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