Berkeley Parents Network: Playing with Dolls

Berkeley Parents Network

Playing with Dolls

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Advice about Playing > Playing with Dolls

5-year-old playing violently with dolls

March 2007

I'm writing about my 5 year old niece, Sonia. My sister called this morning upset because she found Barbie and Ken bound and gagged and hidden behind Sonia's toybox. When she asked Sonia what this was about, she was not able or willing to say anything about it. My sister says that her daughter does not watch T.V. other than American Idol and her kiddie videos, and the parents don't watch it either. My sister and I both played violently with our dolls as children, in ways that probably would have freaked out our parents had they known, but we were much older than Sonia is (incidentally, we both turned out fine!) Sonia is not displaying any sadistic or violent behavior anywhere else, as far as my sister knows. The only source my sister can think of is that there was a child abuse case in the local news back in the fall which involved a child being bound, but can't think of how Sonia would have known about it, as all my sister's news comes from the internet, which Sonia can't read. Is this normal behavior? Is this something my sister should be worried about? She doesn't want to talk to my neice's kindergarten teacher or to other moms, afraid of what they may think of her daughter. Concerned Aunt

Your sis is in for a rude awakening, as now that her child is in school she no longer has control over everything she sees and hears. It is amazing what other kids are exposed to and believe me they tell each other. When in first grade my son's teacher even discussed that dog mauling case where a pit bull mauled a little girl. He hadn't even known about it! Anyway I don't know development but it seems important to not make her feel ashamed so she feels she needs to hide it. I am sure others with more knowledge will respond. Anon

This sounds to me like not-too-unusual 5-year-old play. Five year olds are very imaginative and can dream up things out of the blue that their parents can't imagine where they got. I have boys, and my 5-year-old definitely has friends who are into this kind of play with Legos, Playmobile people and action figures. These are kids from families who are very careful and conservative about TV, books, and violence. But I know girls do this too because my sisters and I did TERRIBLE things to our Barbies (and to our brother's GI Joe) at this age. I can distinctly remember planning all sorts of nefarious scenarios in first grade for Barbie that could have easily accommodated a bound and gagged Barbie behind the toy chest! I turned out normal and boring. I don;t think it's anything to worry about. But American Idol, now that's another story ... ;-) Ginger

You are both right to be concerned. But, I think you should approach a professional in addition to hearing what us BPN-ers have to say. I won't even venture a guess since I don't know at all - but red flags are shooting up all over the place for me. -Good luck.

I wouldn't worry about her... Maybe she just has some really complex storylines going for her dolls! And trust me, any kindergarten teacher has seen and heard of much, much worse. I'd worry if she were three, but I know that at five my dolls were already going through high drama. Maybe her hero and heroine were kidnapped! I would also worry if it were, say, the cat that she bound. In this case though, I would say there's no need to fear. Never assume a five-year-old's motivations. If she dismembers her dolls, maybe she was just curious as to how they fit together... yeah I did that too. Eva

As a parent of an intensely imaginative child, I just want to add that my 6 year-old son, who has explored the far boundaries of so-called violent play for several years, is also an exceptionally sensitive and sweet boy. I think that the abuse he's heaped upon his characters [both the playthings AND the ones in his stories] is partly how he deals with having normal childhood fears and also his feelings about having so little control in his world. When he gets to be the bad guy who dismembers the prisoner of the moment, well, he's in charge and no one can tell him what to do. And the girl/guy he's just slaughtered is always there in the next round. Always. It really seems to speak to a child's way of working out fears. Plus, it's kinda fun. -Jean

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