Berkeley Parents Network: Dog and Child Don't Like Each Other

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Dog and Child Don't Like Each Other

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Advice about Pets > Dog and Child Don't Like Each Other

My dog doesn't like my oldest child
Toddler Hitting Puppy
see also: Aggressive Dogs and Kids
related page: Everyone loves the dog except Dad

My dog doesn't like my oldest child

Jan 2005

I wasn't getting pregnant, so I gave up and adopted a rescue dog. One month later, I was pregnant. Early photos of them curled up together make me so sad because they just don't like each other.

We now have 2 kids, 5 & 3 years old. The 5 year old always kicked the dog etc. The 3 year old has done mean things but doesn't do it again after being scolded. Consequently, they are friends. The dog and the 5 year old have to be watched constantly. It's not like they are unsupervised...He doesn't touch the dog at all any more. He whines about him existing and the dog doesn't try to nip him any more but, does growl if he gets too close or hides. They are both really nice, the boy and the dog. They just don't like each other.

Should I give up on our dog? Will growing up with a pet that doesn't like him be bad for my son? He is good with all other animals and children, really a sweet, well behaved child!

Or, is it good for the child to see the consequence of having been mean? He notices that the dog loves his brother but doesn't trust him and that's because his brother is nice to the dog. I have been thinking that's a good good lesson. But lately, I've been feeling really bad about it. He says ''I hate him'' & ''I wish he could go live with Auntie'' and I am so worried that he may develop some negative self image from having a pet who doesn't like him.

What do you all think?

I love them all and want to do the best I can....

Your situation sounds to me like an accident waiting to happen. If your son and dog clearly don't like each other (your son is afraid of the dog, I'd imagine) I'd suggest you give your dog away. It's a stressful situation for you, your son and the dog. You would probably be able to find a very loving and happy home for your dog, maybe with older kids even.

The other possibility is to hire a dog trainer to work with your family and dog, especially your older son.

We have a dog who,being part terrier, can get a little irritable with my very loving playful 9 year old.

This is a different situation, but still we had to teach the dog who was boss....definately NOT the dog. We also had to teach our son not to get in the dog's space when he's been given certain behavior warnings.

Your son certainly needs to learn to be kind to all animals, but maybe this isn't the dog to teach him with. It seems that if you keep this dog and this situation in your family your son could grow up to be afraid of all dogs. This is a tough situaton. Good luck.

I really hate to be critical- you sound like a caring person- but I really need to say this: you simply can't let your child abuse any animal, and letting him experience the consequences is not enough. Even if you think that he has stopped kicking the dog (and you can't possibly be watching every single moment) he doesn't seem to have gotten it that the dog is a living, feeling being that he can love and be loved by. I would think that seeing the dog's better relationship with your 3 year old could make the situation even worse.

There is obviously some kind of jealousy and power struggle going on here that started very early, and letting your child control the situation is not doing him a favor in the long run. It won't improve his self image, he will only learn that he can get his own way with meaness and whining. It doesn't sound like it is even this dog in particular but that the dog has become the object of some struggle/pain that your son is experiencing. That's not to say that he is a bad person, or that you have been a bad parent, just that there is something significant going on with him that is getting acted out with the dog.

Frankly, I suggest therapy for your child. It would be doing him a big favor and if it is good and appropriate therapy will relieve him of whatever internal burden he is carrying and let him move on. If you need it, there are plenty of therapists and agencies that are low cost and/or sliding scale, and your health insurance would probably offer something as well.

In any case, if you decide to ''give up on the dog'', I really really hope that that doesn't mean taking him to the pound, but that you would take full and direct responsibility for finding him an excellent permanent home. This is not the dog's fault! He just doesn't want to be hurt, and it would be very odd if he did. Cecelia

Your child is the priority. I suspect your older child acclimated the dog enough that your younger child could develop a decent relationship with it. Let someone else adopt the dog, so the dog can have a family where everyone likes it, and your child can have the joy of having a pet, not just the burden.

I'm thinking that you should part ways with the dog. It would make you feel awful if your dog ever did bite or otherwise hurt your child...and it sounds like it's only a matter of time (or a moment of unsupervision, which could always happen inadvertently) before your dog and your son get into an altercation. I know that this may not be a popular opinion - esp in the Bay Area where we all love our dogs - but remember that a dog is a dog and your son is your child who relies on you to protect him from any potential harm (whether he's an instigator or not). I'm particularly feeling this way b/c you mention that he gets along w/ other animals. Best of luck to you and your family.

This is a serious situation, and I would recommend seeking the advice and help of a certified pet dog trainer or behaviorist at once. This may sound like cold comfort, but I have experience working with dogs and actually think it is good that your dog is growling rather than snapping at your 5-year-old because your dog is giving you valuable and important information about a problem. I also do not think that your dog is necessarily a ''dangerous'' dog; your dog, by growling, is actually showing great restraint. It's better to have a dog that gives you a warning by growling than one that bites immediately. Moreover, it is great that you are seeking help for both your son and your dog.

While you supervise the dog and your children now, they may not have been supervised stringently enough before if there is a history of your son successfully kicking your dog enough times for the dog to learn that the presence of your son equals pain. It sounds to me like repeated episodes of abuse (kicking IS abuse) have led your dog, quite rightly, to be apprehensive about your son. The veterinarian and dog-training guru Ian Dunbar (who actually lives in Berkeley and often gives public lectures in Berkeley on dogs and children living together) states vehemently in all of his books that dogs and children must NEVER, EVER be left unsupervised (and this means that neither has access to each other without you in-between them to moderate). Dr. Dunbar also will not let children (or adults, for that matter) interact with his dogs unless they can ask the dog to come, sit, and lie down. (You should read his ''AFTER You Get Your Puppy'' to read an interesting story about work he had to do to ''fix'' rifts between his son and his Malamute, Phoenix, that involved a squirt gun.) I can sympathize with your son's predicament, too: he is too young to understand the damage that he caused to the dog. If you do get a trainer to help desensitize your dog to your son's presence, the trainer might suggest ways to help you to involve your son in obedience lessons with the dog, and involving your son in training may also help to heal the emotional pain that your son feels right now.

I have a less critical but similar problem myself with my 3- year-old dog and 11-mont-old son, so I am right there with you! One night my dog ate a loaf of bread and didn't feel well, and my son crawled up to her and put his hand on her tummy so that he could stand up. She growled at him and moved away. It was a wake-up call for me. My dog is a rescue, too, and generally very sweet in terms of personality. She actively likes most people and dogs, and gets lots of playtime in at the dog park. But I do not know if she received proper training in bite- inhibition as a puppy and thus do not want my son to be the person to find out the strength of her bite. Now I am anal about keeping separate and I have to be really WITH both of them and feeding my dog lots of liver treats when my son is petting her (more like pulling her ears or elbowing her stomach). I want my dog to associate my son with pleasant things (like liver treats) so that she will actually encourage him to pull her ears! Good luck with your difficult problem, and do be sure to consult a trainer who is certified: check www.apdt.com, call 1-800-PET-DOGS, or send me an e-mail. Kara

After reading some of the advice regarding the child and the dog who don't like each other, I really felt like I had to comment. First, I wonder how of many of the people who made suggestions own dogs and kids. This parent is obviously trying to work things out between the dog and child and seems to have done a better job assimilating the younger child with the dog, so the dog obviously did not get used to ''hating'' all children. My parents had the most loving dog you could possibly imagine, one who would stay by your bedside and never leave it, not even to eat, if you were sick. But, there was a kid who visited our family once a year who didn't treat him very kindly - mainly pulling his tail. To this child, he would growl and walk away. If the kid started walking towards his bed, which is where the dog would retreat to, he'd growl. The kid would know to stay away and thankfully his parents were supervising him. Now, with all other kids, including newborns, and all adults, this dog was absolutely loving. So, this was the dog's way of telling certain people that he did not like his tail pulled on. Would he have bitten the child if the child still tried to pull his tail? Yes, I bet he would've. But, that's not the dog's fault, he had already given warnings and retreated - I think supervision is key and so is education of the child. Maybe there are parents out there (and obviously there are, based on the comments I've read) that would have a different opinion - they'd say to get rid of the dog right away. I wholeheartedly disagree - you have to look at the entire picture and the situation. Dogs live to be sometimes 20 years old (this one lived to be 16), and they are part of the family as much as your children. I think people who make suggestions should do so if they have been in the same situation; otherwise, you don't really know what the person is going through.

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