|Berkeley Parents Network|
|Home||Members||Post a Msg||Reviews||Advice||Subscribe||Help/FAQ||What's New|
Advice about Mentally Ill Neighbors
My son is friends with our new neighbor (they are both 3 years old). They have become good friends and we are very friendly with the parents, too. They also have a 20 yo adopted son who is mentally ill and has a very troubled background, including suffering sexual abuse. On 2 occasions that I know of, my son and his friend ran into the brother's room and played with him for 20 minutes or so. I asked my son what they did and he said they jumped on the bed while the brother played guitar. I only learned about the sexual abuse recently, but was concerned at the time as well. The parents characterize the older son as unstable and as living in a fantasy world. I have told my son he is not allowed in the older boy's room again. How do I know nothing happened? I asked my son immediately on both occasions whether the brother touched him and he said no. And how do I keep him safe in the future? I watch him while he plays, but sometimes the boys run off (we live in campus housing) and it takes a few minutes to find them. worried mom
We live in Oakland and have owned our home for 2 and half years. Over this time we have come to the conclusion that our once kind and friendly next-door-neighbor is becoming more and more troubled. He is a middle-aged man who feels the world is out to get him and has become quite paranoid. There are surveillance cameras all over his house and he has restraining orders against several neighbors on the street. Lately we have just avoided him since, while we have seen him scream at neighbors (using hate language and racial epithets), he has never been inappropriate with us. His behavior is escalating and we can hear him yelling and screaming loudly in his home and on his back deck. He screams racial slurs at the top of his lungs. We have a 1-year-old baby and do not want the baby subjected to this. Just recently one night the neighbor walked up and down the side of our home screaming and yelling at us for 15 minutes. Mostly it was incoherent, but the epithets regarding our sexuality, even mentioning our child, were loud and clear. I was afraid for our safety so I called OPD, who came an hour later, flashed lights around the property and left. By that time he was back inside his home. I am afraid that if he knows I called the police he will retaliate.
It is well known in the neighborhood that this man is unstable and I feel approaching him would be counterproductive. What can I do to keep our home peaceful and safe? What should we do? -declining home value and now this??
The bummer is that you're not his family so it is much harder to get the police to pursue a 5150 (danger to himself or others) hold, in which your neighbor would be forced into hospitalization for up to 72 hours and maybe, get medicated and calm the behaviors down. Of course that would only last as long as he stayed medicated and the meds worked. But they would contact his family, if he has any, and that might be a good thing.
Check out this website on 5150s and try contacting the detectives and social workers mentioned in the article (Oakland and Berkeley). Or call the non-emergency number at the police department and ask for advice. Let them know that you have a young child and are getting worried. You have the right to stay safe. Calling 911 in the middle of an episode will only work if you catch him in the act so this may require a different approach.
Good luck. Website link below: http://www.thomastthomas.com/Call%20the%20Police,%20Herrera-Faeth-Wee-Lopes,%20052798.pdf jen
Our next-door neighbor moved in about a year ago. Since then, it's become extremely obvious that the neighbor (I'll refer to this person as TN) is deeply unhappy and battling some psychiatric disorders. TN has crying/yelling fits during which TN moans loudly, bellows, screams, yells obscenities, etc. Lately, they've become more and more frequent. I sometimes worry about TN's safety, which leads to question number one: what do I do? I don't want to become personally involved in TN's life (there are good reasons for this), but I'm not unsympathetic to TN's plight. TN does not seem to have any human contacts who help. Is there someone I can call when I worry or to get TN help while staying personally disconnected? Calling 911 has not worked well in the past.
The second problem: Our homes are very close to one another and TN can look into one of our rooms from her place. We walk past TN's house to get into our place. Lately, it's seemed like *every* time we make an appearance in the window or walk down the path, the yelling/bellowing/screaming/crying etc. starts. It's really getting inside my head. I no longer want to spend any time in the part of our place adjacent to TN's, nor do I feel comfortable in the back yard. Every time TN starts yelling, I tense up. My upper back is killing me. We will be moving soon, so that's not a solution, nor (because of TN's assorted problems) is confronting TN about the noise. All of the immediate neighbors are having similar problems. I worry about the things our kids hear (my little girl looks at me unhappily every time she hears the yelling...). Any suggestions? concerned neighbor
This neighbor I'll call LR, who moved in in August, I believe also has mental issues. Basically, instead of being calm and nice about something that is bothering her, she will scream and yell at people at the top of her lungs.
This past Friday, she went off on a 15 minute tirade at me, while yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs. Without going into details, I felt pretty threatened. Long story short she as been irrational and belligerant since she moved in. The day she moved in, in fact, she had yelled at me.
I spoke with a random Police officer recently, and asked him for advice. He just suggested calling 911 if I felt threatened by her. He said, ''You just never know how these things will escalate.''
I've also since thought about finding an intermediary who could talk to her about the problems. There may be a race issue here, since many people have noticed her ''Jekyll and Hyde'' personality when it comes to how she talks to people of one ethnicity over her own. Anyhow, I have thought about asking a neighbor approach her and just talk to her about what is going on. I do not know if this will help or be a greater negative blow.
She has also shown major insecurity and paranoia as she claimed that she ''SAW'' me talking to the neighbors about her tirades. Well, she only ''SAW'' and did not ''HEAR'' anything. Truth be told, I live on a pretty good street with many nice neighbors and we are just the types to shoot the breeze, watch out for each other's homes, and be friendly. Just because she ''SAW'' us talking, she automatically thought I was gossiping about her. She is so delusional that she truly believes that I do not have anything better in life to talk about than her.
Many other neighbors have heard her tirades.
I'm wondering if social services/family welfare section can help?
I have documented every instance of her yelling at me. Another neighbor has also suggested that I carry a tape recorder when I am working in the yard, just in case she has another meltdown on me. C
|Home | Post a Message | Subscribe | Help | Search | Contact Us|
BPN is now a 501(c)(3) non-profit and we are building a new website! Read more, and see how you can help: BerkeleyParentsNetwork.org