Godparents
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Godparents
Feb 2005
I have a 9 year old son just days from 10. I am a single mother,
and have been since day 1. A couple of years ago, I was blessed
to have met a set of sisters who have been a god send to my son
and myself. They are family to us.
I was raised in the catholic faith. Baptised at 3 months,
schooling (12 years in catholic schools) god parents,
confirmation, choir, church every Sunday and every first
Thursday, weekly confessional, the works. Today, I don't
practice catholicism, but I am in strong belief of 'do unto
those as you would have those do unto you' just not organized
religion. My church is nature and God is the breath (life).
The thing is, I want bring them on as Godparents to my son, but
none of us are of organized religious beliefs. I know that the
Godparent's role is to ensure that the child is raised in the
faith according to the parents of the child. But does it only
fall under an organized faith?? What if your faith is outside
any organization?
I just want some kind of legal binding between my son and these
two wonderful beings. I know it would mean the world to them and
to my son. I want to have some kind of ceremony, and I know I
can create this, but I want 'official' papers, that kind of
thing.
Has anyone ever done this outside of a 'church' setting?? Am I
being a hypocrite to want to have this tie without the organized
faith?
Confused x-catholic
I had a catholic upbringing very similar to your own (so did my
husband), and like you, neither of us has regularly practiced
any organized religion for most of our adult life. Neverthless,
we feel very strongly about the importance of godparents in a
child's life. What has worked well for us when getting
the ''legal'' paperwork in order to serve as godparents is to use
our own intact, catholic papers to our advantage: we have all
our baptism, communion, and confirmation letters on hand --
ready to present as ''evidence'' that we take the role/position of
godparent seriously. Despite not being practicing catholics, we
don't have a problem with the ceremony taking place with a
priest and in a church -- so that may be making things easier
for us. We go through the required ''counselling'' session, do
the ceremony, sign the papers -- then have a huge party! I
don't feel hypocritical about using a religious ceremony to
get ''legal'' recognition of a relationship because I know that
the role of godparents is beyond any religoius doctrine. My own
godparents are without a doubt the most important people in my
life -- they helped to raise me, took care of me, were critical
to my upbringing emotionally and financially (they are still
helping me even as I turn 40!! In turn, I am crucial to their
well-being and care as I assist them in their old age.) Anyway,
I think you are right to want the paperwork. Like your child, I
was raised by a single-parent, and it made me feel really great
to have these other ''legal'' caretakers who were so close to me.
To get ''real'' papers you need to have a letter from your parish
priest. Since we don't belong to any church, in the past we
have simply called the rectory at nearby Catholic churches and
tried to find a priest sympathetic to our situation (i.e., non-
practicing catholics who know the importance of godparents and
want to continue the tradition.) This has worked 3 times for us,
so don't be discouraged if it feels a little weird for an
agnostic-type to ask favors of the church; I bet someone will
write a letter for you or for the women you've chosen as
godparents. Regarding doing the ceremony outside a church
setting, I've never dealt with this problem, but what I would do
is to contact a family friend who is a priest and ask him to do
it (maybe you have such a person to call on? a liberal-minded
priest who would perform the ceremony at your home or in a park?
I have had friends use such priests for non-church weddings).
Also you might look for a ''priest'' who has left the priesthood
under favorable circumstances, or a ''brother''/non-ordained
priest-type: both these groups usually can get special favors
from the main church -- maybe even official forms for the paper
work. Hope all this helps.
Antoinette
Dec 2004
Hi, my partner and I have opposing views on the merits/demerits
of children having godparents, and I was wondering what others
think.
I have several godparents and am a godparent myself to two
children. Although I was baptised, both sets of relationships
have been primarily secular. My godparents are people who my
parents felt would be good mentors and friends to me, and I try
to be the same to my godchildren (when I agreed to do it, I
specified that as an atheist, I could not promise to provide for
their religious education, and their parents accepted this). My
relationship with my godparents has always been special to me,
when I was a kid, having a relationship with an adult from
outside the immediate family who took a particular interest in me
made me feel special, and as especially a teenager, I valued
their advice; I think my godchildren feel the same, and don't
remember ever resenting my sister's relationship with her
godparents . However, my partner feels that the whole idea of a
'special person' smacks too much of favouritism, and finds the
idea that I would, for example, buy presents and write letters to
my godson, but not necessarily to his two siblings, problematic.
We are expecting our own child, and I would like him or her to
have godparents, but my partner is obviously not keen. So I'm
wondering - was I particularly lucky in my godparents? does
anyone have experiences of the involvement of godparents or
sponsors in a child's life causing problems between siblings, or
making a child feel left out?
Thanks for your advice.
christina
Our 3 kids have the same Godfather: he is the best friend of my
husband and this has been a way to include him in the family. The
children call him their adopted uncle. There is no religious
meaning to it. He is the one who is special to the kids. As far
as he is concerned, he sends gifts to the kids rather randomly
and the children do not expect it from him; he asked my son to be
hie ring-barrier at his wedding, while the girls performed some
other kind of ritual act. He and his wife would take care of our
children if we were to disappear. It works very well because he
has a special place in our life.
happy with Godfather
March 2002
I am planning a secular blessing ceremony for my baby who is due April
6. During the ceremony, I would like to make a special
acknowledgement to two close friends of mine who have agreed to to
make a special commitment to my child. In essence they have agreed to
be ''godparents'', but I am trying to avoid using that term, or any
specific Judeo-Christian terminology, in deference to their pagan
philosophy. Can anyone make a suggestion of another title I can use
rather than ''godparent'', that is perhaps from a different culture or
a pagan tradition? Any other creative suggestions are welcome.
- PJ
Comadre/compadre--Spanish ''coparent''
Deborah
How about calling them what they really are ''friends''--someone you
trust,care about and confide in (it's a Quaker term I believe). How about
''treasures'' ''light bearers'' or ''gift bearers'' ''keeper'' --might be a
little fluffy? Do you need to call them anything at all? Perhaps your
special
acknowledgement and actions at the ceremony will speak louder than any title
you could come up with. And depending upon the guest list I suspect that
even if you come up with something to call them,those in the audience who
identify with the Judeo-Christian philosophy may
very well compare their role with that of the ''godparent'' and say
something like ''Oh, you're the godparents,'' or ''That's like a
godparent.'' Hopefully that wouldn't offend them. Good luck to you!
Anonymous
In addition to Godparents we also name guides for our children to assist
them in various aspects of their lives. Perhaps the term ''guides'' could
be used in your situation.
Mich
We went through this when my children were small - I didn't want them
baptised but did want them to have people who could be there and take an
interest in them later on. We had three adults for each child, since I had
three godparents myself, but only ended up with one after one died, and one
disappeared mysteriously in India leaving behind one silver teaspoon. The
remaining one is a chronic invalid. Perhaps because it didn't work too well
for me, I really wanted the potential of godparenting for my kids. Anyway,
we held a naming day, invited all the ''sponsors'', I wrote up a nicely
decorated document for each person involved, a sort of charter of what was
expected of them. It was a beautiful day, and a lovely ceremony under the
apricot tree, but no-one has ever called the adults ''sponsors'' since.
They and the kids and everyone involved calls them godparents. Even if you
come up with a really great new name (which I didn't) you may still have to
accept the heavy hand of history.
f
PJ, I'm curious about this one. I'm rather a pagan individual myself. Pagans
do not believe in one god, rather many. Why the reluctance to use the word
''god''?
m
Another addition: I have a gosh-father and have been very happy with the
designation. It also brings a laugh or two when I tell others about our
relationship, However, we all take it seriously.
F
I am a ''Fairy God-Mother'' to one of my best friend's child. We had a
ceremony in the back yard where both parents and took vows to the child's
future.
Dawn
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