Friends & Work
Berkeley Parents Network >
Advice >
Parenting, Families, & the Community >
Friends & Work
Sept 2004
My best friend just got promoted to be my boss. Today was the
first day I was at work with her, and it was completely strange
and uncomfortable. We had a meeting where she talked about all
''boss'' things, then wanted to chat about personal things. I think
we both felt awkward. What if I screw something up? What about
all the things I know about how she really feels about some of
the other people that she now is supervising? I really value her
as a friend and don't want to jeapordize our friendship. Has
anyone been through this? Do you have any suggestions?
anonymous
I too worked with my best friend. I was her boss first and it could be
uncomfortable. We made a pact that anything that happened at work
was not personal and we could not take anything personally. For the
most part it worked. When she decided to quit I had to be understanding
even though it meant more work for me. Later in our careers the tables
were reversed and we made the same pact. It is also important that your
co-workers understand that though you are best friends you are also
independant of each other- that is what decisions she makes reflect only
her and vice versa. Sometimes people would attempt to use our
friendship to get what they wanted fortunately we had our agreement
and I was confident that whatever work decisions I made would not
affect that friendship. Express your concerns to your friend and have
faith that everything will work out.
Tammy
I feel for you--in my last job, one of my best friends was on
equal standing with me and there was always the chance that one
of us could get promoted and would then be a boss to the other.
So I have spent time thinking about this situation, and hoping
that it never happened. Having been away from that job for
more than a year now, I do have a clearer perspective on how it
should be handled, well, at least how I would choose to view
it. The bottom line is that the superior/subordinate
relationship must be respected, and come first in the
workplace. I think whether you can do this as friends depends
on the type of people you both are. Can you separate work
issues from non-work issues? Some people can, others can't. I
heard a statistic once that the number one reason that people
leave their job is because of their boss--so your relationship
with your friend has taken on a whole new meaning. As for
practical advice, I would suggest leaving the personal chit
chat to outside of work. It's too easy to regress into office
gossip, and that is NOT what you want to do with your boss.
Don't burden her with personal information or feelings about co-
workers that are not appropriate in a superior/subordinate
situation, at least not until you give this some time to see
how the new relationship evolves. Let her take the lead while
you hold back personal comments. As for her past comments
about co-workers who now report to her, you'll have to leave
those comments in the past and give her the benefit of the
doubt that she will treat these colleagues with respect. And
if you screw up, you need to trust that she is professional
enough to evaluate your performance in a work setting while
keeping your friendship separate. But that can be a tall
order. You need to face the fact that your friendship could
change, as sad as that can be. On the other hand, she may be
turn out to be the best boss you ever had, because you two have
enough in common to be such good friends, and therefore, may
think alike and find a good working groove together. Best
wishes.
anon
this page was last updated: Nov 13, 2008
The opinions and statements expressed on this website
are those of parents who subscribe to the
Berkeley Parents Network.
Please see
Disclaimer & Usage for
information about using content on this website.
Copyright © 1996-2013 Berkeley Parents Network