Friends, Family and Money
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Friends, Family and Money
August 2008
I'm having a very difficult time with my father and would like
to seek some advice from those with wisdom/experience.
My father was a good father to me; he did everything he could to
bring my mom and his three children to the US; support us during
our early days in the US. On the down side, he was very self
righteous; authoritative; and was not open to open communication
with his children. I basically entered my first marriage out of
the desire to escape the traditional family dynamics. Since
then, I went through a divorce; went to law school on my own;
remarried and now practice law in the city.
Now my father's retired from a great position. He lives in a
condo which I helped buy; drives a SUV Lexus; occasionally
travels to the old country or out of town; basically leads a
very decent life for a retiree on a fixed budget. However,
having the old Asian values of expecting children to support the
parents financially in the parents' old age, he has driven me
completely crazy. He expects me to provide him with money.
Honestly, I have failed to do so simply because I have my
family obligations myself: mortgage; my kid's education; other
expenses, no luxury by all means: I'm still driving a 6 year old
car, and frankly after all bills are paid, I survive on a $50
the last five days prior to the next paycheck!
And my father has turned completely hostile, bitter, & angry at
me. He would either confront me directly about money issue: ''Why
don't you pay for it, etc?'' Or everyday he would tell my mother
that one of his deepest regrets is to bring his family to the
US; he should have left us in Vietnam under the communists! That
kind of statement hurt and angered me tremendously. First,as a
mother myself, I cannot even imagine saying such cruel things
about my kids.Secondly, I think if I could afford it, I would
help him financially. But I can't. I tried to explain to him but
he never listened and he has maintained a very cold, bitter
interaction with me.
I appreciate any advice you might give.
anon
We (my siblings and I) also went through a similar situation with
our dad. In our case, what eventually helped was setting a budget
for dad's expenses. Our dad knows that he will get a certain
amount each month to cover his personal expenses while we
siblings will cover other fixed expenses (home, utilities, food,
medical). We've explained to him that we also have our own
personal bills to pay and that he can't expect us to pay for
everything.
And yes, I know of the emotional blackmail (''I raised you - why
aren't you being grateful, etc etc'') which sadly, has caused our
relationship to deteriorate. I've decided to ignore it now (hard
to do yes) and I've told myself that I won't let him get the
better of me. I know this isn't very helpful but I hope you find
your own way of dealing with his comments.
spf
Hi. I am also Asian (Chinese from Hong Kong) and know what you mean
about parents and money. I didn't get from your posting whether you
are a man or a woman. That matters, in my opinion. I think Asian
fathers expect male children to perform but not female children. I
have a feeling you are a man, and that is why your father is so hard
on you. I think you have to consider also that your values have
changed since coming to the U.S. (I know mine have). All the things
you mentioned about communication and expectations between you and
your father are caught up in the cultural differences. I don't think
you can ever change him, so you just have to do your best in YOUR part
of the communication. I would definitely explain to him that you don't
have the money to support him, and that you are having a hard
time. Apologize because you feel really bad, considering all the
things he has done for you in the past. Help out in other ways other
than financial, and give him the love that he is looking for. Don't
get caught up with the money. It's not worth it. Hope this
helps. Feel free to email me if you want more communication about
this. I have more to say, but it's hard to say it all here.
paula
In reading your post, I recognize that there are two issues here:
cultural expectations and relationship problems.
You should hightail it into therapy with someone who understands
cultural issues surrounding Asian daughters (an Asian woman
therapist if possible). She could help you get perspective on
what is culturally appropriate - you are straddling two cultures
and should have some support in your navigation towards a
relationship with your parents which is comfortable for you.
It is possible that your father may not ever be able to accept
that his paradigm is not going to work here. If he continues to
be abusive, stop talking to him.
I know lots of Asian women who have successfully maintained a
relationship with their old country parents within an American
attitude (ie: no, you cannot come and live with me, I will not
support you as long as you have the means to support yourself,
yes I will be helpful to you - but not a servant). It takes
strength not to fall into the ''good Chinese daughter'' trap (or
Japanese, or Vietnamese), but find a therapist who understands
these issues and you will be able to find a balance between the
old world and the new.
Eurasian and proud
Hi - Your dad's a narcissist, surf the web for definitiions of that. It
might be
comforting to have the labels. He's open and honest about how little he
cares for
you. You are still hooked and feeling responsible and guilty. Get
therapy to help you
distance yourself from him - you owe him no justification for how you
spend your
money and have the right to have a jewelry fund, a retirement fund, a
vacation
budget, candy fund - whatever the heck you want. You've been more than a
good
daughter. I guess I'm assuming you're a woman because we women are more
likely
to get hooked into guilt for not serving the needs jerks who don't care
about us and
I can't imagine a man writing that post. Good luck.
anon
Easier said than done, but DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Parents
know your weak spots, and your dad is obviously struggling with
the fact that things aren't working out the way they were
''supposed to.'' And how could they? He moved from his home
country, which was in turmoil. He's probably experiencing a bit
of mid-life crisis, and discovering that belligerence and anger
doesn't work anymore (as maybe it would have if the war hadn't
come along). But that doesn't mean he won't stop trying! But
it's not about you; it's just dissatisfaction that doesn't have a
home. And, unfortunately, for immigrants in this country, things
are not like home, and you don't know that till you've left and
made a commitment to live here. And once you've lived here,
''home'' isn't really the old country anymore either. Both you and
your parents may always feel a little lost from that perspective.
(Heck, I even had that sense of disillusionment and
disorientation moving from one part of the Bay Are to another
after a divorce, so it's much worse changing cultures and
countries completely!) Here's what I suggest (again, easier said
than done): Do your best with your dad, be firm on your limits,
don't join him in his anger (that's just what he's doing to try
to get you to do things the ''old way.''), be as loving and
compassionate as possible, and mourn the loss of the loving,
family-oriented dad you'd love to have (but try to get over it).
And walk away when you can't take any more, to take care of
yourself. I have similar issues w/ a couple of family members
(minus the cultural clash). I will never have the mother I want
and imagine, so there are limitations, but she has her strengths
as well (and difficulties from her past that I try to empathize
with). When necessary, if she lashes out at me--doesn't happen
much anymore b/c I am an now expert at avoiding the unnecessary
battle--I simply say I have to go, making up an excuse if needed.
Also try not to feel guilty about not meeting all of your
father's demands. You do what you can, you take care of yourself
& family & dad as best as possible, set your limits, and move on.
Try not to say things you'll regret when he dies. You wouldn't be
anguished if you didn't love him too.
March 2008
I have friends who belong to organizations, lead organizations,
and run marathons. Quite frequently, friends personally ask me
for monetary donations to support their causes. When I was
younger and starting out, even when money was an issue, I
certainly didn't mind offering a small donation of perhaps $50
to support lymphoma or breast cancer for example for a friend
running in a marathon. Now that I am older and financially
established, friends hope and somewhat expect that I have the
means to offer thousands of dollars to support their causes. I
have been even placed on permanent mailing lists which I think
is a bit rude. Annually I do donate to organizations of my
choosing but I wish my friends would not persist in this arena.
It has come to the point that one friend remarked, ''Why don't
you just donate what you donated to .... to my organizaion?!''
or, (comparing qualities in friends, never good) ''Suzy Q donated
$2000 to our organization this year, you really should, don't
you think?'' How would you handle this situation? Why can't
friends keep money out of the equation?
Frustrated
How about sending an e-mail to all of these fund-raising
friends (blind cc list), saying something like, ''Dear friends,
as you all know, I have donated to many causes over the years,
and have rarely if ever, turned down a peronal request for a
donation. What you may not know, is that I also donate to
causes that I am personally, if more privately, committed to.
While I wish I could continue to support all the different
causes that all of us support, and I applaud everyone's efforts
for doing this important work, I have decided to select a
finite number of causes and support those as fully as I am
able. So from now on, I will not be making donations to other
organizations. I wrote this letter to everyone because I feel
badly about saying no to anyone. But I'm sure you all
understand we all have our limits, and I have now found mine.
Thanks for understanding!'' That should nip it in the bud, no?
anon
This is a very good issue to raise. Giving money to causes you
support can be a wonderful thing, as you get the good feeling
that you are helping make the world a better place. However,
getting browbeaten because you haven't given enough to someone
else's pet cause (in their estimation) is not such a wonderful
feeling.
My husband and I make a careful plan for our giving at the end of
every calendar year. We favor making fewer, larger gifts rather
than scattering smaller gifts between many organizations. When
people hit me up, I explain our strategy to them. Not everyone
is happy. Some people are so passionate about their causes that
they can't understand how you could fail to share their passion.
Explain to them that, while you admire their commitment to X,
you have made other commitments.
One of the problems of being a donor is that you sometimes feel
as though your reward for making gifts is more mail, more
requests and higher expectations. But it's still worth it to
support the causes you believe in, and they really do need your
money. Stick to your guns, don't feel apologetic and keep on
giving.
Giver
I know exactly how you feel. I've been responding this way: ''How
great that you're running/walking/bicycling. I want my charity dollars
to go to one or two places so I can follow the impact my donations
have. This year I'm donating to Heifer International and Habitat for
Humanity because those causes are really important to me. (During
Katrina it was to the Red Cross.) So many people have asked me to
sponsor them, it felt like my giving was too scattered.'' Still feels
awkward but it's the truth.
Choosing Charities
I have this problem and it bugs me a little too. I even get them from
people who are my business clients. I remind myself that their
intentions are good and my response is usually ''thanks for this
wonderful opportunity but I will be sticking to my own list of
donations for the year. I hope your bowl-a-thon is very successful.''
Or something like that. Nice - to the point.
Pick your own good will!
Friends no longer ask me to donate to their organization unless
they are willing to donate the same amount to my organization,
''Huntington's Disease Society of America'' at www.hdsa.org.
Committed to Preventing Huntington's Disease
When friends ask me money for their causes I give what I can. If
you don't feel like giving, then my advice would be to say I
don't feel like it, maybe some other time.
It's that simple
Sept 2007
Hope the BPN community can help w/this one.
We co-signed student loans for my now 26 year old SIL back in
2002 & 2003. Her mother couldn't really help her and we stepped
up. She is now married and has an excellent job tho is sometimes
late w/a payment (and the loan co calls us every time).
As part of our general financial housecleaning this year
(property trusts, paying down debt, etc)as we expect our second
child, we have asked her to take us off her loans as co-signers,
and thus far she has not, as she's been complaining that the
interest on consolidation loans are too high (from 5% to 12%
seems to be the range).
Do we have any recourse or are we dependent on her to get this done?
Thanks so much,
Responsible
My mother co-signed a student loan for my daughter. We asked
about taking her off and it's very simple: we had to make on-
time loans for one year and then you can apply to remove the co-
signer. The terms of the loan don't change, it's still the dept.
of ed.
Since you are a co-signer, you have a right to see the loan, I
would suggest that YOU find out how to log in to look at the
loans you co-signed, find out exactly how to remove yourself as
a co-signer and if, in fact, the one year rule still applies,
then monitor it and then just DO IT.
You can do all of this online and you'll know for sure what the
real story is.
Gizella
if you cosigned a loan, you are going to be unable to break
that contract. it is a legal document and that's pretty much
that. however, i consolidated my loans 2 years ago through
sallymae and have a rate a little over 3%. the rates are
higher now, but i'd advise her to contact them. this is a
fixed rate on the majority of my student loans, with about a
third being revolving (a HEAL education loan). i have the
option of paying this one off first. i'd approach her less
from the standpoint that you want to be released of your legal
obligation and more that you are trying to help her- catch
flies with honey and all that. good luck!
paige
Sept 2007
Back in May, my *good* friend, a colleague of mine, who is a
single male, who works full time and makes 4K a month, asked me,
a part time worker and married mother of 3, for a small loan. He
stated he was in dire need of the money as he was getting
evicted from his apartment for ''lack of payment''. He also was
having problems with the IRS and the phone company for not
paying his bills. I hesitated for a sec (with my instincts
telling me no because I figured he will not repay me) but
reluctantly decided to go ahead and lend him the money because
he cried and seemed so desperate as he begged and begged. I
knew he was manipulating me but oh, well, I hated to see him so
upset. Well, it's now September and of course he hasn't paid
me. I am just figuring I should just ''eat it'' and chalk it up
as experience. I'm actually embarrassed for him that he hasn't
paid me as I'm the type of person who immediately pays my bills.
Unfortunatley, it's awkward now when we see each other at work
as the air is tense but I don't bring up the subject waiting to
see what he'll do. Anytime he sees me, he always brings it up
but doesn't pay up. Don't really know what to do...it's
uncomfortable.
anon
Mark Twain once noted how sacred the bonds of friendship are --
until money comes up. Your friend has a problem with money and
he took advantage of you. Friends don't do that. At the same
time, you say that you didn't think he would pay you back, so
you apparently told yourself at that time that your friendship
was worth losing that amount of money. Did you establish a
time at which he should have paid you back? It doesn't sound
like it. I would approach him at a moment when you can be
alone and ask to talk to him. Tell him that your friendship
with him means a lot to you and that's why you need to have him
help you out by returning the money he borrowed. Give him a
time limit -- a short one, as it was a ''small loan.'' Make it
clear that it's really important to you that he make this
effort for you. If he doesn't -- make it clear you're no
longer friends. And don't lend money unless you really want to.
also a soft touch
You are generous to call this person a friend! I wouldn't ever
take advantage of a friend in that way. If I wasn't able to
pay you back immediately, I would explain in DETAIL why, and
give you an idea of when I thought I would have the cash. This
may be a losing battle, but I wouldn't just let him get away
with this. If it's already awkward talking with him at work,
then I would just get my courage up and straight out ask him
for the money back and give him a deadline when to pay me. If
he brings it up every time he sees you, then follow up his
comment with something like this: ''You know, Joe, it's been
six months. Xmas (or whatever) is coming soon. I would like
to have the money back in the next two weeks. What can I do to
help make that possible? Would you like a phone call at home? a
note?'' If he says he doesn't have the money now, then tell him
that you will accept installments. ''I understand that money is
tight. How about you just pay me 20 bucks (50 bucks/100 bucks)
every week/every pay day?'' If he says he can't, tell
him: ''well Joe, as a matter of good faith and friendship, it is
important that you take your debt to me seriously. what CAN
you afford to pay me each week?'' Even after all that, he may
never pay you back without being forced to. But at least you
have stood up for yourself. Did you and he sign anything when
you made the loan? Do you have a cancelled check or anything?
I would like a friend like you!
I think you've got a few choices. If he's really a good friend,
then you tell him, look, I'm uncomfortable with this debt. Let's
make a plan for how you'll pay it back. How about $20 a month (or
whatever seems reasonable?) If you can't do that, then you can
either write it off in your head, and tell him that you've
written it off, and therefore it's a gift, and truly think of it
that way, or write him off as a friend. It sounds like you're
going that way anyway, since you're not really ''awkward'' with a
true friend, and a real friend doesn't ''borrow'' money with no
apparent intention of paying it back. (Actually I don't have any
friends who would ask me for money...) You knew you shouldn't
have lent him the money in the first place, you were just hoping
you were wrong. You're an optimist, nothing wrong with that. But
I wouldn't loan anybody any more money unless you're a money tree.
You're right, he probably won't pay it back. Think I would
simply tell him it's ok that he borrowed the money (next time he
brings it up) and you know he'll pay it back when he's able, but
that you don't wish to talk about it until then. Then change the
subject and if he ever brings it up after that just smile and
talk about something else. He'll get the message.
anon
Yes, I've been there. After not getting paid back, and feeling so
uncomfortable, I decided to heed my Grandpa's words, ''Don't loan
money, just gift it.'' So I told my coworker not to worry about
paying me back. It was still awkward for a long time. After a
decade, we are still coworkers, and I will never have the same level
of trust in this person, but we are amiable. Much later, I found out
that she ''borrowed'' money from many coworkers. One of them did set
up a payment plan with her, and she paid the money little by little.
hope I never have to go thru that again
I'll bet you are not the only one that your friend has borrowed
money from. I had a friend like this too, and I finally figured
out two things: everyone he knew was, to him, a potential source
for free money and 2) he was never going to pay it back. Nice
guy, but really irresponsible. Just be aware. So, I also have
siblings who borrow money, and who can also be irresponsible.
This has worked for me over the years: I tell them I will lend
them money when they need it, but they have to pay me back before I will lend
to them again. And then I stick to it. This has worked really,
really well. A couple of them need to borrow money pretty
often, and they know I'm there for them, but they have
to pay me back. They do pay me back, sometimes it takes a year
or two. One of my sisters is paying me a little bit every month
- she asked me to keep track, so I have a little Excel
spreadsheet and when she sends me a check, I add it and send her
a copy. It sounds a little unfamilial, but keeping things very
business-like has helped. You might try that with your friend.
Soft touch, with restrictions
To document the loan, just file a claim in Small Claims court.
You might not get your money back, but at least there will be
an official record of an amount due to you. And, you will have
a documented loss to write off on your taxes.
There's an old saying that if you want to see less of someone,
lend them money. It sounds as if there's something else going
on that your ''friend'' hasn't told you. Is he a compulsive
shopper or gambler? Has a credit-card company increased his
interest rate to usurius levels? Does he need credit
counseling? Is he trying to impress another woman with
expensive jewelry?
Lender
Dec 2006
Hello BPN!
I am conflicted about my friendship with my childhood best
friend. We have known each other for over 20 years which
accounts for 2/3 of my life! We were true best friends, did
everything together from elem thru high school. I moved away
for college and have just moved back to town. We'd see each
other at least around the holidays and talk every month or so.
Since moving back, there have been some ''transition'' issues,
mostly seeing each other more often and realizing how different
we are, but mostly non-issues that we both can handle.
More recently, however, she has become involved with a
financial company - World Financial Group (WFG), thru her
cousin (who I also know from childhood, not the most honest
fellow). After asking a few basic questions about the types of
life insurance he was hyping up to her (variable universal
life), I realized he was blowing smoke. I did a little
research and found out the company doesn't have the best
reputation, they use multi-level marketing to gain clients
(friend abuse i would say) and their associates basically get
kickbacks for the referrals (like Amway).
I shared all my research with her and she read it, but still
believed her cousin's pitch. I think she just saw dollar signs
and that because he was so ''knowledgable'' about financial
matters that he would share his ''secrets'' with her and her
friends and family. I sat w/ him for a half hour and he
backpeddled every time I asked a tough question, no secrets, he
was just a fast talking salesman.
Anyhow, I hoped it would pass, I pleaded with her to do more
outside resarch, but she has only become more involved. She
even has her mother in law in the ''group'' and she is actually
going to put real money into one of these lame life insurance
plans. She was just wasting her time, but her mother in law can
potentially lose lots of money. (my dad has sold life insurance
for over 25 years and explained how these work in detail)
I feel very upset by the situation. I have tried to ignore it
and have a rule (to myself) to not say anything about it
anymore, but she keeps bringing it up because it's such a part
of her life now. I have tried to recategorize her in my mind
as a sister, since you don't choose family but you do choose
friends, and it helps but i'm so annoyed (aside from the
ethcial problems i have w/ the situation). I don't have a lot
of friends in the area yet so I am also low on options there.
What do I do?
lonely and concerned
I can completely relate to your situation. My friend of 14 years has
been duped into thinking he can make tons of money on the foreign
currency exchange market. To humor him, I went to a hotel for the sales
pitch. (Gag) My friend was convinced as were 100+ other people they
were going to make millions in just a few days trading currencies. They
bought the story hook, line, sinker fishing pole and fishing boat and
washed it down with cool aid,
I was appalled, people plunked down $5,000 for software. It was hard to
stomach; people maxed out credit cards just to pay for the crapy
software. Think! 100 people spending $5,000... It's a huge amount of
money these people are making.
Now I'm no savvy investor, but when we I returned home I did a Google
search for the software/company and found web site after web site with
the words complete rip off - stay away - invents if only you want to
loose money. Several sites gave details on
how the company makes money and you don't. On the "how risky
is the foreign exchange market"? It's right around winning at Keno or
hitting the big jackpot on a slot machine.
I hate it, but I have lost my friendship with my friend over this. No
amount of evidence I produce for him will convince him otherwise. He
think's I'm a fool for not investing. As I'm sure you've learned, you
have a better chance at making money gambling then with the scheme you
friend is offering you. I'm sure you know you will lose ALL your money
with your friend's scheme.
Thanks for sharing your story with me, I needed a reality check.
My advice.... Is your friendship more important to you then money,
invest. If money is hard to come by, more important to you and your
family then lost a friend.
I think you would be happier giving the money to a charity then knowing
some SOB is partying with your money.
Avoiding the topic doesn't work with this friend. He believes and I
don't. I've tried to educate him and that's about all I can do. (You
can lead a horse to water....) It's frustrating.
What's tragic is he is working harder then ever before and not getting
ahead financially. As for the mother-in-law - If what you think what
these guys are doing is illegal, contact law enforcement. You could try
to educate the woman, but now you are butting in on family - You'll be
the "bad guy" In a few years they will say, "You know you were right, I
should have listed to you." Maybe then your friendship will bloom
again.
My friend hasn't made millions. The software these clowns are hawking
is now on TV - Christian channels. They use lines like "You have to
believe you can become rich". And "You have to believe this system will
work for you". Oh my god Anon
It looks to me like your best move is this: the next time she brings it
up, look her in the eye and tell her, firmly, gently, & lovingly, that
you realize she's committed to this program, but that it is absolutely
not right for you, and you'd appreciate it if she'd agree to drop it &
not bring it up again. And make a concerted effort to find more friends.
--anonymous
I'm sorry your friend has fallen prey to a pyramid scheme.
However, the issue here is your friendship with her, not her choice to
be taken. There is no point in you spending any more time or energy
trying to change her mind as she's made up hers.
However, you can gently tell her you've made up yours and you're not
interested in joining her venture. If the two of you can continue on as
friends, then by all means do so, just be sure not to bring up the issue
anymore. If, however, she refuses to drop it, then it may be time to
cool the friendship. Also, regardless of the outcome, do look for new
friends. That way you won't be dependent on her if you decide to break
it off Anon
Be careful. This could end a friendship, and has ended many before.
World Financial Group is most definitely a multi-level marketing
(MLM)scheme. They pretend to have a ''support'' network. They must,
because they mostly make money on new recruits.
Say no once firmly. If your friend persists, tell her that you need to
take a break from her if she will only talk about WFG.
Good luck with this. MLM's don't make friends. MLM make money for
those on the top Anon
I would be very clear with your friend that you are NOT interested and
want nothing to do with it. If she can't grant that wish, I would start
taking my distance.
An acquaintance of mine became involved with this group and tried to get
me involved. Some basic research revealed immediately that this was
something that I was not interested in. First of all, this person
wouldn't tell me much about it.
He just pushed for me to come to a meeting at his home. Then he kept
calling me. He even asked another friend to ask me to come. At that
point I called him and told him that I was just not interested. I also
have a problem with the semi-legal status of these types of businesses
and want nothing to do with them.
But about your friend; realize that people change. You did and she did
too. (Why do you think so many marriages fail? And these couples LIVED
together!) Being apart and having your own lives will change you. Though
your lives alligned when you were younger, they obviously don't any
longer. You already came up with a solution yourself. Find other
friends! Join a sports club of some sort or anything else that will put
you in contact with other people. Before you know it this will just be a
somewhat bad memory JOJ
I think you have two different problems here. 1) How to keep a
life-long friendship with someone who has turned out to have very
different values than yours and 2) What to do when people you love do
stupid things (and try to get you to do them too).
For problem #1: I really believe in ''make new friends but keep the
old''. It's probably selfishness on my part: those old friends are a
pretty big slice of my past, and my past is part of who I am, so I want
to keep connected to it if I can. For me it's like hanging on to old
photos and mementos. You don't look at them every day but it's a great
pleasure when you do. So I grew up in Alabama and some of my old friends
are way, way more conservative in *every* way than I am. When they come
to visit me, honestly they look like they came from another planet. And
you wouldn't believe some of the email they send me around election
time. But I either ignore it, or joke about it, and they do the same
with me and my liberal notions. We all know which topics not to bring
up, and where the shut-up-now line is. When we get together, not often
but we do, we have fun. There is nothing more relaxing and comforting
than spending time with someone you have known for a long time, who
knows about all the events in your life that got you to where you are
now. The more years I've accumulated, the more important this has
gotten. So I just hit the delete key when the Hate Hillary chain-mail
comes in, and look forward to the next get-together.
Now #2: a good 2/3 of my immediate family believe very fervently in
get-rich-quick schemes. None of them are rich and never will be, but
they are all very happy and optimistic, so that is why they keep making
the same mistakes over and over in the belief that one day they will
actually hit the jackpot. There are few multi-level marketing type
schemes that have not been proposed to me by a sister or a cousin or a
nephew. My mother regularly invites me to attend this ''free'' seminar
or take advantage of that ''free'' hotel offer. I learned a while back
that they do not listen to reason. Also, that they never, ever stop
believing.
It's part of their DNA. So why beat my head against the wall? I just say
''that sounds like fun but I have so much work to do I just can't make
it.'' Or, ''Gosh we just don't have the money'' or ''I just really need
to stick with the cosmetics and bath products I use now'' They are all
*always* surprised that I do not want to take advantage of all these
wonderful opportunities. They just want to help. So they keep coming
back with more. I try to view is as just another one of those
irritating things that you have to put up with when you are part of a
family.
G
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Last updated: Nov 14, 2008
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