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Boredom & Motherhood
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Boredom & Motherhood
OK, I am not saying that I don't love my child...I delight in
him. But I am having the experience, started when he was about 7
months old and getting more active...that I am the busiest I have
ever been, but I am also bored out of my mind. I mean, I do all
the things I see other mother's doing, going to the park, little
farm, kindergym, mom's group, walks. The rest of the time is
spent distracting him while i do the endless mundane tasks of
managing a household. I even work outside the home part time.
And while I love my child and have a lot of fun with him, I often
find myself counting the hours till my partner comes home, just
out of sheer boredom. I woke up this morning (a day I am not
working) with this pit in my stomach knowing I had a whole day to
fill ahead of me. What to do? Later today my son fell asleep in
the car and I drove for 45 minutes aimlessly just to make sure he
got a good nap. It didn't matter to me, because the only thing I
had to do at home was more housework. Its like I am always
just killing time. Maybe the problem is that I work part time and
haven't developed enough of a routine, friends, activities for my
son and I during the time I don't work. Maybe the answer is that
I am just not cut out for this and should get a full time job. I
really hate feeling this way because I know that before I know
it, my son will be off to school and I will look back on this
precious time with him and wonder why I didn't enjoy it more.
Does anyone else feel this way? Do you have any suggestions
besides the activties I mentioned? He's a little over a year
old... a really hard time because he's old enough to want to be
doing activties but is not yet old enough to actually do stuff
like crafts,etc. How can I make this precious time in my son's
life more meaningful for me? Or how can I get an attitude
busy but bored
I feel like you are writing my story. I too was very bored when
my child was little. I felt really guilty about it, but I just
couldn't help it. Some mothers are just not meant to be stay at
home mothers, but it does not make you a bad parent. I started
working full-time when my child was 2, and I am so much happier
and patient than when I was home. A happy mother working outside
the home seems to me much better than a un-happy mother at home
all day. My mom gave up her profession and stayed home to take
care of 3 children, but she was so terrible unhappy that she
ended up an alcoholic. This is just my personal story, and I am
in no way suggesting a link between stay at home mothers and
alcoholism. What I am saying is that some mothers are just
happier working full-time, and in some cases like mine, kids
might be better off in the end. I am still struggling with the
effects of growing up as a child of an alcoholic mom, that I
would have been better off in quality day-care with a happy
I stopped working when my son was about 18 mos old and he is now
almost 33 mos old. I had a very demanding job that included a
lot of friendships among my clients and colleagues, and going
from working to not working felt like going suddenly from 60
miles per hour to about 15 miles per hour... enough to give you
the bends. It's especially hard when your child is really
young, but as they get older, activities and friends will engage
them more, and they will interact with you a lot more as well.
The best thing we did was to start playgroups with moms and
other kids at the park we liked. To be honest, it was more
about my connecting with the moms than the connection of our
kids in the beginning, since they were so young, but now my
child loves and asks to see his ''friends'' all the time, many of
whom actually attend preschool with him a few mornings a week.
Playgroups give you an opportunity to socialize your child and
provide developing relationships, and also give you the chance
to have some stimulating adult company, conversation and help
while you are enjoying your activities. If you go to a mom's
group or a playgroup and you and/or your child don't connect,
try another or start your own by talking to people you see
around your neighborhood park or other activities. Some
activities I would have loved my child to take a strong interest
just didn't do much for him tempermentally. Sometimes my
husband and I loved the other parents and our kids couldn't care
less about each other. In all actuality I think this past 16
mos has been a great time for both of us in that I have more
time to spend with my new ''girlfriends'' than I have had since
before I was married and possibly in college. The children we
have met have turned into treasured friends for my child. I
should add that we belonged to a playgroup that met two days a
week, but many of the members worked part time and just attended
one day a week. We varied our locations (different parks,
special trips to destinations in SF, other areas) to keep
everything interesting for the adults as well as the children.
It is also a whole lot less hassle to plan a trip with more than
one parent to help out, and more relaxing for the moms that way.
I also found it helpful to set aside time for just having fun
with my son every day... generally out in the mornings before
lunch, and to confine my ''chores'' and other things like exercise
to certain times (such as nap) so that I didn't feel like I was
cleaning and cooking all day long either. I also make it a
point to clean up toys etc (that aren't dangerously placed or
dirty) only twice a day, once before my husband comes home or
around nap time, and once after bedtime so we can all start with
a clean house the next day.
Hope this advice helps! Time not working and being with your
child can be a wonderful ''sabbatical'' and you will really see
the fruits of your efforts at enrichment and quality time with
them when they start talking and it seems all so much more
Remember you will have the rest of your life to work A WHOLE LOT
after your kid is in school, and then you can be a grown up ad
nauseum again, so try to slow down and enjoy this brief period!
p.s. check out the UCB parent's website for places to go with
I agree that the stay-at-home life is not always filled with
excitement. I got some advice shortly after my first child was
born and that was to approach staying at home as if it were my
career. That has helped me to keep my schedule going so that I
am also having some fun. After all, even careers that are
great do have times of boredom and busywork.
I plan my schedule for the week and try to ensure that there
are activities that I enjoy. My house is much messier than it
was before children, and I try not to care too much. I have
had to go out of my way to talk to other parents, often other
people go to the park at the same time and you can develop some
Get out of the house after your child's afternoon nap. Even if
you just go to the park for an hour, or a nice walk, it can
really perk up those awful hours before dinner when it seems
that the day will never end.
Most importantly, lighten up. This time will pass so quickly
and you will be happy that you had it.
There is nothing wrong with you! I felt exactly the same way.
I wanted to do things right for my child -- especially since I
felt neglected as a child. But it turns-out that I'm just not
cut-out to be a stay-at-home mom. When I went back to school
part-time and then full-time and then started my career, I was
so much happier! And fortunately for me, my daughter loved her
childcare -- she's extremely social and needed the stimulation.
Being with me was boring for her too!
Be assured -- you can only be who you are. And if you are
miserable, how can that be good for your child? One very good
example for you to give your child is the example of loving
yourself and taking care of yourself.
I could really relate to your message. When my first child was
an infant, I was so bored and lonely that I sank into a mild
depression -- I too woke up one day and couldn't stop crying at
the idea of spending a day home taking care of a baby or doing
chores. This is despite working part time and being in a mom's
The solution for me was to increase the amount of hours my child
was in childcare and decrease the amount of time I was home
alone with him. Of course, I felt very guilty. ''What kind of
mother am I? etc. etc.'' ran through my head. But I came to
accept that I have perhaps higher than average need for adult
stimulation & company and my child seeing me crying and
resentful was not very good either.
This is a difficult, very loaded issue because mothering is
suppose to be fullfilling. But if mothering and childcare is so
wonderful, the cynical feminist in me wonders, why is it usually
women who are doing it? Ok, Ok, many men are starting to do it
too, and of course there are moments that are absolutely golden
but you get the point.
Now that my first child is six, it's getting better for me. He
can do more & more semi-adult things. It seems like a long time
in the future but hang on! There are more interesting things
out there than Thomas, lego, and Dr. Seuss!
Household chores: I actually use to enjoy doing but now I feel
very burned out on it. I do 90% of the cooking, menu planning,
shopping. I work fewer hours than my husband who must work
fulltime so it only seems fair that I pick up this slack -- but
I am soooo sick of it. I'm experimenting with grocery delivery
& other ways to lessen this burden on me. And my husband may
have to take some of this on even though it eats into our
To summarize, it's all about creating a balance that works for
you and your family. I've had to let go of a lot of
the ''oughts'', many of which come from progressive circles, in
order to provide for my needs enough so that I can turn around
and take care of my family. Good luck finding that balance and
when you find it, don't undermine it with guilt! And you will
likely enjoy your child(ren) more as they mature and mesh their
interest with yours.
I totally know what you mean. I went back to work full time for precisely
the reason you mention, and it really does help in my case. I work four
days a week, and am at home three days -- and if my husband is gone
on the weekend, which he often is, I can really feel I need a break by the
end of the three days I'm with my child -- even though I love him.
A couple things I've done to reduce the ''mundane household tasks''
drag: I have a housecleaner come, so I don't have to do some of these
tasks (money well spent, in my opinion); I cook several meals and freeze
them on one day of the week, so I don't have to spend every single
evening cooking and cleaning up, and I get my husband to assist with
some of the other tasks (he folds laundry while watching TV at night).
Another thing is, I make sure that I do stuff I like, rather than just
household tasks. When my child naps, or after he goes to bed, I spend
some time on my hobbies. Is there something you like to do that you
can do at home: art, writing, gardening...? If so, make sure you spend
some of your free time doing it, and let the house go if you have to.
Lastly, I get out of the house now and then, alone. Sometimes my
husband watches our child, sometimes I get a babysitter. But at least a
couple times a month, I take days just for me, and take a class, or go out
for dinner with friends, or go to a spa, or whatever.
I was happy to read your message. Don't take me wrong! I am not
glad about you being bored, but I am glad that you had the guts
to write about it. I've felt the same way many times and I find
that it is difficult to share my feelings, because most Moms I
know try to look like everything is perfect. I attended a ''Baby
and Me'' support group at Kaiser for a while and left because
everything was about ''baby'' and nothing about ''me''. It seemed
that all those women were happy as clams dedicating themselves
24/7 to their infants. Of course that made me feel like an awful
mother, because that has not been my experience. Not only I've
felt bored sometimes and I've wondered what to do for 10 hours
until my husband got home (my baby only took two 1/2 hour naps
for months!), but, even worse, I've felt depressed and angry for
the loss of my old self that motherhood entailed. As a matter of
fact, I have suffered from postpartum depression on and off and
had to get help (therapy, homeopathic medicine for stress, etc).
I have to add that my baby has been what they call a ''high need
baby'' with a diagnosed ''challenging temperament'', which made
things harder, and I am an older Mom (44 years old), which also
makes it more difficult in a sense, because you are so used to
All of that said, let me go to the ''advice'' part.
What has helped me the most has been to connect with 2 or 3 Moms
with whom I can be totally honest about my feelings (and
vice versa) and hang out with them and babies regularly (but not
on fixed dates and times). I am not talking here about
playgroups, where you get together with other people simply
because they have babies that are of a similar age than yours,
but everything is kept superficial in terms of the Mom's
relationships. I am talking about one-on-one outings (or just
meetings at the park or at home) with Mom and baby. These women
have become friends, and I can call them without previous
notice, meet without protocol, talk with honesty and even cry if
necessary. Time goes by a lot faster for the Moms when they get
along at a deeper level, and the babies enjoy being together
too. It took me months, though, to struck these friendships (my
son is now 11 months and I only have connected with thse new
friends 2 or 3 months ago).
Changing activities also helps. I
try to explore new parks from time to time, or I take my baby to
the zoo, the Hilltop mall playground, or something similar
instead of the neighborhood park. I have 2 or 3 videos that he
adores, and when I am exhausted I play one of them (he does not
watch TV, and only watches one 20 min. video a day at the most,
but that gives me a much needed ''break'', a little time to
prepare dinner, wash the dishes or, if I am lucky, read the
He has just started 2 weeks ago going to daycare 4 hours
a day, so I can work (I work at home). Once in a while, when I
am particularly stressed out, I'll take those hours for myself
(maybe just to run errands, but at least I am not working or
cleaning, and I am out of the house alone). I find that I enjoy
the afternon with him a lot more after that, and the relief
lasts several days.
I am also asking my husband to help more
with the baby when he is at home and during weekends. Again,
that does not change the fact that sometimes the endless tasks
of caring for my son and entertaining him for hours on end get
challenging, but it does help to make me less stressed and more
able to enjoy his company.
I also find that as he gets older,
things get easier. He just started to walk and immediately has
become more independent. He never liked playing on his own for
more than 5 minutes, and even that was rare; now everyday he
will play on his own for 10 minutes or more several times a day,
which is a great relief, because I can at least do some cleaning
without him grabbing my legs and crying to pick him up. So it is
improving. However, I think it is important for us, Moms, to
recognize that caring for somebody else 24/7 IS tough work, and
it is not always fun and exciting as some people would like us
to believe. It is worth it, but it is not a fairy tale.
I, too, have had trouble creating a life that engages me since
having children. I love my children (3.5 and 1.5), and enjoy
playing with them. But somehow I wish I could do it for less
time, especially when I read a certain book for what seems like
the 100th time, ''play princess'' for the third time in one day, or
cook dinner while at least one child screams for attention. I
work part time, and while it is a great relief to me to get out
of the house, I feel that all my child and household concerns
remain in the front of my mind, and it's hard to really feel part
of my job. I also realize that it is a great privilege to have
the set-up that I do, and wonder why I am not really enjoying
it. The timelessness of childcare and household tasks contribute
to my feelings of aimlessness. I count hours and ''get through
the day,'' because bedtime is at least some kind of marker, a day
accomplished. I think part of the problem is I am not a
stay-at-home mom, for whom there are playgroups and classes
(which invariably occur while I work), nor am I a
working-full-time mom whose time is already filled.
Going outside to play helps. I've tried some classes, and they
are a mixed bag. Sometimes they entertain us three, and
sometimes I feel I'm just dragging my children to them to
entertain myself (and it isn't the entertainment I'd have
chosen.) I've really, really tried to make friends with other
families, and had only very limited success. Everyone (myself
included) has elaborate childcare, school, napping, work, etc.
schedules. But only I still seem to have many hours per week
which I would love to fill playing at someone else's house or at
mine or at a park, where we might have snippets of conversation.
I look forward to seeing the answers to your posting. Maybe they
will properly adjust my attitude.
Also busy and bored
Your comment about the tedium of housework made me think of
something Flylady (of Flylady.net) said, that housework blesses
your family and is a way of showing your love for them. Perhaps
a new way of thinking can help?
Oh, man, you sound exactly like me. I don't even have anything
to add because that's exactly what I would have written if I had
Hanging out with other people seems to be the only thing that
works for me, with the kid or not, but usually with him because...
what else am I going to do with him? :) I think we should start
a support group for us ''bored moms.'' Email me, maybe we can
I can relate to your post about boredom. I too love my child
dearly, and have made the decision to only work part-time to
spend lots of time with her, but I have in the past, and do
now, struggle with bouts of boredom as we go about our
day. Here are two things that have helped:
1) Age. As your child gets older, and begins talking more,
your interactions will get a LOT more fun and interesting.
There is still the repetitive play, and/or the going from one
thing to the next willy nilly that makes me crazy, but just
talking to my child and hearing her insights/thoughts/etc. is
FASCINATING. As they talk their imaginative skills improve,
too, so there is more play acting that is also fun to witness
and participate in.
2) Play dates. I can't stress these enough, because they
have saved my sanity. Just accompanying your little one to
a park, kindergym, etc. is fine but doesn't address your own
boredom, because there is very little adult socializing.
Group activities like classes are okay, but I really like a
one-on-one play date. The other parent and I can talk (and
vent!), and the kids can play (parallel or together). While we
still interact with our kids, we do not have to play with them
in that more focused way because they have, and are
interested in, each other.
Good luck! Please don't think you're weird or not a good
parent for feeling bored; I think lots of us grapple with this
when our children are very young.
Boy, am I glad you posted this. You've made me feel a lot
better about my own ambivalence toward fulltime at-home
parenting. And can I just add that I really can't stand going
to the park and the farm? After about a half-hour I start to
twitch with anxious boredom.
I have however found something that alleviates the problem.
There are several volunteer opportunities out there that you can
do with your child. The few hours a week we spend volunteering
give me that same sense of I get when my spouse gets home from
work. There is a website: www.voluneerinfo.org that posts
volunteer opportunities in the Bay Area. What I'm looking for,
though, is a resource that lists volunteering opportunities you
can do with kids. If anyone out there knows of such a source -
I knew when my son was a few months old that I didn't want to
be a stay-at-home mom. I was very bored! I think I'm a much
better mom if I'm not with my kids all day. Even now (kids are
7 and 12) I have a hard time sometimes in the summers when they
don't have activities that give me time away from them. I have
been very privileged to have flexible work hours as an
academic. If you are lucky enough to pick your work schedule, I
would recommend trying to work four or five days a week but not
all day. Working long days is hard as a parent. If you can work
5-6 hours a day I think you'll be happier and so your baby will
Just in case I need to give this disclaimer--I realize that
some parents ARE very happy to not work outside the home and I
completely respect that decision, just wouldn't work for me :)
I could have written your post 12 years ago! When my older
daughter was a baby I too was bored, felt guilty about it,
wondered if I was cut out for the parent thing. What I've
gradually come to accept is that I'm just not that interested in
babies. They're cute & fun to spend a little time with, but
hour after hour?! I'd try to find ways to fill up the time &
put a good face on it, just like you're probably doing. What
I've discovered over the last 12 years, though, is that I find
my daughter more and more interesting the older she gets. By
the time she was 3 she was a terrific companion -- no diapers,
no bottles, she could talk and walk, and it's just gotten better
and better. Big kids are so much fun! This is not to say I'm
not occasionally bored with parenthood still, but you just
accept that & try not to feel guilty. Far from regretting not
enjoying those first two or three years more, I'm actually glad
her (& her 8-year-old sister's) babyhoods are over. I guess I'm
just not a baby person. So, my advice would be this: relax.
You've got many years ahead to enjoy your child's company. Also
take lots of pictures. When I look at pictures of one of my
daughters as a baby & those days come back to me, my first
reaction is ''Oh! I'm so glad I don't have a baby anymore!'' and I
appreciate their current stage of semi-maturity much more.
First, know that you are not alone. I am a full time
stay-at-home mom and have had many days like the one you
describe. And, I've talked with many friends who have shared the
Next, make a plan to steer clear of boredom. You are doing a
wonderful thing by staying with your child. However, you must be
happy too. So, if full time work is the answer - go ahead and
work and don't feel guilty.
If you'd like to continue staying home part time, do yourself a
favor and find a mom's/parent's group. I belong to one (with
primarily older children than yours - though all are welcome)
that meets twice a week for mom and baby activities; once a month
or so for potlucks, picnics, etc - with entire families present;
has two moms' nights out a month; AND goes on camping trips and
little getaways as a group.
It has changed my outlook about parenting completely. I now
truly believe in the ''takes a village'' theory of raising
children, as all of these families are helping us to raise ours -
all the while keeping me busy, happy and never, ever bored.
A Happy Stay at Home Mama
I bet you'll get plenty of feedback on what seems to be a common
concern -- even if people may be reluctant to speak openly about
it. I recognize myself and my own situation in your description -
- particularly the role of de-fault housewife could drive me up
the wall. I also missed, terribly, intellectual exchange with co-
workers and others in the field that could not be replace with
child-oriented conversations, whether in mom's groups or in the
immediate family. Anyway, when my baby was around five months
old, it got so bad that I felt like my whole life was
meaningless and without purpose. At that time, I began
suspecting that I suffered from some kind of delayed post-partum
depression symptoms. I contacted my health care provider, was
assigned to a psyiatrist who recommended an anti-depressant and
therapy, and now, six months later I feel like I have recovered
and rediscovered my old self. I have been on Zoloft 100 mg since
then and am seeing a therapist with whom I feel very comfortable
(Dr. Jeanne Lin in San Francisco -- would be happy to recommend
her). One very common symptom of even a mild depression, I have
learned, is precisely the loss of pleasure in things that
previously have given you pleasure or that one thinks should
give one pleasure -- sometimes expressed as lethargy and boredom.
I wish you all the best.
Been in a similar place
Wow - I could almost have written your message! I've been
feeling exactly the same way about being a stay-at-home mom. I
do not have a part time job though and was hoping that might be
a solution to my ''problem''. Doesn't sound like it helps much.
I wish I had some great advice for you but frankly I'm just
waiting anxiously to see what suggestions others may have!
Maybe it gets better with time? Dunno when that would be
though - my daughter is 17 months old...
I think virtually everyone has felt that way at least
sometimes. There are days when I think I will scream if I
have to do one more load of laundry, or play peek-a-boo one
more time. But I promise you, it gets better!
A few possible insights:
1. You are correct, working part-time actually makes it
harder in some ways to really lock into the stay-at-home
mom network. I also work part time, and it is a mixed
blessing. On the one hand, I am fortunate enough to love
my job, and the people I work with, so I really enjoy going to
work. OTOH, the moms in my neighborhood do fun stuff
together, and really support each other - take turns
babysitting, go to the park together, etc. I get kind of jealous
when I hear them talking about how much fun they had at
Habitot, or something. But, there is a middle way. You
mentioned that you are in a mom's group. Are there any
specific other women you feel like you click with? If so, get
on the phone and invite one over to hang out and watch the
kids terrorize each other. Or meet someone at the park, or
go out for coffee with the kids in tow. Take the initiative - I
have found other women to be really receptive, if I make the
effort. And getting out and talking to someone you like really
2. It gets better! One problem may be that your child is still
too young to be a really great companion. Don't get me
wrong, babies are fascinating, but IMHO toddlers (like 2 year
olds) are way more interesting. They can talk, and have
some really hilarious things to say. Also, they can do a lot
more stuff - crafts and things. I know that's cold comfort to
you now, but it might help to remind yourself that it does get
3. Get out of Dodge City. Can you go away somewhere,
even if it means taking the baby? It doesn't have to be
anything elaborate, even going to stay with a friend in Santa
Cruz for a weekend can help. It gives you something to look
forward to, something to plan, and then you also get a
change of scenery.
Reading this over, I realize that this is all probably stuff you
already know, so I guess my main message is - you are not
a monster, nor does it mean that you aren't cut out for
motherhood. It just means the baby stage probably isn't
formerly bored mom
Some things to consider:
1. That you're responding naturally to your child's
development...most babies under seven months want love, food,
sleep, more love. They're easy--except if they don't sleep--and
they can't really crawl around and get hurt. When children
begin to able to explore by themselves, but are not yet able to
keep themselves safe, your attention must be individed. Yet,
they're not speaking more than a few words, or engaging in play
that an adult might find interesting. It gets much more fun as
they get older, I promise.
2. That you're depressed for some reason. You didn't mention
any reason why you might be but being bored is a symptom.
3. That you don't do anything kid-centric for a while--
kindergym, little farm, etc. Maybe just drive to the beach or
anyplace that makes YOU feel good, and hang out with your son.
Find a way to get something you need, or like, during your
excursions. Or, go with a good friend. Do something that you've
always wanted to do (museum? a hike?) and just bring him along.
I know this is hard with all the paraphernalia of a one-year-
old, but it's manageable.
4. House chores are incredibly boring, even without having to
distract someone. At around this time, we were lucky enough to
live in a house with a fenced-in back porch right off the
kitchen. I put out a wading pool, which would keep my son
occupied forever. A sandbox might help, too. Or, if you don't
have access to the outdoors, get a big plastic tub (to hold the
spills) and two little ones and put water and/or sand into one
5. Get with a friend and trade care: you get both kids for a
few hours of the day, then vice versa. Having two kids is more
interesting than one, and then you get some free time to do
housework or something for your own brain.
6. Why drive around for 45 minutes? Bring a book, and park in a
nice place. Or get a book on tape at the library, if he needs
I was bored during this period, too. So it's normal, I think.
And if you really think you'd rather work full-time, then why
not? One of the best things I read during this period of my and
my son's life was that children need interesting mothers. The
other best thing is some advice a midwife friend gave me: put
your lifemask on first, and then help your children with theirs.
Yeah, I know what you mean about the boredom, which was
something I worried about before I even became a mom. I used to
work as a nanny, and sometimes I felt as if I would go barking
mad from the endless repetition of it all. However, here are
some things that have helped me (I have a similar situation,
where I work out of the home part time, stay home part time).
Music Together: this is fun because it places the burden
of ''entertainment'' on another adult, puts me in touch with
other parents/caregivers, and allows my 1.5 year old to have
some social time. Structured play group: we always joke that
this is more about the moms and dads than the kids -- we have
about five neighborhood families all with kids around the same
age and we meet once a week, usually at a park in good weather,
sometimes at someone's house. The adults chat, chase kids,
whatever, but again, it's that human contact that counts.
Finally, leave a good book, a magazine, or a crossword
(whatever floats your boat) in the car. That way, if your son
falls asleep, you can hang out and read. That down time when
your brain gets to stretch itself is so important. At Girl
Scout camp, where I once worked as a teenager, we called it ''me
time.'' Make sure you get your ''me time.'' It can be really
tough, I think, with a small child to stay mentally up. Don't
be too hard on yourself if you're struggling. I think you might
find that a lot of stay at home parents (even part-timers) are
in the same boat.
Not so bored anymore
I think many moms and dads have feelings you express- feeling
bored with the tame, mundane and repeating tasks of raising a
baby, but anxious that these days will pass too soon and you
will have failed to appreciate them enough when your baby is
grown. The other moms and dads are too busy with competing
demands and don't feel they have enough time to appreciate these
baby days either. If you work more, you will just move from one
group to ther other, although I get the sense that more palpable
accomplishment, such as those provided by meaningful work, is
something you may need. Sure, lots of moms choose not to work,
make sacrifices to be home with their precious infants because
they find the work of motherhood so fulfilling, but an equal
amount of us moms work more than we need for subsistance and
comfort, because our minds and hearts need more outside
stimulation, all the better to provide their precious little
ones with a more fulfilled mom. A condition of parenthood is
that you are wistful about the transience of childhood from Day
One, but most of us don't have sufficient ''enlightenment'' on a
daily basis to live in a state of constant appreciation. I can't
wait to see my kids when I get home from work, but once I'm
there, I get restless with all the things I need to get done or
wishing I could just turn on the TV and zone out, instead of
reading them stories and doing the dishes. My own solution is to
try to take just a few minutes each day to really feel delicious
about my children and be fully in the present with them, and
accept that most of the rest of my day, at home or at work,
involves alot of hard labor, drudgery and/or boredom, but makes
those few precious minutes possible. I also keep a journal where
I write one, usually mundane sentence, about our day, so that
each day doesn't seem like the next. After 6 years, I have
captured a tiny bit of the rhythm of days with my small kids.
Oh, and I take alot of photos.
I am interested to know if other moms feel as we do, too.
I remember feeling a similar sense of dread, as I awoke to the
beginning of a long day with my 2 toddlers, 3 and 1. Part of the
solution for me was to find a preschool which accepted kids at
age 2,where they now both attend part-time, and to pace myself.
This means not attempting to complete all the tedious chores
every day, to try to find some activities I genuinely enjoy
sharing with my kids. Not to feel guilty if I continued to find
playgroup, etc. and a lot of the kid's activities dull. Set aside
some time every day ( nap time) when you can read or do something
I can relate to your situation. I've been at it full time for
about a year now and have gone through some of what you've
Best tip I can give is to have an exercise program. Something
that you do every day. It is good for you, for YOU (rather than
for all the others demanding of you) and gives me the energy and
mind space to be with kids. But frankly, some women are just
more into it than others. I put myself in the later group. It
DID help to become full time mom as it forced me to invest more
in other ''mom'' relationships. I find having another adult there
to engage with really helps. Also, as your child approaches 15
months or so, you'll find they are so much more enjoyable to be
with, as they are doing more and exploring language.
I SO know what you mean. I've always needed a job or being back
in school to keep me sane - I just am not the stay-at-home mommy
type. Number three for me was really hard, especially the early
months when I was off work and at home full time. I'll confess
to you what I did to stay happy: On Fridays I spent the day with
my friend who has a baby the same age, and on Mondays through
Thursdays I watched a movie every morning. I know all other moms
in Berkeley take their babies to the park and the kindergym and
music lessons and playgroup, but I just don't have it in me. I
joined Netflix (home delivery of DVDs) and every day usually after
breakfast, after my husband went to work, that dead part of the
morning, I would have my Special Happy TV Time while I rocked the
baby and fed him. Over a 6-month period I watched the first two
seasons of the Sopranos, all of the Sex in the City episodes on
DVD, a whole bunch of great movies on the Independent Film Channel,
and got addicted to three BBC shows that came on during my morning
TV Time. This probably sounds really irresponsible, but I only did
it for 6 months and hey, when I got up in the morning I was happy
because I knew I'd be watching the next episode of whatever! And
somehow it was just enough me-time to make the rest of the day be
happy too. (PS: plan out dinner and start a load of laundry before
you sit down to watch the movie and then you'll feel like you've
really accomplished something!)
Don't feel bad! I had exactly the same experience starting when
my son was about 8 months old. I was so miserable and often
ended up moping through chores and errands. I often had the
feeling like I was wasting my days even if I did manage to get a
few things done. I finally started to really look for a job
when I realized that I was spending so much time with my son
that I was no longer enjoying him. I often felt annoyed by his
seemingly constant need for my attention and grew more and more
irritated when I couldn't get something done because of it. I
finally just decided that I would rather see him less and
appreciate the time we shared than spend all my time with him
and hate every minute. I now work about 25 hours a week and the
situation has improved dramatically. You mentioned that there
are days that you don't work. Maybe you could continue to work
part time but start working at least a few hours every day.
That's what I do and it's great to be able to do at least a
little of my own thing every day. The schedule I have is pretty
ideal...I start working at 10am and finish around 3 or 4pm.
It's great because I don't ever have to rush in the mornings and
I'm able to pick up my little boy before dark. They say the
quality of time spent together is more important than quantity,
right? I definitely agree based on my experiences. So don't
feel bad about admitting that you aren't enjoying your full days
with your son. Figure out how you really feel about the
situation and then try to find a way to make sure you get what
you need so that you can enjoy your child. One more thing...my
little boy goes to a small family daycare while I work and he
absolutely loves being around the other kids and playing with
them. That's entertainment that I would never be able to
duplicate if I stayed home with him. Good luck in finding what
works for you!
I'm a stay at home mom, and I can relate to some of what
you say. I have two questions. First, are you getting enough
time for yourself? I don't mean the time you're at work, or
the time you drive around while your baby sleeps in the car.
Maybe some time for a run or a work out or a bookclub or
something might make the time you're alone with the baby a
little easier. Second, can you get some help with the
housework? Hiring a housecleaner or bringing some
laundry to a fluff and fold once in a while might enable you to
focus on enjoying your time with baby instead of trying to do
too many things at once. I don't profess to have figured it
out ... I just thought I'd share my thoughts. Good luck to you.
I'll probably see you kindergym!
Mother of an 18-month-old
You sound pretty normal to me. I also work part-time, and the
time alone with my child can be brain-numbing. I try to keep
myself stimulated and he is just happy to accompany me and that is
how we enjoy being together. Sometimes I try to have a more kid-
oriented outing, like Discovery Museum or hilltop mall and
sometimes it is something that is purely for me, like trying to
get a bit of shopping done. I also have taken different classes,
like music classes, that get me around a few adults.
I went back to work when my first child was five months old and
worked 80% time until his little sister came along (when he was
four). When my 2nd child was born I resigned my job and have been
a full-time mom ever since (she is two).
As a SAHM, every day is a struggle and I really have to work hard
to stay positive and remember that it's a privilege to be at home
with my kids.
Here are a few things you might try that have worked for me.
-Find something that engages your mind (especially if your p/t
job isn't that challenging). I joined a writers' group.
-Network with other moms. Try to find moms who share your
interests or at least your sense of humor.
-Get regular exercise. It's a natural anti-depressant and if you
can afford to go to a gym with on-site child care, it's a
good way to meet other moms.
-Accept that it's a tough job. You are making an incredible
sacrifice being home with your child and it's not easy.
-Take breaks if you can. Go to the movies with a friend or go
visit friends or family out-of-town for 1 or 2 nights. Getting
away from my kids once in awhile gives me a chance to miss them
and I love them even more when I return.
Hang in there and if it doesn't get better with time, you can
still go back to work and your child will be just fine.
I know what you mean - there's no end to housework! I keep at
least one day a week free of housework. I minimize cooking
dinner as much as possible (saves on clean-up time also). I keep
one day just for doing kids' stuff (no errands and again, no
housework). Lastly, I keep at least one small, creative project
on hand to give me something to figure out in my few and far
between free moments (currently I'm knitting and crocheting
Boy can I relate! I had similarly ambivalent feelings about the sheer
mundanity of daily life with an infant, whom of course I cherished above
anything else. I filled my days with routine activities, knowing how
important such things are for little ones, but the flip side was that I saw
my life (not to mention my career) slipping away for the sake of the
stability, and therefore happiness, of my family. I kept reminding myself
that staying at home with my child was my conscious choice, and that in
the end, it will become more apparent that for me, it was the RIGHT
choice. But I still had feelings of resentment, especially toward my
husband, who didn't skip a beat on his career track. And he's a great
husband and father. It actually got to the point where I broke down one
day while playing with her-- my husband came home and said
something generically nice, like ''Hi, I'm home! How are you?'' I couldn't
take it anymore, and told him so. My daughter was 2 then. My husband
totally sympathized with me, for we had had numerous conversations in
which he would thank me for sacrificing my career to stay at home with
the baby. He knew enough about my ambivalent feelings to let me
know every now and then how much he appreciated my decision.
When my daughter turned 2 1/2, we enrolled her part-time in a
montessori preschool ostensibly to ''socialize'' her, but in reality, to give
me some scheduled free time. She's 3 1/2 now, and call me crazy, but
we just had another one. I anticipate going through similar feelings of
resentment and related guilt, but I now have this wonderful child to
remind me that I had made a wise decision, and one which I will never
regret (too much).
I have given you no advice whatsoever regarding what to do with your
feelings, because as far as I'm concerned, life with an infant really IS
boring. There's no getting around that. I can glibly tell you that you will
NEVER forget the special moments shared between you and your child,
but that doesn't change the fact that you will probably continue to count
the hours until your husband comes home. It's a strange thing, but now
that my first child is older, I tend to remember the marvelous things we
did together in the first years, while selectively forgetting how utterly
boring much of it was for me. There are probably two reasons for this.
First, subconsciously, I don't want my sacrifices to have been for naught,
so I remember the good stuff. Second, I look at it from my child's point of
view-- life was (and still is, but I'm not her only connection to the world
anymore) this amazing thing full of new (for her) experiences. The sky,
rocks, water, feeding animals, trips to the grocery store, trips on the train,
trips to the zoo, trips to the park. Music, stories, the alphabet, building
toys, chewing toys, favorite toys. Changing diapers, baths, nursing,
eating new foods, eating favorite foods, rejecting yucky foods. It's all
boring to us while we're living it, but in retrospect, it's what life with
babies and toddlers is all about. Hang in there. Before you know it,
your son will be six-foot-two, asking for fifty bucks and the keys to your
car. The more time you spend with him now, the greater the chances
will be that you will handle those later situations appropriately-- simply
because you will KNOW him.
Dear busy but bored:
I don't know that I really have much useful advice for you,
since what you are doing sounds good, but I can certainly
commiserate. I adore my wonderful son (he's 20 months old); I
love being a mom and have no regrets about how my life has
changed. However, I find I can also simultaneously be bored out
of my skull; and I didn't start feeling this way at 7 months, as
you did, but from the very beginning of motherhood. I chalk
some of this up to sleep-deprivation -- that makes it hard to
have a rational perspective, and hard to have the energy to face
a day or evening when you must continuously think of
creative/fun/educational/entertaining things for the two of you
(one of whom has a very short attention span) to do. I worked
part time until my son was 6 months old and full time since
then. For me, the bouts of boredom have decreased steadily as
he could sit up, stand, walk, and now -- how wonderful !!!!! --
talk. But that may be in part because I am not exhausted
through a whole day (well I am on the weekends) of running after
the busy little guy, and I empathize with you about how this
would perhaps be even more difficult than taking care of an
infant. The bouts of boredom I have now (which also include
yearning for my partner to be home already on some nights !)
happen most often when I am very tired. I try not to feel
guilty about it -- that is just how I happen to feel at that
moment. I think it is more important to accept your boredom and
not feel guilty about it (i.e., don't pound yourself over the
head with ''he will be grown up so soon'' and that you should not
be feeling bored). Better to accept some boredom than to feel
guilty (the latter seems like a more regrettable use of time in
the long run to me). I admire people who stay with their kids
24-7 because I think that would be very, very difficult for me.
I'll bet they feel bored, though, too, and I imagine you will
also hear from them. My additional advice is: if you think you
might want to work full time, you should try it ! Then, the
boredom will probably be less frequent and easier to accept. As
a bit of an aside, but still relevant here: several of my
friends worked full time until their kids were 6- to 8-years-
oldish. THEN they quit their jobs to stay home with them full
time. I used to be confused about this sequence of events (it
seemed backwards to me), but I think I understand now that my
son is starting to talk: kids who can fully interact with you,
including talking and all its nuances, are just more fun than
babies for some of us. And at that age, I think it does begin
to really sink in about how little time there is (and maybe
these women finally got some sleep, too !). Also, I think the
kids become more attached to you, not less, as time goes by
(even though babies are needy, they are pretty flexible, too;
I'm beginning to see that this may actually be less true with 5
to 8 year olds). So, yes, your little one will go to
kindergarten before you know it, but maybe that is the time that
you will want to be working only part time and you'd be happier
full time now if you can get really good and educational care.
Note also that your son may now be at an age (13 or so months)
at which really good daycare/pre-preschool will be a lot of fun
for him, too; my son absolutely adores ''school''. Oh yes, one
last aside: my mother went back to work full time when I had
just turned 2 years old -- although on the one hand I was
supposed to have been a very happy, easy-going child, I was
driving her nuts running non-stop around the house and dumping
everything out of drawers, etc. This worked out well for both
of us !
bored sometimes too
I'm sure a lot of people feel like you do, at least some of the
time, but people just don't admit it. You hit the nail on the
head when you mentioned at the end of your post that you need a
change in perspective. My view is that there are so many
wonderful things to do in life, there's no time to be bored. I
recently switched to a p/t schedule and I love it. I'm so
blessed to have the extra time. The nights before my days off,
I adore thinking about what fun thing I'm going to do with my
daughter the next day. Instead of thinking about what you can't
do with your child (you mentioned that your son can't do crafts
yet), just start to think about all the things you can do
together. And think about what YOU like to do, too. Then do
it. For example, I love to be outside, by the water, or on top
of a mountain--anywhere I can get a good View. So I've taken my
girl to places like Sausalito and the Ferry Building in S.F. and
we watch the boats on the Bay. And there's so many places to
discover in the East Bay Regional Parks. We are SO lucky to
live here. (We're also so lucky to have grown up with
catalogs...but I digress. Rent ''Best in Show'' if you haven't
seen it.) You mentioned the ''endless mundane task of managing a
household.'' I can relate. But ''life is an ongoing project''
just like the Ace Hardware ad says. Serving as Chief Operating
Officer of the household is just one thing that we do. And
since it's a position without monetary compensation, we as moms
have got to place it in its proper perspective and not overwhelm
ourselves with the cleaning. I look at it this way: families
with kids and super-clean houses either have housekeepers or,
they do it themselves and they don't have as much fun as my
family does as we blow off chores to go have fun
;) Yesterday, I had to go the grocery store. I didn't feel
like going, but we had to go. But it was a glorious, sunny day
here in Oakland. So we drove down to Alameda, and walked along
the beach by South Shore Center. It was great watching my
daughter clomping around in the sand, chasing seagulls, and
walking right up to the waves, peering at them rolling in and
out. We looked at the sunlight as it glistened on the bay. I
told my daughter as I held her that I never wanted to forget
these moments with her. [Now I'm getting weepy :)] And then
(anti-climax)-- we went to the Trader Joe's across the street.
Errands are a lot more bearable when you get to go to the beach,
Good luck on your journey
Here are some things that work for me. I am an art director
and feel a strong need to be creating and doing things, even
when I am not at work:
1. I knit when my child is playing or napping
2. We go and paint pottery together, or go to the moca and I
pay extra so I can paint and glue beads on sticks, too.
3. We draw on the sidewalk with chalk
4. Photography is one of my hobbies and I have many
cameras and luckily my daughter is my favorite subject to
photograph. It gets expensive, but I never tire of it. I dress
her up in different outfits, or just let her play and everyone
loves the photos (I give the ''rejects'' to my parents and
4. I make videos of her (she loves to dress up for me, and I
turn the viewer around so she can see herself). I am in the
process of learning how to make my own DVDs with titles.
5. She plays in the sandbox while I garden, or she helps me
water the plants.
6. I paint her nails, then I paint mine
7. I purchased a mini-disc recorder and I record us talking,
or her singing or talking to herself and I make CDs. (Its very
easy, and most of the software is free shareware) Its fun to
do at a playdate, too and the other moms really like it when I
give them a copy.
8. When she is playing quietly I read a book
9. We drive around and look at beautiful houses and
gardens while she naps in the backseat, or take turns going
into shops/places that we are interested in checking out on
BTW my house is filthy.
I thought I was the only mom with a bad attitude in the universe.
I think you've given voice (and very eloquently) to the dark side
of mothering that none of the baby books or play groups talk
about--boredom and it's evil twin lonliness, leading to
resentment, and then it's a slippery slope to becoming a raving
lunatic (I think that's where I'm headed).
I have 2 kids and I've spent the last 6 months nursing them
through colds, viruses, infections, and asthma attacks so I'm all
Hopefully, I will look back on these years some day with
fondness--kind of like a group of army buddies who were in the
same prison camp that get together and swap war stories.
I'm also bored at home with my nine month old. I called the
Volunteer Center of Alameda County and they hooked me up with a
mom and baby playgroup that takes place at a nursing home. I'm
not that into playgroups, but frankly, this is very easy and I
feel very good about it. The seniors are all in wheelchairs
and just watch the moms and babies play. One bit of advice, I
usually pick a chore or two each day that I will NOT do - I
will not unload the dishwasher or do laundry or cook dinner.
It gives me some sense (however false) that my life is not
about cleaning and babies. I'm also fortunate to have a best
friend that I can call when I start fantasizing about running
away to Canada and getting a new identity, leaving my children
and husband behind forever.
I think that you got some great responses to your question, but
many of them focused on things related to childhood. By all
means do those things (playgroups, classes, etc), but also, I
would suggest that you think of this as an opportunity to
develop your own interests, something that will serve you well
throughout the rest of your life (how many of us know retirees
struggling do figure out what to do with their free time?) With
work, and all of the other demands of life, we often let our own
interests and hobbies fall by the wayside.
Decide what you want to do: read more, go to museums, learn
about birds, train for a marathon, go back to school, learn to
quilt, join a sports team, whatever. Then set goals for
yourself: to read all of Shakespeare's plays or the ''New Yorker''
every week or the NY Times best-seller of the week, or to visit
every museum between Sacramento and Monterey. It is possible to
take your child with you to some of these activities (I
frequently take my very active toddler to museums with me); for
others find time in your schedule (before your child gets up, on
the weekends - my husband gives me one afternoon a weekend to
myself, etc.) But, be sure to set a goal for yourself -- we all
need that little push.
The second thing that has helped me is to set a schedule for
each week. Whether is is knowing that Tuesday morning is for
errands and the afternoon is for playgroup, or that Wednesday is
for cleaning the house and a trip to a museum, I like to feel
that I have a real schedule. My daughter naps just once a day,
and I devote two of the naps per week to household chores, and
three to things that I want to do. It sounds absurd to be so
organized, but it really does help me feel in control of the
many tasks associated with running a household, as well as sure
that I am developing all aspects of myself.
As you have probably gathered, many moms feel bored by staying
at home with their baby. Though I had these feelings
occasionally, I was luckier than most in that I was able to
relish that first two years with my son. (In fact, now that he
is two and doesn't "need" me quite as much... this is when I am
having my crisis of identity and purpose...) Anyway, here are a
few tactics that I used to help me enjoy time with my baby:
- Read "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears and/or "Our Babies
Ourselves" by Merideth Small. These books, particularly the
latter, make a convincing case for attachment parenting. And,
if you believe in these theories, then it is easy to feel like
staying home with the baby is the best possible thing for the
baby and family. These books helped me to understand the
importance of what I was doing.
- Enjoy nursing and/or nap times by watching TV or reading a
- Consider starting a new mom book club. I had about 12 moms
meeting twice a month to discuss books mostly literature
totally unrelated to being a mom. The club fell apart when the
kids turned about 1.5. But, it was GREAT while it lasted.
- Regarding keeping the house clean, I am amazed what I can
accomplish in the half hour before my husband gets home. The
place can look spotless and is pretty clean with a few real
scrubbings during the week. Otherwise, I don't worry about it.
- As your baby gets older, engage them in the housecleaning.
My son loved splashing in the water while I did the dishes,
pushing around a roller thing while I vacuumed, etc... And, as he
gets older we play make believe games about house chores. (The
bad news is that housework takes longer this way. The good news
is that it is more fun and the child learns great lessons.)
- Unless your child can not take their eyes off the set,
consider watching TV while they are awake. Though probably not
ideal, you CAN read a book to your child and listen to the news.
- Try small funny projects with your baby (some of these
are "eye-rollable," but whatever gets you through! Besides
giving my day shape, these activities were great stimulation for
my child's developing brain:
- Dress your child up in their best clothes and take
pictures... send prints to the people who sent them the outfits.
- Pose your child with his or her stuffed animals, dressed
in dad's tie, or some other fanciful idea... pretend your are Anne
Geddes or some other photographer.
- Try giving your baby a massage. Bert's Bee's Apricot
Oils smells so yummy!
- Audition stuffed animals to be your child's special
- Go through your CD collection and note which songs or
styles appeal most to your baby.
- Try sketching your child -- the results might be
hilarious or poignant, the point is that you engage with your
child in a way that stretches your own mind.
- If sketching your child does not work, try laying her
down on a large piece of paper and tracing her outline. Do this
at various stages.
- Spend some time dancing with your baby. Try ballet,
swing, modern dance.... Great exercise, baby likes it when you are
goofy and no one else is around to see.
- When babies are small, they don't care what you are
reading, they just like to hear your voice. My husband would
read our son the business page and I really enjoyed pulling out
poetry books and reading epic poems out loud.
-- Teach your child sign language. Something else to do and it
speeds their ability to communicate with you! (I recommend a
book by somebody Garcia.)
-- Get out, get out, get out. Having somewhere to go everyday
gave my life shape. It really saved my life. Museums, parks,
playgroups, lunch, library, bookstores, zoo, hiking, etc... You
might not think that the baby is going to get anything out of
it, but they probably are. And, what is most important is that
you are getting some stimulus.
-- Always always always try to put yourself in your
child's "shoes.". Doing this gets your out of the misery of
your boredom and helps you to relate to and therefore enjoy your
-- Try projecting yourself to 10, 20, 40 years from now, do you
think you will regret being there when your child first smiled,
sat up, crawled, said "dog," etc... Or, do you think you will
regret the progress made in your career? Asking myself this
question always justified my boredom I knew I couldn't stand
not having spent this time with my son it is simply an
irreplaceable opportunity. This was my litmus test. Perhaps
it will help you choose which direction is best for you.
I really empathize with you. It sounds like you're doing
everything right, balancing work and being with your son,
getting out and doing things in the neighborhood, etc. It
sounds to me like maybe you're a little depressed? I've been
through a lot of that, and the lack of pleasure in daily life,
and the feeling of being overwhelmed, sound really familiar.
I just wanted to write and thank all the people who
responded to this post. I got choked up reading the advice
and realizing that I am not a freakishly evil person for not
loving every minute of time with my daughter. I have felt
guilty about the fact that my part-time work basically only
pays for my childcare, but I'd never want to give up my job. I
also hate all the pressure to have a blissful experience of
motherhood. People say you are supposed to treasure the
early years, and while at some point I may look back on this
time with fondness, I am mostly just relieved to have
survived the first two years and have no desire to ever do it
Things have gotten much better now that my child is talking
and interacting, but I still have my moments of dread and
clock-watching. One thing that has helped on our days
together, in addition to all the wonderful suggestions about
mom's groups, varied outing, etc., is for me to divide my day
into one or two child activities, and one or two me activities.
This means that I plan a trip to the park, or babygym, and
also a trip shopping or hiking or something that I want to do.
Having something for both of us helps me not feel like I'm
dragging my kid around for things that aren't so fun for her,
since she has her own time as well.
Another thing that my partner and I have just instituted is a
Saturday swap, meaning that he has our child for four hours
in the morning, and I get to do whatever I want (no
housework or chores allowed) and then I take the little one
for four hours in the afternoon. Sundays we have family
time, and take care of the baby equally, usually doing some
fun activities together.
Good luck, and hold on, it does get better!
relieved to be employed
I find working less than full time, 4 days a week is a great
solution for me. I really look forward to the week day with my
toddler as our special time, because it isn't the routine. And
weekends when all three of us are home are fun in another way.
For me it works because I work onsite (not at home), with other
people I enjoy, at pretty much set times: my work is structured,
so the unstructured time is a great contrast.
My attitude is, if I were paying a babysitter to care for my
toddler on that day, I wouldn't expect her (him) to do chores,
errands, etc. So I *try* not to expect myself to do those things
on our day together, although there is usually some of that.
This philosophy means chores are crammed into weekends/evenings,
if they get done at all, but at least my ''day off'' is a treat.
Never saw your first post, but the issues were clear from
responses and i've been there, too. My two cents:
Books - having a good book going keeps my mind busy. Gives me
something to look forward to at night, after my kid goes to bed.
Part-time work: has been wonderful. I earn very little more than
I pay my sitter, but I don't care. I like my work.
Music - having music on when it's just the two of us at home can
make me feel less lonely.
Cleaning - I have a housecleaner just once a month. Means I don't
spend a lot of $$ on cleaning, but neither do I ever have to
scrub a shower or a floor. Just a little vacuuming, wipe down a
sink, between cleanings. And even if I do nothing, I know it will
eventually get cleaned. A good balance for me.
Lots of group activities has helped -- moms group,kindergym,
storytime at libraries, park outings. Places where my child is
entertained and I can strike up conversations with adults. And
having a lot of these optional activities on my weekly schedule
helps a lot. More and more i've been finding activities that are
not specifically geared to children that we can both enjoy.
(watching dance performances, music)
the first year was the worst for me, i think the boredom gets
less as 1) they get more interactive and you can do more with
them and 2) you create more of a structured parenting life, and
get used to the pace.
good luck to all.
My husband and I have joked around that I would ''take'' the early
childhood years (3-7 years of age) and he would ''take'' the teen
years (12-16 years), because these are the stages of youth that we
are most comfortable with or perhaps can still relate to.
Unfortunately, this leaves a few stages uncovered, i.e. infant/
toddler and pre-teen years. Maybe people aren't naturally or
automatically prepared to deal with children at every stage of
their lives, even when they're your own bambinos. Just a thought.
We've definitely had days like yours. Carving out our own time and
doing things that are rewarding to us as adults has helped
enormously, although we are often tempted to let things slide and
put our child first. My advice: Don't let it slide. And learn to
do it without worry or GUILT! (Our daughter is over 2 and we
continue to improve.)
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