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I did something really awful...I got physical with a friend's husband. We got caught, not red-handed, but with a trail of clues that led to the conclusion that we'd gotten too close. Needless to say, I've been feeling horrible, so remorseful and upset with myself and the way I betrayed this friend. I'm questioning and trying to learn from my actions. I've apologized profusely to her, but understandably she can't accept my apologies.
I have never let a man get in the way of my friendships before. I've never betrayed a friend. I am trying to figure out how I could have been so selfish. I'm soul searching and have a counseling appointment upcoming. I cry everyday for hurting someone so much, and for ruining our friendship. I am frankly trying to still like myself as a person after doing this, and it's hard at this point.
My question is, has anyone reading this been in a situation like this, or really hurt a friend in another way, and if so, what did you do to try to make yourself a better person? How do I redeem myself to her and the world for my selfish ways? I'm feeling so awful about what I did, and I would like to make amends further directly to her, but it's too soon. Things are still raw. I've been thinking of volunteering somewhere, giving service...any advice navigating these waters would be helpful. Wish I Could Take It All Back
I am writing this because I think that what I did was in many ways more inexcusable, yet we did make up. I think that your ability to receive forgiveness from her will depend on 1) the depth of your friendship to begin with (does it precede her marriage?) 2) her understanding of the potential reasons for what you did (i.e., her understanding of you and her husband) 3) her level of security in her marriage.
In order to receive her forgiveness (and forgive myself) I told her how sorry I was (genuinely sorry), explained why I thought I had done what I had done (that I couldn't accept her impending death and so ignored it), and offered to come out to see her right away. But I will always know that I hurt someone for whom I cared deeply. You might not be able to get your friend to forgive you, but you can examine your motivations for doing what you did and try to guard against them in the future. You will be a better friend from now on, I am sure, and others will benefit from your friendship in the future. a better friend now
You have to face this: you want your friend to forgive you because YOU want to feel better. This is selfish - admit it. The only way for your friend to feel better is to have you out of her life (and definitely out of her husband's life!) The selfless thing for you to do is let her end your friendship and go on with her life. And you have to live with your guilt, which you deserve. Hopefully it will teach you something anon
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