Must suddenly wean due to chemotherapy

I'm a SAHM, still nursing my almost-two-year-old a couple times a day--with some ambivalence--had sort of hoped to wean her by 2nd birthday, but she does take such comfort from it and it's a sweet way to be close. Now I learn I have cancer and must start chemo right away, probably in about a week.

Has anyone had experience weaning suddenly, due to medical or other circumstances? I know we'll survive this (and hopefully the cancer, too), but it grieves me to think she will feel I've rejected her or cut off the nursing for no reason. She's too little to understand complex issues, but she does comprehend more all the time. Should I tell her the milk is all gone? Distract her? Offer a substitute bottle or comfort object? (She's never liked a pacifier.) Any help or advice appreciated.

Dealing with your illness and treatment is going to be tough enough for your little one; it's too bad that you will have to wean at the same time. But in a way, it makes it much easier to explain to her. She can most likely understand ''Mommy is sick and the medicine she has to take makes the milk bad for you.''

The best alternative/distraction to nursing when weaning a toddler is usually not food, drink or a pacifier but attention and an activity -- going for a walk, playing a game. Of course doing those things will probably be very difficult for you when you are undergoing chemo, so you may want to try reading a special book or something else less physically active, but avoid doing it in the same place or position in which you formerly nursed her.

It's also generally useful to have Daddy or another caregiver step in at the times formerly associated with nursing. For example, if you usually nurse her to sleep at night, have her father take over the bedtime routine for a while. Best of luck anon

Still lactating a month after weaning 3-year-old

I have a 3 yr old whom I nursed until a month ago. I weaned because for the past year I have been trying to get pregnant again w/o success (after a long history of proven fertility), and my doctor said she ''won't discuss this further'' with me until I've weaned, because nursing is surely the culprit. So I guess I have two questions:
1) How likely is it that nursing was preventing me from getting pregnant, given that a)I've had regular periods since my child was nine months old, b) charting my temp indicates that I am ovulating, and c) and we were only nursing once or twice a day for the past year and a half?
2) How long will it be until I stop producing milk? I try to avoid stimulating my nipples, but every week or so I test them and the milk still comes right out, a month after weaning. This seems like a long time to me. What's an average amount of time for one's milk supply to dry up? anon

If you're sure you're ovulating, though, the fact that you're breastfeeding does not account for your not having conceived. Breastfeeding prevents pregnancy by suppressing ovulation. (Most breastfeeding moms start ovulating again somewhere between 4 and 18 months post partum, often when the baby begins consistently sleeping through the night.) I suggest you find a more sympathetic doctor.

As for still having milk after weaning, that's perfectly normal. Although my experience isn't really relevant (because I was pregnant when my older child weaned), I have friends who have continued to be able to express some milk for many months after weaning, and one friend who says she would sometimes feel a letdown sensation YEARS after her daughter weaned. But again, if you're not actually nursing a child with some frequency, the fact that your glands are still producing a little milk doesn't prevent you from getting pregnant again. anon

How to stop breastfeeding without discomfort

I have a 6 month old baby girl. I returned to work when she was 3 months because the FMLA ran out. She decided to take the bottle exclusively (weaned herself) the 1st week I went back to work, so I have been pumping for 3 months. She has successfully been taking breast milk and formula since birth from a bottle. This was especially wonderful since, she had a nanny, father and mother feeding her.

I have been gearing up to stop the breast milk production. Each time I try, I get severe plugged ducks and have to increase my pumping frequency again. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can slowly stop pumping without effecting my own health?

I am not interested in any advice about continuing to breastfeed or pump. thanks

Is painless day-weaning possible?

I am going back to work soon and want to breasfeed my 6-month-old baby only during the night. I am trying now, but it is very painful. Is there a painless way of doing this? Working mommy

If it is at ALL possible for you to pump at work, or even to pump some extra milk in the morning or at night, I strongly encourage you to give it a try. It may not be as awful as you expect (which is what happened to me -- I hated pumping, but was very, very glad I did it, if you see what I mean) and obviously it will be a huge benefit to your family in many ways if you can avoid weaning to formula. But even if it really isn't practical in the longer term, or if you can't yield as much as your baby needs, or if you just try it and decide you really do hate it too much to continue, doing some pumping in the first week or three will help you wean more gradually, avoiding -- and relieving, as needed -- engorgement. Also, if you're including more emotional considerations (for you or for the baby) when you say your attempts at day weaning have been ''painful'', then using pumped breastmilk is likely to! help with those.

Oh, yes -- if and when you do get painfully engorged, put cabbage leaves in your bra. No, really! Working mommy too

Weaning a 27-month-old

We have tried to distract, band-aids, bad tasting stuff and our son won't wean, we try to skip nursing during the day and he just screams for it all night and then I get no sleep-Ps I'm also pregnant Half waythere and I am just so tired, very tired- what have others done that works with a persistant nurser- I may try going away for a few days is that mean? in reguarg to the cold turkey thing -does it really work? HELP .. I thought he would just do it on his own... I can't take much more I am in just to much pain, and yes I have tried to explain it to him he just won't have it he tantrums for an hour or more. any and all help... please don't be rude. We have tried unsucessfully many times and he just was not ready -but now I and he has to benow... sore and tired

Weaning a one-year-old

Hello fellow Bay Area Mommies, I am in need of some advice and the reason that I seek it here in this forum is that I truly want many different peoples advice and suggestions. So here goes... I have a baby daughter that turned 1 in July. I have breastfed her for the entire year very successfully and enjoyed it very much. I am a stay at home Mom which has made it much easier for me also. She has never taken a bottle nor formula and she has and does drink out of a sippy cup ; whole milk now. She eats well; about 3 meals a day and is not a picky eater. She does not NEED to breastfeed anymore and I say that in reference to the fact that she is very healthy, and eats well and all. Luckily also, she does not have to be nursed to sleep or first thing in the morning. Although, there are times that it is a real ''quick fix '' and all. I planned to try to breastfeed as long as I could, not thinking that I would be so successful to go a whole year! I think that as soon as she is walking; any day now but most likly in a month or two that I want to stop although I will miss it ( the quiet bonding time ). I ask you all your opinions if you have been in a similar situation and if you have and weaned; How did you go about it??? Please only reply if YOU actually have advice that you personally used and felt was good and all. Thanks for your time. I appricate it. Melinda

I thought thast she would be very distraught at the end of nursing. I am not sure that she really noticed. I missed it at first, but am glad to sort of have my body back (I got pregnant a month after I stopped nursing, when my daughter was 14 months). I will probably do it again for baby two.

Hope this helps. anon

For me age one was a good time to wean. Both of my sons were very attached to nursing and I thought they would have a very hard time giving it up. However, they were used to and fond of the bottle (breastmilk, then later cows milk), so pretty easily accepted a bottle instead of nursing most of the time. I weaned my older son off the bottle at about age 14 mo. and plan to do the same with my baby. If your baby goes straight to a cup without the bottle, that's great.

Even though I weaned gradually, I was still pretty engorged the days after the final nursing. And although it has been 10 days since he nursed, my baby still clearly wants to nurse at times. It helps if I change the circumstance - for example, instead of bringing him into our bed first thing in the morning (where he used to nurse to back to sleep) I've been getting up and holding him in the rocking chair instead. I also found it best to wear tops that exposed minimum skin during weaning. Just eliminate the ''nursing'' cues as much as possible, and give extra cuddles.

Good luck, and congrats on a year of nursing! - time to buy new bras!

Weaning 13-mo-old off early morning feed

i am considering weaning my 13-month-old off her sole remaining breastfeeding. she adapted very easily to weaning off the other feedings, but i am apprehensive about this last one and would like some suggestions. it takes place at around 5 a.m., at which point we get her from her crib, i nurse her in our bed, and we all fall back asleep for another 1.5-2 hours. well, caveat: my husband and baby do. i often have trouble, and am thus often shorted on sleep. i suppose this is a big motivator, and i don't feel selfish about it at all. (my DD did not sleep through the night till 10.5 months, so obviously we are enjoying a lot more sleep than before, but still....). i also feel strongly--and this is not a rationalization--that my daughter is only going to find it harder to wean as she gets older. just a gut feeling.

my question is, if you had such a situation--going back to bed after the early morning feeding--how did you wean without: (1) inviting hours of early morning crying; (2) resigning yourselves to awakening the household at 5 a.m.; (3) resigning yourself to shorting your kid 2 hours' sleep? frankly, i don't see my kid taking a glass of milk at that time (though she likes drinking from a cup during the day and her dad puts her to bed (reading) with one. another complication is that she seems to be in the process of moving from two naps to one, so things are a bit messy napwise. Kim

Weaning at 17 months - want to get pregnant

My 17 month old baby is still nursing strong. I enjoy nursing him very much and he obviously likes it also. The dilemma is I'd like to get pregnant and I think the fact that I'm still nursing is not making that as easy as it might be, if he wasn't nursing. He nurses quite frequently if I'm home and just doing housework or playing with him, but can go long periods of time, all day even without nursing if I'm out and about. I don't know where to begin cutting back because he screams and tugs at my shirt when he wants it, which is anytime I sit down! He doesn't take a pacifier and offering juice or some other snack only deters him for a few minutes and he's back to wanting to nurse. My question is, has any one else experienced this type of behavior, wanting to nurse, not just at nap time, and not having something to give him in place of nursing? I'm curious how others have done it without just "cutting him back" I'd like to know what you do when they want it more often, because it's not me offering it, he's asking for it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Best way to wean an 18-month-old

My daughter, Kela, is 11 months old. I started working full time when she was 4 months old, and was pumping 3 times per day. After 2 or 3 months, I cut back to 2 pumpings per day. And, until Monday of this week, I was pumping once per day. Now, I do not pump at work, but try to feed Kela as soon as I pick her up from day care (around 5:30 to 6pm). If she will not nurse, I pump at home.

I still feel full in the late afternoon, but I remember how it felt late morning when I went to once per day! It seems to take about a week or two for my body to adjust. Kela still nurses in the morning and in the evening. I also have a 6 year old son, and we went through a very similar trajectory until he told me he wanted to stop nursing at about 14 or 15 months ("no more mommy"). He too only nursed morning and night from around 11 months or so.

Gradually tapering off pumping at work is the first step. You may not want to end monring and evening nursing. I have friends who continued that until their children were 2, 3 and even 4. I would have continued with my son, but he lost interest. Kela still seems to enjoy and want the daily nursing times.

Hope this helps. Karen

Patricia

The only advantage a bottle gives you is that you're guaranteed your daughter won't spill what she's drinking all over the furniture. If she already drinks from a sippy cup, keep it up. BTW, you don't need to wean *to* anything in particular; that is, you don't need to substitute toddler formula or milk for your breastmilk or replace a nursing session with a bottle of something. As long as your daughter eats a healthy diet otherwise, she should be fine from a nutitional point of view.

You will need to replace the comfort and how you do that really depends on the two of you. One thing I've found as my son just reached what some people call the "terrible-two" mark is that I'm now reaping an incredible benefit from nursing this long. I've been finding that whenever my son "loses it", usually due to the frustration of not getting his way or being unable to do something, nursing is like hitting a reset button.

Another thing to consider is your daughter's readiness for weaning. I have a friend who started weaning her daughter when she was two, had a terrible time of it and gave up. Some 9 months later her daughter was "ready" and she was able to wean her easily with very little hassle. Some 18 month olds are rather amenable and others really need the comfort that nursing provides. Start by providing a distraction after childcare instead of nursing and see if that works.

---Sophie

A friend of mine said she was in the process of *gradually* weaning her son ... by cutting down the number of nursing sessions. There was a signal (for at home nursing) which was her t-shirt. If baby pulled it up and she didn't want to nurse, she pulled it back down. Otherwise she let him nurse.

They'd gotten down to one session a day, the early morning one, after which he'd sleep another couple of hours. She was interested in hanging onto that nursing session for awhile longer (for the purpose of more sleep!), but one morning, he came out of his bed into her bed to cuddle, as usual, but .... he just didn't pull her tee-shirt up. And never did again. He was done.

Just one story. FYI.

-- Mary Carol

As arrogant as it may sound, I do not take advice from my mother on nursing. Having been raised at a time when doctors recommended that all babies be bottle fed, she only nursed one of her five children and is ill-informed and/or full of wives tales. Take advice from your grandmother or better yet, a current experienced mother who is committed to nursing. La Leche offers free, anonymous advice over the phone from moms who have nursing experience and training. They are in the phone book. Good luck.

Rebecca

My now 8-year-old son weaned himself at 13 months old. And now, to his horror if he knew, I will give the details. When he was about 1 yr old I began feeling that I MIGHT be ready to give up nursing - while I enjoyed nursing, I wanted my body back. So I no longer offered but didn't refuse. He was nursing about 2-3 times a day. One day about a month later, every time my son wanted to nurse he would tug on my shirt (his usual indication). And every time I offered my breast, he would look at it and throw himself to the floor crying. I'm not kidding. This went on all day to the point that I was in tears by the end of the day. He never asked or nursed again after that day. Fortunately my milk supply cooperated, and I didn't get engorged. While I wasn't completely ready, it was one less thing to angst over how to do without damaging him forever. He seems okay so far ;).

Ellen

About weaning:
There are so many questions here.  Does your child take a bottle?  If so,
have you tried pumping?  This can allow "nursing" on-demand while the
mother is away.

I would strongly recommend getting in touch with La Leche League for any
questions about nursing.  There are regular meetings, and in between
meetings (or if you can't make them) you can always call the leaders.  I am
including most of an e-mail by one of the local leaders, Tricia Jalbert,
where she gives some contact info and talks about local meetings, and about
toddler nursing:


"[one group of La Leche League meets 3rd Thursdays, at 7 pm at the Zion
Lutheran Church on Park Blvd.  This is] the only evening one available.  We
also have one in
Albany now, but it's during the day.  (2nd Thursday)  Alameda meets once in
the evening every 3-4 months.  You can find out information about them from
Patty at: 522-0979

"We do have specific toddler/preschooler meetings, but they are also during
the day.  (4th Thursdays).  Most of the toddler moms we get are also stay
at home moms, but of course not all.  Still, it's the time that works best
for most of them.  And also for most of the Leaders!  Since we're
volunteers, we have the meetings when and where we can- ie so that we can
do them without making huge problems for ourselves.

"The playgroup meets Fridays during the day, and is co-ordinated by one of
our members, Pam.  Her number is: 527-1119.

(...)

"There might be an evening meeting up in El Sobrante or something, and I
will give you the Leader's number there.  El Sobrante:  Linda = 223-1971
Also, I will give you the Diablo referral number, so you can check on
evening meetings elsewhere.  Diablo referral (Orinda, Walnut Creek, etc):
682-8803   I do know San Francisco has some stuff, but that's a long trip.
You might as well come to Oakland.

(. . .)

"I was at the Claremont branch of Berkeley library today, and they have a
copy of LLL's toddler book, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.  Have you read
it?  It might provide some support, though not as good as a person.  And
you're always welcome to call a Leader for support.  My number is:
530-2645, and again I'm Tricia.

"My only other suggestion is that I saw in Neighborhood Moms that someone's
trying to start a "Mothering Moms" support group, after the magazine
Mothering.  Neighborhood Moms can be reached at 527-6667, and they will
send you a free copy if you ask.  You could also probably put in a little
ad asking to meet with other toddler nursers in the evenings.

"There are numerous places online to get support about toddler nursing.  Go
to the LLL web site for information about chats and such.  I think there
are LLL toddler chats.....Check the usual parent sites, and search engines,
for more support online about toddler nursing.
www.lalecheleague.org"  --Tricia Jalbert, LLL Leader


Hope you can make contact with someone who can help!

Dawn

I would try to stay away from bottle feeding as much as possible. >From what I read in the What to Exepct the First Year, its best to wean babies from the bottle before one year - else they can become increasingly dependent upon it - making it more difficult to wean them- also its bad for their teeth as formula pools in their mouth.

I also wonder how much your child eats at mealtimes. Does he eat a lot of finger foods? My son eats a couple of jars of baby food each meal, plus he enjoys eating all kinds of finger foods. (My daughter on the other hand never ate that much baby food!) I have found now that my son has discovered finger foods and I feed more food - hes more satisfied, now hes not so interested in the breast milk

It sounds as if your son is learning to go to sleep on his own. Thats great! My daughter (who is now 4 and was weaned at 13 months) got into the habit of falling asleep at the breast which made getting her to go to sleep at night a lot more challenging. My husband and I devised all kinds of elaborate rituals for getting her to go to bed. This just aggrevated the situation.

Its also important to listen to your child. He might be showing signs of weaning over the next few months...making the process a lot easier for you. With my daughter, I had decided to wean by a year. I was able to cut back gradually by cutting out those feeding that she and I were less interested in .... the afternoon nap and the morning feeding were the last to go...and this was tough because it was our special time together. But we have other rituals that we have adopted to stay close...reading bedtime stories together for example.

Weaning was more difficult for me than for my daughter. Finding ways to stay close to my children, even when I am not breastfeeding has helped. Now that I am weaning my son, I feel my body going through major hormonal changes - which of course does not help - its such an emotional time. Try not to be hard on yourself. The fact that you were able to breastfeed for a year is great! You might try eliminating one feeding every two weeks or so. I dont know how determined you are to wean by one year.. I understand you have a medical condition. But a little flexibility might help. With my daughter I had intended for her to be weaned by 12 months...but it didnt happen for another month. Those last two feedings were tough for me emotionally to wean from. It just might make it easier for you emotionally if you dont have the pressure of having to be done by a particular date. Good Luck!

How to wean 2-year-old who's super into nursing

y 2 yo daughter is still super into nursing including in the middle of the night. I feel clueless about how to wean her especially at night. She asks for nana and gets upset when I say no or try to distract her. I wouldn't mind nursing her a couple of times a day but she shows no sign of easing off which I had the impression she would by now! I work 4 days a week and as soon as I get home she wants to nurse which is ok but then she wants to again a few hours later, then at bedtime,then in the middle of the night often again in the early morning then when she gets up and perhaps a few minutes before I leave for work...whew I'm exhausted! My husband says I should just leave for a few days but I'd rather ease off gently if I can just figure out how! Anyone else been through this? Thanks! weary mama

Our method was, she could (and still does) get nummies at bedtime, and after that Mom is off-duty. If she has an issue in the middle of the night, it's All Dad, All The Time. Since Dad (ahem) lacks nummies, there are just no nummies on offer.

We did have about 2 weeks of rough nights...and then, believe it or not, she saw an episode of Sesame Street that was all about going to bed, and after that she was much more cool about it. She also figured out that she had better eat her dinner or she'd be hungry all night!

She still comes in sometimes at 3 am, but her dad walks her back to her bed and tucks her in, and that's that. If she gets up again we close her door, and there may be some fussing but usually she settles down within a couple of minutes.

It's been about 6 weeks and, oh my God, it's just bliss to sleep through the night. I loved cosleeping, but it was time for that part of our lives to be complete. Sara

Good luck. It's a lot of hard work but you can definitely do it in a way that is not too painful for anyone in the family. MG

Weaning a 2-year-old who doesn't want to

My two year-old daughter is still nursing once per day, at night to go to sleep. She sometimes wakes in the middle of the night and insists on nursing then, too. She loves it and still asks to nurse at other times, but unless she's sick or particularly stressed, I try not to add any nursing sessions.

My problem is that my physical and mental health aren't so great right now, and I really need to wean her even though she's not ready. I've looked at the website, and nobody's talked about how to wean a two year-old who doesn't want to.

Any suggestions or stories will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Then we went on vacation, and the change in venue was enough to change our routine. Over the week that we were away, my son reduced the amount he nursed each night and then refused it for several nights in a row. When we got home, he asked for milk before bed, but put up no protest when I said I didn't have any more.

Can your daughter get to sleep without milk if someone else is getting her to bed? What if you asked your husband or partner to take over bedtime for a week or so? You might have to go out during that time the first few nights (it might be harder for you both if you are there).

Remember that when you wean, you will go through physical changes that can cause emotional upset. I still find myself to be more weepy and moody since we both weaned. There is a good section at the end of The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning about this stage. anon.

Although I weaned my daughter later (see below), I did wean her from night nursing when she was 5 months old. She had been waking every 2 hours and we had not been able to successfully co- sleep (she tossed and turned and kept me and my husband up). In addition, because of my breats shape and size, I would have to sit up in bed with 1-2 pillows behind me, and the boppy underneath her to nurse. Needless to say, doing this every two hours bgan to really wear and tear on my because of the lack of sleep. It was an excrutiating decision to stop the middle of the night nursings and I did not feel I got a whole lot of support, yet I knew that I was going crazy without sleep, so I did it.

I finally did wean my daughter when she was three because I needed to take medicine that was not compatible with nursing. At that point I was nursing only at night like yourself. I told my daughter that we would have to stop nursing because my doctor said it was time to stop- the truth- her response was great. She said, My doctor didn't say we had to stop nursing!''

Best of luck. I hope you can find ways that work. Above all, don't feel guilty. She has had two years of nursing which is a tremendous gift! anon

The hardest part was telling her on Thursday night, ''I'm sorry baby, but it's all gone''. After an hour and a half, I was crying! But we are fine now. If you need to do it, don't prolong it. Just do it. She's resilient and will get over it. Remember: A happy mommy is a mommy better equipped to handle her life and her little one.

Please call me or email me if you want to talk or ask questions. Christina

When my son did return, he wanted to nurse, and I reminded him that we weren't doing it anymore. He reluctantly accepted it over time. You have to be ready to do it, and to set and keep the limits that you set up. Good luck! Carol

My daughter was quite verbal at 2, so I decided to be very explicit with her about the fact that nursing was going to end. I talked to her about it for several days ahead of time, using simple language to explain that we weren't going to be able to nurse anymore because mommy was tired but that we would still have lots of cuddles. We also discussed that nursing was for smaller babies, and she was a big girl who could eat and drink other foods. Finally, I presented it as an exciting change but also verbalize that it was somewhat sad. When the day came, we had our final nurse and then went on a special excursion to the Tilden merry-go-round and then to pick out a special toy bear which was her ''end of nursing, celebrate that I'm a big girl'' bear. She asked to nurse again once or twice after this, but it was easy to remind her of the change and distract her.

The only other thing I can say is that I felt some guilt about weaning her, as my vision had been to let her nurse until she wanted to stop. But I was burnt out and also really wanted to get pregnant again and personally felt I needed to stop nursing to achieve that goal. It helped me deal with the guilt to have a pro-active plan and to know that we were going through the process while I still had the energy and patience to approach it thoughtfully rather than simply reaching the end of my rope and not coping very well. Good luck to you! Dana

Weaning a 2-year-old quickly

I desperately need advice about how to stop nursing an almost two year old who is really attached to it. She is a twin (her sister self-weaned at ten months; they are very different babies). She has digestive problems that are finally beginning to resolve (this is part of why I nursed her this long). But now problems with my own health necessitate the end of breast feeding within a few weeks. I have no choice about this. At present she nurses when she wakes up, when I pick her up from daycare four days a week, and when she goes to sleep. On the days she is at home with me she nurses at naptime instead of at the later pickup-from-daycare time. She only stopped nursing during the night in February, and still wakes up at five or five thirty many mornings demanding the breast. She has started to talk and asks for nursing when she wants it. During the day I manage to divert her occasional requests by offering something to do, or juice, or a big hug. She gets plenty of physical affection all day. Pleas Maria

If you and your daughter have a VERY close and TRUSTING relationship with someone you could leave her with for a period of time (I think this method of weaning only works when the mother feels as if the child's caretaker will take care of the child with an equal amount of love and compassion as she would), I would recommend this method of weaning, but would suggest that you do a few additional things: 1) I would explain to your daughter what is going to happen. I would even explain whatever is going on with you that necessitates the weaning. Kids really seem to understand and empathize with adult issues. 2) I would plan some really exciting and fun activities for her while you are away. 3) I would make sure that the caretaker have a good support system and that he or she be prepared for exuding endless patience and understanding and for not getting a lot of sleep. 4) I would go away for a slightly longer period of time and 5) I would have the caretaker stay with both you and your daughter for a few days after your return. When I weaned my son, we stayed on with my mom for a few days and it really helped. I needed the support and she helped both me and him to adopt the new habits that replaced nursing. 6) I would fully expect your daughter to want to continue nursing after you return, but you will know that she is capable of surviving and hopefully thriving without you... and the habit will have been broken so it will hopefully be easier for you to say no.

Anyway, this is all conjecture, but I hope some of these ideas will help you. Whatever method of weaning you choose, you must embrace it fully and be totally committed. I wish you all the best! Good Luck!