Child Can't Fall Asleep without Nursing
The Parents Network >
Advice >
Advice about Breastfeeding >
Child Can't Fall Asleep without Nursing
April 2004
I've been nursing my 10 month old down for every nap since I can
remember, but I'm interested in finding other techniques to get
him to nap. He will fall asleep in the car, but sometimes
that's not an option for us. How I would love to just put him
in his crib and have him fall asleep!! Any advice?
Thanks
Jeanne
You need to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Now that he is
older it will be more difficult, but trust me it will be worth
it. Get the book ''Secrets of the Baby Whisperer...'' by Tracy
Hogg. This is a much gentler, more respectful method of ''sleep
training'' than Ferber. It applies mostly to newborns, but I read
it when my duaghter was 9 mos. old and used her techniques. She's
2 1/2 now and we only have sleep issues when I don't follow the
routines. Good luck.
anon
1999
I am looking for advice on making changes in sleeping and nursing with my
eleven-month-old boy. So far, he has always slept in bed with me. We go to
bed together at night, and he nurses to sleep. It's the same for naps; I lie
down with him and nurse him to sleep, then I get up once he's asleep. This
has worked very well; we've had no sleep problems at all. Now, though, I
would like to get pregnant again, and I would like to gradually wean my son
and find a way for him to get to
sleep without nursing and having me lying down with him. Have others dealt
with a similar situation? I would appreciate any suggestions.
I work full time and nurse my 18-month-old early in the morning, after work, and at
bedtime. I try to put him down awake (reading a book after nursing), but he's usually
pretty drowsy and definitely associates falling asleep and bedtime nursing. This is
becoming problematic because he has a hard time going to bed with anyone else (my
partner, a babysitter); he cries for me to nurse him.
Does anyone have any experience or advice about this situation? Since I see him so
little during the day, I am loathe to just go to two nursings per day, but I'm unclear on
how to fit in another one much before bedtime. All sage musings on this topic are
welcome; thanks to all who helped me a couple of weeks ago about pumping!
Nov 2003
My 11 month old, former co-sleeping baby has become quite the
little sleeper thanks to some guidance from the Weissbluth
book. I nurse her to sleep for both of her naps and at
bedtime. I also nurse her around 4:30 a.m. (even though he
says not to, she's hungry after 10 hours of sleeping). I have
never been able to put her down awake but drowsy as she still
has a strong sucking reflex and will root when I try to unlatch
her to put her down. My instinct says to let her suck until
she's satiated but by then she's out like a light. My concern
is that, while she can wake up in the middle of the night and
get back to sleep on her own, she does not regularly have to
fall asleep unassisted (she has on occassion when she woke up
when I was putting her in her crib. But she's always furious
and cries). We're thinking about daycare since she is so
social however I worry she won't nap as I won't be there to
nurse her to sleep. There haven't been many opportunities
since she was about 5 months old for anyone else to put her to
bed as I am a SAHM and dad works late. I'd like to hear from
other parents who have had the same situation (nursing to sleep
with Weissbluth baby) and what the outcome was. Should I start
putting her down awake? Should I have our baby sitter start
putting her down for naps? Should dad put her to bed on nights
he gets home on time? Or should I just quit worrying about it
and continue to nurse her and love every minute of it (which I
do).
Quit worrying about it. :-)
I never read Weissbluth, but I too had a baby who could not be
put down ''drowsy but awake'' and who was used to being nursed to
sleep most of the time.
His nanny had no trouble getting him to sleep. His daddy had no
trouble getting him to sleep as long as I was not around. Even
his grandfather could often get him to sleep, as long as I was
not around.
Bottom line is, when I *was* around, baby knew it and demanded
the boob. But when I wasn't, he knew that too, and was happy to
go to sleep in other ways. Your daycare provider will figure
out what works for her, and if she tries to tell you that *you*
have to change what works for *you* in order to make life easier
for *her*, then you need a different daycare provider.
anon
Feb 2004
My 17 month old is still quite an avid nurser. He is finally
sleeping for about 10 hours straight during the night, but with
napping tends to nap for 45 minutes to an hour and a half. He
will wake up hysterical and obviously still tired. My choice is
then to deal with an unhappy baby for an hour or bring him to my
bed and nurse him to sleep. I often choose the latter and he
will sleep for another hour to two hours nursing on and off and
wake up feeling much more rested. The problem? Although I often
end up napping with him, I feel constrained and sometimes
resentful. I have tried letting him cry a bit in his crib, but
he is a stubborn little guy and it doesn't seem to encourage him
to go back to sleep on his own. My friends' children take long
consolidated naps and are obviously more rested than my son. Any
advice????
Daniela
Bring your baby in with you and rest with him, enjoy it. It's
something I miss the most. My kids are 8 and 5 years old now,
and that was such a great time in my life that I'll always look
back fondly on. If you want, bring a book, but don't forget to
notice how cute he is and to smile at him!
heather
I have a similar situation with my 22-month old. We co-sleep and
she takes her naps in our bed. I put her to sleep by holding her
while she drinks a bottle (of water now, it used to be milk).
Once she's asleep I take the bottle away, wait a few minutes
until she goes into deep sleep (I use all this time to catch up
on my reading), and then I get up. Often, she wakes up ! about 1/2
hour into her nap crying. At those times she usually just needs
me to go and hold her until she goes back to sleep. We thus
repeat the same routine, I read and wait until she's back into
deep sleep and then go.
Perhaps you could do something similar with your child?
Sometimes I feel resentful too, on the other hand it's such a
wonderful thing that my baby wants to sleep in my arms. I know
we won't have this type of closeness forever so I allow myself to
enjoy it while it lasts :)
My toddler rarely naps at home for more than an hour (and even
at daycare only sleeps less than 1.5 hrs at most). I've just
learned to work within that constraint, and I am so thankful
that she sleeps well at night. Your kid is more like mine
maybe, and less like your friends' kids. You might want to look
into babysitting options (sharing w/ friends etc) so you can get
that time that other people get
November 2002
Since my baby was born, I've been nursing him to sleep in a
rocker and then laying him in his crib. He's now 21 months old,
and I've reached the point where I'd like to have my partner step
in and put him to bed. We'd appreciate any advice about how we
could possibly ease this tranistion. Thanks in advance for your
help!
Anne
Hi Anne,
Incorporating books and songs between nursing/bottle and sleep
worked really well for us when we were in your situation. In the
beginning, we would read to a practically fully sleeping child.
Gradually, she knew there was more to bedtime than milk and she
would stay awake just long enough to hear the story. She is now
your son's age and enjoys a good session of story and songs -
maybe 10 or 15 minutes' worth - before bed. My husband really
enjoys this special time with her when it is his turn to put her
to bed. Good luck!
L.M.
Hi, we recently dealt with this with our 15-month old daughter.
We recently switched job situations so that my partner had to
learn how to get her to sleep for her naps. His technique was of
course totally different, and she cried a lot at first, but she
got used to it quickly. This got me brave enough to ask him to do
the nighttime ritual one night when I was exhausted. She was MAD!
And wanted me, and I gave in, but my smart partner told me to go
away. So I steeled myself and never interfered again. It took
longer for her to get used to the nighttime Dad-getting-to-sleep
(I'm sure because I caved in), but the ironic thing is that now,
he's able to get her in a deep sleep much faster and easier than
me (with no crying)! I think that his technique is more ''boring''
-- he sings to her only once and holds her until she falls asleep
-- so she figures she might as well go to sleep. Not as much fun
as nursing or listening to mom sing over and over again:). So I
my advice is try to get your partner to do naps and then when you
all are ready, start trading off on the night time sleep
induction. And don't intervene once you decide to go for it --
babies are very smart and will cry much longer if that gets mom
to come.
marguerite
When our son was about 18 months old, we also decided to help
him learn to fall asleep without nursing to sleep. Here's what
we did. First off, we talked to him about it a lot for a few
days beforehand, telling him we were going to start having milk
in the rocker, then going night-night in the bed, reminding him
we were not going to have milk in the bed, etc etc. Then when we
began, I decided to nurse him until he agreed he was ''done.'' I
was hesitant to do this at first, thinking he'd just want to
nurse himself to sleep, but was surprised to find that he
willingly let go when he'd had enough.
Then one of us would take him to bed, turn out the light, and
stay with him until he fell asleep. At the beginning it took
quite a while (up to an hour and a half, if I remember
correctly), with occasional requests for milk followed by a bit
of crying. We gave him a cup with water for a while. Mostly we'd
just lie there with him, sometimes talking quietly to him,
sometimes humming. We found that most helpful was an especially
repetitive kind of whispering, where we listed all the animals
that were going to sleep, or all the parts of his body that
needed to rest.
Eventually he could fall asleep more quickly, though I admit
that at two-and-a-half someone still stays with him until he's
out. We're comfortable with his routine now because it meets his
needs for comfort and predictability and our desire for him to
be able to fall asleep without us, and we got there in a gentle,
respectful way. Best of luck to you.
Denise
You are probably going to get SO MUCH advice on this, so here's
mine.....
I also nursed my son to sleep until he was about 22 months old.
He was still waking up numerous times throughout the night and I
would nurse him back to sleep. To get him to start sleeping we
went completely cold turkey. I would nurse him for a while and
make sure he didn't fall asleep then my mother took him and held
him and rocked him and sang to him until he'd fall asleep.
Since we had been sleeping together until that point, my mother
now had to sleep with him to soothe him back to sleep through the
nighttime wakings. It was so hard for the first few days. My
son cried for a good hour at times. But I think it really only
took about a week for him to stop crying, the another week for
him to stop waking up through the night. You should probably
just try to stay out of the room at all costs. Your partner can
go in instead and your child will be ok.
We also played it out with stuffed animals. You just take 3
animals that will represent you and your partner and your child
and you give them names that are similar to yours and you tell a
story about what they are going to do that night at bedtime. It
might seem like your child has no idea what you are talking about
but they kinda do take it in. Good luck.
Allison
A few ideas, Tell your son simply, calmly, in positive terms,
about the new routine. And tell him several times, briefly,
throughout the days. I think that makes it more predictable, and
he will feel safer knowing what's going on. It sounds like you
have a really nice routine so adding partner to the picture
could be simply an elaboration of the old routine. I would nurse
1/2 hour earlier in a different room (unless weaning?), then
partner gets to read or sing with baby in that rocking chair,
then lays him down. You could tie in the impending birthday as a
natural reason for a new routine, ''Two year olds get TWO stories
before sleepy time....'' And spell out the sequence like, nurse
on cozy couch, brush teeth(HA, add eventually), then read in
the ''singing'' chair, then night-nights. And you might both tell
baby similar things about the plan. It might help to be out of
house for 45 mins. or whatever you and partner think is a
manageable amount of time, for the first try. My daughter went
to sleep unbelievably easily the few times I was actually out of
the house whereas if she knew I was within earshot (most of the
time I was home)she would scream and scream till my husband or I
couldn't bear it and I would go in and nurse again. Also you
could start first by nursing to sleep then partner laying him
down. Hope something from this long-windedness helps. I'm gonna
try some of it with my 10 mo. old....
Chris
Mom who always puts 4 y.o. to sleep.
I don't remember exactly how old my son was at the time (he is
nine now), but here is what worked (pretty well, anyway) for us.
We picked out a lullaby tape/CD (choose music YOU like, because
you will be hearing it a lot!). While you nurse your child,
play the tape. Keep it playing until he falls asleep, trying
not to interact with your child too much, and leave it playing
even after you have put him down. Make sure it's not too loud,
or the abrupt change when it ends may wake him up. After a few
days of this routine, do the same thing, but have your husband
be right there with you, as close to you and baby as possible.
(I nursed on a bed, and my husband lay right by us, holding my
son's hand, or stroking him, whatever he seemed to like). He
may need to get closer gradually if it is too distracting at
first. You be very quiet, kind of ''not there, really'' as you
husband quietly hums, or whatever, and your son falls asleep.
I think next, we we moved to nursing him a little while, but
not all the way to sleep, just til he was pretty drowsy, then I
left the room and my husband continued rubbing his back, etc.
After just a few days of this, I recall it being pretty easy
for my husband to do it all, as long as I was not in the room.
We kept using that same lullaby tape for a long time. I don't
remember exactly how long the whole process took us, But I felt
good that it was gentle, and didn't involve an abrupt switch.
Again, though, he might have been a little younger than yours,
and not as mobile (couldn't just run and follow me out of the
room). Good luck!
R.K.
I have seen this book recommended; maybe it will be of interest
to you:
''The No Cry Sleep Solution'' by Elizabeth Pantley. There is also
an online yahoo group for it.
From Amazon's description:
Editorial Reviews
Book Description
A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep--with no tears
There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to
sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of
letting the baby ''cry it out,'' or the grin-and-bear-it solution
of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you
don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately
want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in
Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep
Solution.
Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven
effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the
United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research,
Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to
overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep
Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that
steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no
crying.
Here are some other discussions:
http://pub110.ezboard.com/fgeoparentfrm194
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/content/supportgroups.htm
good luck
September 2002
My son is almost two years old, and over the last few
months I've been practicing the ''don't offer, don't refuse''
method of weaning. It's been going pretty smoothly, and
we're now down to just once or twice a day. The problem is,
those times are just before sleep (nap and bedtime), and
sometimes first thing in the morning, often the wee hours
and after a nursing, he falls back asleep.
In the last couple of weeks, he's been giving me signs that
he's ready to drop those times too; he tries to fall asleep, but
can't quite seem to make it, then askes for milk.
Sometimes he askes to fall asleep in our bed, and I'm
tempted if that will help him wean, but I'm also afraid that he
will substitute one thing for another. I've tried to just put him
in his crib after books and snuggles, but that sets off tears
and lots of reaching for me and asking for milk. I should
add that I don't nurse him to sleep--just to a deeply relaxed
place, after which he can and does fall asleep in his crib.
Also, other people (husband, babysitters) can get him to
sleep just fine. It's just when I'm around that he has a hard
time without nursing.
I hate the thought of just letting him cry it out in his own bed.
I don't want this last stage of weaning to be traumatic. I
would like to hear from other moms who have been through
the same thing for any advice on how to make this important
transition for both of us. Thank you.
--CW
Hi,
I just weaned my three-year-old son. The nursing had dropped
down to one, two times a day--morning and naptime. He objected a
little in the beginning, but I remained steadfast. Then, I got
my lucky break and went to our vacation home with my nine-year
old daughter a week before my husband, sitter, and he joined us.
My husband and sitter were able to put him to sleep, although a
few times he wined/yelped, ''NURSE!'' and even threw the bottle of
rice milk at my husband's head with perfect aim. Upon joining up
with my diehard nurser again on vacation and, even, now, my son
will ''dig'' at me, occasionally, to nurse. Mostly, he accepts it
and seems to soothe himself by touching my breasts. I have heard
of similar adaptive behavior in other weaners. I was very ready
to stop nursing, so that may have helped my cause.
Good luck to you. And good for you for nursing for as long as
you did.
DONE MY DUTY --
marquezfan
I was in the exact same position a few months ago, except that
my daughter was then 16 months old. What worked for us was to
change the bedtime ritual so that she didn't feel like we
were 'skipping a step' (the nursing). Instead of reading in the
rocking chair (where we also nursed), we had a pig-pile with
mom, dad and babe on the floor to read stories. Then we turned
out the lights, sang a few songs, and put her in her crib.
Granted, it wasn't a piece of cake (is anything related to kids
and sleep??), but it worked - and much more easily than I had
expected. Once the bedtime feeding was out of the picture, I
had to wean her from naptime (after dropping the bedtime
feeding, my milk supply really dwindled and so the naptime
nursing was very frustrating for her). Dropping the naptime
nursing was more difficult than the bedtime one, since my
husband was not around to help - but I basically employed the
same tactic (adjust the ritual so it was still familiar, but so
that it didn't feel like we were just skipping the nursing).
FYI, we did not offer a bottle or sippy cup instead - and she
never asked, nor has she indicated (by sleeping shorter lengths
of time or anything else) that she wanted/needed that... so I'd
suggest at least trying to do the same, so that you won't have
to wean him from that later.
Good luck!
Home |
Reviews |
Advice |
Members |
Post a Message
Join BPN |
Help |
What's New |
Search |
Contact Us
Last updated: Dec 29, 2004
Copyright © 1996-2008 Berkeley Parents Network
The opinions and statements expressed on this website
are those of parents who subscribe to the
Berkeley Parents Network. Please see
Disclaimer & Usage for
information about using content on this website.