• More Advice about Breastfeeding

I'm considering trying to get her on a schedule: for instance, eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours and only nurse for 1/2 hour per feeding. Is this realistic? Or should I just wait and she will begin to do this on her own? I worry that she maybe be too small or too young to do impose a schedule. Also, sometimes when I have tried to get her to wait between feedings, she will scream. It's hard for me to take much more than 5 minutes of desperate crying with tears in her eyes. This behavior also makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing to make her wait. Does anyone have advice or experience with breastfeeding demanding babies? I am definitely open to suggestions.

Regarding the sleep deprivation: if you don't now sleep with your baby, would you consider doing so? The baby could then nurse during the night without disturbing you much (or even at all).

* At 10 weeks, your daughter just won't be interested in much besides what she can get from the breast -- e.g., food and comfort. So, don't expect her to "take some interest" in much else.

* At various times in infant development, the child will go through a growth spurt, and will demand much more milk and/or comfort from you (it's a thin line between the two, in my opinion). It may take anywhere from a day & a half to a couple of days for your milk supply to "catch up" to demands. This interim period can be excruciating.

* If you find your body is not catching up to demands and the baby's weight gain is insufficient, do not feel guilty about supplementing food needs with formula.

* If wear-and-tear on your body feels like it's too much, do not feel guilty about supplementing comfort/suckling needs with a pacifier.

My bottom-line feeling is that as long as you are able to continue breastfeeding & suckling, supplementing -- and scheduling the activity is fine. This period will be over so soon, try to make it as joyous as possible.

As for your own eating schedule, that's a little tougher. I had a mild bout of post-partum depression which resulted in my not eating unless my husband forced me to, which in the end was probably every three or four hours. Like me, he is a grad student and consequently had a flexible enough schedule to do this. In any case, I was too spent caring for the newborn to even THINK about preparing a meal, much less zap some leftovers in the microwave. Maybe someone else has a more enlightening experience.

He also gained weight well. My experience with this was that the marathon breastfeeding periods seemed to fit with the estimated "growth" spurts described in the literature. I use the Baby Book by Sears and Sears. It's an excellent resource if you want a nurturing approach. This book also seems to be right on the money with what a new mother should expect in the early months. At 6 months old, my son is doing a bit of marathon breastfeeding again, but it's nothing like before. When he is not marathoning, he eats on his own (very regular) schedule.

After 6 months of [my] training, I feel as though I can really read my son and understand what's going on with his eating. I use a very flexible approach and he is thriving.

I hope this helps.

My experience is that babies do get more efficient at eating and can go for longer between meals but my hunch is that we're more likely to see that at 6 months rather than at 10 weeks of age. I also have come to believe that my daughter virtually never cries or fusses for no reason. I may not be able to understand what it is that she's needing for a while but there always seems to be a reason for the crying which I eventually can understand. If it were me, I'd assume that my baby was crying out of hunger -- for physical food or emotional nurturance as met by sucking. The behavior you are describing does not seem like a "demanding baby" to me, but just a normal one. Good luck.

By the way, when my baby was 2 months old he was only eating every 4-5 hours, and I only had to wake once during the night to feed him... but I still felt exhausted. I think that is just part and parcel with a 2 month old, regarless of how often they nurse. ( Now that my son is 1 it is hard to believe how tired I was when all he did was eat and sleep, compared to now when he is walking, but I really was more tired back then!) As I understand it, between 2 and 3 months the hormone surge that you get after giving birth wears off, and that is a big part of getting tired and depressed. The best thing you can do about being tired is to sleep when the baby sleeps, and to bring the baby to bed with you at night so that you can nurse in your sleep.

Also, try to get away between feedings so that you have some time to yourself. You need to take care of yourself or you will forget who "you" are and end up even more depressed later on in your baby's first year. Have your partner/spouse or another family member care for your baby while you take a bath or read a book or do something that nourishes your soul... it will make a world of difference. And you may want to consider getting a small breast pump (not one of those evenflo or gerber type ones though, they are not worth the $.... try an Avent or Medela Mini) so that you can leave the baby and a bottle of breast milk with someone so you can get out every once in a while. Even if you only pump one ounce at a time... over a couple of tries you will eventually have enough for a whole bottle (you only need to leave about 3oz.).

There is nothing you can do to make your baby interested in the world instead of eating... you will just have to wait for her/him to get to that point on her/his own. But that is probably only a couple of weeks away... so don't feel like you are doomed forever.

Also, schedule feeding is the worse thing you can do for any baby, breast or bottle fed. That is because if you feed a baby on a schedule instead of on demand, than the baby will learn to ignore its own hunger cues and will have problems with self regulating its food in take... that is how you end up with obesity problems latter on.

Have you been in contace with an IBCLC or attended any LLL meetings... these are great ways for you to ask your questions from people who really know what they are talking about and share your belief in/commitment to on demand breast feeding. Good luck.

As far as schedule I don't know if that's possible with breastfed babies; I would consult experts on that. Good luck!

All that said, I know what you mean about the endless breastfeeding sessions. It is tough emotionally and physically and it is a commitment but it DOES get easier. Like you said, they get much more efficient at it. You say 'when?' I don't know when, but it will come and pass so quickly, it will seem like a dream. Hang in there, please. It is worth it.

As far as a schedule: Please don't. You can not dictate their energy needs and their growth spurts. They are NOT like adults - we are not growing, just maintaining. They grow in spurts and maybe your baby is trying to catch up for being small (when born) or maybe her body is just going through an early growth spurt. You cant deny a hungry baby food. You also cant legislate efficiency or punctuality. Please, she is only a baby and all she knows is mom and milk. They cant do any abstract reasoning like," ... if I don't eat now, I will go hungry since it wont be feeding time for another hour and 50 minutes." They cant reason like that. She cries because she wants food. Writing this bringing tears to my eyes, because I did have thoughts of schedules and routines myself when mines was tiny. Today, I would give anything to have that closeness and the sound of her gulping my warm milk ... and then a sigh and ... sleep. In the big scheme of things, this nursing time will seem like a flash, come and gone. Good luck and feel free to email me if you like.

Rarely is there a voice that says:
1. Its ok to supplement with formula;
2. Its not unreasonable to help a baby move toward a more regular/less frequent eating schedule;
3. Its ok to develop other ways of nurturing and bonding with your baby other than suckling.

Today I am that voice. Clearly you have your child's best interests at heart. This does not require taking the most extreme view that is advocated by many of the berkeley le leche league. One should not feel guilty for experimenting with alternatives!

Good luck at finding what works best for you and your child.

First of all, things are sooo much better. Since about 3 months she and I have developed a more regular routine, which helps both of us stay happy through the day. Our routine involves getting exercise and getting out of the house every day, as well as some quiet time for both of us. Also, dad gets up with the baby in the morning to have a some time alone with her and so I can sleep in a bit.

Also, everyone is getting more sleep now. A big part of our routine is a long nap in the afternoon for baby and for me. Moreover, my husband and I have learned how to help the baby get to sleep at night and how to get her to fall back asleep if she wakes up in a few hours. At 5 months old, she usually needs to be fed twice at night, for about 10 minutes each time. I am feeling much more sane with more sleep!

Finally, she seems to have fallen into a pattern of eating every 3 or sometimes 4 hours during the day. I think she's just gotten big enough (she's a chubby kid) that she doesn't need to eat so frequently. And she's definitely developed an interest in exploring the world. She's much more fun now that she smiles, laughs, and reaches out to touch things. Life isn't just eat, sleep, and cry--it's look, touch, and take an interest in life.

I especially appreciated the comments I received, comments like "I can relate" or "that's normal," or "things will get better." This helped me feel more confident and hopeful, and get through that rough spot of baby raising. Thanks to everyone who wrote a response to me--I'm so glad I'm a part of this UCB parents listserv.