• Must I wear a long gown to a black tie wedding?
• Black tie wedding in NY - what do we wear?
• What is "festive dress"?
• What to wear for Tahoe wedding on the beach?
• More Advice about Weddings

Must I wear a long gown to a black tie wedding?

I'm attending my first black tie wedding on the east coast this summer. Is it necessary to wear a long gown or can I get away with wearing a formal shorter (not too short) dress? And, does it have to be black? I'm petite, so, long gowns normally drown me out completely. Thanks! Black Tie Clueless

I found this on about.com:

Black tie
for her

    * a formal dress, usually to the floor
    * bring out those beaded purses, fancy wraps and formal
jewelry that's been waiting for an occasion such as this
    * black tie weddings almost always involve dancing, so don't
wear anything too constricting

for him

    * a tuxedo is the only appropriate thing to wear. If it says
creative black tie, he should still wear a tuxedo, perhaps with a
black shirt or collarless white shirt.

DON'T WEAR:

    * White. (This rule has relaxed some, and you can get away
with wearing a printed dress with a white background and some
cream colored clothing. Just be careful not to upstage the bride.)
    * Black to a daytime wedding
    * Jeans
    * Anything too sexy or revealing
    * Anything torn, with holes, stained, too big or too small
for you!
    * Anything sleeveless or strapless to a religious wedding.
Bring a wrap to cover your shoulders.

A short dress is absolutely fine as long as it is sufficiently "dressy." NOT a skirt and top though - it must be one piece. Personally, I like deeper colors for evening weddings and lighter colors for a daytime wedding (a daytime wedding really shouldn't be black tie, however.) If you are not a dressy person, look for a friend who can loan you something, although I think every woman should own a least ONE nice cocktail dress... Consignment stores often have great formal dresses at low prices, too. Or try Loehman's. I'm from the East Coast - can you tell?

Black tie wedding in NY - what do we wear?

My cousin's son is getting married in in OCT. in NY. My husband and I and out 2 boys are going (15, and 11yo). It is a black tie affair at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens (I'm told the brides family has $$$$$$...my family is not exactly ''black tie'' material). We're very excited to go to NY, see family and see our cousin married...BUT....what do we wear? We're NOT dress up types. What many people wear to work every day is what I would consider really dressy for me.

I have a very dressy ''prom'' type dress that will work for me. What about my husband and kids? My husband has a dark blue silk/wool suit that was made for him in Hong Kong. It's what he wore to our wedding. Is that OK? What color shirt? Does it have to be a black tie, or can it be blue? printed? What about my kids. I really feel like renting a tux and tails is a bit rediculous. I could check Thrift Town and see what's there...Can I get/borrow nice suits for my boys? What colors are considered appropriate for a formal wedding? Grey? light grey? dark grey? dark blue? black only?

We're spending way more money than we can afford to fly to NY and spend hotel, food, fun money that renting tux's seems like just too much. On the other hand, we're spending all this money to go there, what's a little (or a lot) more for a tux or 2 or 3? We'll be gone a week so renting would be more than just a few days. Any tips on the proper dress etiquete will be very appreciated. Thanks comfy in t-shirts and capris

Most importantly, NY IS a place where you can really live it up. If you don't think you'll be back any time soon, I'd go all out if I were you. You won't regret it! However, you might regret showing up dressed casually, by comparison to NY standards. have a great time Lived in NY for 5 years and miss it terribly!

If a tux is out of reach, financially or practically speaking, then a dark business suit is acceptable. Black or charcoal would be better than navy or light grey, but either navy or light grey would be better than khaki. A white shirt would be better than colored; either a bow tie or a regular long one would be fine, in any non-garish color or pattern. If your sons do not own suits (and you have no particular reason to buy them each one), you can probably rent suits for them at a tux shop! Of course, if you're going to rent anyway you might as well get the tuxes....

If you decide to rent tuxes, it shouldn't be a problem keeping them for a week; that's pretty standard. Or, of course, you could arrange to pick up the tuxes in New York -- most rental shops will take measurements for you locally and send them to an affiliate elsewhere. That's how long-distance groomsmen generally do it!

For you, a ''prom type'' evening gown is fine. You can even wear a black dress to an evening wedding in New York! (But color is fine too.) You can also get away with a cocktail dress or suit (knee length) rather than a long gown, if you wish, especially if your gentlemen wear suits rather than tuxes.

Have fun! Holly

It's probably safe to say that most women will be in black. I hope this helps. I hope you have a wonderful trip - you're going to NYC at a beautiful time of year!! Shauna

Maybe you could borrow navy or black blazers for them from a friend. Your boys will get a pass, they are not adults. If you end up felling like your husband needs to be in a tux he can be be measured for his tux here and then order it in NY over the phone. Of course only if you will have time to pick it up on the other end. Or you could have a friend or relative pick it up. We did this last summer when we went east for a black tie wedding.

All that said, I hope you have a good time and that at least the food and booze are good -Black tie gal from the east coast

Recently, we were invited to a black tie wedding in L.A. and my husband rented a basic tux from Men's Warehouse. I seem to remember it costing about $100 which is way less than a suit would cost and way less than what I spent on my outfit. It looked nice and he blended in with the other penguins.

I do find that women push the limits on what ''black tie'' means and I felt that many women at the aforementioned wedding were very underdressed--some in flimsy jersey dresses even. I wore a silk pants suit that was very formal, tho not prom-like at all. I had some fab shoes. It was very neat and tailored. You can always go to Nordstrom and tell the sales person you need something for a black tie wedding in New York and they can show you some stuff, then you can get an idea and go somewhere cheaper to buy something. Just remember, black tie in New York is probably more formal than black tie here or in L.A. If you are going all that way to this really nice wedding, i'd recommend doing it right. Instead of stressing about it, think of it as a fun once-in-a-lifetime opportunty to be all chi-chi.

I know casual is the big thing, but sometimes, it is nice to get all gussied up and it's unfortunate that we've loss that sense in our generation.

Have fun wish I could go to the black tie wedding

1) In New York, Black Tie means Tuxedo. Tails are optional and not the same. I am sure you'll get lots of notes here about the difference and when the others are required. But Tuxedo is all that is required. And Black Tie means black tie, pants and jacket. The invitation would say White Tie or other information if it was different.

2) A dark suit is not the same as Tuxedo. And even in a dark room, it is noticable. But, whether it matters depends entirely on your husband and kids. If your husband is a clothes horse or aware of etiquette he will feel embarrased to be in a dark suit, not tuxedo. But, he may not be the kind of person who cares.

3) Children (like your sons) do not have to wear tuxedos, dark suits/jackets and ties are fine.

4) You do not have to rent these items. You can, in fact, get very nice tuxedo jacket and pants (and no, you dont have to wear a ruffled shirt) at second hand clothing stores. We have purchased them (as my husband's size changed) many times and found it to be much less expensive even for a one-time use than rentals. For the shirt, you are better off going to a men's department store to purchase one, they are not the same. You can get cufflinks and studs (buttons on the shirt) for the french-cuffs very inexpensively at someplace like Ross or sometimes even at Mervyns.

It sounds excessive for people out here but consider that a black tie wedding in New York typically costs upwards of $200 or much much more per plate (Average NYC wedding is $40,000). From the etiquette side, you would do well to respect the affair. But, since Californians don't really do that out here and you may not care. You have to decide what matters most to you.
- previously embarrased at Black Tie Affair

However, the simplest way to know exactly what you should wear is to simply ask the wedding couple, probably the bride. She can tell you whether or not a suit would be acceptable or whether she would prefer you to rent a tux. My wedding was formal and all the men were required to wear tails (not a tux). However, for all of the out of town guests, I got their sizes and rented the tails for them so that it would be more convenient for them.

Many people asked me to clarify what the dress should be, and I was not offended to be asked. Go to the source: ask the bride. Have a great time! Also had a formal wedding

Children are not generally required to wear a tuxedo. Small children can get by with a blue suit, especially since black is considered traditionally inappropriate for young kids. Older kids should rent. Have a great time, and don't forget to be Berkeley- fabulous -- TA

It is possible to buy a kids tuxedo off of eBay... but it it also possible to have a rental tuxedo fitted locally for pick up in NYC, if you deal with one of the big chains. That would limit your rental time and the inconvenience of traveling with formal ware.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I have had the least formally dressed bunch at an important family event, and it was character building, but not fun Heather Jacobsen

If it's optional, a dark suit is fine. I think a white shirt would be best with a muted tie. Dark suits for the boys too. If it's not Optional, then you will be expected to be in Tuxedos. Tails are no no.

You can always rent your suits in NYC. Just ask a relative for a recommendation. They can take measurements, etc. over the phone. Word of warning though - keep in contact with them as you get closer to ensure they have what you need when you get there.

Have fun! What a terrific and beautiful venue for a wedding! Transplanted New Yorker

you might also check jeremy's at college/ashby or 2nd/southpark in the city for outfits for both of you. they have lots of pricey things but the occasional phenomenal bargain. you might ask one of the salespeople (they are all young, most seem sweet but some are less so) to help you out, they might really enjoy the challenge of turning a laidback berkeley mom into a ny diva. if you could go during a weekday they'd be less busy... what size are you? i might have a dress you could borrow. susan

What is "festive dress"?

Hello, we are invited to a wedding of a friend from college in New York in a couple of months. The invitation says: ''festive dress''. What does that mean? The friend comes from a very wealthy family, and I know nothing of those circles, and quite frankly feel a little intimidated, so I want to dress properly. I would appreciate links to web sites showing this kind of clothes. thank you, Anne

The ''festive attire'' label means that they don't want men showing up in black or white tie, and that women need not wear a gown, or a fancy dress with glam accessories. Find a dress which makes you feel pretty - whether it's a cocktail dress (but not too sexy) for evening wedding or an interesting dress in summer colors (not black or white) for daytime. The word ''festive'' also means you can wear something with a bit of pizzaz or humor - happy clothes! East Coast style is different from West, and Berkeley is of course it's own world, so whatever you wear may be somewhat different from what they choose, but that will give you that certain ''je ne sais quoi'' Try Molly B (on Vine, but especially 4th Street) for some great choices! If that's too expensive, you might get lucky at some of the resale places.

And don't worry about the ''wealthy people'' issue. There may be some snobs who will notice whether you use the salad fork properly, but just be yourself, and when all else fails, imply that you know some shocking anecdotes about the bride and groom and suddenly everyone will want to be your friend... Natasha Beery

http://www.modernbride.com/servlet/ com.accumedia.web.Dispatcher?next=guest-article_view&forceid=302

Cocktail Attire (or Festive Dress ). If either of these phrases appear onyour invite, dress as you would for a fancy cocktail party or dinner, with anemphasis on sophisticated style. For men, that means a dark suit. Forwomen, the buzzwords are chic and sleek, as opposed to pretty and sweet.

Just remember, people don't care what you're wearing because they are too busy worrying about how THEY look! Helena

You don't mention time of day, place, weather, etc., but my advice would be to call your friend. I don't think that you should feel intimidated, and I think that calling or e-mailing and asking is the best thing to do. Ask whether men should wear jacket and ties, suits, tuxedos, etc. (Perhaps ''festive dress'' is their way of saying black tie without forcing people to wear black tie?) Ask her whether women should wear dresses that are long, short, daytime, evening, etc. When you have your answer, go to a place like Saks and ask for advice. You don't have to buy anything, but at least you will know what is out there. (I say Saks, or somewhere in the City, because the East Bay does tend to be more casual than the East Coast.)

It sounds as if you are like me, and want to do things the ''right'' way. I have found, at used books stores and library sales, old etiquette books for a few dollars. They aren't helpful for tips on dressing (they would probably suggest a hat and gloves) but I have found them helpful for everything else. Even if I decide that the etiquette rule is too formal, or not appropriate, at least I know what it is. Many of my friends, who know that I have this collection of books, call me for advice when they are stumped by a question.

Have a great time, and don't worry. Anon