Berkeley Parents Network: Wedding Ceremony Ideas

Berkeley Parents Network

Wedding Ceremony Ideas

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Holidays and Special Events > Wedding Ceremony Ideas

Incorporating ritual into the wedding

April 2003

Hi there, I am getting married this summer and throughout this whole planning process i am feeling pretty disconnected from the ritual/rite of passage aspect to it. We are designing our own cerimony and i would love to here expiriences and ideas around incorporating some rituals that have have deeper significance than the typical wedding. We are also looking for ways that our children can particapate and feel included in the wedding. One more thing, i would like ideas for some (light, no sacrifices or anything...) rituals i can have for myself before the main event. I am not having brides maids and i wont be having a day of primping, but i would like to have some women friends and my sister particapate in something meaningfull to mark the transition in my life. Thanks cris

The book ''The Jewish Wedding Book'' had some nice ideas that could be altered slightly to be still meaningful and nondenominational. eg: instead of a mikvah (ritual bath) a bridal party 'dip' in the ocean, river, or hot spring. Instead of a quilted huppa (wedding canopy) friends could make a friendship quilt to wrap a couple in to symbolize their marriage at some point in the ceremony, etc. Also ask officiants as you interview them. anon

There is a tradition in Spain, where I come from, which I really like and I used at my own wedding. The bride asks her best male friend (it can be a family member such as a cousin or a brother if you prefer, although is not usually the father)to be her ''godfather''. The godfather then commits to composing a poem for the wedding day and comes to the bride's house before the ceremony. He offers her the flower bouquet that she will carry during the ceremony and reads his poem aloud (in front of the bride's family). Usually the poem celebrates either the brides'life or qualities, the friendship's history, the wedding that will take place or all of the above. Sometimes it is written as a humour piece, although more often it's quite heartfelt. It's a lovely moment. The godfather does not do any other thing during or after the ceremony. Congratulations and good luck ! Anon

For the pre-wedding rituals, I suggest you email Sondra Hall. She is an event planner with a business called ''Come to Your Senses.'' She specializes in planning events for women to come together and celebrate themselves through the use of a variety of senses. She could put something together for your group involving massage, meditation, yoga, aromatherapy -- whatever you're interested in. You can reach her at oaklandhalls@earthlink.net. Or check out her website at cometoyoursensesevents.com Stephanie

Cris, Regarding rituals for your wedding and the days before, I would like to highly recommend a woman who does life coaching and counseling and brings a great deal of spirituality and ritual to these endeavors. Her name is Lily Kaplan and she is in Oakland. Her company is Soul Works. Her website is www.aboutsoulworks.com and her email address is lilymk@earthlink.net. I know that you did not specifically ask for a recommendation for a consultant, but Lily is wonderful and has helped to design many weddings. She also performs wedding ceremonies.

For others on the list who might also be interested, in addition to one-on-one coaching Lily also leads dream circles and other workshops. She also leads groups to places such as Chaco Canyon and Joshua Tree. I just highly recommend her. margo

You wrote that you're searching for rituals with a deeper meaning than the typical wedding -- I wonder if you're familiar with the unity candle ritual. As I believe it is most commonly practiced, it works like this:

The mothers of both the bride and groom each light a candle to represent their families (love for their child, values they have passed on, etc.) Each mother uses this to light a candle for her child. During the ceremony, the bride and groom use their candles to light a single (usually larger) candle together, then extinguish their own. The symbolism, of course, is about joining two families and creating a new one. To me it's also about accepting the primacy of your couple/family needs over your individual needs.

Although this is not an original ritual for your wedding, it is certainly meaningful, and beautiful in its simplicity. It could easily be adapted to include your children. We still light the candle from our wedding on our aniversary as a reminder of the spiritual nature of our relationship.

Best wishes! Loralee

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