Gift Ideas for Adults
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Gift Ideas for Adults
August 2005
I would like to give my mother a special gift this fall to
celebrate her 80th birthday. She has hinted broadly that her
preferred gift would be for me to plan and host a large
'surprise' party for her, but my financial circumstances (we live
on one moderate income), parental resonsibilities (I have a
toddler and a preschooler), and geographic issues (she lives in
SoCal) make that impossible. I know that she'll be disappointed
by this. After reading responses to an earlier BPN posting, I
considered having a quilt made from pieces of fabric that I would
provide to her friends and ask them to decorate in a way that
symbolized their relationship with her. But she has been
depressed since my father's death seven years ago, and I'm
worried that having this quilt would only deepen her depression
each time one of those friends passes away. I'm wondering whether
anyone in the large and thoughtful BPN community has other ideas
for a gift that can celebrate this important milestone without
reminding her of the painful losses she has incurred along the
way. (And yes, I have urged her many times to seek therapy for
her depression, but so far to no avail.)
j.
I don't know how big your family is, but one nice thing might be to get the
children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. to make a video
that you can present to her at a nice, but intimate, dinner party, and then
all watch together. A good friend of mine did this for her mother. In their
case, there were several grandchildren, ranging in age from 7 to 20, and
with the help of their parents, each grandchild produced a segment
(cute, idiosyncratic mini-skits). These were then edited together and
capped with a final scene where they all wish her a happy birthday and
blow her a kiss. The nice thing about it was it gave her a sense of the
future, what she's given to the world, and how much she is loved. If there
aren't enough grandchildren, I think the same thing can be
accomplished with other members of the family, and friends. It was a
huge success, with grandma and everyone laughing and crying at the
same time. Everyone ended up wanting copies for themselves...
hoping this helps
My mother just had her 80th birthday. She lives in central
California, and like you, it wasn't practical financially or
timewise for me to go there and host a party with her friends.
Instead, I asked her to come visit me and I invited some of my
friends for a circle honoring her. I had a piece of bamboo I'd
cut years ago that had a lot of character to use as a staff and
I asked everyone to bring something small to tie on the staff.
We decorated a comfortable chair for her - she was a bit shy at
first to be the center of attention, but she relaxed and got
into it. Each person tied their gift onto the staff with
ribbons and yarn and shared what they appreciated about her or
what they wished for her. It was really very simple, but
beautiful and she did feel honored. The staff was a magical
creation that held all these well wishes. She told some
wonderful stories about her life -- stories I'd never heard --
and her granddaughter videotaped. Afterwards, we shared a
potluck meal. My friend hosted us because my home is very
small. I was amazed to see how something so simple could lead
to interactions very deep and loving. Good luck in creating
something meaningful your mother. It can be simple and doesn't
have to cost a lot. My friends were grateful to have the
opportunity to honor my mother with me and get to know her
better.
Claudia
Are you sure it is really impossible to give your mom a party? You don't
have to break the bank to give her what she wants. She is clearly
depressed and at 80, you don't know how many opportunities you'll
have to make her that happy. I don't want to make you feel bad, but if
you can phone friends and family who live near her and arrange an
informal potluck at one of their houses, it wouldn't have to take too much
effort and it would be priceless for her. She's saying that's what she
wants for her ''special present''; I would just find a way to make it
happen. At her age, she doesn't want any more stuff, no matter how
personal. She just wants the ones she loves around her making her feel
special. As for your little ones, let them know you're working on a
birthday party for grandma! They need to learn now how important it is to
make the people in their lives feel truly loved.
-- Wish I still had parents to celebrate with
If my 80 year old mother wanted a party for her birthday, I would
do it no matter what, but I think you're thinking it has to be
fancy, when it doesn't. It's really not that expensive to rent a
place for an evening, there are community centers that rent space
out (off the top of my head, try Live Oak Park, El Cerrito
community center, for starters), and if you had a potluck, while
you provide some food, drinks (non-alcoholic is fine), and a
beautiful cake, while friends/family bring other dishes to share
your mother would have a lovely party. Decorations can come
very cheap via Paper Outlet on San Pablo Ave in Berkeley, and you
can get lots of inexpensive drinks, etc. at Grocery Outlet. It
doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be a commemoration of
your mother's long life!
Alternatively, you could have a wonderful picnic party at one of
our local parks -- Again, Live Oak, Tilden Park (call them to
reserve space), Ohlone Park, Rose Street Park -- those are in
Berkeley, but surely you could find a nice park to take a picnic
near you or your mom. Again, you could do potluck, or just make
it very simple.
I helped my son cater an appetizers-only event for 100 + people,
and we did it for around $300 -- and that was FANCY stuff -- If
you only invite 25 - 50 people you could do simple finger type
foods which wouldn't cost that much.
A couple of ideas for gifts (your quilt idea is great, but having
been a part of one of those ''gifts'', I'd say no thanks! I hated
having to design a quilt patch, and ended up hiring someone else
to do it for me - which was expensive. I had NO idea what the
heck I was supposed to do!)
Have people bring a written poem story, memory, or something
about your mother or her life to the party and have them bound
into a book. At the party, each person (or those who wish to),
could share the piece they've written by reading it aloud.
Create a photo collage of older and recent photos that she can
hang on her wall.
Your mother is only 80 once, and you don't know how much longer
she'll be here. If she wants a party, please, have a party for
her! It doesn't have to be fancy, and you don't have to have
catered food, and you don't have to invited the hundreds of
people she probably knows. Make is festive, make it personal, and
most of all, make it for her. You'll both appreciate it.
If you do pursue the party, and would like some ideas for
relatively simple food for a nice party, please email me. I've
got many ideas that have worked well for parties on a budget.
heather
June 2003
Hi,
My psychologist sister 50th birthday is coming up and I'm
stumped for a gift. She concentrates professionally on
holocaust victims and is a talented singer. She also resides
overseas so that a smaller item is preferable.
Any ideas would be muchly appreciated!
Thanks!
Noa
How about an MP3 player with lots of memory? You would have to
find out what kind of computer she has. Maybe it's just because I want
one, but I think these gadgets are one of the neatest things. They are
extremely small and light and can hold an enormous amount of music
which one can listen to anywhere.
Irene
If your sister is a singer (as I am), she will no doubt enjoy
receiving a CD of other wonderful singers that she is not
familiar with. Someone once gave me an Eva Cassidy CD and now
I own the entire collection. Eva died of cancer at a young age
(early 30s?) and never signed a recording contract. However,
her parents found her home recordings and released them after
she died. She became more successful after her death than
anyone could have imagined and her voice is like an angel. If
you don't want to go with one artist, you could also make your
sister a collection and create the cover art yourself with
simple tools on your home computer. It's a nice gift, because
it will be homemade and something you took time to do, as well
as something that will touch her musician's spirit.
I just turned 50 and the present I wanted was a nice dinner
out with my family. This sounds dorky but it was special, and
something I can remember for a long time. My college kid came home
for the weekend, the kids put on dressy clothes that they would not
wear under any other circumstances, and we all went to Chez Panisse
downstairs on a weekend night. Everyone was on their best behavior.
It was great!
Signed, I don't look 50 so I'm not giving my name!
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