Berkeley Parents Network: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Berkeley Parents Network

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Advice about Health > Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Sister with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Dealing with my narcissistic mother
Dealing with an ex with narcisistic personality disorder
Husband with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Sister with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Oct 2007

My sister, the eldest of four and now aged 69, has always been extremely difficult to deal with: grandiose, unsympathetic, and rude. It is important to her to be looked up to and to be treated as an expert on any number of topics. She regards my brothers and me with contempt, and maintains that she is the only one who cares about our widowed mother. (She also owes us and various other relatives thousands of dollars, debts which date back to the early '80s. I don't know when she last held a permanent job or what she does for money.) Based on her behavior, I would guess that my sister has a personality disorder of some kind, and my therapist agrees.

Our mother lives with her and has, to some extent, abetted her behavior for decades, if only because my sister is so unpleasant--i.e., verbally abusive--when crossed. (I usually manage to be calm and civil with her, but it's not easy!) My sister now refuses to let me speak to our mother on the telephone, saying that the latter doesn't want to talk to me. They live 450 miles away; if this continues, I'll drive down and see what's going on. In the meantime, I have been reading about narcissism and discussing the situation with my brothers. Assuming that my sister does indeed have a personality disorder, does anyone have some advice or perspective on how best to cope with her? Anonymous

I feel your pain! My father has NPD. For help in dealing w/ folks w/NPD, go here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21256467/ What I also really want to say is that I'm worried about your mom's safety. Please find a way to check on her, either yourself or call a friend who lives nearby. If you think your sis is incapable of caring for your mother, I'm sure there are legal steps you can take. Good Luck! Best, Been There

I have some experience with people close to me with NPD. The best you can do is create boundaries that protect you from her way of being, as well as tactics to put out any fire as quickly and easily as possible when you do have to interact with her. You may want to figure out a way to communicate with your mother that doesn't go through her. From my experience, there is no chance of change or reasoning with someone with NPD at all. The whole point is that anything other than saying exactly what she wants to hear will be met with complete disdain and disbelief. Good luck. Jenny

If your sister is refusing to allow you to speak with your mother, you may need to contact Adult Protective Services. It will be important to have an elderly advocate check on your mother. My sister has a narcissistic personality and broke my father's heart with her cruelty towards him before he died. Do not allow this to happen to your dear mother. Step in and stand up to your sister! Buck the family culture and become the brave family member who challenges your sister's judgement. Start documenting all communication and forwarding it to APS. Good Luck! kathleen

It certainly does sound like a personality disorder. And figuring out what kind may help you manage the situation. I would advise reading ''The Sociopath Next Door'', a very short book that was a sea change for me. Good luck. Not free, but feeling less crazy now.

Dealing with my narcissistic mother

Nov 2006

In trying to understand my mother's behavior, I've come to suspect that she might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Our relationship seemed manageable, though completely one-sided (hers) until I had a baby three years ago. Now, I no longer have time for a weekly hour on the phone in which she monologues her current illnesses/problems/feuds with neighbors/imaginary ''boyfriends'' and never once asks how I'm doing. In fact, since my daughter's birth my mother's ''problems'' seem to have escalated in scope, culminating with a trip to the emergency room when she thought she was having a stroke, though her doctors found nothing wrong and characterized the episode as a delusion. I dragged myself and my toddler to the hospital that time, a five hour car trip, only to find her relaxing in front of the hospital TV in apparent comfort. I was frazzled from dealing w/a crying toddler during a 5 hour car ride, and concerned about her health, though as soon as I saw her it was obvious nothing was physically wrong. She seemed to have no qualms about asking me and my daughter to make the trip and focused on her fears about her health which her doctors tried to tell her were imaginary.

Since this episode, I have gradually decreased contact with my mom to emails only. I'm home with my now three year old, I can't cope with extra drama, and I feel like mom's self-centeredness is a threat to my wellbeing and to my daughter's. However, I feel guilty about how my relationship with my mother has changed. She is calling my friends (which embarrasses me) and telling them that something is wrong with me because I won't talk to her. She can't understand my point of view at all and I feel it would be a waste of breath to try to explain it to her.

Does mom sound like a narcissistic person? Is it usual for such people to escalate when a new baby comes into the picture--even if it's a grandchild? Any advice on coping with and/or communicating with her would be appreciated. Should I just give up on wanting her to understand where I'm coming from? What about the guilt I feel for cutting back on our relationship? anon

I sympathize with you-I have a narcissistic mother-in-law, and and somewhat narcissistic mother. I think you are doing the right thing-you need to set boundaries, focus on your child and yourself. Narcissistic people are bottomless, never satisfied,and can quickly eat up your energy. I think it is totally fine for you to take care of yourself by having less contact with your mother. And of course she is not going to like it, and talk about you to her friends-but that's part of being true to yourself, that people are not always going to like it. But that's really okay. You are not being cruel, you just need some distance. It is hard to see people we love hurt by us, but sometimes that is what's needed. It's like with kids- sometimes we set limits with them that they do not like at all, but it's the right thing to do. anon

I highly recommend Trapped in the Mirror, by Elan Golomb. I too have narcissistic parents and have to deal with the guilt on a daily basis...but this book helped me to understand more about them. Good luck! Deanna

Yes, she sounds narcissistic. My mother is very similar. After putting up with her ''center of the known universe'' behavior all my life, I finally did something she didn't like, and she became permanently angry & abusive, both to my face and to my kids. After a number of years of this,I finally cut off all contact. Now I'm wondering why I didn't do it long ago! The guilt is hard, but just keep reminding yourself that this kind of person will never ever be satisfied, even if you sacrificed everything for her--it would only be a palliative until the next time. And google Mary Oliver's poem ''The Journey.'' better off an orphan

My mother has such a severe case of narcissistic personality disorder that I had to cut all contact with her to protect myself and my family. Fortunately, she has no one to call to pressure me like your mother has. To get to the point where I was able to cut my mother off and not feel guilty about it took quite a bit of therapy. It is understandable that you feel guilty since it is only natural for you to want to communicate with your mother, just like I once wanted to talk to mine. My advice to you about how to deal with your friends receiving calls from your mother is to ask them to stop talking to her. Tell them why you're not talking to your mother and how their taking her phone calls is hurting you. If they are truly your friends, they will stop talking to her. Do not bring it up with your mother since that's exactly what she wants. She is using your friends to get you to talk with her. Once again, if your friends are truly your friends, they will stop talking to your mother. My other piece of advice to you is to find a therapist you can talk to about this.

You need to work through your feelings of guilt as well as find new ways of coping with having a mother like this. You will also need to find ways of explaining your mother's absence to your child as well as to others. As for giving up on your mother, it is way too early to do that. This is another reason for seeing a therapist, so you can decide if it is worth building a conditional relationship with her. Sometimes it is possible, but it takes a long time, sometimes years, and you must be very cautious. Also, it is normal for a narcissist to want see a grandchild, but, remember, it will always be in a narcissistic way. In other words, if allowed to visit with her, she will more than likely treat your daughter the same way she treats you Knows What it's Like to Have a Narcissistic Mother

It sounds to me like your mom is at least somewhat narcissistic. I would focus on setting limits with her and not waste time trying to get her to understand your point of view. From what I've read, it's also a waste of time to try to get someone with NPD to understand and/or admit that they have a problem. Just focus on your needs and setting boundaries that you feel comfortable with and don't engage in the struggle with her. Once you get a little practice at this you will probably feel more comfortable engaging with her and may not feel that you need to totally cut her out. Also read the wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder Good luck

Today in our therapist's office i read an article in Psychology Today that addresses your ambivalence about your mother. The article was about Severing Ties with your Relatives, when to do it.

It suggests that the reason one feels ambivalent is because No ONE is ALL bad - every human being has some good in them and that is what we respond to. Although you would like to see her as all bad (and that would make a break easy) you don't for all the good things she may have done for you or the good feelings (like daughterly love) you project onto her.

The article talked about one tactic, that is, setting boundaries. For example, you could say ''Mom, I would like to chat with you but I only have 20 minutes'' or share with her your feelings about her ignoring your child.

I don't think my parents are narcissistic, but I do know that they are not ''into'' grandkids, either. When I think about it, I realize that they weren't into their kids, either. I have slowly begun to take the good from them and forget about expecting more.

You could also speak with a therapist about this. Good luck! Neglected,too

I can't tell you whether your mother is narcissistic or not, because I don't really believe in labeling people with every disorder under the sun. However, I did want to respond to your post, because my mom could be related to your mother! When my son was 3 weeks old, she came to visit us for two weeks. She didn't want to help me. She was on vacation and wanted to go out every day to visit places in the Bay Area. Recently she accused us of having our own porn site. They are learning how to use the computer and the internet and they googled my name. They didn't realize that every Google result did not necessarily belong to me. Somehow a porn site was on the list of results, so they were convinced that we owned the site. My sister had to go over to their house and explain the entire process in detail, but to date they haven't contacted me. Though it is kind of funny, it is also very insulting that your parents accuse you of such nonsense. And they would NEVER apologize.

I have talked to my friends about this and I have come to the conclusion that most of us have slightly crazy parents. Life is about them and about them alone! Literally all my friends have issues with their parents.

Like this is hard on you, this has also been hard on me. The family bond that I believed we had no longer exists or is, to say the least, changed completely. I find comfort in sharing similar stories with others and I realize that this might just be a part of ''growing up'' (I'm almost 40, so I hadn't expected this at this point in my life).

I think that you are doing the right thing by taking distance from your mother. I hope that your friends know you well enough to understand that your mother is a bit out there and that you're keeping your distance for a good reason. When I look at my other siblings I realize that they have all gone through something similar with my parents. A year or so later the relationship has adjusted itself accordingly and things return to ''normal''. I'd give it some time and let things unwind a bit. Before you know it, you will be back in touch with your mother. You will probably not have the same relationship as before, but you can still HAVE a relationship anon

I really feel for you! My mom is a a narcissist, as are my sister and father. I'm the only one who didn't get it! Since narcissists didn't get the attachment they needed, I asked my therapist why I am not one. She said something to the affect of: ''Oh, you can't have a whole family full of narcissists! They have to make sure one is an empath so that the others can get their narcissistic needs met!''

Your mom absolutely sounds like one to me. It's not normal to be uninterested in your own daughter's life. And there is virtually nothing that can change one. My therapist also explained this to me. They don't seek out therapy or growth because their n-ism is based on a very, very deep and hidden sense of complete emptiness and worthlessness. They build up stories around themselves that make them appear to be what we in grade school called ''conceited,'' when in fact they have created a whole construct to protect themselves from their inner feeling that they are 'nothing.' They cannot dig deeply into themselves or examine their self-importance or delusions because what's underneath if far more terrifying than what's underneath for most of the rest of us doing growth or healing or self-examination work.

I have had to limit my relationship with my mom, and it used to make me sad but I'm okay-ish with it now, because I tried everything and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

I'm sorry because I know it hurts. Healing yourself and raising your baby to break the chain is the best thing you can do, I think. Good luck! Oh, some good books on n-ism are something about evil by M. Scott Peck (Christinan orientation but light touch -- very good but very dark picture of these types) and Why Is It Always About You? Jenny

I don't have enough information know if your mother is narcissistic or not (try googling: narcissistic dsm criteria), but she certainly sounds selfish. My mother is the same way, and I've also had to limit my contact to e-mails! My mother has also had more crises since my child was born -- maybe because of the shifting relationships, maybe because she is getting older.

As for how to deal with her, I can only tell you what works for me: making myself unavailable. I don't answer her phone calls anymore, and I don't return messages or e-mails if they are too demanding or intrusive. I just say no to unreasonable demands. I rely on her local doctors to deal with health problems, although I will talk to them on the phone. I don't feel guilty about it because I have WAY too much going on in my own life and it is a matter of survival for me. I also feel that it is important to keep my own child away from her negative influence.

Good luck in dealing with your mom during this new phase of your life, and be glad she is 5 hours away! anon

I feel tremendous compassion and understanding for you. I've been in your shoes and continue to deal with a narcissistic mother. I certainly don't know if your mom is narcissistic however, I would venture to say she excudes characteristics and traits of that personality disorder.

My mom has always been self centered, controlling and completely 100% absorbed in her own, albeit small, little world. Once I had children (I now have three), it only continued to get worse and much more disruptive to my personal life. For me, the only solution that worked was to keep my distance (she lives only 30 minutes away)both physically and phone wise too. The drama in her life just never seemed to cease and I simply no longer had the time or energy to deal with her. The few times I would allow myself to get sucked in, I was always frustrated and angry at myself afterwards.

I would suggest that you check in with her (hopefully catching voicemail when you can)occasionally on the phone and more frequently via email. Send her pictures of your child and you together doing fun things. When she does trap you into a tangent of ranting and raving, disengage from the phone call.

Tell her there is someone at the door or you have a meeting to attend (narcissistic personalities will only relate to emergencies). Take control of the situation and be firm, direct but polite. Continue to try and turn the conversation back to you, your child, your needs and desires.

Lastly, as a good therapist once suggested, you cannot change people (especially narcissistic types). What you can do is change the way you respond to her. Tell your friends to do the same and warmly suggest to your mom that she not discuss mother/daughter personal matters with your friends. You will have to remind her time and again that your life is quite full right now and that you simply do not have a lot of extra time.

You are not responsible for how other people act. You are however, responsible for yourself and your daughter and that should be first and foremost, your primary concern. Remember, your mom has already lived a lot of her life already, you and your daughter have a long way to go...make it a beautiful journey Been There

My mother is very self-centered, extroverted, opinionated. She is intentionally provocative and controversial to get attention, and says outrageously offensive things to be noticed. She exaggerates her accomplishments and speaks with authority on any and all topics. She uses information like a weapon, saving up knowledge of her childrens' personal weaknesses for vulnerable moments later when it will hurt the most. When they first meet her, people often think her charming - she is very direct and engaging. But no one can take her for very long, except for small children, who find her entertaining. My children adored her until they got to be 8 or so, and then stopped giving her the attention she craves. At that point, she got mean and nasty, calling them names, accusing them of crazy things. Once she came over when my son, then 9, had a friend over. As soon as she saw them, she said "Your eyes are red! You've been sniffing glue, haven't you!" One time at dinner she laid into my 20-year-old son, who dresses in an unconventional way, accusing him of using drugs and all sorts of perversity. Another time at a family 4th of July picnic, completely out of the blue, she began to berate my teenage son about his posture, told him he was "spineless" and has no backbone, what kind of "man" is he? etc. This went on for several minutes while he hunched lower and lower. He was devastated. My mother does not have any friends, not a single one. She has 5 children who can't bear to be around her. All of us had left home by 18 and never went back. I'm the only one who now lives within driving distance. I try to see her every week out of a mix of obligation and pity, and also so that my children can have a grandmother.

So ... what works for me is to limit interactions, and to be very straightforward with her. She is also a very suspicious and paranoid person, so I find it is better to be completely honest and blunt with her. I will only see her in my home, not in public. When she attacks my kids, I tell her that I can't see her for a while because she hurt them and I need to protect them. I don't engage in arguments with her and I don't try to explain WHY I am mad. I just let her know that my feelings were hurt, or my kids' were, or that "we don't use those words in our house." She frequently makes comments about my weight, my clothes, my complexion, my health, even my sex life. I just let her know that I'm not going to discuss these things with her. This is not easy. Oftentimes she makes me so mad I have to leave the room and take deep breaths and then come back. I don't participate when she tries to engage me in a mean-spirited conversation about one of my siblings or another relative. I just say ''Sorry, I am not going to talk about that'', and repeat as many times as necessary. This seems to work and she has learned now that when I say that, there is no point in pursuing it.

Good luck on this - it is very difficult. But it is good for your children to see you taking the high road.
signed: Daughter, not so loving

Dealing with an ex with narcisistic personality disorder

Oct 2006

I am wondering what is out there in terms of support for dealing with an ex with narcisistic personality disorder. I am needing good legal advice for custody and financial issues, as well as coping strategies and advice on how to separate and begin a healthy life for myself and my kids--to the extent that we can do that with the NPD parent still in their lives. I am understandng that I need to develop clear boundaries, but am also seeking wisdom from folks who have been through this. Good lawyers that understand the issues? Support group that deal with issues of parenting? other ideas? Thanks! anon

The thing that has been most helpful to my psychotherapy work with Narcissistic clients is remaining acutely aware of the fact that their hostility covers up a deep sense of shame. While this doesn't excuse the narcissist's hurtful behavior, it does help me navigate communication with them so that I can avoid triggering their defensive responses and they are more receptive to reasonable limits and hearing what I have to say. Sorry I can't offer the practical resources you asked for -s.

First I want to say that I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have a family member with NPD and the boundary setting has been a continuing struggle. I suggest you check out http://www.mentalhelp.net/, which is a great resource for information on narcissistic personality disorder, along with any other mental health issue Anon

Husband with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Nov 2004

After 10 years of pain and frustration, I've come to learn that my husband suffers from NPD. I've decided not to leave him in the short-term because our children are quite young and sharing custody with him feels akin to sending them off with a drunk driver. I understand his prognosis is poor and I am now marshalling all my energy towards my own financial and emotional recovery, as well as modelling healthy emotions and behavior for my children. I am wondering if other people have stayed with spouses with NPD and what advice they might have. I am working on setting boundaries against his abusive behavior (without assuming he'll understand why his behavior is inappropriate), but am wondering if the best course of action (to maintain a peaceful household) is to continue to act as a supply for his needs (i.e., be as supporting, affectionate, and adoring as I can, although I don't feel very adoring right now) or to refuse to supply that (for my own sake). I read on one web site that being abusive/ condescending back is the best way to deal with narcissist--that seems extremely perilous to me, as it just triggers his underlying rage. (Been there, done that.) We are in couple's therapy , but I'd love some advice from others who've experienced this. Relieved to have ID'd the problem

It's very hard to overcome the influence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's my understanding that that's one reason that many people leave the NPD spouse - to provide an entirely healthy environment for the child(ren). I completely sympathize with your desire to avoid unsupervised time for your husband with your kids: I didn't ID the problem until post- divorce, but I do remember that nobody believed that my ex- husband was anything but charming and loving, even when there was ample evidence of neglect (ignoring the child's needs in order to fulfill the adult's need for constant ''supply''). So maybe waiting awhile is a good idea . . . but not a long time.

The thing is, your kids will model your behavior (in response to your husband) without understanding the reason for it - that you're compensating for an ill partner. That, combined with the NPD itself, gives them nothing healthy to imitate. To the extent possible, you need to give them a healthy emotional model, something positive enough and consistent enough to counter the pervasive influence of the NPD. That will give them a base from which to understand that their dad isn't entirely well, that his perspective isn't the only valid world view, and that his behaviour isn't necessarily the way that they should behave themselves.

Good luck! anon

I have a sibling with NPD, and I can tell you that ''feeding their needs'' or trying to ''appease'' them to maintain the peace has the same long term effect that Chamberlain's attempt to appease Hitler had. In other words, it's a disaster!

You must set clear limits. You don't need to be abusive, but you must make it clear that abuse will not be tolerated. This is also a very important example to set for your children. If you are loving and supportive when your spouse is abusive, it sets your children up to repeat the pattern as adults. Not a good idea!

You can work out the best way to set limits with your counselor (alone if necessary). But please, please do not get trapped in the cycle of appeasement! Been there, done that too

I have first-hand experience with a husband with NPD. We were in couple's counseling for 8 years and he was in an anger management group for 5 of those years. We have two beautiful children (now ages 1 and 5). I found personally that being with a narcissist was destroying me and I was exhausted most of the time. It was like caring for three children and believe me, the negative modelling has already had a harmful effect on my 5 year old who is now in therapy. Our family and relationship was fine as long as I overfunctioned and took care of everyone. This went on for years. Earlier this year, my mother became critically ill and I needed to help care for her. I obviously could not maintain my previous level of functioning at home and the support just wasn't there, in fact, the sarcasm and abusiveness worsened during a time when I most needed a supportive partner. We stopped having sex which triggered a lot of negative, abusive reactions. As my mother was dying, I realized that I could no longer live like this...that my children & I all needed a better, healthier life and leaving an abusive partner was the most powerful modelling I could provide my kids. I left the month after my mother passed away (in June of this year), and despite the challenges with visitation, I am so much happier. The kids are adapting well and with the advise of a great attorney, there are some clear parameters around visitation that make me feel more comfortable. I'd be happy to pass on a referral for a good attorney, if you need one. I also have a wonderful therapist who has helped me tremendously with individual work that I'll be needing for a long time. Being apart has given me great perspective. I found that the couples work was more like a temporary band-aid when I really needed surgery. Be very careful though. I found that the best way to deal with a narcissist once you've left is firm limits and boundaries which can cause rages. When we were together, the only way to have a peaceful household was to cater to his needs, be adoring/loving, overfunction which made me internalize a lot of negative emotions and as I said earlier, gradually started to destroy me. It wasn't really a marriage. Best of luck to you in this very difficult journey. Jennifer

My mother suffers from NPD. The poor prognosis is accurate, unfortunately, and from what I've seen, it worsens with age. You sound like you have your priorities set and are clear about what you can handle. I really wish you the best, and recommend that you continually reassess this situation.

It's true that harsh behavior generates the best responses from persons with this disorder. Since you have a good sense that being abusive back to him doesn't work in your situation, you would be wise to avoid it. Not to mention itUs not great behavior to model for your children.

What I have done is to set up some fairly rigid boundaries with my mother, maintaining a peaceful, helpful (helpful as different from caring) facade with her while protecting myself emotionally by not investing in her or letting her in to my personal life. (thousands of miles between us don't hurt either) But I find that when I deviate from those boundaries and let her in to my personal life or respond to her in a caring manner, the demon rears its ugly head. She always finds a way to punish me for genuine acts of kindness towards her. Her behavior goes from that of borderline, functioning adult to young, spoiled child.

It sounds shallow, but it's really the most humane way to deal with a narcissist, while protecting yourself emotionally. I would suggest that you get help for your children from a counselor, they aren't going to understand what's going on in the same way that you can. Anonymous

Being abusive may or not work, but I doubt if it would feel good to you in either case. Who wants to behave that way! It doesn't make you feel good about yourself, or good inside.

My mother had NPD, along with other problems, and I left home knowing all too well how to fight abusively, since it was the only way she knew how to deal with conflict. It took me many years to undo that and to learn other choices. That is the tricky thing about staying with him for the sake of your kids, once they are old enough to become objects of his abuse (if they are not already).

It is indeed a disorder with an extremely poor prognosis- people with it are very guarded, and defensive if crossed, and have virtually no insight into their behaviour. Although on a deep level my mother knew that there was something wrong with her, she would never let anyone close enough to her for them to be able to actually help her.

It is very lonely to be close to someone with NPD, since they can never truly relate emotionally, and I feel for you. You have to make your own plans, but I would suggest being neither phony or abusive in any case. Keeping your own spirits up and finding as much satisfaction for yourself in other ways is really the best, and only, defense- even though he probably won't like it.

Good luck. anon

I grew up with a mother with NPD and a sister that shows signs of it. It is an extremely difficult life that DOES get more difficult with age. I feel for you. The only way I learned to cope is to move 2000 miles away. Set boundaries in a strong and firm voice and know that others have gone/and go through this. Sometimes I think I should form a NPD Survivor's Group. -- Carrie

I feel for you. My mother has NPD, and it is hell to live with. To exarcerbate the sitation, she was also an alcoholic. And I can also tell you, yes, it does get worse with age. I will be direct here: your husband will probably not change, and your children will live with the impact of his behavior. I would cut my losses and go. In the long run, both you and your children will gain from the happiness you can achieve as a healthier unit. Been there

I also was married to an NPD with small children. When my husband (now ex) decided he was entitled to do whatever he wanted he decided he should have an affair with one of his employees. He wouldn't give the other woman up unless I promised to get back with him. I said no deal. So he didn't give her up. He picked a woman who didn't even care to be with her own child. His affair gave me all sorts of things, an STD, a lower bank account as he bought her gifts, he sued me for spousal support (I made more money). In the end, he basically got eveything he asked for except getting back with me. An NPD doesn't care about anyone but themselves. Yet, underneath it all they don't have the capacity to love themselves. Without that capacity they can't truly love anyone else. Yet, they force the outside world to demonstrate that they are lovable. It is a quest with no end. They lie, they lack remorse, they are an unfortunate role model for your children. They question you need to ask yourself is what modeling are you showing your children by staying in an unhealthy relationship? Are you demonstrating that relationships are meant to NOT work? That one person is less valuable than the other in a relationship? At some point you won't be able to take it. Or worse, the toll will be upon your children. They know that something isn't right even if they can't verbalize it. They will try to compensate or try to replicate that relationship since that is what they've been taught. Although my life has new hardships, like paying bills and juggling schedules I have peace of mind that an NPD can not control me anymore. There is no winning with an NPD, whatever you do will never be enough. I have peace of mind and I'll never go back. Good luck to you and know that people like me are out there in your corner. I have walked in your shoes

The opinions and statements expressed on this website are those of parents who subscribe to the Berkeley Parents Network. Please see Disclaimer & Usage for information about using content on this website.