• Child having surgery
• Parent having surgery
• Reviews of specific hospitals
• Tonsils & Surgery

My 8-year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with tethered cord. She will be entering Children's Hospital in Oakland in a week or two to have surgery to correct this defect in her spinal cord. Her neurosurgeon is Dr. Nagle. If anyone has any experience with this condition, or with surgery at Children's, or any advice on how to make this as untraumatic as possible for her, me, and her 3-year-old sister I would be most grateful. You may email me directly. I am a single parent with no family in the area, and have recently used up all my sick leave and most of my vacation leave because I have been out with pneumonia, and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by it all ... Melinda

From: John (8/98)

Preparations: There are children's books about going to the
hospital--I don't know what's currently on the shelves, they seem to
come and go, but they all say "here's what you'll find and it won't be
all that bad." If it's not too babyish, one of those would probably
help both your daughters; or you may need two age-appropriate
books. (My guess is that the 8-year-old is going to want some babying,
too--she'll probably resent being treated like a 3-year-old, but maybe
not being treated like a 5-year-old.) Both of them, especially the
3-year-old, may have to be told more than once that the 8-year-old is
going to the hospital to get better, not to die! 3-year-olds often
have vague and unpleasant ideas about sickness and hospitals. They're
kind of funny, from a distance. For both your daughters, I think the
crucial factor will be your take on things--if you're upbeat and
optimistic, or if you can at least make a good show of it, they'll do
the same.

I expect your 8-year-old will want to take some mementoes of home
along--stuffed animals, dolls, books, whatever. I know I would. You would be
wise to clear them with the hospital staff in advance, of course--if they need
to bend a rule, they're more likely to do it that way than when the child is
checking in; or at least your daughter can be prepared and have an acceptable
substitute ready. And you do want to have a good relationship with the nurses.

(3a) Regarding the leave business: I think your situation falls under the
Family Medical Leave Act: you should be able to take time off to deal with
this without any harm. See http://hrweb.berkeley.edu/BENEFITS/Fmla.htm. 
But don't delay: timely notice is required.

(3b) Also, UC Berkeley has a Catastrophic Leave-Sharing Program, under
which employees who have lots of vacation leave can contribute some of
it to employees who are in need of it due to serious health
conditions. See http://hrweb.berkeley.edu/POLICY/Catlvshr.htm for the
draft policy, or ask your department's personnel officer for the real
policy, which came out in July in a Deans & Directors memo. I haven't
done a word-by-word comparison, but the draft policy and the real one
look the same to me.

HOWEVER: if you're represented by CUE or FUPOA, UC Berkeley will not
allow anyone to donate leave time to you. It's hard to believe, but
it's true: I have just submitted a grievance about a similar case. One
of my co-workers is about to have a baby, and I want to give her some
of my excess vacation leave, but UC won't allow it: she's represented
by CUE, and apparently UC wants to use this "part of campus efforts to
create a caring environment" as a bargaining chip.

But I digress. I think you should see if anyone is willing to chip in
some time for you regardless of your classification or
representation--if you're in the right job series, or if my grievance
gets settled to my satisfaction, or if there's a sudden change of
heart in UC management (some of them are rumored to have hearts), you
may be able to use it, and if you can't, you'll be no worse off.

Best of luck,

John

Our younger daughter also spent a night at Children's Hospital the winter before last. She had pneumonia, and had to have an iv and oxygen - which is nothing compared to surgery, but which seemed very awful at the time. Anyway -- she actually had a wonderful time. The nurse who put the IV in was absolutely wonderful. She really enjoyed all the gizmos in her room (the tv in bed! the small oxygen canister to wheel around! the fuzzy yellow slippers!). I think she also enjoyed having some time alone with me, since I stayed with her the whole time. She also enjoyed having complete control of the television. She was almost 5 at the time -- she has a sister two years older.

Anyway -- despite the many awful aspects of hospital visits, there is something to be said for the novelty of it all. Definitely stay overnight with her, and she will probably appreciate the time spent with just her and no sibling.

Having visitors is fun, too -- Our older daughter came to visit with my husband. They let us meet them out in some neutral room (since she was too young to come into the hospital room) and she was unspeakably jealous (the slippers, the tiny oxygen-on-wheels). I think it was probably reassuring for them to see each other.

I think we also had a good book to read, which was good to avoid boredom. I don't know if you still read to your eight-year-old, but she might like the luxury of having a parent free to read chapter after chapter -- best of luck --

July 2003

It's looking like my husband will need surgery to help repair a rotator cuff injury, after which he might need to stay in hospital overnight or so. I would sure appreciate any advice you might have in how to best prepare our very verbal 2 1/2 year old son. He's used to spending the night away from one or both of us and we have lots of very supportive family and friends nearby, so I'm not particularly concerned with that aspect of the situation. I'm more interested in things I can do to help him understand and prepare for what's going to happen. I've checked the website and only found one repsonse on this topic and it focused more on ways to get the rest necessary for a full recovery. Thanks again for your help! Kerri

I am having surgery soon. I will be in the hospital for 3 to 5 days and at home for about a month. I am not supposed to lift or carry during that time. I have two sons. One is 6 and the other is nearly 4 years old. (They are in school/daycare during the day.) I have a couple of questions.

Any helpful hints for preparing the boys for my absence during the surgery? My youngest son weighs 44 pounds and loves to run and jump on anyone in a sitting position. We have started explaining that he won't be able to do that when I get back from the hospital but we know he will not remember. I hope to "barricade" myself behind pillows and maybe a TV tray or two but I'd love advice from others who have dealt with a highly energetic child after surgery.

Thanks!

The most important thing is not to return to your normal activities too soon!!! I'm guessing this will be a tough one for a mom of two. Depending on your situation (partner? is partner helpful?, $ to spare?), perhaps you could consider getting a little outside help. Maybe some of the previously posted suggestions for house cleaners/keepers could provide a few hours of work for your family? TWICE the estimated recovery time was what it took to get my husband back to semi-normal. And even with only one child, I was really tired at the end of it, because he does a lot for our family. So please, if it's at all financially possible, consider getting a little outside paid support for yourself. It will pay you back in good health. Best wishes. Catherine