Move before or after baby is born?
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Move before or after baby is born?
May 2004
My hubby has a job offer out of the area where we know no one.
Do we attempt a move soon, with me 4-5 months pregnant expecting
our first child, or do we see about delaying the job start
(and/or telecommuting) and move later with a newborn? Any first
time moving moms out there who can share some pros and cons of
the options? We don't want to go through a first pregnancy
without our support nearby, but then moving with a newborn and
losing the support then won't be easy either - maybe it's easier
to move and try to find support before the baby comes? suggestions?
opportunity is knocking!
My husband and I moved last year when I was just over 37 weeks
pregnant. We moved within the Bay Area. Of course we were
nervous that I might go into labor while we were mid-move, but
we were glad we did it beforehand. Why? We got settled before
our baby arrived, and we met our neighbors and have somewhat of
a local support system. I would suggest moving earlier rather
than later - you can meet other soon to be moms and possibly
even join a moms club. Once the baby is here, it will be more
difficult to get out and about. Good luck and congrats!
Hannah
If you are set on either moving now, or after the baby's born, do it
NOW.
Life is much, much harder, and support much more important, with a
newborn than when pregnant.
Karen
I moved both times I was pregnant, and while mine were short
moves (from SF to East Bay and to a different house still in the
East Bay), I strongly encourage you to bite the bullet and move
while you are pregnant. I know it seems like it is hard to do
this while you are pregnant, but it is an absolute cakewalk
compared to doing it with a newborn.
I found that my strongest support network with a newborn was
actually the new moms I met in my moms group after the birth of
my first baby. If I had stayed in SF and joined a group there,
I would have lost that network when I moved, and this really
(in my experience) is a one-shot deal. You really bond with
people when you are all new moms for the first time.
If you move now, you will have time to get some info on a good
ob/gyn, a good pediatrician, etc.
Good luck with whatever you decide, and wherever you end up, try
to hook up with a new moms group once baby shows up. You will
be amazed at how much support you can get from a group of
(initially) strangers.
Moved while pregnant
I'd suggest moving now so that you start to get a support system
together and meet new people before the baby is born. Things
like pre-natal classes and new parent groups are great ways to
meet other new parents and start connections for future play
groups and such. Also, it's nice to meet some people (people at
your husband's new job) while ''just'' pregnant and before you turn
into sleep-deprived mommy with a baby in tow. Unless your
pregancy is especially difficult, I'd say you'll need the support
much more after the baby is born than before.
Good luck!
We just moved to Berkeley from Colorado in February, when I was 7
months pregnant with our first child. We had lived in Berkeley
before,
so we had friends here, although we were moving away from family. I
am really glad that we moved while I was pregnant rather than waiting
until after the baby was born. By moving first, we were able to meet
expecting parents in this area by taking child birth classes, etc.
Also,
now that we have a newborn I can see that it would have been
exponentially more difficult to move with a baby. Good luck!
anon
I would definitely advise you to move while the baby is on the
inside. They take so little of your time then! Once they're
born, well, you can still move, of course, but babies really do
need a lot of time and attention. If you do decide to wait, my
advice would then be to move while the baby is as young as
possible--my experience is that older babies need even more
attention, until they're about three years old. Newborns do
sleep a lot, and typically are quite happy just being carried
around in a sling or whatever as you go about your business. I
would bet that you'll find support in your new location,
especially if you know what kind you're looking for (alternative
medical, or whatever). I have found that generally most people
love babies and want to help new moms! Good luck!
meg
i would say you should probably move now. it will be MUCH easier
to move now than with a newborn on the purely practical and
physical level. that is not to be taken lightly. as for the
emotional support network, most people i've known have felt their
community changing after they have a baby anyhow-- of course it
depends on who you know-- but new moms are often out there
looking for other moms with similar aged babies and depending on
how soon you can move you might even be able to make some
connections in a prenatal yoga class or some other pregnant type
of activity. and if you are definitely planning to move no matter
what, it is going to be even harder to move away from a
supportive community after you have your baby. the only reason to
wait is if you are unsure about moving at all, or the choice of
where. that's my two cents, but i'm sure you will figure out
what's best for you.... Good luck on your journey and
congratulations!
I moved while 6 months pregnant and a friend of mine moved with
a one-month old. No question about it, in my opinion, move
while pregnant! Speaking from my own experience, it is
probably impossible for you to imagine how much easier it is to
be pregnant than it is to have a newborn until you have
experienced both. For example, if you think your hormones are
raging now and your husband claims you are acting like an
alien, this is (likely) still nothing compared to the
postpartum period. Now, I have heard rumor of women who gave
birth within 6 hours and were up shopping and cooking breakfast
for the whole family the next day, but this is the exception
(IF it's actually true!) rather than the rule. After the baby
is born, you are likely to find it difficult to find the time
to get dressed, feed yourself, etc. and to not burst into tears
several times a day. In short, I, at least, was overwhelmed
with a newborn (coupled with a difficult induced labor and an
emergency C-section to boot). I cannot imagine moving on top
of all this and being so unsettled. New motherhood was surreal
enough for me without going through a move at the same time.
My friend who moved with a newborn (and a toddler) was
absolutely exhausted and attributed a large part of her
postpartum depression to having to move on top of everything
else. So, since moving with a 12-month old or older baby was
not one of the choices you said you and your husband have but
rather the choice was now or with a newborn, I certainly
recommend moving while pregnant. This way, you can get your
home and yourselves settled (at least as much as possible in a
short time) BEFORE the arrival. You can make arrangements for
soon-to-be-out-of-town family and friends to visit you. You
can find out how to join a mother's support group, postnatal
exercise class, etc. You will need this support so much more
after the birth than you will need it to get through your
pregnancy.
Been there...
By all means move as soon as possible. Physically and
emotionally this is a much better time. I moved when I was 8
months pregnant and it wasn!&t easy but I!&m so glad I did. At 4-
5 months pregnant you should still be feeling good and be able
to pack and move light boxes. Get as much done as you can while
you're pregnant because once the baby comes, he/she will change
your life forever. First of all it'll take you at least 6-8
weeks to get back to feeling ''normal'' after childbirth. You may
spend days to weeks in bed. Then there's all those 'round the
clock feedings you'll be doing so you'll be suffering from
sleep deprivation for about 6 months. If you're breastfeeding,
that!&s a hurdle in itself to overcome. I'd move and get settled
in now. You can take the time to find a good obgyn,
pediatrician, lactation specialist, doula, etc.. You will need
help when the baby comes, and if you can have a family member
(mom, sister, etc) come stay with you for a couple weeks that
would be ideal. That family member will be someone to take care
of you, while you're busy taking care of the baby.
Congratulations and good luck!!
Anon
I would say move now. Moving is stressful, and a new baby is
going to add a ton of stress (and joy, but the stress cannot be
denied) I have moved with and without kids (not even newborns)
and it is easier without. Get settled in your new place,
feather your nest, and look for a new moms club, or a newcomers
group.
moved alot
I'd strongly recommend to move now. Pregnancy is a piece of
cake compared to taking care of a newborn. During the first few
months with a new baby you'll be happy if you find the time to
have a shower or brush your teeth - you will simply not have
any time to even think about moving, let alone actually
organize a move. So, either move now or wait until the baby is
at least a year. We moved when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with
my first baby and what we didn't manage to unpack by the time
the baby was born is in boxes to this day (by now we have two
kids so theses boxes will remain in the garage for some more
time).
still living with boxes
I haven't moved either while I was pregnant or with a new-born,
so take my advice with that said. But having had two newborns
within the last two years I would recommend emphatically that
you move NOW! As hard as it to imagine, nothing will be as easy
as it is now for quite a while. I can't imaging having to move
right after giving birth, you just want to focus inward and
you're in a chronic state of exhaustion all the time. Much
better to settle into the new home to allow yourself to nest and
to find new support, both medical and otherwise (neighbors,
family, new friends, etc...) You will also have a lot less to
move before (cribs, bouncy chairs, etc...)It will be nice for
your baby's doctor to know him/her from the start and your new
OB can get to know you fairly quickly before the baby comes. The
only danger I see is if you have a complicated pregnancy so talk
to your OB about you condition.
S.W.
Having moved both while pregnant, and with a baby (though not a
newborn), I'd say move while pregnant, hands-down. Newborns are
all-consuming and you wouldn't be able to help much with moving.
Not that you'd want to be lifting a lot of heavy stuff while
pregnant, but part of the joy of a new place is unpacking,
organizing, decorating, etc. and you will be much more pressed
for time after the baby is born. (This comes at you from someone
who is still living partially out of boxes. And the ''baby'' is 18
months old.) Also, having a newborn can be isolating, so better
to move before baby is born and have a chance to make new
friends while pregnant.
Best of luck to you. Truthfully, neither option is easy.
btdt
We moved just across town-Oakland to Richmond- when my daughter
was 2 months old. I could do nothing, and I mean nothing, to
help with the move. (Come to think of it maybe I did pack a
box.)It was unbelievably difficult. I could barely help pack,
move boxes or clean up afterwards, let alone unpack. My husband
was no less busy with work and a newborn and yet still had to
bare the brunt of the work.
My advice- move now. You can make contacts in your new
location.
As an aside- my husband just happened by. I gave him a brief
run down of your question. He groaned and without a moments
hesitation said, ''Move now.''
would have moved before baby if it was an option
This is a tough one. Having moved twice during my first pregnancy I
can tell
you that it is not ideal. However, I think on balance it is better to
move before
the baby is born than after (depending on how much after you can wait.)
The
support you need during pregnancy is nothing compared to what you need
when the baby is actually born, and I certainly wouldn't recommend
moving
during the baby's first few months. So if you can wait until the baby
is 6
months old or more, then it might be better to stay where you have
support for
those first months. Otherwise, I would recommend moving early enough in
your pregnancy that you can establish a new support network before the
baby
is born. One thing you can do is take prenatal pregnancy preparedness
classes
at the hospital where you will give birth. If you like some of the
people in your
class you can exchange contact info and establish a new parents group
(moms
group/play group). Sometimes the hospital will do something similar
for
families with babies born within a few months of each other. When you
are
looking for a neighborhood, try to find one with at least a few
families with
kids 3 years old and under. Talk to neighbors and find out if the
neighborhood
already has some cohesiveness. Do they hang out together? Celebrate
birthdays and other occaisions? Have a play group or book group or any
other
semi-organized group? One good thing I can say about househunting and
moving during pregnancy is that it keeps one from sitting around
obsessing
over every little symptom. And you really don't need to spend 6 months
preparing the nursery. We moved into our house 1 month before our baby
was
born and it worked out fine. But only you know if that will be a
welcome
diversion or too stressful for you. (Of course you can always
househunt during
the pregnancy and then if you don't find anything before your 8th
month, stop
looking and wait until the baby is a few months old.)
Good luck however it works out!
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