Where to Meet Other Singles?
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Where to Meet Other Singles?
I'm a woman in my mid-40s and I've been out of the dating
scene a long time. Now I'd really like to find a partner.
I'm willing to give online dating a shot, but it's not my
preference. I'd prefer to start off with live interaction.
But I have no idea where to go to meet nice guys (over the
age of 40). I don't drink, so the bar scene is out. Anyone
got any suggestions?? I'd love to hear from both women and
men about this.
I'd suggest joining a cyber group such as Bay Area Link Up
and/or a Meetup group such as the Bay Area Single
Parents...you can find them by doing a google search. I
belong to both and it is a relaxed fun way to meet others -
men and women - while participating in activities that
you enjoy. I have made some new friends and dated some
great guys...most people are 30 - 60 in age. For me it
feels more natural than online dating. Good luck!
Fellow 40-something single woman
Have you tried social dancing? The SF Bay in general and
Berkeley in particular have several very active dancing
communities. The age ranges vary, but there are a lot of
older people (some of them single) in the Tango community
where my wife and I dance. There are also seem to be a lot of
people your age in the ballroom and salsa communities,
although I am less familiar with them.
I don't think things have changed much from back when I was
dating. It always seemed to me that the best way to meet
someone is either getting introduced casually through
friends, or by picking some group activities you're really
interested in in your spare time and doing them regularly.
That all said, I wouldn't rule out also trying something
like match.com. It seems like a pretty low-risk thing to try.
== East Bay Guy
Don't knock on line dating. I met my partner of 3+ years on
line and my ex met his wife on line. Some sites are better
than others. Ask friends about their experiences. There are
also plenty of good on line resources/articles about the
etiquette of on line dating (and safety factors).
To meet guys in person...what do you like to do best in
terms of hobbies or sports? That is a good place to start.
Or, if you can tolerate guy sports...you can find lots of
guys at the golf course, taking flying lessons, fishing, at
car shows. If you are looking for divorced guys with kids,
try the local playgrounds on the weekends. Or borrow a dog
and go to the dog park. For me, a good step was writing up a
list of the qualities that I definitely wanted in a partner,
the deal breakers (drugs, smoking, mean to people, etc.) and
the qualities that would be nice but weren't required. Best
I don't have any advice, since I'm sort of in the same
situation. I am in my 40's and going through a divorce,
but I expect that someday I will start dating again. I
have a young child and work at home, so meeting men out in
the real world will be very hard. When I am ready, I plan
to try online dating, specifically eharmony.com. I have
friends who swear by it and say that everyone they know
who used it had success. Online dating is a whole new
world for me, but things have changed since my 20's. I
like the idea that you can screen out people before you
even meet them (Don't like dogs? Forget it.) You get to
find out more about them via e-mail and can move on if you
don't click, before you meet in person. Why not give it a
Terrified about dating again
What do you like to do? what would you like to do with a
partner? My mom had a saying from way back, that I just
have to share: Love isn't about holding hands and staring
into each other's eyes, it's about holding hands and both
walking in the same direction. (I didn't do that, but I
like it!) So: sports? church? hiking? cooking? dancing?
gardening? volunteering at the food bank? ringing
doorbells for a candidate? Good luck! There's someone for
I am expecting my first baby and my best friend is 33, childless
and single. I often feel bad about talking about how happy my
babydaddy and I am for fear of making her feel bad, though she is
always happy for us and never pouts or guilt trips. But our
current analysis seems to be realistic; that single guys in their
30's are either dud's or taken. I recommended that she explore
the wonderful world of the divorced (daddies or otherwise), that
like our fathers, they will have learned their lessons when they
messed up their first marriage (or marriage-like relationship).
She's into the idea but doesn't know where to start. Does anyone
have any insight or experience? Know any nice divorced daddies?
Or that rare single gem? I want to see her happily accompanied!
looking out for that 3rd wheel
The single guys in their 30's are not all duds. My brother, who
turns 38 this year, is simply a late bloomer. He did not date
much in his 20's, too busy playing and learning. He now is
fighting the curse of being an older single male who is
stereotyped as out of the running since he must be seriously
flawed to be single now. Any chance your friend likes skiing,
hiking, biking, camping? My brother is intelligent and active
and would love to find a woman to match him. Finding bright
women has not been the main challenge; bright women abound.
It's trouble finding women interested in outdoors or ones ready
for committment. Of course to add to his challenges, he's yet
another single male engineer in Silicon Valley. All that said,
your friend may really be fine at her life stage - just because
you are transitioning doesn't mean she wants/needs to!
Your friend is not hopeless, nor does she need to concentrate
on young divorcees or widows, although she should keep an open
mind about them. It seems to me that there are plenty of 33
year old guys who have never been married. Especially if
they have some great job that required extended education.
I would be concerned if someone was divorced and out on
the prowl by 33 honestly. There are plenty of great guys
out there. She just needs to stay on the scene a little
bit instead of getting too cozy being the only single in
my 2 cents
My advice is to advise her to date men who she thinks will make
wonderful life partners. Your assumption that single unmarried
men in their 30s are no longer any good doesn't make any sense. I
know of many fine single unmarried men in their 30s who would
make excellent partners. Does she want a divorced man in his 30s
with children and potential problems from another marriage?
Perhaps, if she truly and genuinely loves him AND his children.
Or does she want a single unmarried man in his 30s who doesn't
have that kind of baggage whom she can start a family with?
Great question and interesting subject....Just because someone is
divorced doesn't necessarily mean that they learned some valuable
lessons. Some divorced people never learn anything. Second, just
because a marriage ends in divorce, don't assume it was the man's
fault. Women ruin marriages at about the same rate as men do.
Third, it is just an excuse to think that there are no good
companions out there. You can't really believe that? Tell her to
pursue hobbies, take time for herself, try online dating, and get
involved with things that make you happy.
Finally, it might be that you have more of an issue with this
then your friend does. Maybe you should tone down the pregnancy
talk and pursue some activities that you both enjoy, that don't
involve checking out baby strollers. Congrats on new baby!
Ya know, I don't know your friend, but as someone who met my
husband when I was 33 and he was 29, I have to say I think the
reason we got together was because I was ready and I had come,
after a long time and a lot of work, to truly love myself and
accept that I was fine and happy single. Once I reached that
conclusion and wasn't consciously looking, it happened. Also, I
was open to him. Ten years earlier I wouldn't have even talked to
him, much less date or eventually marry him. Now, I admit that I
was social, I went out, had lots of friends and we met at a
party. Nothing fancy. I'm just saying, your friend needs to fall
in love with herself. This may not lead to her finding someone,
divorced, older, younger, whatever, but if she's truly in love
with herself, it won't matter. I believe that at my core and I
hope she comes to realize that.
married at 36, mom at 39 and 41
It sounds like your underlying worry is that you and your friend
will drift apart after the baby comes since you're in very
different stages of life and you're really happy about where you
are. Maybe instead of trying to figure out ways she can catch up
to you by finding Mr. Right, no matter how well meaning you are,
you could try just telling her that her friendship is important
to you and that you worry that talking about how happy you are
might make her sad. You might have an interesting conversation. I
didn't get married until I was 34, and there were times before I
met my husband when I was able to be really happy for friends
getting married and having kids and other times when I really
tried to be happy for them, but deep down was mostly just
jealous. Giving her a chance to be honest about whatever she's
feeling might just be the best thing for your friendship going
forward. And take my word for it, no matter how much you love
your baby, there will most likely be moments when you envy her
freedom to spend a whole Sunday morning reading the newspaper in
bed or run off to a movie or whatever.
Good luck and congratulations.
Alas, our children do grow up. Any advice where singles in the
30 to 40 age range meet and socialize in the Berkeley and
surrounding area? Our oldest son is back home, socially shy,
working but having difficulty reaching out. Any advice would be
Your shy son has the best chance of meeting someone of the
opposite sex if he goes to groups that do what he loves doing the
most. For example, if he likes hiking, he can meet single woman
in their 30s by going on hikes with East Bay Casual Hiking Group
(hiking.bondon.com). It's a great place for shy people in their
30s to meet someone of the opposite sex. Bicyclists and runners
also have groups in the East Bay. You can be shy and do quite
well in those groups. I know I'm focusing on sports groups here,
but it applies to all groups i.e. book reading groups, artist
groups, meditation groups for people in their 30s, religious
singles groups, etc. If he participates in lots of activities
that he truly loves, he is bound to meet someone sooner or later.
How does a 50 year old single mom meet a progressive single man? Where do
progressive single men (with or without kids) hang out? Craigslist is filled with
ads for superficial connections--not what I'm seeking. What advice do you have for
this artsy, intellectual, attractive, post-modern, fit, very progressive mom who is not
into bars. Farmers markets? Cafes? Poetry/ book readings? Would such a guy approach
a woman with a child? Has anyone been successful in this 'endeavor'? People always
tell me I am such a find---so where do I go to 'get found'?
If you find out let me know! I find that the men ''around here''
aren't very outgoing. Is it layed-back California? Everyone is so
passive and won't make the ''first move''. It could be the age or
the child factor, who knows?? I'll be interested to see if any
single men answer!
45 y.o. single mom, also a ''catch''.
Have you signed up for Quake Radio's events list? KQKE 960AM is a
great station affiliated with Air America. In fact they are
having an event Mar. 29 in Redwood City. www.quakeradio.com
Oooh, one more. I also remembered that Tumble & Tea in Oakland
has events called ''Single Parents Rock.'' Visit
www.tumbleandtea.com and sign up for their emails to get a reminder.
i am a single man with a child. i am 63, my daughter is 8
and i have half custody of her, am very involved with her and
i don't know if ''progressive'' describes me. i am probably
best labelled ''outright radical''. i don't drink, watch tv, have
or want a cell phone, am not religious, don't eat garbage or
drink coffee. don't like anything connected w/ disney or
hollywood. my daughter and i play ball, do art, play games,
read, do math problems, sing, i take her to martial arts,
gymnastics, practice piano with her, help her with homework,
take her to softball (now that basketball is over), discuss her
social life (almost as difficult as mine; go figure), and host
play dates whenever possible.
never tried craigslist, but have been on match.com for over
a year now; not much happening there for me, as the women my age
all want to travel (i hate it, even had i time for it, which i
don't between my work and my daughter) and most women my age
also seem to feel they have ''been there, done that'' in terms of
raising small children. women younger of course want someone
more their own age.
no one has told me i am ''a find'' but i do hear lots about
how ''easy'' it is for older men to find women. not my
experience, AT all.
if you think we might have anything in common, please feel
free to drop me a line.
I can't really vouch for these yet, but I just signed up for
greensingles.com and green-passions.com, which are dating sites
for progressive singles. There don't seem to be a ton of Bay Area
members, but there are some, and you might get lucky. It's worth
a try, anyway.
Three years post-divorce with the children stablized, I am ready
to start dating. I already did Table for Six, have hit a few
drinking establishments, and have done activities that I enjoy.
The men at Table for Six were nice but always a little off the
mark - they seemed to be sort of stuck in place, or too eager -
maybe it was just me but it was hard to connect. One of the
activities produced a terrific connection but otherwise there is
no rhyme or reason to meeting people. Can you tell your stories
about the best way to meet people - other than match.com or
craigslist? I don't like to hike so the Sierra Club is out, and
in general, I have little time - a Friday night or Saturday
night here or there. I'd like to be more systematic!
Have you ever tried partner or social dancing?
Would you want to try partner or social dancing?
There are places where you can learn a partner dance with no partner
required. You can learn ballroom, east coast or west coast swing,
latin, oh the list goes on.
I know that, at least in the queer community it has been a great way to
make new friends, meet new people and to have some fun.
Be bold, go out, learn something new (or brush up the dance lessons) and
get out there!
Check out San Francisco Dance Company on College Ave. near Clairemont
Ave. or try Allegro Ballroom in Emeryville- they might have some
information and can give you some direction or offer some suggestions.
Hey, if you find out let me know!! I'm tired of the internet, have some
really BAD dates! I hope that I will just bang into someone coming out
of the supermarket or video store, as that's about all I do these days
besides going to work. I heard about dharmamatches.com, but haven't
tried it, might be too ''groovy''. I wish there was:
Really, let us know if you find a nice person and where. I have my own
theories about when we will meet the right people, but have yet to feel
like it's really been proven true or not and won't waste this space with
also ready to date
I made a concerted effort to meet someone 4 years ago at age 37, after
finally figuring out the block I'd had for decades re what I was looking
for in a man/partner (which boiled down to realizing I should be seeking
rather than excitement/intellectual stimulation). Other things that
helped: seeing a therapist, reading Excess Baggage-- Getting Out of Your
Own Way by Judith Sills, accepting that I might not ever find a partner
and that my life was full of love and excellent as is, and letting go of
my desperation, melancholy and bitterness about not having found someone
yet or ever.
Once I felt like I was on the right track, I discussed with
friends/acquaintances--in an upbeat, marketing sort of way, not in a
desperate, needy way--what I offered someone and what I was looking for
in someone. I was very specific, even on surface things like
appearance. (I think it's important to be proactive with folks when you
want referrals because otherwise they don't realize how seriously you
want to meet someone.) Lo and behold, a classmate immediately
identified her brother-in- law as a good candidate. Within a month we
had a date, and four years later we are married and just had a baby.
PS I was upfront pretty early re wanting to be a parent. Too many times
in the past I had not brought it up early, only to end up getting
involved with someone who didn't want kids or didn't want to think about
it for five years,and then prolonging the agony thinking they would
change their mind (which they didn't).
I started dating again when I was about 42 and it took a year or so to
really get going. The basic advice I have is to find a group or two or
three that do something you like: play games, read books, go to film
noirs, whatever. You can probably find listings on Craigslist and by
asking around as well. Go to the activities and if you don't meet any
interesting men for a while, well, at least you'll enjoy the activities.
And eventually, given enough time and activities, you will meet someone
(or someones)who you'd like to date, who'd also like to date you. And
you will at least have one thing in common you both like. The basic idea
is to take the pressure off ''finding someone'' and just enjoy yourself
and let it happen.
Any ideas of where to go/what to do in the Bay Area to meet
single, Jewish men, within, say the 35-45 year range?
Look through the newspaper called The Jewish Bulletin. It comes
out once a week. You can probably pick one up at any JCC.
There are ads in it for single groups and also a big list of
personals. It seems to me too that the Berkeley/Richmond JCC (on
Walnut and Rose sometimes has singles gatherings. They have a
schedule of classes and events that you could pick up there or
get on their mailing list.
I would also recommend classes at any of the larger synagogues
in the area (I say larger cause the pickin's will be better than
at a smaller congregation).
Good luck and have fun.
To meet single Jewish men, you should definitely try
doing a posting on the website ''jdate.com'' My friend has had
some very good luck there and is now happily dating a very nice
and successful M.D.
Where do single leftist men hang out? I'm not the type to go
to bars, but do love the multiculti arts scene, some political
events/ talks, cafes, but haven't done any of this in a few
years so I could use some recommendations of places that
I could go to alone, but might be conducive to an engaging
conversation/ connection. (I tend to be drawn to artists and
academics) I'm a single mom, in my early 40's and it has
been a few years since I've 'been on the scene', but am
ready to pursue some kind of romantic relationship. I'd
appreciate any recommendations.
I met my husband 14 years ago at a Sierra Singles
volleyball game. If you play any kind of group sports, it's a
great way to meet guys. Sierra Singles in the Bay Area used
to have events almost every night of the week and on the
weekend. I would say most of the men were left-of-center,
environmentalist types who like outdoor activities. My
girlfriend who was in her forties at the time also met her
husband at a club event, but it took her several months of
attending events where often there weren't very many men.
She preferred hiking to group sports. She ended up making
some good women friends too and that in itself made it
more than worthwhile. Good luck.
What's worked for me is Craig's List. You can be as specific
as you want, and there is a fairly wide variety of seekers
You will have some ''growth opportunities'' during FIrst
Dates, and if you place a ''Women for Men'' post, you'll get
some inappropriate replies (among the 60-70 you'll get),
BUT I met my current lover, 2 women who are close, close,
platonic friends, and had several other lovely encounters
through Craig's List.
One other thought for direct meetings: Meetings. There are
several progressive movements around this area, generally
around ecological and political issues. You may have
noticed a growing anti-war movement, for instance. Chose
your agenda, and ''keep a close watch for the ties that bind'',
and I'm willing to imagine you'll find the love that's out there.
If my ex-mother in law can find a new love at 70, you can too!
Been There, Done That
La Pena Cultural Center! Get their monthly calendar, go to some events, and you will find leftists galore.
Around CAL campus is a good start. I often eat lunch along
Bancroft in the little cafes and there seem to be a good crop of
unaccompanied men willing to chat. My advice is to do things you
like to do and chat with people you meet there. For example,
volunteer work that might be ''male oriented'' like building
houses for Habitat for Humanity. You could also sign up for a
leftist sounding class at the UC Extension. Many mature students
go to Extension classes. Anti-war protests, anyone? How about
local Sierra Club hikes? There is a whole Sierra Singles group
my sister met some nice guys at. Good luck!!! If a recent Oprah
show was any indicator, they are out there! Suggestions on that
show included match.com and ''speed dating.''
another ''leftist'' in Berkeley
I can't speak for all SLM's, but I can speak for myself... I
don't go to bars but maybe that is just me... Instead I would
recommend checking out ''www.meetinggame.com'' . They hold
periodic mixers and the format gives an effective but low
pressure way of meeting people. It is not directed toward
leftist's but I would expect that the Berkeley events have a
good representation. Also the Sierra Club singles events are
good and then there is always match.com.
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