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I just found out something which I find devastating to my happy marriage(or what I thought was one).
Unwittingly, while looking for a tile and stone website I had visited on the internet (we are remodeling) I went through our computer's file log. I found some disturbing things that have really shaken me to the core. My husband has been on scanlover.com, been on myspace web pages, asianbeautybook.com etc. This is all so ''out of the blue''. I'm sad and upset. We have a very good marriage, two kids, nice house, good income, good families, we are happy, I am pretty good looking/good b ody, great sex life etc. Why would my husband do this? Why would a man ''troll'' for cheap looking women (they looked pretty bad to me) on the internet?
What should I do? Confront him about his secret web searches? I just found out that I'm pregnant with our 3rd child. I all of a sudden feel trapped. Should I get an abortion? Should I threaten to leave him? Most of me is so sad, I cannot stop crying about it, the angry part of me wants to leave him, make him suffer etc. Has anyone encountered this situation? What did you do? very sad
There is also a program for Sex & Love Addicts, partners of addicts also often find themselves in this meeting: Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous http://www.slaa-sfeb.org
There is also CODA, which can be helpful for ppl who are in relationships with addicts... and RCA (Recovering Couples Anonymous) which is a program you could go to together if you were both interested in working on this stuff.
I hope you can get some therapy, or go to a support group, before you make any huge decisions about leaving or having an abortion. Best of luck to you! Anon
i think you have to break the issues down a little bit. He lied and broke your trust - which feels like cheating. He has to own up to that.
the porn can serve as a distraction and drive those energies away from your relationship, i know some therapists don't like any porn because of that factor - the sexual energy should be driven toward each other.
i think your anger is very valid and he has to work for your trust. if he is unwilling to listen and understand your frustration and fears that he has conjured up by his behaviors than you have to decide if you can continue to live with this type of behavior.
my partner pretty much stopped looking, but i did have to make a humungous fuss a couple of times and it took a while for him to get it - he hadn't thought about it critically before and started to see my point of view and how it hurt our relationship...visually it is a stimulation they can become addicted and the danger is they tend to want ''more'' stimulation after time by looking at more aggressive or surprising situations/pics.
so things can change, but it can be a struggle good luck
I would give yourself some time to sort your feelings out. But print out or save the screen images somewhere - because if you do confront him you have to have evidence, they will deny deny or say it wasn't a big deal - you have to show them what the big deal is.
looking is not the same as doing, so don't jump to conclusions. if your marriage seemed happy, you could very well be happy. but perhaps he thought he was being harmless or wanted a cheap thrill (looking, not doing).
it is most important that he know how hurtful it was and that his actions were inappropriate. i think most men have a completely different world view then women about porn and even escort sites (closely related) on the internet.
there is no real way to be sure if your partner really called one of the girls or used their services, you will have to decide and use your instincts on that one. it could have been a road he was going down but never went ''all the way''. your kids and marriage can survive it if you both use it as an opportunity to communicate. however, i will warn you it may likely happen again and you will have to make a fuss again...it can take a toll and cause lots of distrust - and it can take years for you to feel confident again and lose the nagging doubts or concern. i think some men are eternal teenagers.
having kids, and the new pregnancy, perhaps there are issues he has about needing attention, sex or fears that his life will be totally consumed w/ kids that caused him to seek escape?
good luck to you, don't make any rash decisions, but make sure he knows how you feel guys are from Mars
Whether you do this alone or with a counselor is up to you and how you believe both of you will be able to handle the situation. I would suggest with a counselor. Perhaps you can find a counselor to talk with for yourself and then bring your husband, that is what my wife did when she found out about my affair. Let me also say, in my defense(?)that all the time I was out 'looking' and even when I was having an affair, I still loved my wife and did not intend on leaving. Although counseling may seem to be a very difficult and painfull task, going through a divorce is far worse. It may be the easy way out, but it is NOT easier.
Of course I can not speak for why your ''husband was looking for love'', but unless you believe that the reason you married your husband has truely disappeared I think that you both deserve the opportunity to find out why your relationship has begun to stray and perhaps then you can put it back on track. Hopefully you will be able to rescue your marriage and your third child will not be an issue. I hope this gives you some hope.
I am hoping someone can give me some sound advice.
I have been married for over a year to a man I truly love. He is younger than me by 8 years (I'm 41) and I feel that basically we have a really good friendship and marriage. Our sex life is excellent and he is a good man who I trust and respect. We don't have children yet, but we are trying and hope that will happene soon, one way or another (IVF, etc.)
There is something that has been bothering me more and more though: he seems to have a limited repertoire of conversational topics and he repeats them over and over and over again as we talk throughout the days, weeks, months together.
In light of all the horrible relationships that are out there, I almost feel bad for bringing this up. I tell myself I should be more patient and I make an effort to listen. I know he has needs that need to be met too, and I want to be there for him. But it just seems like its the same crap, over and over and over again. It changes from time to time as things change in his life, but basically it's always the same. It mostly centers around work and his experiences there. Other than that, its his views on the world which are unchanging and sometimes more conservative and close-minded than mine. Sometimes I can handle it, other times I just flat out say, 'you have to change the subject, I can't hear the same shit another time.' I worry that I am hurting him each time with such brutal honesty, but on the other hand I feel it's better than repressing my feelings.
He is an engineer and I know that they can have a certain mentality... I am a designer by profession, I also sing and have a lot of other creative interests. He appreciates those, but does not really have those qualitites himself. That has never bothered me until now.
I few months ago I started a blog, I think partly in response to this. I wanted a different kind of conversation. I don't have a lot of friends, I should probably mention. I really want more, I just find it hard to find kind and trustworthy people who have time to be there for you.
Here's where it gets tricky: a young man started leaving comments on my blog. I went to his blog and started reading. He is an aspiring poet and his poetry is beautiful. Moving and it touched something in my soul. I slowly became obsessed and even started flirting shamelessly with this young man. I think he picked up on it because his poems became more and more erotic. It got worse and worse, including me masturbating thing of him and his poetry.. you get the picture... and I even sent him an email at one point... he now has my contact info, etc. A big internet no-no, but I know now how stupid that was. Fortunately, he lives in Canada, so I don't think anything realistically ever will really happen... but I am feeling very, very guilty. I feel that I have damaged the sanctity of my beautiful marriage.
I never even wanted to hardly look at other men (aside from occasional lusting.) And suddenly this...? What the hell is going on with me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
I want my beautiful marriage back. I do not want to have an affair. I love my husband. But how do I get him to really talk to me instead of repeating things over and over? Am I wrong to expect him to be able to fulfill my need for connection like that? I want to feel my soul is connected, not just my heart... if that makes sense to anyone.
Please send your thoughts - I will read every one. Thank you. anon
I, too, got really bored with his unchanging conversation. He, too, was an engineer. And I, too, got obssessed with someone else, also over the computer.
I can say this to you: if you keep corresponding with this other man, your husband will look more and more boring to you, and you will not become more interested in your marriage, and you will not regain your loving feelings toward him. If you are really serious about revitalizing your marriage and staying with your husband, you must cut off all contact with this other man.
It's very easy to fantasize that someone else is our ideal mate, particularly when we don't have to live with them. But there is no relationship where the man doesn't stink up the bathroom, leave hairs in the sink, tell you the same jokes, etc. It's just that your computer-based relationship is void of reality. It is not a certainty, or even a great likelihood, that you could forge a lasting relationship with this other person.
Your obssession with this other man will eventually wane, if you let it. You may be left with ''what if'' thoughts, but they will not be the first thing you think of when you wake, and consume you all day. You will feel so much better in a month. Just let it go and see. older and wiser (and staying away from the computer)
But, with regard to the internet flirtation, that can be dangerous. I'd suggest stopping the blog and staying away from his, and blocking his email address from your email accounts. You can keep him in your fantasies, you've already idealized him.
And, what keeps me from getting too worked up by my husband's annoying habits is to talk to friends who have it worse. It helps keep things in perspective. Not always thinking about my spouse
I understand what you mean when you say that you want to feel your soul connected. But from my experience, that is not something that comes from outside of ourselves. If you felt connected with yourself, you wouldn't feel a need to try to get it elsewhere. Look at what you wrote- ''how do I get him to really talk to me.....?'' But you are not really willing to talk to him. You are hiding from him!!!!!! You are not willing to expose yourself to him, so how do you expect him to be vulnerable with you. You can't even see what is really going on with him while you are keeping secrets. All you can see is your own discomfort which your mind then blames him for.
The titillation and fantasy that you are engaged in probably seems fun to you. But it is a major distraction and detour from what you say you are looking for. And it is all an illusion.
Ultimely, you can't have any control or much influence on how someone else shows up in relationship. All you can hope to influence is how you show up in relationship. So you need to start showing up the way you think you want him to show up. Expose yourself, reveal yourself, let him see all the hurt and wounded places inside yourself that you are afraid to show. This is what it means to be brutally honest- with yourself. And yes, this includes telling him the whole truth about your blog relationship in detail and that you justified doing it because you were making him wrong for how you thought he was showing up. But that you aren't going to make him wrong any more.
Once you really show up in relationship, I guarantee you that your husband will look different to you even if he doesn't change a thing. Might he look boring to you? Sure, but if you get serious about your connection with yourself and expose all the crap that is in the way, the level of intimacy in your relationshiop will go through the roof. And in the process you won't feel the need to get your needs met outside of yourself. Been there ------------------------------------------ Hey, sounds awfully familiar. I am an artist, my husband is an engineer. Now we are divorcing. We have a child and he suffers. We do not reach each other on an intellectual, communicative level. A must for erotics.
I completely understand your romantic fantasy with the poet. words have the same effect on me and it happened sth similar to me. Realize now, if your marriage is not giving you what you need, because later it will only feel worse. sitting in the same boat
Good luck figuring things out
Some people are better conversationalists than others. Some value conversation more than others. It sounds like you and your husband are woefully mismatched in this area.
You'll have to decide if you can live with this mismatch for the next, say, three or four decades. Sobering? It would be for me. I love conversation and would give up a lot of other relationship perks to get/keep that in my life.
If it's just a matter of him wanting to talk engineering, I'd go out of my way to learn some of the subject matter; but it sounds like what he wants to do is mostly complain. Look deeply and honestly to see if that's true, or whether it's just a subject-matter problem.
Also, this just in: people tend to get *more* conservative with age, not less, so don't expect him to become less ''unchanging and close-minded'' than he is.
Be wise about this blogging guy -- in fact, if I were you, I'd pull away from that situation immedately. But take it as a sign that, like it or not, you are looking for a way out of your marriage.
Good luck, A Conversationalist
1) It is inevitable in a long-term relationship that some conversations will repeat over and over. These range from the ''how was your day?'' exchange to the funny story you will hear a hundred times over the years. This is part of being with someone for the long haul. Sometimes it may be a bit boring, sometimes you may not really listen, and sometimes you may be able to listen attentively and hear something new that you missed before.
2) There have been times when I felt my husband was being boring and not giving me the stimulation I needed, but often I realized that I needed to turn the spotlight on myself. Was I trying to start interesting conversations, or was I waiting passively for him to entertain me? Was I talking with him from the heart about the things that were most important to me? Or was I down and flat and blaming him for being the same way?
3) Following up on the last point: you mention in passing that you are trying to start a family. Attempting to get pregnant and going through fertility treatments can be incredibly stressful on both partners (been there, done that). It seems highly likely to me that some of the stuff going on in your relationship right now is related to this difficult experience. Both men and women can have strong, though sometimes masked, responses when they discover it won't be easy for them to procreate. You might want to check out Resolve, an organization that deals with fertility and infertility issues.
4) Finally, I think the guy with the blog is pretty much a mirage--a place for you to project your feelings. You seem to genuinely love your husband and care about your marriage, so I assume your obsession with Mr. Blog is mainly a way of focusing some of the frustration you are feeling right now. It's important to remember that men who write wonderful poetry or novels or music that touches our souls are not necessarily nice guys in person--in fact they tend (if I can make a huge generalization) to be somewhat self-centered. It sounds like you want a healthy partnership with a man you can picture being a good father to your child. I would encourage you to focus your energy on your current relationship and put Mr. Blog aside. anon
Perhaps your young male interest (sans masturbation) is a good way to get your needs for other types of conversation met. But to avoid an affair beyond emotion- I don't know... you might need to cut him off and find a local poetry/ art group. People with common interests- a group that will keep you in a more comfortable, non one-on-one-tempting situation. Hey, we're animals- put the temptation there with the right need... it can be tough.
Remember we can't love everything about everyone in our lives. It sounds like you really do love your man. Focus on why. And see if he can find people with common interests who like his gig. Then he won't need to give it to you all the time. Can Relate
Perhaps you're at a period in your life where singing and other art forms are more important to you than they once were. This would certainly explain your frustration with your husband's lack of artistic interest and participation.
Definitely try counseling, and try to find an activity or hobby that you both can genuinely enjoy and explore together. Cooking classes, dance lessons, hiking, anything that might generate some new dialogue and allow your relationship to grow. And...remember...there is nothing wrong with fantasizing. Most married folks do it, I'm sure. The issue here is not that you're interested in another man or in having an affair, but that you wish your husband had certian qualities that you're discovering are important to you. Wish I could help more
Over 16 years of marriage, every few years my husband develops an intense relationship with other women. According to him these are not sexual relationships, but they do involve him spending a terrific amount of time and energy involved in verbal communication often with flirting element or tone that makes me feel uncomfortable when I enter the room. During the times of these relationships, I also notice that he becomes somewhat critical of me and implies I don't appreciate him enough. The most recent one involves an online relationship that started with a woman at a blog site. I had some suspicions from the time he was spending online and flak I was getting, but found out about it when I was shutting down the computer one day and he had left open a file of copied email correspondence. Although I shouldn't have checked his email, I realized he had sent her two valentines, and didn't even bother to give me one. I also found out that he has created a website where the two of them can receive secure email. We argued about it, and he basically feels that we each have the right to have friends outside of the marriage. I agree that that is true, but feel that a friendship with this degree of a secretive nature and dedication is what I consider an emotional affair. I have gone to therapy myself in the past during one of these ''emotional affairs'' as he was unwilling to go. Am I being unreasonable? Any suggestions for therapists if I could get him to go? Feeling like I keep seeing a cycle
There's a particular kind of man who doesn't know how to get out of a relationship so he just doesn't bother to end things. Instead, he makes life unbearable for his partner by ignoring or criticising her so that she is the one forced to leave. He may even strenuously deny that he wants out. I've seen women go totally neurotic because the guy keeps saying ''it's all in your head'' when it's right in front of her face. Some people stay in this kind of relationship for years before one of them finally ends it. It often ends with the man leaving after getting involved with someone new. A coworker of mine told me that he would have left his wife years before but he was waiting for their kids to graduate from high school - then he dumped her flat. He felt like he had done the right thing by waiting.
I think that instead of asking yourself if your husband is having an affair, you should ask yourself if your husband is trying to find a way out of the marriage. For many women the financial and emotional implications of divorce after years of marriage are so staggeringly frightening that they don't even contemplate the possibility until it's too late for them to plan for their own future.
I truly hope that you can get him into counseling and that things will work out for you both. On the otherhand, don't wait to be traded in for a newer model. You need to find out where he stands so that you can either work with him to fix the marriage or start preparing yourself for life without him. Good luck anon
Here's my point: Your husband is having affairs. He may not be consummating them, but he is definitely having charged relationships with other women. You don't know what these women are like, nor how emotionally attached they may get to your husband, and you don't know whether you will become inadverantly involved, either by your own emotional reaction, or like, the target of an irate woman who's love isn't being requited quite as she would like.
It's not fair in any way, shape or form for him to shove this back on you as if he's doing nothing wrong. He's being secretive, your gut is telling you there's something not quite right about these ''friendships'' and yet he's calling on you to question what your instincts are telling you. He's probably rationalizaed his actions by NOT having sex, if that is true. And it may well not be. Of course you'd like to think that these intermittent attachments are harmless and aren't affecting your marriage, but they are. You know this, and have sought therapy for it. The problem, however, is him, not you, and he is the one who needs to figure out what the hell he is doing -- to you, to these other women, and why he feels the need to do this. You may want to get him into couples counseling, though I've never had any luck getting a guilty male to do such a thing. Ultimately, I left my husband becuase of this behavior. I wasn't jealous, but it just didn't feel right. I hope you find a solution that suits you, rather than allowing this manipulative husband of yours to force you to accept uncomfortable situations that are compromising you and your relationship with him. Good luck. heather
I just discovered--for the second time in two months--that my husband has been using the internet to meet other women. Previous to this, at least to my knowledge, he was visiting internet porn sites, so even if I was not okay with this, I figured that he was basically doing this for some fantasy outlet. However, these two recent discoveries involve an ongoing email conversation with an ''old friend'', and to some matchmaking site--my guess from his responses from this site is that he was seeking in his preferences a woman in my same age range (I am ten years younger than my husband), of my same ethnicity, and in the local Bay Area. Ouch!
I haven't seen any emails my husband has written to this ''friend,'' only an email she wrote back, which was quite flirtatious (''thinking a lot about you'', and ''you're good looking'', etc.) so I don't know the extent of their relationship and although I know they see each other in casual situations (the gym) I don't know if they had made an effort to see each other in a ''date'' situation. By the way, my husband said he deliberately left one of her emails to him open on his computer screen so I would discover it.
I would have let this email incident go, since he assured me that it was a misunderstanding on her side (although, I pointed out to him, he did nothing to discourage it, or tell her that he had a wife and two little kids), except that then I discovered this internet match site thing. When I asked him about that, he told me that it was unsolicited spam, based on some preference card he filled out a long time ago just for fun. Well, yesterday I found out that the internet site had made a charge to his personal credit card less than a month ago, so his activity on this site has been relatively recent!
My question is, is this sort of activity part of a ''normal'' fantasy life for a married man, or is this a pattern of behavior that I should be concerned about? Right now I'm pretty mad that he's lied to me about this, but I'm not sure if this will be the deal-breaker to our marriage. I'm going to seek counseling if he won't (I've suggested it to him in the past but he was reluctant to go, rather saying that we should solve our own problems). Thanks for listening. Anon
Um, no. At least, it's not normal for a married man who's being faithful to his wife.
He should not be lying to you or sneaking around. If he can't stop, it's reasonable for you to evaluate whether your relationship is going to work. Now, by ''lying,'' I don't mean, he looks sheepish when you find his porn on the computer (*everyone* looks sheepish when that happens.) I mean you consistently catch him doing things he's agreed not to do.
My husband had a real problem with lying to me for the first three years of our marriage -- I finally put my foot down and said he could either clean up his act or I was out of there, but I wasn't going to be lied to any more. To his credit, he straightened himself out, and we now have a really good relationship. It is possible. But you really have to be convinced in your own heart that you don't deserve his dishonesty any more before you can tell him to knock it off for good.
Good luck, and be strong -- you'll need it for yourself and your kids. Been There
I was, and am, very hurt and angry. This has been happening in varying degrees for three years, and I am not confident that it will stop. He is now finally willing to go to counseling, but I don't know that it will be worth it for us.
If I were you, I would try to get him into counseling so that he can hear a third party relate to him how offensive and disrespectful this is to you and to your children. This is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable behavior. I can't tell you what to do, but I've found that men who cheat and lie about it DON'T STOP. Ever. I know that people cheat on each other, and that cheating is a sign of other couple problems, and that some people stop. From what I see, the people who stop cheating fess up when they get caught. Men who deny, deny, deny, then try to make you feel like YOU misunderstood and that EVERYTHING is innocent on his behalf, and that THE OTHER WOMEN misunderstood his innocent phrases are, in my opinion, the ones who will never reform on their own without third-party interaction. They need to hear from other people that they are wrong, and they need to believe they are wrong before they change. It sounds to me like your husband doesn't think he's doing anything wrong.
I chose the man I've been with because I was convinced he'd never do this, but I was wrong. I'm now trying to resolve why I choose men who cheat. I'm looking for a therapist now. Your husband will not change until he understands why he needs so much female attention and he deals with it. It sounds to me like it has nothing to do with you, but I think he will continue to lie to you, like my man did/does, because he is too selfish to understand how damaging this behavior can be to his family.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I've discovered that he's done this, I IMMEDIATELY wrote the other women to tell them he was involved with me and that we have a child, and I cc'd every email to him. I've NEVER been cruel to the women because they were always lied to about our situation (he always said we were broken up and he was single, which was not true). They generally have written me back to tell me what he said, and have advised me to drop him because they believe he's scum. They call him and curse him out or write him to leave them alone and THEY tell him he's a bastard. I believe that these women have helped him understand how damaging his behavior is. He no longer says I'm crazy, and he acknowledges that HE has a problem. He wanted what was happening to be a big secret adn told me, like your husband, that our problems should be solved by us ONLY, but I FORWARDED HIS MESSAGES TO HIS PARENTS and to ALL of his female friends. I was not going to sit and be dignified and just take it. Until I started confronting him and the other women, he always believed he was doing NOTHING wrong. I don't care what people think of me about being indiscreet. He fucked up, and everybody finding out was the consequence. He now has no confidants to run to who view me as the evil girlfriend. He was demonizing me to his friends so that he could justify his behavior, and now they at least ACT like they respect me. They now know I'm a real person, not someone evil woman who is ruining his life, which is a great way to get sympathy from people to justify your hitting on other women. This worked for me, but you do what you feel comfortable with.
Your problem won't go away. If he REALLY loves you, he will go to counseling to save your marraige. If he doesn't go to counseling, you can stay and accept that he's this way, or you can leave him if you can't take it. I couldn't accept it, so I left. He's still trying to get me back, but I'm trying to figure out if it is worth it to me to go through couseling to save us. Good luck. I feel for you. Anonymous
He may be acting out fantasies or acting on frustrations he's had. It obviously seems as if you two need to have a heart to heart. Anyway, straying from a relationship is not usually what breaks up the relationship - usually, it's the things that lead up to straying that breaks it up. So, I'd address those issues. Good luck! anon
I don't really have much advise for you. I went through something similar with my husband - and even though we went to counceling, he just wasn't ready to accept that the world did not revolve around him and his needs until it was too late. Maybe a better councelor would have helped. anon
anyhow, my feeling is that if your partner/husband is doing something that violates your sense of security in the relationship than it is wrong. if he ''wanted'' to get caught he is throwing out a big blazing red flag - cry for help of some sort or is not brave enough to confront how he really feels with your relationship. i know a LOT of people who would rather get caught cheating to break up than are brave enough to break up or deal with real relationship conflict - for some reason it is easier. i'm not saying he wants to break up but maybe doesn't know how to address the problems or express what he wants effectively and is being selfish and immature.
because you have a family i think it makes confronting things like this so much more volatile - but don't let that be an excuse to let things go too easily as well! i wish you lots of luck in dealing with this! at the least i would express that this definitely is not ok with you and what boundaries you are comfortable with. oy vay
I have always believed that infidelity, in most cases, is the result of things that both people in the formerly monogomous relationship did (does that make sense). I guess that I am saying that if my husband cheats, it isn't all him -- it is actually us. He isn't 'that sort' to cheat so things must be pretty bad with us for him to do it. I am not saying that it is the right thing for him to do or justified, but I won't be able to say that I would be perfectly blameless. At that point, we would have to figure out whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
I don't think that your husband is there yet, just as mine wasn't. But, he could be headed down that path. You two need to have a 'come to Jesus' to figure out what your problems are and figure out what you need to do to solve it. And realize that going to therapy is not for everyone. But, if you guys really want to figure out what is going on, then you can without bringing in a third party. Good luck. anon
Do you want to be married to this person whom you have painted as not being anywhere near accountability and/or contrition (or healing) regarding his behavior? It doesn't really matter what other woman would do in your situation; it matters what you would do, and, of course, you need to consider the needs of your children; on one hand having a liar (and possible adulterer) living in their midst. On the other hand, living without their parents together on a daily basis may be more problematic.
I wish you luck; the situation is both frighten Better cynical than fooled
When we met, we wound up sitting in his car talking and I began to figure out that in fact he was still married and not even separated. He told me more about his personal ad experiences, many of which were during his marriage, and some of them were really out there- real acting out fantasy, semi-dangerous stuff. He blamed his wifeís lack of interest in sex!
He was by appearance your average, mild-mannered, upper-middle class, professionally employed guy, and no one knew he had this shadow side. His wife had once found some porn he had downloaded in the trash, and one time asked him about a charge on the credit card to one of those personals phone lines- he brushed both off with some excuse that he thought she had bought. He was eager to talk and confide in me, and I saw just what a sick puppy he was, and seriously jeopardizing his marriage (2 young kids). He was in complete denial about the seriousness of his actions and delusions.
I let him have it regarding his behaviour and told him to call Sex Addicts Anonymous and start going to meetings. His kind of behaviour is an addiction, and the kind of isolation and denial he was in with it is typical of addiction. I followed up with one email giving him the phone number to call for SAA, and pointing out again that he was really in trouble and needed help, and told him that I was not interested in being his further confidante. He wrote back, thanked me, and said that he had gotten the SAA meeting schedule.
I hope I made a dent in his denial and think that this guy was lucky to meet me. There is a huge gap between looking at porn, and telling women that youíre single and available to date and lying to your partner. My experience demonstrates that some ordinary people cheat do on their mate and that they often drop clues, maybe unconsciously.
Donít ignore the evidence, trust your intuition, and take good
care of yourself!
Not a Home-Wrecker
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