Evening Activities with Spouse
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Evening Activities with Spouse
I know this probably sounds lame to so many that struggle
with bedtime, but our kid is a champ.... and now my partner
and I are having a hard time coming up with a way to connect.
We have about an hour to spare some (not all) nights after
chores, etc before bed. We seem to find ourselves on the
computer or watching tv which is great some nights, but on
others, I find myself wanting to ''do something'' with my
husband so we can chat and joke and have fun. Cribbage and
the board game Sorry only lasted us for a week.
What do you do after the baby is in bed?
I am so glad that you are wanting to connect with your partner as I feel it is
essential to having a good partnership. How about you come up with a ''script''
of questions that each of your asks. Maybe each of you could take a turn
discussing your day. What was good? Was there a glitch? What are you grateful
for? I always feel like it is great to discuss the good and hard
parts of the day
with ones partner to get feedback and support. And, I always love to end each
day with some gratitude.
If you are beyond 8 weeks postpartum, sex it a great way to connect.
some exercise, stress release and intimacy. And, I have never met anyone who
looked back at their life and complained, ''well, I just spent too
much time having
sex with my beloved''.
Whatever you come up with, the fact that you and your partner are working on
quality time and intimacy with a young child is a great thing!!
- Happily Married Mom of 2
It's a wonderful way to connect and play and be together.
What a wonderful question to ask with a new baby in the picture. It's a time
when you can (and need to) re-invent your routines and rituals with each other.
Here are some thoughts: What if you and your husband each picked a night or
two, and took on the task of finding something fun or interesting to do. Some
possibilities are: a late, special dinner; coffee or tea or wine;
listening to music;
making love, a dance lesson from someone who visits your house; a book
discussion for a book you both read on some of those other nights; a night out
(with a sitter at home); planning a future vacation or project. Then
on the other
nights you can take some time for yourself, watch TV, catch up with family or
friends, or whatever you need for yourselves. If it's not every night, creating
quality together time might seem more do-able.
I read your post aloud to my husband and he, without
hesitation and with great enthusiasm, suggested you and your
husband have sex. I concur, actually. If you have the time
and energy some nights to think about what to do, just do
it. ; )
good at giving advice, not at taking it
Talk to each other. Get reaquainted with the person who
is your mate and co-parent. Ask about childhood
experiences, opinions on world events, feelings about
his/her work. There are several books of provocative
questions available such as those by Gregory Stock, PHD.
you might look into for stimulating conversation starters.
One example I remember is ''Would you eat a live bug for
$1000?'' Not very romantic but there are others such
as ''Describe a perfect day'' which will serve to reconnect
the two of you.
that's a way to connect
It really is easiest to plop down in front of the computer
at the end of a long day, and I'm guilty of that, but what a
great idea to plan in some couple time! We used to have
Happy Hour after the baby went to bed. Like, an actual
cocktail. That was fun, and could sometimes lead to more fun
things. Sometimes we'd play cards, or Scrabble, or some
other board game. If you have a Tivo, you could record
something you both like to watch, and save it for Happy
Hour. We'd watch yesterday's Daily Show, or The Office, or
something else funny. Reading together is fun too. Hope you
get some good suggestions!
How about puzzles, reading out loud to each other, games
such as cards, Rumikub, Sequence.
Gosh, I wish I'd had this problem when mine was a baby! In
order to maintain the intimacy with your partner that can
sometimes get lost once baby is in the picture, I'd like to
suggest massage swaps. That'd help you both unwind, open up
communication lines so you discuss your days freely, and
possibly lead to more intimate connecting by bedtime! You
could include frills such as oils, candles, wine, etc., or
just simply spend time together making each other feel good.
Not meaning to sound flippant, but... ummmm... how 'bout a little sex? That is
often a great way to reconnect with one's partner.
exhausted after bedtime battles
How about investing in some more interesting games than
Sorry! I suggest www.funagaingames.com and look at Ticket
to Ride, Settlers of Catan, Masons, Dominion to start your
collection. or try some crosswords or jigsawa together.
Have a late dinner and prep it together. massages. read
world news and understand it.
I am totally in your shoes too! Some options that have
worked for us are:
Reading novels out loud to one another--it is terribly fun
DON'T clean the house every night, leaving yourselves only
one hour of together...the house will still be messy
1-2 nights only of TV/movies; that IS together time, yet
Getting a babysitter one night each week after your baby
a multi-piece puzzle that you do each night as an on-going
go sit together in the backyard (if you have one) and look
at the stars; take out a blanket and wine
Read Harry Potter together? Design your dream house? Share
newspaper stories? Tangoes? Or turn on some music and dance?
If it's going to be TV, at least make it youtube, so you see
what makes the other laugh, or interests them (maybe try
looking for the monkey king of India, for example, or stupid
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