Berkeley Parents Network: Depressed Family Members

Berkeley Parents Network

Depressed Family Members

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My 83-year-old father is increasingly depressed

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My 83-year-old father is increasingly depressed

Jan 2004

I'm looking for advice for my 83-year-old father who lives alone, is in poor health and is, I'm quite sure, increasingly depressed. My questions are: does anyone know a geriatric psychiatrist (he's in Marin but I could bring him over here) and, perhaps more importantly, have ideas about how to get a very resistant elderly person to consider going? Also, anyone have experience with East Bay (or Marin) retirement communities? Or, if he were to move to a house over here, social opportunities for someone that age? thank you anon on dad's behalf

We just recently went through this same issue, except that my father-in-law lives next door, yet still felt isolated and alone. I think mostly because he is on his second or third round of friends' deaths. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. He has been seeing a geriatric counselor, who I would be happy to recommend, both father and son are happy with him. At any rate, he recently chose to move into an independent living home, (just this past weekend). We are not sure if it's the right thing, but he wanted to give it a try. They offer many great activities on a daily basis, and there are many other people with whom to socialize, and yet, privacy can be had as well. We have extensively checked out the local places, and I'd be happy to debrief you on our experiences if you like. Feel free to contact me. It is a difficult thing, watching our parents age, I think particularly in our society. Good luck, Kelly

I don't know if money is an issue for you but I hired a home health aide for my father because he was living alone with serious health issues. The aide was fairly successful in getting him to go to the local Senior Center and go shopping so he wouldn't stay at home day after day. She was also a companion for him when he did choose to stay home. I found her through the Jewish Family and Children's Services on Shattuck in Berkeley. (You don't have to be Jewish to use it.) There are also classes for seniors at the local YMCA where he could make friends. My father used to exercise with other heart patients at the Berkeley Y and they would breakfast together on a regular basis. You may also want to ! talk to your father's doctor about anti-depressants and see if that is an option. I know this is difficult this to deal with, but there are a number of resources for seniors. Good luck. Nancy

There are some great retirement residences in teh East Bay. My mom is at one.Lake Park Retirement Residence, neaer Lake Merritt. There is also St. Paul's Towers near Lake Merritt...the Piedmont House, the Claremont House... I'll speak for Lake Park, since I know it...they have all levels of care, but you have to move in being able to live independantly. There are LOTS of activities adn friendly people around.

I know it's hard to get our elderly parents to budge.It took me and my brother 3 years to get my mom to move out of her wonderful house in northern NH, even when she couldn't take care of it anymore.

She's also now on Zoloff and her spirits have improved greatly. How to get your dad to go see a medical professional? NOt sure how to answer that....we TOLD my mom that she was going to take ! a medicine to help her feel happier. She said OK. Good luck.

If you want to talk more about LakePark, please e-mail me. By the way, they invite people to come and stay there for 2 days so they can get a sense of what it would be like to live there. Good luck. June

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