Throwing Food
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Throwing Food
June 2006
Any advice on stopping our 1-year-old from throwing food from
his high chair? He does this, off and on, throughout the meal,
with food he likes and food he doesn't. We've tried sitting with
him and not sitting with him. We've said ''no,'' but he doesn't
seem to understand (or doesn't want to). We've ended meals early
but are reluctant to do that too often because he's skinny for
his age and our doctor tells us we need to get more food into
him. Thanks for your suggestions!
Frustrated Mom
Most or all young children throw food from their highchair.
They have no idea that this is ''wrong'' -- it's just
experimentation and play to them. My two year old still does
this a bit, but much less than she used to. The best advice I
got, is to do your best to ignore it, and it will subside over
time. This has not always been easy, but ignoring it seems to
help. Instead of getting frustrated, I do my best to very
positively tell her what is the right thing to do when she
doesn't want something, like place it on the table or the tray.
I thank her profusely when she does it, and it's sinking in and
slowly working. Developmentally, your child needs at least
another 6-12 months to even grasp what ''no'' would mean, and
even then, it's spotty. Give this some time, and in the
meantime, just revel in the mess -- this cute phase doesn't
last long in the grand scheme of things!
still cleaning the floor
I know your son is young but able to sit up on his own? We got
rid of high chair as soon as our first born was about 10 months
old. My second child never sat in a high chair. We try to work
with Montessori method by teaching them to take care of
themselves. If he throws food on the floor, get a paper towel and
make him clean it up. Of course he isn't going to clean it all
that well however he will soon learn that there is consequences
to his action. I know it sounds crazy and ridiculous but it will
work. Everything has consequences and he will learn eventually.
Be patient and he will appreciate you. Get a small dust pan and a
broom and leave the papertowel where he can reach it. My younger
daughter who just turned 2 gets her dust pan from under the sink
whenever she makes a mess. You be amazed.
Montessori Mom
You've got to tell those one year olds how we do things on this
planet. They
really don't know, and they are little Newtons, just figuring out that
things fall,
and up in the high chair is probably the highest they get all day to
practice this.
They also observe the funny effect of mommy and daddy huffing and
bending
over to pick things up.
So, I pick the thing up once, and if it goes down again it stays there
until it
goes into the garbage. Eventually everything is on the floor and there
is nothing
else to throw. Then dinner is over, or, if you are really worried that
the child
might actually be hungry, you can offer something else to eat. If he
doesn't
want that, then dinner is over. Voila.
Also, this phase does not go on for ever. You can teach them to hand
you what
they don't want and then they become cute little tidiers
ixnay on the ickingpay upay
When our daughter (now 19 months) did this around that age we
simply said ''We don't throw food'' and then quickly took her out
of her high chair. If it was early in the meal and she hadn't
eaten much, we would then put her back in about 5 minutes later
and continue the meal. It worked like a charm in about a week
or so, but we had to be very consistent. Now if she doesn't
want something she either hands it back to us or puts it off to
one side of her tray. Good luck!
Laura
He's learning about cause and effect, about gravity and about how
far he can push you before you go insane. My son did the same
thing, it doesn't last forever. My advice is to get a splat mat
and a broom and remember to breathe; this, too, shall pass
Jill
Put less food (or one piece at a time) on the tray. Too much
food is overwhelming for some reason and causes the little ones
to 'throw, throw, throw.'
-anon
Food throwing is a standard phase because small children donbMay 1997t
inherently know what food is for. They learn by socialization,
and sitting down to meals with your child will help this
process. Throwing food usually signals that they're done
eating, and you can remove the tray after the 2nd or 3rd
offense -- they won't starve. My husband was succesful in
getting our daughter to place unwanted food in a corner of her
tray, but he is more patient than I am.
The throwing food behavior will pass. However, it's annoying
and even infuriating while it lasts, so take deep breaths and
know it's temporary. I think my daughter did this for ~2
months? We just recently noticed that it's been a long time
since she threw food off her highchair (she's 16 mos now)
Hated it too
May 1997
Is there any consensus on when and how children's eating habits should be
shaped through discipline?
My 13 month old likes to throw food
on the floor but is other wise able to feed herself. Her new day-care
person has responded by taking food away and she came home hungry. I
would like her to stop throwing food also, obviously, but thought that
taking food away was a bit harsh-- it meant she was hungry for some of
the day. Has anyone else thought about this?
Limits are always necessary. But down the road, results of the learning
process are determined by the methods used in teaching. I agree that
removal of food and resulting hunger is not the right way to teach someone
not to throw food. It would probably result in teaching the lesson, but
the anger and frustration it could cause are a set-up for future
dysfunction -- I think it's that simple. It's like spanking. Kids will
often stop an action if they are spanked, but the resulting behavior and
attitude towards life can be horrible for everyone, most of all the child.
Talking, at any age, is better. Removal of the food for a few minutes and
then returning it after talking would be better, if removal is the approach
someone wants to take. Long-term or permanent removal should be reserved
for items that are hurtful, such as playing with sticks in a park. Food
doesn't come under this category. With patience, all theater antics of
babies and children disappear -- they're a part of life. If dysfunctional
behavior continues past the "stage" time limit, then of course it's another
story -- and in that case we just get help. Good luck, Tamara
Tamara
I seem to remember that dropping, smearing, throwing food is pretty
normal behavior for a 13-month-old. They can't really handle cutlery
at that age, can they? We used to spread a shower curtain under the
high chair and then hose everything off after the "meal", including
putting the baby in the bathtub. Having a dog that eats table scraps
helps too. I do remember that my out-of-town in-laws were appalled
when we visited for a week and they saw how I let my one-year-old son
eat. They really couldn't deal with the mess, so we had to feed him
first, and then eat with the grownups later. But heck, they eventually
got control over a fork and they are big now and they have OK table
manners and we have never had any issues over food. My little sister's
son, on the other hand, was born using a fork and spoon and cup. He
wouldn't think of dropping food on the floor and becomes upset if his
face and hands are dirty. So I guess a lot depends on the child.
Ginger
Consensus on how a child should be raised? Ha. It's probably easier to
find consensus between two parents on how their own child should be raised
(a difficult feat no doubt) than it would be to find consensus among the
"experts". In any case, I do highly recommend Sears and Sears _The
Discipline Book_.
In the case of food, the latest research indicates that children should be
offered a variety of healthy foods and allowed to choose for themselves
what, when and how much they will eat.
This is MNSHO (My Not So Humble Opinion)-- Food should *never* be used in
disciplining a child. Either witholding food or forcing it on an unwilling
child will more than likely lead to psychological problems around food
later in life. The child will learn that one "pleases" other people by
what one does with food and is more likely to become anorexic or bolemic as
a result. They will also fail to learn the very important lesson of how to
recognize when one is hungry and how to eat until one is full. In this
case, your daughter could start eating past the point when she feels full
if she develops a fear that she may not get any more food until she sees
you.
If I were you, I would have a talk with your new day-care provider and say
that this is an unacceptable form of discipline and that if it happens
again you will go somewhere else.
13-month old children sometimes throw food; it's part of the learning
process and part of being a child. My son used to do it quite a bit and
this is what we did. If he threw food or a utensil, I would pick it up,
say, "We don't throw X. When you're finished, say, "Done" and _give X to
Mommy/Daddy_" I would then pick up whatever he had thrown, and let him
_practice_ giving it to me. We did this a zillion times and he did
eventually get it. He still sometimes threw things; and, in fact, at one
point I realized that he thought "Don't throw" meant "Look! It's landed!"
HTH,
Sophie
I am absolutely appalled by this form of punishment. Food becomes an
emotional (and control) issue rather than a form of sustenance and an
opportunity to gather in community/family. I think that it is very
important to understand that very young children are still learning how to
eat and feed themselves; making a mess is part of the process. Although it
would be nice for all children to naturally have acceptable table manners, I
strongly think that having a good "relationship" with food is of primary
importance especially as you try to teach children how to become
independent. I'll even bet that your child doesn't understand why she is
being punished. (When my son was that age mealtimes were always messy and
took a long time, but we tried to make eating at the table together an
enjoyable experience. Now, at age 3, he's gone through times of misbehaving
at the table, but more often than not it is to get a rise or reaction from
us; now that he has begun to understand more about rules and learning about
"acceptable" behavior, we are trying to teach him about basic table
behavior.) You should have a long talk with your daycare person and set out
ground rules; if she can't abide by them then you may need to reconsider
your relationship. I'd hate to think what other typical toddler behaviors
she punishes as well. Good luck!!
Natasha
We just spoke to the pediatrician yesterday about our 14 month old's
eating habits which have been a little distressing of late. She's not
eating nearly as much nor the variety of foods that she was just a few
months ago, she delights in smashing and rubbing it all over her high
chair rather than eating, and she's started to have tantrums in order to
get out of her chair. Delightful little Ellie!
The doctor said let her eat what she wants and you can't make her eat
anything. All we can do is make a variety of food available for her, but she'll eat
whatever she feels like. She laughingly called this phase the "white diet",
consisting of yogurt, cheese, bread, and milk, and that's basically what
Ellie eats now. We're going along with it. Ellie is already over 30
lbs and is in no way nutritionally deprived, so we don't have much
reason to worry. Fighting her about it has just been a waste of time
and energy.
Clay
Our son Noah is 15.5 months old and has been throwing food on the floor
for a while now. He usually does it at the end of a meal, when food
has more toy value than hunger value. We usually remove his tray and
food at that point, but of course this point is ambiguous, since
sometimes he will still eat a little, and we want him to eat as much
as possible. Brazelton says somewhere that when kids start throwing
food, the meal should be ended, and the kids will a)be more hungry
for the next meal and eat better and b)learn that throwing food ends
the meal. I got the impression he was talking about slightly older
kids, though. It is hard to know what our little kids can understand.
Carol
I can't resist chiming in on the subject of children's eating habits.
I agree, as it seems most did, that withholding food as a form of
punishment is a bad idea. When our kids went through this stage--as they
all do--we fed them separately, avoided restaurants and formal social
events where food throwing wasn't likely to be appreciated, and waited for
the stage to pass, which it did. If the children were particularly wild,
we would remind them "food is not a toy" (how the words echo in my head!!),
remove the food quietly for a few minutes, and tell them they could have it
back when they were ready to eat. This was much in the same vein as one
might put a child on time out very quickly for a few moments and then let
the child return to his activity. The point was to interupt the behavior,
not to withhold food. (I might add that a corollary to this that's a LOT
harder to follow is not to use food as a reward.)
On the subject of WHAT they eat, I have a minority viewpoint. When our
children were babies my husband and I agreed that one thing we did not want
was children who refused to eat most common adult foods. We used a simple,
consistent method that paid off well: we never forced our children to eat
anything put before them, but we never offered to make them special food,
and we never allowed them to eat dessert if they had not eaten most of the
food on their plates. When they said they didn't like something, we'd say
"Fine, don't eat it" and leave it at that. When they explained that they
weren't hungry for dinner, but they WERE hungry for dessert, we'd just
point out the implausibility of their response. This led my son to develop
quite a routine about the SHAPE of the place in his tummy that was empty:
it could just fit a cookie but couldn't possible fit a piece of broccoli,
etc. (We would then offer to cut the broccoli up into finer pieces so that
it would fit in the cookie-sized hole, etc. This was frustrating to him
because he knew he didn't have much of a case, but he did eat the broccoli
which he now loves.) We were absolutely consistent and we never got angry
or punitive-just a matter-of-fact "oh that's too bad" when they didn't like
something. Both of them (9 and 6) now display a flexible, receptive
approach to food that most of my friends find astounding. Rather than
approaching food with a suspicious attitude, they assume food tastes good,
expect to like what's put before them, and generally eat just about
anything. We still follow the same rules: never, ever, make them
something separate, never force them to eat, and no dessert if there hasn't
been a good-faith effort (by which we mean more than half of the food is
eaten) on all food on the plate. They have each developed a few specific
likes and dislikes (one won't eat polenta, the other doesn't like fish) and
we work around these by giving them smaller portions, adding a special
sauce or whatever. The difference is that I don't mind respecting my
children's likes and dislikes when those preferences are in the context of
a very broad, healthy eating pattern.
Of course I take great pride in this relatively minor accomplishment and
lord it over all my friends with picky eaters at the same time that I know
that my parenting approach may have had absolutely nothing to do with it
and I just happened to be blessed with good eaters!
Nina
September 2003
I am a single mom and trying to work on my son who throws his
food and sippy cup on the floor during his mealtimes.
I have a very hard time trying to dicipline because I am a softy
at heart and feel really bad correcting my little baby boy.
He is now 16 months and very testy with some of his actions.
He is constantly thrwoing his food at the table and it's
starting to drive me nuts! At first I thought it was funny, but
now it's been a struggle everytime he eats. I say No and give
him a very light tap on the hand...he laughs at me and continues
to throw his food. Last night, I decided to take him down from
hi high chair and said ''Thats enough... no more throwing your
food'' He saw that I was seriuous and he started to cry. I waited
for about 5-10 minutes (until he was calm and happy again). I
put him up in his highcahir and placed some food on his
tray...and he threw his food again! I am not sure what to do at
this point. I belive in discipline, but having a tough time.
Does anyone have advice or can recommend a book on how to
discipline a 16 month old boy??? I want to do the right thing!
Thanks in advance for the advice!
Georgina
My now 20 month old went through the same thing, I think I even
posted about it. It also drove me completely nuts, but I
learned (or somebody here told me!) to not make a big deal out
of it when it happens. For one, he's learning about gravity and
cause and effect, so it's completely normal behavior. For
another, he's also learning how to ''test'' you, so if he sees
that his behavior is getting a reaction out of you, it will only
make him more likely to do it again so that he can get another
reaction out of you.
I just stopped responding to him , or I would say very
calmly ''Oh, I see your food is on the ground, you must be
finished.'' Eventually he stopped because it just wasn't fun for
him anymore. Now he eats like a little gentleman (with his
hands, only, but that's another problem!).
Jill
In our house, we say ''On the floor, you get no more.'' and that is
the end of the meal. He'll catch on pretty quick if you are swift
and consistent.
Helena
I'm going through the exact same thing with my
16-month-old. I think it's just a developmental phase. I try to
keep a very straight face when she throws her food-- when I
react she does it more-- and ask ''Are you all done? Food
goes in your mouth.'' If she puts the food in her mouth when
I ask this, I try to give a big, happy reaction. If she keeps
dumping food on the floor I say ''all done?'' and take away
the tray and feed her by hand or just give her one or two
pieces at a time (my highchair has a top tray that can be
removed leaving the main tray still attached). I try to give her
lots of attention when she is eating and not throwing
anything. I'm not sure it's really working, but I have faith that
giving her attention for good behavior and reacting calmly
with a bland, serious face to behavior I want to discourage
will work eventually. It is so easy to go about cleaning up
the kitchen or whatever when she is doing what I want and
only react when she starts throwing food, but I figure that will
only teach her that the best way to get Mom's attention is by
throwing food, so I'm making a real effort to be uninteresting
when she's tossing food on the floor and interesting and
chatty when she is making an effort to eat ''neatly.'' We'll see
if it works!
Good luck!
When a 16-month-old throws food, he's not hungry. Stop the meal
immediately. It's that simple. Don't get mad or upset about
it. Just say, ''it looks like you're finished''; take the food
away, clean up and go on to the next activity. (And don't try
to re-start the meal 5 minutes later!) It really is that
simple, he won't starve, and he will very quickly learn not to
toss his food if he'd really rather eat it. (Whereas, if you
overreact, he's likely to continue this behavior because
watching your reaction is really interesting.)
By the way, please don't ''tap'' your baby's hands to discipline
him, ever! You don't want to discourage him from exploring the
world; he needs to use his hands to learn.
Holly
Two books I liked for this stage are ''Becoming the Parent
You Want to Be,'' and the Sears' ''Discipline Book.'' Both are
very good at helping you understand the developmental
stage, and how to respond to behavior you don't like. I hope
they will help you, too.
Carolyn
My advice is: this is a phase, and don't pay too much attention
to it. When he throws food, gently say, ''I guess you're not
hungry, so meal time is over!'' and take him down from his seat.
Try not to worry about whether he is still hungry. Believe me,
if he's hungry he'll eat once he understands the connection
between throwing food and being removed from his seat. It's
hard to remember that he is not doing this with the intention of
manipulating you and making you angry; it's just a very fun game
with delightful results from his point of view (wow, I can make
mommy yell and get red in the face and hey, this bowl makes a
wonderful crashing sound on the floor!). He is still a baby,
and he is experimenting. Gently show him that meal time is for
eating, and if he's not going to eat then he can't be in his
chair. Good luck. Six months from now, you might even forget
that this phase happened!
Been There
16 months is too young to expect perfect obediance, so take some
pressure off yourself. It sounds like you're doing fine. For
me, I have tried to address this problem behavior (which all 3
of my kids engaged in!) by (1) limiting how much food you give
at one time to very small portions. Give more as each poriton is
eaten. That way the mess on the floor is never too big. (2)
Interpreting the throwing as a signal that the kid is no longer
hungry. You don't need to be punitive -- just say, ''Well, I
guess you're not hungry any more'' and take him down from the
high chair. If you're really concerned that he's not eating
enough, you can put him back up in another 20 minutes or so,
with another small poriton of food. Same with the sippy cup --
I'll pick it up once or twice but after that it just goes on the
counter: ''I guess you really don't want this right now.'' But
also remember, your kid really wants to PLAY with you -- so be
sure you're giving lots of fun time to your baby too. Good
luck!
susan
I don't think that 16 months is too young to say, ''no, we don't
throw food." What we did (our daughter was blowing raspberries
with a mouth full of food) was remove the food from the tray and
place it where she could see it, but it was out of reach. We
just said, ''we don't do that, if you do it again, I will take
the food away again.'' The level of her protest made it clear
whether she was still hungry or not, and she learned fairly
quickly.
Melissa
My son is one month older and we have just started to discpline
him more than just saying no and re-directing which is what we
have done in the past. I am not sure how capable they are of
understanding even at this age but I figure they learn by rote
so we should start now. I escalate the ''punishment'' starting
with a simple no- please do not... pull the dogs ear, throw
that on the floor, turn on or off the tv etc. I also use the
term ''not for.. your child's name...'' because I don't always
want to say the word ''No''. So when the no's and the re-direct
attempts don't work I now am adding a time out if he continues
to do the activity. I have a time out chair in his room. I take
him there saying ''because you would not stop doing...fill in
the blank.... you will now have to go in time out.'' I place him
in the chair and stand close by but not touching him and not
looking at him. If he gets down I tell him his Time out is not
over yet. After a few seconds to a minute I say ''OK now you're
time out for ... fill in the blank... is over and you can go
and play again.'' As I said I am trying to establish a ritual so
if he doesn't listen to the first few requests to stop then we
will have to take further action. I'll be interested to hear
what others have to say on this subject also as it is always a
difficult and passionate topic.
Juliette
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