2 year old unhappy - bad fit or hard adjustment?

My 2 year old just started day care part time (20 hours/week over 3 days). She's a very mellow kid who easily adapts. Prior to this she was home with my husband full time, with occasional periods of time when she would be watched by a friend a few hours a week.

As expected, she has been crying a lot when she gets there and has been clingy with my husband the rest of the days/times she is with him. She is happy when she is there, playing well, and calming down after 10 minutes or less. However, 2 weeks later she is still saying she doesn't want to go and crying whenever we talk about it. She seems worried on weekends that she's going to be taken there, even though we communicate to her when she will and will not go. We even created a little book for her that talks about the days she goes to day care and the days she doesn't so she knows what's coming.

I'm not sure what to do to make it better. We are comforting her a lot, but at what point is this a ''bad fit'' over a ''transition period''? It's also disrupting our sleep - she naps (now) 2.5-3 hours at day care, and wakes up multiple times in the middle of the night.

I like where she is going. Since my husband does all the drop offs and pickups while I'm at work, I'm pretty removed. That really upsets me, since I feel very helpless. I can't drop in on the day care provider or even see how she interacts with my daughter--my husband has to make all these calls. I have a history of irrational fears when it comes to child care providers. I'm distrustful of them and worried they'll do something terrible to my baby girl even if she loves them and there are absolutely NO red flags. Later I come to know them and trust them completely. I don't really know what to do to help my baby and it is heartbreaking how hard it is for her.

I'm completely confused on how to handle this! Mama Bear

Even if the school is a great fit for you and your child, the transtion for some kids at this age could take many weeks. You mention she is fine after you leave, which is a great sign. I think it's totally normal at that age to have tears/clinging to parents at drop off, even if they love daycare otherwise.

The sleep thing sounds like a separate issue that could be helped by shortning her naps at daycare. You could try asking them to wake your daughter from after a certain time to see if that helps her sleep better at night. Best of luck!

If there are no red flags, some of it may be the drama they go through at that age--there is no question that it is so very hard---but not necessarily unusual. Not sure if that helps---good luck!! anon

27 month old crys at daycare dropoff

Our 27 month old son has been going to a daycare on Tues & thurs full days since the beginning of January. EVERY morning he crys from the time we're getting him dressed to when the teacher is physically pulling him out of our arms. We put him school mainly to socialize & to give my MIL a break. Also she tends to stay in the house so this is our way of getting him to do activities during the day and not get stir crazy. He is what i would call a bit of a grouchy child - crys when we try to change his diaper, when we try to put him in the shower - pretty much with transitions. His teachers say that he's fine once we leave but i get the feeling that even though he's fine, he's not happy and smiling. He laughs and plays a lot at home (other than the grouchy transition times) and i know they're not seeing that side of him. At school he stays to himself mainly, and likes to stay with the teachers. I can tell though that his attitude is wearing on his main teacher, but i can't really blame her. We'd like to put him in school more often and for half the day so that he can get a routine going - one week we were able to and by that friday it seemed a lot better - but the daycare doesn't have room right now to take him every day all the time. I guess i'm wondering if at this point we should pull him out until he gets older or until they have room for him every day half day? Is this normal behavior - I know kids take a while to get used to school but it's been almost 3 months! There are other 2 year olds there so i'm hesitant to think he's too young - but maybe he's just not ready. Has anyone else had a child like this and did they grow out of it? Or maybe any advice on how to make the dropoff and his day a little better? we've tried talking about school in the morning, not talking about school, having the teacher visit, and the teachers even made him a nice book with all their pictures in it so we can look through it while we're at home. Also want to point out that the teacher is going to move him to the 3 year old class because that's where his speech level is and they think he's socialize more there. Though i can't imagine he's already ''bored'' at school at his age. I'm afraid all this means he's going to grow up to be an intelligent, but socially awkward child, which is fine with me as long as that's what makes him happy. But i so don't want him to be unhappy sad kid and mom

2yr old suddenly hates day care

My 2 yr old son has been in his day care for 5 months now. It almost took 2 months for him to get used to it, but since then he was happy and didn't want to go home at the end of the day. But suddenly, it started about 2 weeks ago, he really hates to go to the day care and cries like end of the world every morning. We asked the teachers but they said he is okay during the day, but when we pick him up, usually he wanted to stay longer, now he is just running towards us and wants to go home. He also became very clingy so asks to hold him all the time. He seems happy when he is at home and eats well and physically healthy. We didn't really like our current day care anyway, so we are actually in the process of switching (he will start new day care starting next month), but we are really worried that what makes him suddenly hate his day care and turns him clingy. Is this normal behavior in 2 yr old? or the feeling of transition again makes him anxious? Any advice will be sincerely appreciated. Thanks! -worried mom We just went through the exact same thing about a month and a half ago. Our daughter has been at the same daycare for more than a year, but all of a sudden, she was very upset and clingy. In her case, I'm pretty sure it was a combination of separation anxiety (which comes on strong around this age), a small change in routine (the sister of our daycare provider came to visit), and primarily, not feeling well (she was teething and also had a sinus-like infection). Once the sinus infection cleared up, everything went back to normal. Since her molars have come in, she's also been much happier in general.

It was a little mysterious at the time, because she was SO inconsolable with them yet when I kept her home with me she was happy and playful. Anyway, I think it's not uncommon at this age for developmental and hidden physical reasons, and if you have the flexibility to give a little extra love/attention, it will resolve itself. --drooling is a sure sign of teething

2 year old cries when I leave him at preschool

My son, who turned two in March, started attending preschool twice a week on April 1. Prior to that, we visited the class several times where I stayed with him for the entire morning so that he could familiarize himself with the routine, the teachers and the other kids. Since officially starting, he didn't cry for the first two days when I left him, but cried later in the day during playground time and wanted to come inside. This is from a kid who is normally happy and outgoing and LOVES playing outside. Since then, he cries when I leave him at preschool - this morning off and on for at least 15 minutes (I was outside the door listening for as long as I could before I had to go) and refuses to even go outside. The teachers allow him to stay inside. My question is, is his behavior a normal part of the adjustment process, or should I be concerned that he's not ready or this is not the right preschool for him? Granted, it has only been a few weeks since he's started so I'm aware that I may just be jumping the gun in being overly concerned. I've talked about preschool to him in very positive terms and I make our goodbyes short and sweet - a hug and kiss, and a ''mama will be back to pick you up right after lunch''. His teachers haven't pointed out any red flags, during playground time or otherwise, and have a ''let's wait and see'' approach. Any advice about whether this adjustment is within the normal spectrum, as well as what, if anything, I could be doing differently to make this a more positive experience, is appreciated! Wants my kid to like preschool

We also came to pick up our daughter and saw many a time that she was really engaged in what she was doing, and after a couple of weeks she didn't want to leave, would stall to show us things and generally started being much more comfortable there. She needed lots of close time with us, wanted to be held a lot more than usual when around us, and I made sure that every afternoon we had really good quality time together, mostly at home doing calm, soothing things (water play, reading, walks). We talked about preschool and often she would want to draw it (try crayons in the bath, we told many a story about it by drawing in the bath). At the same time, I felt that it was important to shield her from our own anxiety during the transition, so also didn't want to ''push'' the topic. It is a huge transition, no matter when a child goes through it. Trust your instinct, but know that it has been a bigger transition than this family ever anticipated, and our daughter, a few months in, is thriving more than we could have ever imagined. ... but it will (likely) get better

4-month-old not adapting well to daycare

I hope some experienced moms who've balanced research and a baby will have some advice. My little one is now 4 1/2 months old and I really need to get some writing time to finish my PhD (humanities). My husband is also a grad student, so our time has been very flexible, which is a blessing. We've traveled overseas twice already with the baby, he's really alert for his age, and has always been very ''robust'' in getting me and my husband involved with him - so while perhaps not a ''high needs'' child, he certainly likes one-on-one attention! He's been at daycare in the mornings from 9-1 at a small center with a great infant room (2 constant caregivers and a total of 6 little ones) for nearly 2 weeks now, but doesn't seem to be adapting. He is full of smiles at home and will happily go to other people when I'm around, but at the daycare, they say he often closes his eyes, won't look at the teachers, screams. I've witnessed the sorry scene myself. I often come at 10:15 am to breastfeed him and then he'll look around and smile, but whenever I'm not there, he's often sobbing and even refuses my milk in a bottle. (My husband often gives him a bottle at home, so that can't be the issue.) One of the other babies (9-months old) is having separation anxiety and cries a lot also, so that adds to my child's stress. He's also caught a cold since starting there. I like the center - clean, gentle music, lovely people - but what can I do to help him to adapt? The teachers, while experienced and patient thus far, also seem to be getting frustrated. I end up being so worried about the situation myself that I can't really use the worktime well - plus, I've asked the staff to call me if he's crying inconsolably so I can go there, and that happens quite often.

Does anyone have thoughts about how to help him?!! I'm so torn - almost ready to give up writing for a while, but I want to finish my degree. Would a nanny at home be better for him? For me personally, it's not the solution I prefer since we have a small 2-room apartment and he sleeps in our bedroom, and I also like the oversight and safety a center provides. However, since I am distressed that daycare seems so hard for him, I have interviewed a few nanny-candidates, and have some possibilities that I thought I might try out this week in the afternoons after daycare. I know that I'll lose my coveted spot at the center if I take him out. Maybe some undergraduate students who could be mommy's helpers while I work in another room at home? My worry there is that since undergrads can't commit to too many hours a week, I'd have to have a few different people and that could be unsettling to him. Please help with any advice if you can! Noah's mom/ PhD candidate

While this is a very hard moment in time, it is a moment. Noah will adjust in time. This isn't to say that his adjustment will be quick and full (my son still cries sometimes when he says goodbye to me as he goes to school--one that he likes very much, by the way--and he's three now), but it will certainly be smoother. It's only been two weeks, remember. Stay at drop-off and pick him up early for a while, if that helps him. And you. Often, I've thought that there's something to be said for not staying around too much, though I think this depends on the child and parent in question.

I think you're right about not giving up your coveted daycare spot. It will get better, and you'll be able to take full advantage of dissertation-writing time, which is really at a premium for a student parent. Student assistants in your home after daycare sounds like a great idea. You'll be able to work, and your son can spend time with a person he'll get to know, both at daycare and at home. I've found the UC Daycare SA's, for example (I'm not sure whether you're in UC Daycare), to be consistently warm, devoted, fun and highly capable people. You say you like the caregivers at your center. Just bear in mind that, if you are a UC student, you do have a choice of a few different sites (ITC, the new Haste St. Center--great-- Clark Kerr) where they have infant rooms and toddler rooms. Check out the others if your current situation doesn't seem right. Been there, and it will pass

11-month-old unhappy after first week

My 11-month-old daughter started daycare, 2 days per week, in a family childcare home last week. I'm feeling conflicted about her experience there, and am not sure if I'm freaking out unnecessarily or if it's just not a good choice for her and for us. Overall, I'm satisfied with the childcare providers (it's a husband and wife team), but I'm just worried that my daughter isn't happy there. Perhaps this was a mistake, but I went by on my lunch break today and she just seemed clingy, and weepy, and unhappy. Was it because I was there? Was it because this is still so new to her? She's our only child (so far), and until now, hasn't had a lot of exposure to other kids. She's fascinated by other little kids, but I'm wondering if hanging around 6 loud, rambunctious two- and three-year-olds all day is just too much for her. At the end of a day of daycare, she comes home kind of wired and keyed and wild-eyed. So, to get to my point, how long do I give her before I take her out of daycare and try to find some other solution? How long does it take a typical baby to adjust? Is this normal? Today was her the fourth day. (She goes all day on Thursdays and Fridays.) First Time Mom Freaking Out

He's having a much easier time adjusting to preschool than his friends who are home all the time with their moms. Honest! I think daycare is good for them, but if you can shorten her days I would do that. Later on, as she ages, esp. when she's down to just one nap like all the other kids, she will be able to handle all day. Oh, and my daugher cries when I come to pick her up too, no matter what time -- she starts the second I get there -- I attribute it to her stimulation level, not to her being unhappy there -- because my son was that way, too daycare believer

I recommend you give it time and don't make a big deal about it or let her know it upsets you. Usually, when our son did this, he would be fine once we left. Change is hard for anyone, including babies so you need to let her get used to her new providers.

Our son thrived in daycare. He started at 6 months, before separation anxiety kicked in, but around a year, he started getting clingy with me when I'd drop him off. Eventually, he got over it to where we'd drop him off and would barely get a ''see ya.'' I think the socialization is good for kids and will help them with the next step: preschool. Our son just started preschool and he's going through some emotional transition time as well. It's normal and they do get past it.

Good luck. anon

My daughter went to a new daycare (3 days/week) when she was 14 months old and after 6 weeks I took her out. She cried every day when I left and when I came to pick her up, she wanted to leave immediately. I think that she just didn't like it. I found another daycare that seemed much more friendly and easy- going and I never had a problem - EVER! She may have cried once or twice that first week, but soon my problem became dragging her away from there.

My son started going to daycare when he was 11 months old and unfortunately a lot of kids go through a clingy period around that age. It's very normal and I was aware of it. I hated the timing of me putting him in daycare, but I didn't have a choice. After 3 weeks the daycare provider asked me to find another solution for him, because he cried a lot, but was happy when she held him. She had other (small) children, so she wasn't able to hold him constantly. I found a nanny and used her for a year. That worked out great. When he was almost 2 yrs old, he really started becoming interested in playing with other kids (or at least around them) and I went back to that original daycare and he has been going there now for the past year and absolutely loves it. I think that you probably should give your daughter a chance to adjust at this daycare, because it is a huge adjustment and she may also be going through that clingy stage, like my son did.

It's normal and they get over it. I would give this daycare at least a couple of weeks before I would look at other options. And in the meantime you should really use your own judgement and the fact that you know your child better than anyone else. Your daughter can't explain to you what is going on, so you need to look at her indicators and be sensitive. But like I said; give your daughter a chance first, because it is hard to bounce her around from one daycare to another. This one may be great, but you both need some time to adjust first. Good luck! JOJ

Finally, are you completely comfortable, or do you have doubts? If you do, your child may be feeling them. You need to fully believe that this is the right thing for her, and convey this to her when you drop off, visit, and pick up, in order to help her to adjust as quickly as possible. Karen

I would say give it some time but if you do end up looking for a different solution, try to fing one with at least one child the same age as your baby. That might help. anon

2.5 year old now doesn't want to go to daycare

My 2-1/2 year old daughter has been attending the same Kindercare daycare center since she was 6-months old. Her slow- to-warm personality resulted in her taking awhile at first to adjust to the setting, but for the past 2 years or so, she has seemed happy and well-adjusted at her school, despite some teacher and student turn-overs. The problem is that starting in the past week, she has resisted going to the school, citing reasons of wanting to stay with mommmy/daddy. This results in a difficult struggle and battle every morning. I have asked her teachers about this behavior, and they report that they have not noticed any changes and that she seems just as happy as always when at school. This report is consistent with the fact that she seems fine at pick-up and happily reports on her day's activities. Could there be something going on with her developmentally, at school, at home, that we're missing? Is this just a phase that she'll, hopefully, outgrow soon? What's the best way to handle this in the meantime? Concerned parent

2.5 year old's rough transition to daycare

My 2 1/2 year old son recently started attending a small-ish day care - about 12 kids ages 2-4. He is there from 8 to about 5, four days a week. His prior care was a nanny who looked after him along with his 10 mn old brother. She is a great nanny for infants, but he definitely started to need something more. The first week of day care went great, but after that, its been downhill. The drop offs kill me. He claims he doesnt want to go to ''school'' starting the moment he wakes up and realizes that is what he is doing that day. He clings to me when I drop him off, and 50% of the time he cries when I leave. The teacher says he is fine a minute or so after I leave, (and always leaves me a message at work about how things went after I left) he sleeps well there, and his dad says he always looks very happy and is playing with the other kids when he picks him up. To a certain extent, I expected a rough transition period; he is not a mellow kid. But its been about 5 weeks since he started and the drop offs are not getting better. How long should I give it before I can't chalk it up to a ''transition period''? anon

two other things that have helped: her father and i remind her the night before that she is going to ''school'' the next day, and we pick out her outfit before she goes to bed. also, at the daycare, we have a good-bye routine where one of the ''teachers'' carries her so that she can blow kisses to me through the window. i think most importantly, we've just had to give it time, and i've had to show that i was proud of her for the little progress she made each time. hang in there; it will get better! pamela

15-month-old cries a lot - is it unavoidable?

We started our 15 months old at a daycare last week, for 3 hours a day. It's a group with 4 caregivers and 13 toddlers (of which at any given moment about 5-10 are present). It's been a mixed experience, and much more emotional on all sides than I had expected (even though I had received enough warnings...).

I keep hearing that the process of starting daycare is harder on the parents than on the children, and that it's all good for them in the long run. I would like to hear more about that. Obviously, we neither want to restrict her to a nest forever, nor would we like her to feel deserted.

Our daughter is very keen on getting out of the appartment in the morning to go to the daycare, and there are periods where she enjoys the other kids, the toys, the lunch etc. But there is a lot of crying, too. She bonded with one of the caregivers, and is often fine in her arms (where she cannot be 3 hours on a stretch). She usually runs into the building on her own, but once in the foyer of the daycare she prefers to walk around (older kids classrooms, bathroom etc.) rather than going into her classroom. This could be her desire to explore or her understanding that once in her classroom we will leave her...

To prepare her, we walked by the building with her and read picture books about daycare, talked about it a lot and spent time there with her. Then, we left her there increasing amount of time. We keep the bye ritual rather short and we tell her that we will come back.

We usually get along with our daughter very well, and there is hardly any crying in our lives, even so she already has a very strong will. Is daycare now a moment where we have to go through a period of crying, contrary to our usual practice? Is it really unavoidable, or is it much easier for them to separate at an older age or in differnt conditions? Will the child learn how to deal with separation, or is he/she just toughening up and learning that he/she is not supposed to show or even feel his/her sadness anymore? And, what are the signs to look for in the child to understand how he/she takes it?

I would love to hear any kind of experience of other parents, positive and negative ones, and any advice on how to help the kids adjusting and the parents to interpret and tolerate some amount of crying. How long did it take for your child to adjust? Or if your child didn't, I would also like to hear about that.

I found some advice in the archives, but it was mostly about 2+ year olds, which is already a quite different phase from the early toddlerhood (in particular because of the language development). Julia Juila

When I was really struggling, the teachers suggested that it often takes kids 6 weeks to adjust. First, I had a hard time beliveing it would happen, and also six weeks is a really long time when you feel the anguish that I know you are experiencing. But, I'm really happy that I waited it out b/c I think this is the best experience I could have hoped for.

One thing that made it possible for me to wait it out was that my daughter seemed the same outside of the experience. In other words, she might have a hard time in the few hours at day care, but once with us she was happy, smiling, eating and sleeping regularly. It made me feel like it wasn't so stressful on her that it was getting into all other aspects of her life.

I hope that things get better for all of you and good luck! I know that it is not easy! Megan

If you must put your child into the care of another person before preschool age maybe hire a loving nany or babysitter who is willing to take your child to things like Gymboree, park playgrounds, & toddler/parent music classes so that she will have the benifit of interacting with other tots, but only have to relate with one adult caring for her. and she will have downtime at home. Some babies handle daycare better than others. There is nothing wrong with her crying. It is her way of venting her unease. It would seem appropriate to pay head to your childs distress. anon

Two months after posting this question I want to thank everybody who answered. In the meantime, we witnessed the process of our daughter adjusting to daycare. I would like to share this experience with you and future parents reading the archives.

The first week was very difficult; the first day we left her there alone I got literally sick. After a few days she built an attachment with one of the teachers. After a few days she built an attachment with one of the teachers. In her arms she was fine, but whenever this particular teacher could not hold her for a little moment, she was in tears. While many people told me they would cry only as long as the parents are in sight, she did not stop that quickly. It was heartbreaking. We were full of doubts and constantly on the edge of giving up, even though all the teachers and the director of the daycare kept reinsuring us that everything goes just normal.

Two signs kept us on the path: 1. She behaved perfectly normal the rest of the time - no extra clinginess, no regression in any respect, no aggression, she actually seemed pretty happy. 2. She still wanted to go into the building every morning.

For another two weeks things were rather difficult. It did improve by little steps, though. Every day one little thing would get better. One day they said she liked the music, another day she liked the outdoor time.

One day she said ''hi!'' to everyone, another day it was ''bye''. Eventually her social behavior became more and more what we were used to from watching her around other children. At the same time, the way to daycare and even out of the house became a little more difficult - she anticipated what we were up to. One morning, she made clear she didn't want to go anywhere near the daycare, and, since she also had a cold, we decided to give in. We were worried that this would turn against us, that she would have learned she could change our plans permanently. Instead, the next day was easier than ever before.

After about three weeks the crying stopped. She still didn't seem to feel quite at home, but certainly comfortable, and she already had much more fun than sorrow. Still, after only three hours she was exhausted. She would sometimes fall asleep during lunch in a highchair, and for sure in the sling during the short way home. She would not eat her lunch at daycare, even though is usually is a very good eater. During these first three weeks we both observed her behaviour very attentively, and among us we hardly talked about anything but her dealing with daycare. It seemed like three months, and every day was different.

Now, after 2 months, things are entirely free of stress, she is less tired after we pick her up after lunch, and we consider increasing the hours. She didn't change fundamentally in any respect, but she learned a few things and she became again a little more social (she already was on the very social side within her age group). She now likes to direct actions when she is with us, such as getting us to form a circle holding hands and dance to music. Or sit in a row and read each of us his own book. She loves painting with watercolors, and asks to do that a dozen times at home every day.

I said in my original posting, that I didn't belief in letting young children cry as a useful, unavoidable or necessary part of learning processes (with the exception of short expressions of frustration). In the case of daycare, we did get where we wanted in a process that included periods of crying longer than we are used to, but I still disapprove of the crying part (while I am confident that the amount she had to do did not do serious damage). I see that as a serious drawback of starting with whatever caregiver following a schedule dictated by anyone else but the child.

The optimal process would happen on a child-driven time scale, like it could happen in a village setting with neighbors living in the child's view and walking distance, with older befriended children accompanying the child's gradual process of becoming independent while the parents are working at home, yard or nearby field. The very least we could do is to allow her as much as predictability and control over the situation as possible. Daily routines help, because after some time *she* becomes the one initiating them, for example: bye-bye kisses and hugs, packing the bag, putting on her hat. Allowing her to choose from a limited number of options helps her to feel respected, for example: what she wears (the shoes seem to be the most important), how she gets to the daycare (walking, slinging, stroller, babyseat on the bike - we went through all the options).

In daycare too, they established a routine what do to with her after bye-bye. First in arms, later in the chair (they let her choose which one) with a snack. A hint I got a little too late is that, prior to staying some time at the daycare *with* the child, that one should spend some time there *alone*. The idea being that most parents are slightly tense when visiting - and unavoidably still checking out - the daycare, and that the child feels that tension and adapts this attitude. Especially preverbal children are very sensitive to any emotions (unconciously) communicated to them by their parents.

Two other practical things. During the one or two weeks before we started daycare we often read a picture book about daycare together (''My First Day at School'' by Ruth Wickings and Erin B. Gathrid). We tried to teach her the meaning of ''Bye bye. I will come back'' by using that sentence at home and then leave the room and and stay out of her view for a short time. I also wanted to discuss the related topic - daycare versus nanny - the answers to my question branched off, but this has to wait for another week. Thanks again for your help and for your interest in the topic, Julia

17-month-old is crying a lot after a week at daycare

My 17 month old child has had 5 half days at a family daycare. She's having a very hard time adjusting: crying alot, wanting to be held and carried. A few weeks prior to beginning, she developed separation anxiety but cheers up a few minutes after i leave her (with husband or grandparent). Not so at the daycare. We had a meeting where the providers suggested we institute various plans at home to help my child be more independent (less carrying, use words or pointing instead of crying, going to sleep alone,etc). In general, my toddler has enjoyed being carried, but also explores alone quite confidently and is generally intense. I know it's a hard adjustment, but i feel uneasy about changing my parenting style significantly in order for my child to fit in to the group. I have heard that group care can be really great for kids to start early on; how can i decide if this is the right time to push her to adjust, without inflicting too much trauma? anonymous

Although I'm sure that the caretakers at your daycare have good intentions, I wouldn't have wanted to change my (loosely) attachment-parenting style, especially at a time he was already upset.

It was hard for the people taking care of my son, but they were supportive. They just told me that it was hard for my son, and they held him more and gave him more attention. They didn't suggest that I should hold him less or sleep alone, etc. Perhaps they were more patient because we are in a daycare co-op with only 2.5 children per adult - (5 kids at a time, the same nanny 5 days a week working with a different parent each day).

If it doesn't work out with your current daycare, and you have the time, you may want to consider setting up a co-op or joining one through Bananas or here or the Neighborhood Parents Network. Good luck! mombo

The only thing I want to say is, from the perspective of a mother of a 4 year old, and a 5 year old who just started kindergarten: if you can keep her home and you want to keep her home, I bet you won't be sorry if you do. I felt pressure with my first to ''get him socialized'' and provide him with some experiences with his peers, away from me, etc. In retrospect, I don't think it mattered at all for his development whether I had urged him toward independence or not. I now think that such a youngster will be no worse off for being closely dependent on his/her mother for a few years. As my eighty-year-old aunt told me years ago: they're completely yours for such a short time -- soon you'll have to share them with the world, and you'll never get to have this time back.

Once again, if I mis-read your question and you're really asking if this particular child care situation is the right one for you ... sorry! and nevermind! anonymous

I wonder whether her unwillingness/bad mood after day care has anything to do with the quality of the day care or the way she is treated. I have not been able to observe her during the day because I am afraid she will start to cry if she sees me there and does not want me to leave. From the short-time observation during drop-off and pick-up and my interaction with the teachers, the daycare seems to be a good one.

6-month-old clingy and fussy at daycare