Should I Change Daycare Centers?
Berkeley Parents Network >
Advice >
Childcare >
Should I Change Daycare Centers?
Feb. 2004
Hello-
I am in the midst of a daycare dilemma and I don't know how to
proceed.
My son is four months old and has been in daycare for three
weeks now. He attends a childcare center MWF and I work from
home T/TH with him by my side.
Little things I have noticed at the center bug me and have set
off my ''mother's instinct.'' I can't flat out say they are
abusing my child, but it is little things like: one primary
provider not knowing my sons name (if you don't know who he is,
then how do you feed him the right bottles?), their use of the
baby swing as a cure all, and their attempt to feed my son
whenever he gets fussy instead of soothing, letting him play.
The just don't seem to know our son and their attitude has been
that this is what I can expect since he is in a Center
environment. Twice I have picked him up with dried spit up all
over his clothes. When I pointed it out, they hadn't even
realized he had spit up. Also the area that is supposed to have
been ''his'' crib always seems to have other childrens linens in
it. It is things like that...nothing blatant, but alarming to
me all the same.
I have also come to notice the condition of the other kids and
their parents. I can't tell if I am being an educated snob or
attentive parent....a few of the kids are WAY behind
developmentally for example. The parents are young (which is
not a crime I know;I am young-ish) but they seem more
interested in their fingernails and talking about their ''babies
daddy's'' than the welfare of their children. Many of the
toddlers have a negative energy that I just don't want my son
exposed to. One has apparently taken to knocking my son over.
Bottom line is that I don't think he belongs there. I did all
my homework and thought I found a nice place. I was mistaken.
My dilemmas:
Am I being over-sensitive? My hubby seems lukewarm about moving
our son. He worries about the financial end of it all. But he
has never done the pick-up and drop-off due to his work
schedule. The director of the center is a warm woman with a
strong personality and I truly believe she would write my
concerns off as a newbie mom.
If I decide to move our son, the nearest availabilty at a
quality daycare wouldn't be until December. What do I do until
then? I worry that finding some other place so quickly will be
traumatic on my son--especially since he will be heading to
Montessori in Decemeber (hopefully).
To make matters more complicated, we live in Fairfield. We
moved here last year since homes are cheaper, relatively, and
because my hubby works in the East Bay and I work in Davis.
Fairfield seemed like a decent stop in between. But now that we
have a child, I am finding the entire community to be less than
what I had hoped. Not many places even have childcare here.
And Davis has childcare waiting lists that back into 2005.
What should I do? We can't live on just my husbands income. I
am not getting any work done when I am at work, since I am
constantly worried about my son. Grandma works and my husbands
parents are not an option as help either.I have called/visited
many home based daycares and have been constantly disappointed.
I don't think I have unrealistic expectations. I just want a
quality daycare where my son can grow and where I know he will
be safe and happy.
Any ideas or thoughts greatly appreciated.
Den
I think you should follow your instincts and take your son out
of the day care. A friend of mine took day care provider
classes and has since had a thriving at-home daycare business.
Previously, she had a career she enjoyed, but wanted to be with
her child more. Although it's not perfect, no job is, but with
this one, she can make money and be with her children, as now
she has two kids, and has been doing it for about 9 years. She
has never said to me that she wishes she didn't choose this
route.
You sound like a loving, smart, caring person who would
probably be great at it. It also sounds like your town could
use another daycare provider choice.
Plus if you decide you don't like it, you can always get
another job, you can't retrieve this precious time you have
with your kid. I think you should look at this as an
opportunity, a door that has been open for you. It's true that
being a mom is the toughest job, but it's also the most
rewarding.
By taking these daycare classes, and by providing daycare, you
will learn so much and you'll get to help other moms who are in
your position now. Lastly, think about what having a job
really costs you in clothing, dry cleaning, gas, car-
maintenance, daycare, lunches out, plus stress, which spills
over to your spouse and child.
Another idea I just thought of: If you have a skill, maybe you
could offer community center class(es).
an opportunity awaits
Others may disagree, but my advice is: GET YOUR BABY OUT OF
THERE. Your intuition is more likely than not right on the
money, and the examples you give of why you're worried sound
like real issues to me. I don't think you're being
oversensitive -- this is a 4 month old we're talking about, not
a 4 year old who would be in a much better position (relatively
speaking) to take care of himself. A 4 month old is very
vulnerable, and it sounds like there are a lot of warning signs
at this place. Have you looked into doing a nanny-share? When
I researched it, they weren't that much more expensive than
daycare, though I was looking in Oakland, not Fairfied. It's a
long time till December, which I know might be hard finan! cially,
but this is your baby. Waiting till December to move him
doesn't sound like a great idea. I'd do whatever I could to
find an alternative.
Good luck to you.
anon
It sounds like you have very legitimate concerns and are not in
a high-quality daycare situation. I would definitely start
looking around for something else. A good daycare situation not
only provides attentive, nurturing, loving care for your baby,
but also support for you as a new (and sometimes nervous)
working mom. Maybe you should consider a family, home-based
daycare if there are no high-quality centers in your area. You
should call Bananas in Oakland, which can offer advice on what
to look for in a daycare setting. You might also call AOCS in
Oakland -- it is a wonderful childcare center. 510-261-1076 --
ask for Claire or Liisa. While it is probably not at all
convenient for you, taking a tour of AOCS could give you a
better understanding of what to look for in childcare. And
Claire and Lii! sa are always happy to offer advice. Good luck!
Judging by what you have described, it absolutely does not
sound like you are needlessly worrying. There could be no
excuse for a caretaker not knowing your child's name, unless
maybe it was her few days there. I assume that they demand
that you label and date any bottles or food, binkies, etc.
that you bring in for your child. And they should be keeping
your child reasonably clean (at least of things like vomit and
any other bodily fluid!). If that is not happening, then that
means that those fluids are around the facility, possibly in
reach of other crawling babies, etc. (At ours, any time a baby
spits up and it lands anywhere other than the baby, it is
immediately cleaned up with a disinfectant.) Some places
differ in philosophy about the mess of food, and wearing
bibs... but still. Th! ey should ask you for add'l sets of
clothes and should be changing your baby into clean ones if he
gets wet or messy.
I'm not sure how you know that they try to feed him rather than
sooth him in ways that you're more comfortable with (do they
actually tell you that?). That could be a stylistic
difference, (and I've noticed that that approach can be a
cultural one), but it is not typically the approach of most
reputable daycares, or for that matter, pediatricians. I know
at our daycare they do not allow baby swings or bouncy chairs,
or anything that allows a caretaker to just put the child in a
restrained device that could promote ignoring them. It's a
safety concern as well as a child development philosophy. The
babies are either held, or when that is not possible due to the
demands of other children, they are either given ''tummy time''
on a mat on the floor, or put in a large, raised crib (only one
child at a time). The ratio of caregiver to children of this
age is roughly 1:3 or 1:4, depending on the day (and ! even that
doesn't seem enough sometimes when you want your child to be
held as much as possible!)
Anyway, I believe you're right to consider removing him. Don't
worry about his transition, he probably has not had a chance to
bond with anyone there yet, and besides, he's young enough that
it won't ultimately matter. I know the options are expensive,
and apparently there isn't much choice in the way of daycare
centers where you are. Have you tried asking (on UC Parents)
for recommendations for other daycares in your area? There may
be some smaller family place that you may not already know
about. If you only need to find something until December, is
it possible to hire a nanny until then? They can be expensive,
but I often hear of people who pay/charge under $11/hour. If
someone comes to your house you could have a much better idea
of what's going on (if you're able to separate yourself enough
to get work done - and that can be tricky). A cheaper solution
would be a! nanny share, finding someone who will take care of
both your baby and someone else's, at either house. This made
us very nervous when our daughter was that age, but from what I
read on this site LOTS of people do it and are very happy with
their arrangements. You could probably expect to pay about 2/3
of a full rate, it seems. Either way, it's probably a
financial hit in comparison with a daycare, but I think you're
right - something is not quite right with the practises you
describe at your present daycare. I would feel the same as you
do.
Best of luck!
Anon in Oakland
Given your expectations I think what you probably need to do is
hire a nanny.
anon
The only regret I have with my son, now 9, is that I left him in
a childcare facility that I did not feel good about for too long.
Your child is so young - I know that it seems impossible to get
by, but I would strongly suggest at least considering keeping her
at home for just a few more months. I work with young children
in schools, and I see the difference that being with a parent can
make. This would give you more time to investigate other
possibilities. Is there a chance that your husband could bring
her into town, where there might be more options? Or that a
mother's helper would allow you to go in for a few hours to do
some work? This is time that can never be recaptured, and it
passes very quickly. The sacrifices that we make when they're
small seem to really pay off in spades later. Feel free to
answer back if you want to have a dialogue about this..
kim
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If you think something is wrong, it probably
is (and the things you mention aren't little things). Keeping in mind
that
you have few choices (I know some folks will tell you things that
realistically won't work), can you take some time under the Federal
Family Medical Leave Act (''FMLA'') and watch your child while you
assess another daycare facility? What about using this site to find a
''nanny share'' situation? What about your partner? Can he/she help
with the childcare situation for a short time, perhaps using the FMLA
or
vacation. What a! bout a friend? Can you pay someone you trust to
watch your child? If none of these options work for you, then I would
have a very serious conversation with the daycare provider. If she's
tries
to pull the ''new-mom-itis'' stuff on you, tell her that regardless of
her
opinion, dried spit-up, wrong bed linens, and workers not knowing your
child's name is unacceptable. Let her know that you understand some
slips but that if you continue to see similar irregularities, you will
pull
your child and report your findings to the regulatory agency that
certifies
her center for a full investigation. If her establishment is
reputable, she
will take your concerns completely seriously and make certain that the
workers who are responsible for the mishaps are fired. If she runs a
shoddy location, she'll see this as a tremendous threat and you'll know
you're doing the right thing by ! getting your child out.
good luck
Bottom line with childcare, particularly before they can talk,
is that you have to feel comfortable. I'm a pretty particular
parent, and have opinions about what should be done & how. For
young babies, you need to remember that daycare means that not
every baby can be held every moment, which means that possibly a
baby may cry for a little bit. That said, you sound
uncomfortable. And the daycare providers generally are
comfortable doing things their way (and I discovered, since I
was home with my child for a while, that I had opinions about
many things, and some providers were uncomfortable with my
opinions and had an easier time w/ parents who just appreciated
somebody taking care of their baby and ''teaching'' them how to do
it. Don't bother analyzing everything-ask yourself ! how you
feel. Financials are important, but your baby is only a baby for
a short time. Everything is a compromise, but you must feel
comfortable with your daycare provider, otherwise you add stress
to your life--even if everything is fine. Check out all your
options, then choose the best one for you. Check out Davis
options too, if your husband is willing to do day care
dropoff/pickup. You'll find something to your liking, but EVERY
situation will have some quirks. find the quirks that work for
you.
anon
I don't mean to alarm you, but get your child out of that center.
I have run a daycare for over eleven years, and I go to extreme
lengths (and make sure my employees do as well) to ensure the
bottles are marked with permanent marker so they cannot be mixed
up. As I am sure you know, infections such as Thrush on the
tongue and not to name allergic reactions from drinki! ng the wrong
formula can occur and cause pain and misery. Each child's linen
is kept strictly in their own playpen etc. We are careful of
SIDS, and check the babies to make sure they are breathing etc.
Sounds like your child is being neglected. Not just physically,
but emotionally too. Contact the local child care referral
agency in your area, as well as Contra Costa County to find a new
place. Even if you have to out of your way, or pay a little
more, it must be worth your peace of mind. In the meantime have
a serious conversation with the owner and tell her your concerns.
As a parent, you have the right to do that.
Anon
I do not think that you are overreacting. You however need to
find a way to follow those instincts and make it all work for
you. You are correct about a move being hard on your child
especially since you plan to move him ! to another school in
December. The problem is that if you do not feel adequate care
is being given then you have a problem. The first step to take
would be to talk to the Director and see if you can talk to one
another in an open way where the school doesn't feel attacked
and you do not feel belittled for being a first time mother. I
was a teacher of young children for 15 years and I think the
best thing is always to have open communication between
families and teachers.They should be doing a better job about
taking care of your child. You should not feel guilty about
that. Those little details are what makes it possible for you
to concentrate at work and so those are the ones you need to
address. I do not think they are little things. I currently run
a business where I help families find childcare and preschool
settings for their children. I go to all the schools myself and
spend lots of time there investigating the ! care they give and
how they run the place. Then I get information from the parents
as to what they are looking for and so attempt to find
situations where everyone will be pleased. The main thing I
tell parents is that the place you pick for your child has to
be a place you feel comfortable with all around. This place
becomes your child's second home in away. You have to visit
lots of places in order to compare the various ways people care
for children.There are a lot of great schools out there.
Remember you have to be able to know they are well cared for so
you can concentrate on your work. If talking to the school does
not work you could get a part-time nanny until you get to your
next school. We all have to think about the money thing but the
truth is that if we put our mind to it we can make things work
one way or another in order to get our piece of mind. I would
be willing to give you more suggestions via e! -mail or by phone.
Feel free to contact me.
martha
Home |
Reviews |
Advice |
Members |
Post a Message
Join BPN |
Help |
What's New |
Search |
Contact Us
Last updated: Aug 19, 2004
Copyright © 1996-2008 Berkeley Parents Network
The opinions and statements expressed on this website
are those of parents who subscribe to the
Berkeley Parents Network. Please see
Disclaimer & Usage for
information about using content on this website.