Worried about the safety of daycare's neighborhood

I'm struggling with various waves of fear/anxiety about the violence in S. Berkeley where my toddler will be attending day care this coming fall. I chose the daycare because it was conveniently located on the way to work, it came highly recommended by many people, and I felt really comfortable with it. I know she will love it and be well taken care of. I tend a bit toward anxiety, and my new source of anxiety is imagining my daughter getting killed in a drive-by shooting while her daycare is taking a walk to the park (something they do periodically). This fear has been heightened by the recent shooting of two children in their homes a few blocks away. For the record, I've left my child in a nanny share this past year (in a different neighborhood), so I don't think this is so much about fear of leaving her. I used to live in S. Berkeley, and I still don't hesitate to drive or bike through there. I work in an even sketchier neighborhood in Oakland. And I try to remind myself that there are probably more pressing dangers (auto accidents). But for some reason, I'm still struggling with this. Is this fear well-founded? Any advice how I can get over it? I wonder if the fear will dissipate once the daycare becomes part of our daily routine, or if each new incident of violence will just bring it back. Any thoughts on this? anxious mother

26-mo-old ran out of the building on her own

This morning, something happened in my 26 months old daughter's daycare that worries me very much. My partner dropped her off, she was really upset he would leave, he helped her getting comfortable, and finally she said him good bye. (Typically, drop offs are not fun, but acceptable for my daugher, but there are exceptions.) When he was already at the gate to the street, she came running screaming out of the building. She must have left the room, crossed the hallway, went through the entrance door, climbed up a flight of stairs, and run between the toddler and the baby playground into the bigger kids playground/parking lot where my partner heard her while walking through the main gate to the street. He brought her back to her room to see teachers being surprised at his reappearance - they had not noticed she had run away before he brought her back. I don't know if he planned to say anything to them and what, but he didn't get to it, as the first thing was they asking him if he had told her that she's not supposed to leave the room. While I agree that she has to know this, his reaction to the sudden appearance of his desparately crying daughter had not been to give her instructions but to give her comfort. She is not a child who has ever tried to run away from us secretely, only this kind of ''I run, will you run after me'' game. Then the head teacher developed some theories about her having more difficulties with daycare these days, because she started using the potty there. She's had a lot of pee accidents there, while she's been essentially trained at home for a while. Then her suggestion to put her back in diapers now. When asked about diapers, my daughter announced she wanted to go pee. She went with daddy to the potty area, sat down and peed immediately. While I first thought, the potty training discussion is just distracting from the problem, I realize that it probably seems to be related. She doesn't seem to feel comfortable telling the teachers there when she has to go pee and desparately want one of us to help her instead. So that surely has to be addressed on its own right. However, there are hundreds of other potential reasons for children to escape from daycare. In my view, the bottom line is, that they have to make sure young children can not leave on their own. I'm very concerned about her running out and trying to get home or to the park or wherever she'd like to go by herself. She'd try to find the way as she knows the neighborhood and she's used to walk home with us, but she'd surely get lost and not unlikely get killed by a car. There's a main traffic street very close to the school, and on the way to the park. The gate to the street was closed this morning, but it often is not during these drop of times, because some parents want to drive into the school yard (=older toddler/ big kids play area) for dropping of their children. I'm worried now, that they won't make sure she does not run away again. Why didn't they react with concern that they had not even noticed her escape? Why did they start to put the responsibility on us with asking if we had told her she's not supposed to run out the school? She is just over 2 years old, how can they count on her following rules when it's about something as dangerous as running away? Why did they start to mix up the problem with her school potty training, can't potty trained children run away as well? My partner was really overwelmed by the situation and doesn't feel like he reacted to the teachers' (non-)actions and well. So, we'd like to speak about this with them again. I already went through a bunch of scenarios this morning including getting her out of the school immediately... I dont' want to react hysterically, but I'm very worried. I'd like to hear what other think. Also, I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to approach this topic with the daycare people. Making them angry at me may result in resentments against my child as well. Who to talk to, when, with your child around or making an appointment without the child? It's not obvious, from a practical point of view, how, when and where to speak to the daycare teachers when a problem arises. Thank you very much for any kind of help. J.

Please, talk with the director. Let her know that this has happened. Ask her for reassurance that it will not happen again. Offer constructive criticism, and give the school a chance to show you all those great things I have mentioned above. You won't regret it. Anon

As for the whole pottying issue, well this kind of makes sense to me. My daughter has been going potty at school too and it has definitely been a more emotional time for her at drop off each morning. The last few mornings I have actually walked her over to the potty and asked her if she wants to go. And I tell her that when she needs to go, let the teachers know and they'll bring her. It's interesting how relieved she seemed to hear that. We did have a setback when she was constipated and then she only wanted to go for me again, but it definitely seems like there is a relationship between the two issues of staying at daycare and getting used to going potty. I would acknowledge that possibility in discussion with the school, but reiterate the overall concern that they didn't notice she left. While I think it's a good idea for you to remind your daughter that she needs to stay, it's not your responsibility to keep looking back to ! check. It's theirs. Good luck. Lori

Are family home daycares safe?

I am just about to start back to work and must find daycare formy 7 month old daughter. It breaks my heart to part from her and I am extremely catious about family (home) daycares. While I was working in a daycare center, myself, one of our previously regular 2 year-olds who had been switched to a family daycare accidentally drowned himself in a bucket in the yard. The bucket had filled up with rainwater from the night before. Regardless, I am now horrified of family daycares but BANANAS tells me that they are the only places available in my ''zone.'' Does anyone have any advice that could calm my fears or point me in the right direction towards affordable local daycare centers? Nicole