Joint Birthday Parties
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Joint Birthday Parties
January 2007
My two children were born nearly exactly two years apart, a boy
and a girl. It seems to be the expectation that kids have a
party every year -- so, would like to know whether others with
two kids with birthdays very close together just throw one party
for both? Or does that seem less special? I was thinking of
doing one party, until another parent told me that might make
each child feel less special. But the last party I threw was
exhausting, and my husband was pretty much no help... guess I'm
just trying to spare myself some work (and money!) Curious to
hear what other parents in my boat have to say.
Thanks.
overextended mom
My sister-in-law does a party for all three of her children,
since they were all born in the same month. This seems to work
great for her kids, especially because then there's a budget for
something really extra-fabulous, like a bouncy house, a pony,
Menudo live and in person, or a scary clown. Everyone has fun
and, as a relative, I'm grateful that I don't have to schlep over
to their house three times in the same month for a very similar
event. I enjoy the one party as it is.
If you do go this route, though, discourage people from bringing
gifts or be sure to open the gifts after the guests have left...
This year, my sister-in-law let the three all open their gifts at
once and it was:
1) mayhem - a flurry of wrapping paper, ribbons and stuffed
animals flying in a blur of shrieks of excitement and general
confusion (''Now WHO gave that?'' she'd ask as she frantically
tried to make a list for thank you notes).
2) WAY, way, way too long of an event that resulted in
over-sugared party guests having to stand around at fidgety
attention for far too long (a wave of thinly controlled
crankiness rose among the tide, threatening to burst forth from
the masses at any moment), and an embarrassment of riches for the
children. Why, you ask? Because guests who'd been invited and
would have come / qualified as an invitee to one child's party
felt obligated to bring a present for all three children. The
haul of gifts was unprecedented and next year, I think my
sister-in-law is going to request no one bring gifts.
Good luck!
party animal
I have two kids two years apart. My second was due on my son's
birthday, but she was 8 days early. I do one party with the
family. We are very low key. The weekend between their
birthdays is the family party. I do not believe that a child
needs a birthday party with their friends every year. If you
decide you need to do one for each kid, make them more simple.
Two years is not that much difference, especially once they get
older. You could definitely have friends for each child come to
one party. My kids adore each other and would think it's great
to have a party together. Last year, I didn't even have the
energy to make them both a birthday cake, so we did one big train
cake--my daughter loves trains as much as my son.
Mom of March Birthdays
Have two parties. Depending on the age of the kids, you might
alternate years. Even years is your son's year for a birthday
party. Odd Years is your daughter's turn. But definately do a
family night out and ackhowledge both children's birthdays but
as a private family affaire.
My brother and I are exactly a year and one week apart. My mom
gave us a birthday party. Everyone give me presents and not my
brother. He was crushed and I was guilty. NO FUN AT ALL.
If your children are old emough you might consider a bowling
party and essentially have to separate but distinct parties
happening at the same time. Or take a page from bridal showers
and have a round the clock party. So your daughter's party
starts at 10:00 -12:00. Your son's would begin at 1:00 to
3:00. Tiring but fun
Hope this gives you more ideas!
Mare
This is coming for a different perspective that you may be used
to My father and his older sister (5 years old) share a
birthday. To this day he still complains about having to share
his birthday and birthday parties with his sister. They did not
have the same friends or the same taste in parties, but since
she was more vocal and assertive she would always get the party
she wanted. Plus she would bully him into telling their mother
that he wanted the same party as she did.
So I think as long as your children share the same interests and
friends, one party is fine. But once they become older and more
individualistic you may want to rethink the two party idea. I
do have to say though; I have seen a lot of one party for two
kids pulled off great. Good luck!
Kenna
My boys are 3 years apart, both born in the summer, one in early
May, the other in early August. I'm thinking about combining
their parties this year and just throwing a nice big barbecue in
June around the summer solstice for both of them.
I figure if we combine the money we'd spend on a smaller
celebration for both we can have a really really cool bigger
party and be a lot of fun for everyone. There's other ways within
the one party to make each kid feel special I think. I'd
definitely have two separate sets of candles for them to blow out
for instance.
Also, you could still do a very small, cupcake plus special
dinner on the kids' actual birthdays where they pick the kind of
cake and what's served for dinner that night so they still feel
special about their own day, but you're still minimizing the
stress of throwing a party twice within a short timespan.
Beth
I have 2 boys who are 2 years apart born on the exact same
day. It was easier when they were younger. Having one party
for a boy and girl seems like it would be easier. Finding
neutral groud(entertainment or party place) and being sure that
they each have their own friends who have been ivited
specifically for them. That way families didn't feel that had
to bring 2 gifts. Close friends and relatives always brought
something for both. Good Luck
trublue
I have a friend with this problem. She alternates. Each year,
one child gets to have a ''friend'' party with all the trimmings,
and the other one has a family dinner party (the child gets to
choose the menu, and Grandma and Grandma come over). The next
year, they switch off.
Emma
My brother and I have birthdays 1 day appart and have a 3 year
age difference. Over the years, my mother sometimes did our
parties together and sometimes separately. Both worked. It
depended on our ages and interests and how compatible we were at
various points in our lives. My feeling is, ask your kids if
they'd like to do a party together (and give them a big sell to
explain how much better a party they can have if they make that
choice so they'll buy in). Or, if they are too young to have that
conversation then go ahead and do what you want 'cause they're
too young to be bothered by it or notice it's anything but
normal. One plus of having birhtdays at the same time is neither
kid has to feel jealous when their sibling has a birthday and
gets lots of presents.
Julie
April 2005
My kids birthdays are a month apart. My 3 year old's in
April,and my 10 month old baby's is in May.At first I was
thinking about combining the birthdays into 1 big party
somewhere in the middle between their birthdays. Now I'm
thinking that's neither here nor there... I'm thinking have 2
small parties near each of their birthdays. Any thoughts,
advice, past experiences would be appreciated.
May
I am sure you will get a ton of responses, so I will just say that I
think each kid should have their own special day. A month is not too
short a time to have 2 parties, esp. if they are small. BTW, for the
younger one, it won't matter so much what you actually do on the
birthday until maybe the 3rd one. Just take several pictures that show
that you had a special party that they can look at later and know they
were given the attention.
--mom of 2 summer babies
As mom of 2 girls (3 & 5) who have birthdays 6 days apart and a new baby
son whose birthday is a month ahead of the first girl, I say have ONE
party this year and maybe next, while you can.
From my experience, they definitely hit an age when they want their
own theme and friends. For us, that was this year when my oldest turned
5--she was adamant about her Strawberry Shortcake theme, specific games,
color of frosting and flavor of cake, and HER friends from preschool
attending.
Up until now, we've invited all our friends, whether they have kids or
not, and had a big BBQ. We still did that this year, for the 3 year
old, but soon, she too will want her own social circle and have her own
ideas of how to ''party''!
Heidi
The younger child wouldn't care, but I think 3-year-olds are old enough
to understand how special birthdays are and they should have a
celebration for themselves. It can be very small, but I think there
should be a day or party just for them. I vote for
2 small parties.
Liz O.
I have two boys, their birthdays are less than one week apart.
I give them each their own birthday party, nothing big, but I feel that
each should have his own special day. Another idea would be to have
birthday parties for each every other year (I have a friend who has
twins and a toddler and this is what she does). So this year, have a
party for one child, next year it's the other child's turn. Hope this
helps.
A mom with a similar situation
My kids' birthdays are almost exactly one month apart, and I give them
different parties. I kind of enjoy the break in between, because I can
only spend one month planning for the second and therefore can't get too
caught up in over-planning. They do have different friends and
interests, after all. I think it makes it more of a special day for
them.
Laurel
Definitely have two parties. I have a friend who grew up in a family of
5 kids and she always ''shared'' a birthday party with one of her
brothers. She hated it. She said she always wanted her own party. I
think all kids want to have their special day. You don't have to make
it elaborate. I think people in the Bay Area can go over the top with
their super-elaborate birthday parties. I hear of some people spending
up to $500 for a birthday party (gasp!). Just keep it simple and
special and your kids will love it.
From another perspective (in case you have to do one party for two
kids), I have twins and one of the books I've read says that, even if
they have the same party, you should have a small cake for each child
and sing a birthday song, seperately, for each child. This way, they
each get to enjoy some time in the limelight. However, twins are used to
being together and are at the same developmental level. A three year
old could feel less special already by the presence of his/her new baby
sibling.
Having him/her share the party with the new baby might be rubbing a sore
spot.
Hilary
My younger brother and I have birthdays just 8 days apart, and there
were four kids in our family. Naturally my mother was inclined to put
our festivities together, which as a parent I can understand completely.
But I would say -- don't do it. It really hurt my feelings as a kid to
have to share a birthday party. That sounds petty, perhaps, but a
birthday is a day when the person celebrated wants to feel special, and
combining birthdays undermined that for me. Now, I don't know how twins
feel about it...
birthday girl
Jan 2002
I have two kids whose birthdays are 10 days apart. They will be having their
birthdays soon and we are thinking of having a joint birthday celebration.
Could anyone please give us some advice on how to go about this? I especially
am worried about how to send out invitations so that guests won't be obligated
to bring two gifts. Most of the guests are close friends and family members
who wouldn't mind the double celebration, but how about my elder child's
school friends? Thank you.
Alice
The idea of a joint birthday party sounds to me like not such a good idea.
How do the kids feel about it?
A birthday is a day in which the individual gets to be special, and then to
spend the rest of the year being a sibling. And separate presents are
necessary if they are not the same age (for appropriateness). I'd give more
concern for the kids needs than the guests.
Josh
One year I rented one of those jumping houses and had a party for one kid in the
morning, for the other in the afternoon and invited the neighbor kids in after that. It
was a great way to get two parties accomplished in one day and I got my money's
worth out of the rental!
Mary
I would make up separate sets of invitations, one set for each child to give
to their friends and another set for the relatives. That way the parents of
the guests will know whose birthday they will be celebrating and the double
present situation is avoided.
The only problem I see is if the two kids have the same mutual friends they
want to invite.
I always ask for an RSVP so I can actually talk to the parents ahead of time
and most of them call anyway for present suggestions and to find out if they
need to stay or can stay if they want to. I would plan on extra time for
present opening and candle blowing since there will be two birthday kids.
Marianne
June 2000
A good friend of mine and I are planning to have a double birthday
party for our children since their birthdays are the same day, they're
friends, and they are in the same preschool class (turning 4 years
old!). Some of our party guests know both of the birthday children;
other guests only know my daughter or my friend's son. What is a
tactful way to explain the double party concept on the invitations? I
was taught that any mention of gifts on a party invitation was tacky,
yet I want to make sure that guests don't feel awkward about presents
nor feel obligated to bring them for both children. Any other advice
for how to handle this? Thanks!
Sharon
Twins have double birthday parties all the time. My son went to one; he
gave presents to each twin because he knew both well. When his birthday
comes along he'll invite both twins and I trust their mother to decide what
to do about presents. But I wouldn't have hesitated to send one gift if he
had only been friends with one of them. Here is my suggestion as a mother:
have two types of invitations: one to send to kids who only know one of the
birthday people (and say it's for that person's party), and one to send to
kids who know both birthday people (and say it's for both people's party).
That should take away
at least some of the obligations invitees may feel. You can explain to
parents who get the solo invitation when they RSVP that it's a joint party
just so they're not surprised.
The part I'm most concerned about is the birthday kids: at that age you
might consider not making gift opening part of the party, so they don't
start comparing presents.
Fran
Two children from my daughter's preschool had a double birthday party at
Kids in Motion last December. My daughter received a joint invitation
since she knew both children. I don't know what was done for those
children who only knew one child, but it would make sense to me to send a
single invitation to them and explain when they
respond that the party is joint with another child. I would also not open
presents at the party and save them for later. At Kids in Motion, each
child presented their gift(s) to the birthday children as they all sat
around in a circle. I thought this was awkward since every child didn't
bring a present for both birthday children.
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