Berkeley Parents Network: Party Favor Etiquette

Berkeley Parents Network

Party Favor Etiquette

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Birthdays > Party Favors Party Favor Etiquette

Will I be a bad mamma if I don't hand out party favors?

March 2007

I am having my son's 8th birthday party at Pump It Up in Oakland. It is quite expensive, and customers are forced to buy their food - they have a policy of no outside food except cake. Given these expenses, I don't want to have the extra expense of the loot bags. Will I be a bad Mamma if I don't have parting gifts for the children? Any suggestions? Anonymous

Hi! I say, ''just say no'' to goody bags and to commercial pressures. I call goody bags ''land fill'' because the kids play with them for two seconds and they just get thrown away. I don't distribute goody bags and my kids' parties and no one seems to mind. It is very generous of you to have the kids at Pump It Up in the first place the kids will have a great time without the junk. Anon

The party favor thing drives me crazy. It is true the kids love getting them but I am convinced they like the idea of them more than the actual stuff. You shouldn't feel pressured to get them for an 8 year olds party. Don't feel guilty. If you feel it is so necessary bake cookies or do some small thing but it seems pretty unnecessary. In favor of no favors

Skip them! It's become way too overblown in my estimation. I didn't do party favors this year and no one even noticed! It's usually really cheap stuff that the kids break or forget about. I often donate the ones we get to homeless programs. I would like the world to be party-favor free! The kids have a great time at the party and are happy to be there. (we also ask for no presents, so it's pretty low key all the way around in that department). Have fun anon

You may just earn silent prayers of gratitude from many moms tired of the party arms race. I applaud you for even thinking of de-escalating the current hyped up state of birthday parties. There's momentary (and I mean a fleeting second) of pleasure given by that little bag of mostly cheap crap & yet it can take not only a lot of money, but a lot of time buying different stuff every year. And in our experience most ends up in the garbage. As my kids have gotten older the stuff they want to give in a favor bag gets more sophisticated and yet still more costly. Don't know about you but as a kid I got little treats in a treat cup at the table (jelly beans & nuts etc). That was the favor. That was fine! I've seen one-item favors given at parties that embarrassed me because the retail price of the favor cost the same or more than the present we brought! Enough already! Oh - by the way, I have been to a party where there was no party favor bag given out & no one died (or barely noticed). Monica

My daughter had a Pump It Up party in Concord. They had a bunch of helium balloons in the party room. We let all the kids take a couple home. That seemed to make them really happy. Check and see if the Oakland location will also have balloons.

Hi, As a parent I would be HAPPY that there were no party favors! Those little baggies of candy and choking hazards drive me nuts! If you feel you NEED to have a party favor tho, maybe just give each kid a balloon (usually less than $1/each). Anon.

What might be fun for the kids, and cheaper too (especially if you already have some supplies) is to give them a craft to make! Maybe when they're all just about done eating, and before they've dispersed to play, you can hand out supplies and show them how to do it. What they make is their favor to take home! Seems to me the only thing kids like better than getting cool things, is making cool things. Eva

Those places are a racket, you know that right? I won't even address the contents of the bags right now. So, yes I go with the kids when invited to parties like those and they do love it. We all have this incredible need to be social as parents and don't have time to clean house or cook etc... on our own turf. So, skip the bags, buy the minimal there, have fun, and remember that it is the social interaction that you facilitated that people remember. Watch too, other parents take your lead. We are all in this together! setting an example

At my daughter's request, we have celebrated her last two birthdays at Pump It Up as well. Yes, it is quite expensive and it's a bit frustrating that you can't bring your own food. However, it's a fantastic place for kids to play and that's what the party is all about. No, you don't need to feel bad for not having party favors. I'm sure that most parents will understand that such a celebration costs an arm and a leg and that the party favors are just a gesture. You ''gestured'' enough by throwing such a bash! I find that many parents in my daughter's class don't even give parties. It's just not in the budget.

But if you do feel that you are ''obligated'' to provide party favors, then you could always give something small. That's what I did. I went to Michaels and bought a couple of small things that her age group would like. That cost me $40. It was a huge hit. Personally, I don't like it when we get candy at a party, so I always make a point to just give a tiny little gift - you could even check the $1 Dollar Store. JOJ

Should I give favors to younger siblings who attend?

Feb 2002

I am having a big birthday bash for my son's third birthday this year. I am inviting 12 children. Many of which have siblings much younger than my son, therefor not really his friends (yet.) It is my nature to want to give gifts to the siblings as well, but in the interest of keeping costs down I am thinking that I should resist that desire. I am curious about what other people have done in this situation. Is it OK to only give gifts to the invited friends. Marianne

When did this business of party favors get so out of hand?! I don't even remember getting party favors as a kid, except maybe a balloon or noisemaker. My daughters have received goody-bags at birthday parties that probably cost more than what we spent on the present! That said, we do give out little things at our kids' parties. We get things from the tiny-item bins at places like Mr. Mopps, Teddy's Party Store (on Solano), etc., such as little bouncy balls, funny rubber creatures, plastic dinosaurs, fancy pencils, and so forth, which are all really cheap. I provide paper lunch bags, crayons/markers, and stickers so the party guests (invited or not!) can decorate their own goody-bag during the party. I then drop in a couple of items as they are leaving. --Debbie

Here are my birthday rules: All parties at my house, only invite who you need (invite adult relatives separate from the kid party)and have the same type of party favors for all kids present. On my invitations I ask that the invited child come with only one parent. I'm not entertaining families. My house is way too small for that. I like to have all birthday parties at home, because for me it is about letting people in and sharing my space for a meaningful, warm celebration. And how fun the small parties have been when you just have children the same age and design the party around what they like at that stage of their development! It's also special for the kids to not have their older or younger sibling there and have one parent for themselves to share the experience with (until they are old enough to be dropped off). And it's easier for the parents to only have one child to attend to. I've been to big bashes - kids barely interact with one another, it's so overwhelming to them, so much movement and pre-school noise level. I prefer small and playful parties where everyone gets 4-5 really cool party favors that have long-term play value. And the kids earn each through some kind of activity. They don't just get handed a bag. Anonymous

I think it is a lovely idea to give party favors to the siblings as well as to the children who are your son's invited guests. But it is certainly OK to not give the siblings anything special - it is really entirely up to you. If the siblings are only 1 or 2, they might not be able to have the same kinds of toys or sweets that a 3-year old could have. So you might decide to have the traditional party bags for the older guests, and just a basket at the door with (something nice), unwrapped, for any other parting gifts. Bonnie

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