Berkeley Parents Network: When Birthday is also a Holiday

Berkeley Parents Network

When Birthday is also a Holiday

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Birthdays > When Birthday is also a Holiday

Christmas Birthday

October 2003

My daughter turns one year old three days after Christmas. I want to have a party for her to celebrate (you only turn one once, right?), but don't know the best was to handle it given the holidays. We also have about 3 different Christmas celebrations with family members during the same week. I want to make her birthday something unique, but don't want to tax or burden other people. Any ideas from other parents out there who have kids with birthdays during the busy Christmas/Hannakuh/Kwanza season? Sophia

My son was born one week before Christmas and we wanted his first year BD to be really special so we just picked a date in January (around the 3rd week, I think) and had a huge family party at my mom's house. I have a very large extended family (7 aunts and uncles who have kids of their own) so we decided to fly to L.A. and have it in Grandma's back yard. Nothing expensive or fancy just lots of family, lots of good food, and my son got a ton of toys and clothes. It was a very special and memorable event for us and he still enjoys looking at the photos now that he's older (almost 7). So I would suggest having a very small family celebration on the morning of his actual BD (maybe letting him play with his own cupcake and open a special gift that morning or evening) and then have a big celebration at the beginning of Dec. before all the holiday madness starts or in January after it's a little calmer.
Congrats on making it through the first year!

My advice won't solve your upcoming dilemma (your daughter's 1st Birthday) but this seems as if it will be an ongoing problem since the Christmas/Hannakuh/Kwanza season won't change dates nor will your daughter's birthday. I have a younger cousin (about 15 now) who was born on December 22 into a bi-cultural family who celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah. Since the beginning she has celebrated her 1/2 birthday on June 22 with the big party and gifts on that day and a much smaller celebration with close family and a couple of close friends on her actual Birthday. I don't know all the specific since she lives in Seattle but this seems to have worked for her over the long run and in essence she kind of gets two birthdays. She is an only child though, so there are no other sibling birthday^Rs to contend with. I do agree that you may want to mark the first birthday with a big blow out and maybe other parents' suggestions can help. However, remember that it seems that a child's 1st birthday party is more for the parent's benefit since the child has not yet able to form strong attachments with other children and all the adults there who want to hold, cuddle, and interact with the child can be overwhelming leading to a big meltdown. My son also had a nap through 1/2 of his party.
S.W.

My son's birthday is 12/27. We have celebrated his birthday in mid-January and that worked well for us.
Helena

My twins are born 3 days before X-mas. My husband is Jewish. I am Christian. Believe me- the holidays are very busy for us- to the point of being overly stressful. They are turning 4 this year and this time I am having their party on their half birthday in June(our younger son is born at the end of November so we are having HIS first birthday party during the holidays this year because family will be here). What I have heard other parents do is to celebrate their Dec. babies' birthdays a little late- in January. That way, the holiday stress has passed for everyone. Not only is it stressful for the adults, but it is OVERWHELMING for the kids. They get a load of presents 2 or 3 days in a row practically and it is TOOOOOOO much! After this year I plan to have my Novemeber baby's birthday in Novemeber and my twins' birthday either in January, or at their half birthday in June. They don't know the difference and it is easier on everyone.
Birthdayed-out Mama

My daughter's b-day is the 29th of December so I am in the same boat. I have always thrown her big, fun grown-ups and kids and family parties with lots of good food and maybe a pinata or a theme of some sort (more theme stuff now that she is older - she is almost 8). Anyway, people seemed perfectly willing to put aside x-mas for half a day to celebrate with us. I usually postpone her actual party until right after New Years and on her actual b-day give her gifts from us and grandparents. Anyway, it has worked out fine.
Sarah

the first birthday is so much a landmark and celebration for the parents too; I wonder what type of celebration you would enjoy?; maybe a small group of fam./ friends at home; I'd guess more people will be able to make time to come than you might think; plus think of baby's disposition and whether or not he can handle a lot of people. Take your baby to Tilden Park's Merry Go Round at night, too. Even though it's very much a Christmas-y thing, it is so magical that time of year and it makes a neat birthday treat. My 12/21 baby is turning 2 and I think we might just go there with a friend or 2 for her ''party'' this year. 1/2 birthdays or Unbirthdays (whenever you feel like it) might be good much later (I'd say after 5 or more y.o.)to divvy up the presents but at this point you prob. want to commemorate the real day, I'd say go for it, whenever you can that's near the birthday. I'm thinking of my December babe's birthday as a blessing because it has helped us pare down on the material accumulation and do simpler and fewer gifts. (after older sib. we don't have space for one more toy; watchout, it happens so quickly after the first year as I recall!) anon

Thanksgiving Birthday

Okay all you thoughtful, creative people - I need a little help. My daughter was born the night before Thanksgiving last year. Luckily, Thanksgiving is one of those holidays whose date floats, so her birthday won't always fall on the exact same day as the holiday, but I am trying to figure out how to make her first birthday special and still have a fabulous Thanksgiving, too (it's my favorite holiday). My daughter is not a turkey! We already heard those jokes last year when she was less than one day old! Add to this the fact that family from both sides will want to travel here for her first birthday and we only have one guest room - well, I'm exhausted just thinking about it! (My brother and I shared a birthday and it was kinda cool for me because he was 10 years older, and we always had two special cakes. Not sure how it made him feel when I arrived on the scene just in time for his last solo birthday cake, but I digress). At any rate, I want to set the precedents right from the start, especially with the relatives, who are starting to ask about our plans (Good gracious! I'm going to have to get the baby's room decorated, too, aren't I?). I appreciate in advance your thoughts. Ann

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday for a birthday -- and the date changes every year so its not always an issue. My son has his party a week or two before or after Thanksgiving and then people remember his birthday on Thanksgiving, too. We also have 1/2 a birthday cake on the 27th of May for fun. I think this year his birthday is a school day for the first time ever.

As an aside, the school district isn't fond of Fall birthdays, but many kids have no problem with being youngest in their class. It was just as surprising to us that some kids were 18 months older, at least. My son is 8 now, and 4th grade. Some of his friends turned 10 at the end of third grade (!).

We have found something to do about birthdays that IS very helpful. Starting 3 or 4 years ago we decided to have parties just for even number birthdays, and do something else special for the odds. It makes the parties more special, and the alternatives are good fun too. My kids have asked to go out to dinner, or to take their friends to the movies, etc. Heather

I was born November 28. For some reason, I didn't really associate my birthday with Thanksgiving until I was in my late teens. Perhaps when I was little, my mom had the party a week or two away from T-day, which was also a major celebration involving visiting relatives. I think a first birthday is a special occasion, and if your relatives all want to come, think of it as a one-time deal, not a precedent. Therefore, you can arrange the party any way that works for you. Don't let them get you feeling you have to do things a certain way; it's your child and your home. Perhaps they can all stay at a nearby motel. If you don't have room for them all, tell them there's no room for them, and that you need to keep your home routines stable for your child's sake.

As a late-November baby myself, I do have some thoughts about kindergarten entrance. If California is still using the December 2 kindergarten cutoff age when your daughter is 4, she is likely to be the youngest child in her classes all the way through school. This is not necessarily a problem, but I would suggest you give careful thought to whether she is really ready when that time comes (and, believe it or not, it will come). I was always the youngest child in my classes, and I had a hard time keeping up, socially and academically. In retrospect, I believe I would have done a lot better had my parents delayed kindergarten for me. This may or may not be true for your daughter; but I would encourage you to consider both options in terms of what will serve her best in the long run. Louise

For the first B-day party, it would be pretty easy to just have the party on the weekend (probably Saturday) closest to the B-day. Your child is too young to know the difference of a few days. Everyone schedules their big parties on the weekend anyway (though there's usually some sort of celebration actually on the day), so it shouldn't be a big deal to continue this practice as the child gets older.

Another idea, if this celebration is still too close to the big event (at least it isn't Christmas--your child will probably not get combination Thanksgiving/B-day presents!), is to celebrate the child's "half-birthday" with a big party. So you'd have a big party on May 25th (or whatever) (only problem I see is that this might be on Memorial Day sometimes--I guess you just can't win!).

Regarding all the relatives--ask them to stay in a hotel. You can't be expected to put up everyone in one guest room. In fact, it's kind of an advantage if they all want to come, because then you can avoid having ANYONE stay in your house ("oh, we don't have room for everyone, and I wouldn't want to play favorites, so we'll just have everyone stay in this nice hotel...."). I'm afraid you probably WILL have to at least clean up the baby's room, if not actually decorate it, though! Good luck! Dawn

Take some slow deep breaths! My son was born 12 years ago on the day before Thanksgiving and it has been fine!

We enjoyed having his first birthday party as part of our Thanksgiving celebration. It was very nice having all the family there and we kept the birthday party part low keyed. [At one year old, he was not even aware that his party was a shared event.] For later years celebrations we have had the official party on the weekend before or after Thanksgiving so he could have a "real" party and just a small family party on the actual day.

As far as decorating the baby's room & hosting your family... I recommend deep breaths for that too and only doing what is truly important to you. If you're doing something because you think the relatives may expect it, and it doesn't really matter to you if it gets done, then don't do it! With a one year old, you're entitled to not have a Martha Stewart style party or home! Brenda

My son's first birthday will fall on Thanksgiving this year and I couldn't be happier. Family will already be here to help and since it is a long weekend-type holiday, everyone will be relaxed and I don't have to feel guilty about tearing people from work. Thanksgiving is a family holiday not a gift giving holiday, so all the gifts will be for him. To me it is truly a day of thanks for the gift of my son. Anyway, I suggest that you let your family take care of their own accomodations- supply them with a list of places to stay in your area (or tell them to bring sleeping bags to camp out on your living room floor). My current possibilities about how to do the actual day itself are:

1) Family Bonding - Ask family members to shop for and help prepare most of the meal the day before, so it is ready to go and spend as little time as possible the day of in the kitchen. Have dinner at around 2:00 with a really nice birthday cake for dessert and then have gift-opening and a party/socializing afterwards.

2)Easy Does It - Have a gift-opening party with hors d'oevres mid-day and go out to a nice restaurant for dinner and birthday cake with the family later 3)What If... - any combination of 1 and 2 As my son gets older and is more able to participate in birthday events I will most certainly ask him how he would like to see his day spent, but for now I think it is important that Mom not be too stressed by having to pull it all off by herself. I am assigning myself the role of chief delegator and definitely making sure that my family will be there to help so that we can all enjoy the occasion. Phyllis

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