Babies that need to be held all the time
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Babies that need to be held all the time
November 2002
I have a 13 month old daughter who is not walking yet. She
walks holding onto the walls and furniture. She is a great
crawler and even goes up and down the stairs really well (with
our supervision, of course). Lately she wants to be carried
everywhere, and if we set her down she starts crying and then
lays down on the floor and cries harder until we pick up her
again. My husband and I are not sure what to do about it or why
she is acting this way. She also used to like to walk holding
onto our hands but lately she wont walk that way and will just
sit down and refuse to walk. Has anyone been in a similar
situation? If so how did you handle it? What do think she is
trying to express? I would appreciate any advice or
recommendations.
Thank you, Amy
Dr. Sears warned me (not personally, but in a book!) that babies
between about 14-18 months are very clingy, and indeed I found
that to be true with my firstborn (my secondborn is still a small
baby, so we'll see). She had to be carried A LOT during that
time even though she could walk. Has to do with growing
independence and the fear that comes with it. I carried her in a
sling on my hip quite often which was helpful. My advice is to
get a sling, or use it if you have it, and just wait it out. It
WILL change!
Hilary
I remember reading in Penelope Leach that children this age walk
for exploration and use Mom and Dad for transportation. I think
it was in _Babyhood_. My daughter is older by two months and
sometimes I'm chasing after her but just as often she stops and
says ''up.'' I try and carry her cheerfully a bit. Then, if she
really feels too heavy explain that I'm tired and she will walk
again for a bit.
Jessica
October 2001
I have a 3 week old baby, who will only sleep at night and for naps if
held. I also have a 2 1/2 year old, so holding the newborn all the
time isn't an option. My doctor advises to keep laying her down and
she will have to sleep at some point. She doesn't. I have tried a
bouncy chair, stroller, swaddling, and combinations of the above. At
night she will only sleep in my bed with her face up against me. I am
a light sleeper and don't sleep most of the night. I would prefer to
get her in a bassinet or crib. Please give me suggestions that have
worked for others.
Thank you.
Marci
You didn't mention a battery operated swing as one of the solutions you
tried. I don't know if a 3 week old might be too small for the swing - you
may want to check on that. Nonetheless, I had a baby who wouldn't sleep at
all unless she was being held or in the swing. We also draped a used
nursing bra over her, so she would have the comfort of my smell. That being
said, borrow one before you buy, because this solution did not work for our
second child. Good Luck.
Daphne
I would suggest trying a sling. We used one with our son ( a light sleeper)
quite regularly in his first 4 months, and still do occasionally. You can
have your hands free, and the baby will still sense that s/he is close to
your body. We often gave our son a pacifier in the sling, and that helped
him stay asleep for decent naps.
Good luck!
--Elisabeth
I had almost the exact same situation, so I empathize! What worked was
to keep the baby in a sling, or later a Baby Bjorn, while giving my
full attention to my toddler. In fact this was literally how I spent
the first three months of the new baby's life! This worked very well
for the first three months, and then some. I was able to keep baby
happy (he rarely cried or fussed at all when in the sling or Bjorn
carrier) and I had the rest of me available to my toddler. As for
nights, baby slept very well right next to me, and I was able to get
pretty long stretches of sleep (at least one 5 hour stretch which
counts for a lot!). I think it helps to remember that this phase will
not last forever, and that all babies are different. (Yes, I have at
times envied those whose babies seem to quite happily just sit in a
bouncy seat all day, sleep in a crib the entire night, etc.!) As baby
gets older, especially when they can sit up b! y ! ! themselves at
around 6 months, things get much easier (when crawling starts, that's
a whole other ballgame!). But the effort I put in up front seems to
have paid off---the baby, now one year old, is a happy, secure,
enthusiastic and calm almost-toddler. And he finally will sleep in
his crib (though I still have to put him in the crib after he falls
asleep--we're still working on that!) I know it's hard to meet the
needs of two little ones at the same time!!! So, take a breath,
remember that snuggled right next to you baby is getting the very best
nurturing, and he or she won't stay this little and needy
forever. Good luck!!
Marci--I can only imagine how tired you must be, And speaking as someone who
has 2 that are 21 months apart--I really know what it's like. I also am a
light sleeper and feel like I've gone thru every sleep problem there is. I
have heard every kind of sleep advice you can imagine and read practically
every book. We eventually ferberized (read the book first if you do, it may
be too early, but it's not all as bad as you might hear). Although what works
is different for everyone, one things I know to be true--the key is
consistency. My suggestion is similar to your doctors--start putting the
baby down in the bassinet or wherever seems like she'll be comfortable.
Eventually ( & I don't mean after a time or two )she will learn to sleep in
the bassinet. The hard part is dealing with the meantime. Maybe you can
enlist some help, a friend or a family member. Even if it seems like it's
not working at first--stay consistent--it may take a week or two, but it will
work, and if you're tired enough, you'll pull through. Good luck!
H
Hi. I would recommend a sling for being able to get things done. As a
postpartum doula I love my New Native Sling and sing it's praises. With
this sling I usually wear the baby on my back while I do chores around
the house. I have worn a baby while sweeping, vacuuming, making beds,
washing dishes and cooking. Also with the baby on my back I have found
that I can sit on a stool like seat and hold a toddler on my lap to read
to them, or carrying them on my hip - it's great to be able to carry two
children! I have only once not had a baby not fall asleep while in my
sling and that was an active 8-month old where there were 3 older
siblings running around. With this style sling I have been able to
transfer the baby to someone else, place a baby in their carseat drive
somewhere, pick them up and re-sling all without the baby waking.
As far as general sleeping issues, well it may help to remember that
being near a heartbeat and human warmth is what they are used to the
most. You could try a heating pad in the bassinette/bed/crib to warm up
the spot before setting the baby down. That and something that ticks or
has a rhymthic sound might help your babe to sleep without being on you.
Samantha (birth and postpartum doula for 5 years)
I just wanted to second (or tenth) the advice to use a sling. I had
the exact same situation seven months ago--newborn who would only
sleep when next to me (for naps and for nighttime) and a preschooler
who didn't like my having no hands free. I used a sling for daytime
comfort and I let the baby sleep with me at night with his little nose
pressed up against my chest. That kept him happy and helped with
bonding. Now, seven months later, I still use the sling when he's
feeling fussy or we're someplace without a crib (like on an airplane)
and he still loves it, but at night he's graduated to sleeping in a
crib.
I used a baby bjorn with my firstborn but with my son, I've found the
sling works better--it's so much more intimate and comfortable for
him, since he can recline, and he and I spend a lot of time gazing at
each other, which is hard with a front pack. THe sling isn't easy to
figure out though--I actually took a $10 class at Pickles and Ice
Cream (on Shattuck) to learn how to use it correctly. Friends teased
me that everytime they saw me the baby was either hanging around my
neck or sucking away on a breast, but I kind of think that's how it
ought to be!
Susan
More comfortable than either a sling or a Baby Bjorn is the "Baby Bundler,"
a miracle of a wrap that holds the baby very securely AND is so supportive
that it works even for people with troubled backs, shoulders or necks. I
couldn't use a sling or a Bjorn because they hurt various parts of my body.
The Bundler goes on both shoulders, the back and the waist so it distribute
the baby's weight evenly and throughout the upper body. It takes a little
while to get used to wrapping the baby in it, but after improvising new ways
to do it (in addition to what's shown in the printed materials and video),
we got it down and used it very happily. Our baby LOVED being in it, as did
other babies :-). Now close friends of ours are using ours to save their
backs, and it works for them, too.
Inbal
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