UCB Parents Advice about Babies
Clingy Babies
Advice and recommendations from the UCB Parents mailing list.
This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network
Back to Advice about Babies
My 9-month-old boy, formerly very gregarious and open to new people,
has recently become extremely clingy and doesn't want to leave me,
his mother, at all. I'm home with him full-time, but I've been
leaving him with a babysitter one evening a week. He's been getting
progressively more upset when I'm gone; this week he cried
hysterically for three hours straight. The babysitter doesn't want
to come back, and my baby has been acting even more anxious and
fearful since then. At this point he cries when someone else holds
him, even if I'm there. I'm feeling that I should just not leave him
with anyone else for a few weeks, and then try again. Does anyone
have any other advice? When do children typically come out of this
phase?
I agree with your instinct to honor your baby's need to be with you, and not
leave him with a babysitter for now, if it's feasible to do so. I know some
subscribe to an idea that the baby must learn (by force if necessary) not to
cling, or that it's safe to be away from you, but I tend to follow the
theory that the baby's need to cling will fade given the natural development
of his understanding of the world, and his safety in it. My daughter got
very clingy at about 9 and a half months, which continued until about 12
months, at which point she got very excited to stay with trusted
babysitters. Dr. Sears relates it to the baby's mobility and the newness
thereof--once the baby is used to being able to crawl away from you, it is
less scary to be away from you.
The opinions and statements expressed on this page
are those of parents who belong to the
UC Berkeley Parents Network and
should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the
University of California, Berkeley.