Anxiety about Babies' & Toddlers' Accidents
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Anxiety about Babies' & Toddlers' Accidents
Oct 2012
I feel really ashamed. I have a 3-year-old son with severe
autism who demands a lot of time and attention. As a
result, I worry my one-year-old who may or may not have
special needs isn't getting the care she needs. I love her
so much; from the moment I knew I was pregnant with her, I
worried about her. I was eventually diagnosed with OCD, as
my worries about her became so severe they impacted my
functioning.
Now my daughter, who is 15 months, appears to be doing
fairly well, but she has had a number of falls. I can't
tell if the falls are more frequent than in other children
or if I just worry more and rush her to urgent care too
much. She has fallen from our bed a few times, but our bed
is less than 2 ft off the floor. The one serious fall she
had was out of her crib, and we immediately rushed her to
the ER and then lowered her crib mattress. She's had
smaller falls in play, but I've taken her to urgent care if
she gets a bump.
Now the ped says she wants to talk with my husband and me
about the number of falls. I am so worried my daughter now
has brain damage from the falls and that I am a terrible
parent. I am already very depressed and anxious and feeling
like I can't manage anything else. I feel so ashamed even
writing to all of you, but I really need advice. Do other
toddlers fall often from small heights (2ft or so)? Do you
take them to urgent care each time? I just feel like the
world's worst mother.
You know, since my son was between 3 to now (about to be
5)he has probably fallen a million times. He'd be walking
and fall, running and fall, standing and fall...he's kind of
rolled off the couch, rolled off the bed, and just the other
day swooped down onto his butt. I used to think that he was
just ridiculously uncoordinated, but really, this is what
toddlers do, they fall down. Think about it-as an adult,
this is uncommon, but little people learning how to control
their bodies fall down. We've never taken him to urgent
care for any of these events- there's never been a need.
I'm concerned by your question b/c of a couple of things:
you say my daughter who ''may or may not have special needs''
and discuss that your worrying about her became disruptive,
and that you're bringing her to urgent care constantly and
consistently for nonissues. Your pediatrician wants to talk
to you, and you have instantly decided your baby has
traumatic brain injury.
It must be really difficult and overwhelming to deal with
your older child as the main care giver. I can see how this
would increase your anxiety about your baby. It may be
worth considering getting into come kind of cognitive
behavioral therapy to work on reducing anxiety. Letting your
daughter just be who she is, while making sure that she is
doing it in a safe environment should be the goal, not being
consumed by anxiety and constantly bringing her into the
doctors for every little bump and bruise. Basically, what I
am saying is that I think the issue is you, not her. Dealing
with it ASAP will be best for all of you.
Psych Nurse Dad
Your anxiety comes through loud and clear in your post. And
that is not something I can offer advice on, but I do hope
you are receiving help for it (meds, therapy, whatever it
takes). Regarding toddlers and falls, yes, kids fall. I
have three kids and I have never taken them to urgent care
or the ER for falls, even for blood-on-the-face falls. My
third child in particular seems more clumsy than most and
throughout her toddlerhood had bruises and bumps on her
forehead. She fell off the couch a few times (totally my
fault). So I guess what I'm saying is that toddler falls
are normal, but taking them to urgent care each time is not.
So your pediatrician is rightfully concerned, but I'm
thinking he/she is more concerned with your reaction than
with the actual falls. Not sure I'm helping at all here,
but please do try to get that anxiety under control--sounds
like a terrible burden.
Mom of 3 former toddlers
It is hard to say whether your child's falls and their
frequency are of concern given the limited info you
provided, but my hunch is that the main problem is your
anxiety and depression. Toddlers fall all the time. All.
The. Time. My daughter fell off the bed three or four
times, twice as an infant. Once she crawled out of her
crib and fell. And she sported a number of shiners on her
forehead, espeicially, when she took tumbles at the
playground and even off our couch. It was, of course,
scary and anxiety provoking, and I frantically looked
through the Internet for signs of concussion as I was
trying to comfort the poor baby. But in the end, I did not
take her to the ER. Instead, I consulted with the advice
nurse the couple of times I was freaked out
beyond ''average.'' To ahve taken her to the ER each time
she had a fall would have been excessive and created a
whole lot more stress than the fall initially caused.
Your pediatrician's interest is probably aroused because
you are taking your child in way more than the ''average''
parent, and that tells her that a problem is amiss - either
in terms of abuse, or parental issues, such as Munchhausen
Syndrome by proxy. I am not at all suggesting that you are
guilty of either, but letting you know what she might be
trying to rule out at this point.
public health civil servant
Dear Renee,
In my experience, a special needs child can sometimes cause
parents to doubt their abilities with their other children.
Anxiety, of course, makes it worse as it can magnify
worries and make it difficult for parents to know what is a
reasonable response to a situation. It sounds like you are
going through a rough time and could use some support to
lift the veil of worry, learn to trust your instincts again,
and feel better as a parent.
S.
I am sure you will get many responses, but no, you are not
the world's worst mother - I think the worry about falls is,
as you suspect, just part of the anxiety/OCD (and perhaps
even PTSD) constellation of symptoms. It is very normal to
have concerns around one's parenting, but I suspect your
concerns are .
The # of falls sounds within normal range to me. Most of
these do not warrant a trip to Urgent Care. You can call
your pediatrician's advice line if you are unsure - they can
give you signs/symptoms to look out for and tell you how to
proceed. You don't specify whether or not baby is falling
during sleep, or while playing and if there are large
bumps/knots on head? Many (most?) children will have falls
like this at some point in time - at 15 months, falling from
2 ft is not that high and VERY unlikely to cause brain
damage. I imagine ped. IS concerned re: # of urgent care
visits and just wants to further assess what's happening.
Compassionate citizen & therapist
I'm sorry you are having these concerns. You are NOT a bad
mother! Repeat to yourself -- You are not a bad mother. From
what you wrote you sound like a caring, compassionate woman
who wants the best for her children. My 15 month old falls and
has had a LOT of bumps and bruises. If yo think about it at
that age they are still just learning to walk and are bound to
have problems in the beginning! At first I was really
anxious about it, but over time have started to relax. Unless
there is some real obvious bleeding or brain injury problems,
I don't worry. You can look in childrens health books or
online for tell tale signs of when to worry. Children are very
resilient -- thank goodness! Maybe therapy might help with
some anxiety and concerns related to these issues? Sounds like
it could really help. Like I said though, you sound like a
wonderful mother who loves her children very much!
Best wishes mamma!
Dec 1999
hi. I have an 11 month old baby, and yesterday she fell down the
stairs in my house. I had removed the gate for a little time and she
just managed to get to the stairs during those few minutes. I didn't see
how whe fell, but I think she took a somersault, she had a bump on
her forehead but I saw her landing on the back of her head. She cried
for a few minutes and is fine since. But I feel like my body and spirit
have died. I know she's ok, but I cant help
fearing that her brain got hurt. I called the nurses hotline in childrens
hospital oakland and they gave me a list of things to look out for.
Thankfully, all her movements, everything looks fine. Has this
happened with anybody else. I cant stop thinking about it and cry
everytime I do. will someone please tell me that this happens and its ok?
baby getting hurt. relax. I had several such scares. My child gets more
fearless by the minute. you learned the gate lesson the hard way and now
itll pray on your mind so you wont have to learn the othe lessons so
difficultly like hot cup of coffee spilt or the falling in the toilet
lesson thats an ugly one i didnt have to suffer through. My daughter can
get up and down stairs on her own now and i removed that gates sometime
ago. A friend was over with her yonger child who preceeed to topple down
the stairs in an awful neck stretching summersault. I caught her but not
before both mommy and i had visions of her breaking her neck. babies
are apparently more resilent then mommies. both our babies are find despite
lots of awful tumbles. carpet gives wood even gives. cement on the other
hand does not. so atch out and relax a little your in store for more of
the same.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. I think every parent has had
that horrible experience of feeling responsible for some mishap that
hurt their child. It is part of being a parent. But remember that
babies and toddlers are very resilient - they have this amazing capacity
to "walk away from" accidents practically unhurt - and it's a good
thing, too, in the case of toddlers- they can really get into trouble in
the blink of an eye. But even babies can bounce right back from what
seems like a terrible accident. A few years ago I was hanging out in the
front yard with my school-aged kids - it was a weekend day and all the
neighborhood kids were out playing. A mother with a newborn, just
leaving from a visit with my next-door neighbors, was putting her baby
into the car seat when somehow the baby slipped out of her arms and fell
headfirst onto the street. The mother scooped it up, but it was lying
in her arms very still with its eyes closed. She was of course
hysterical, and she was frozen on the spot. I went into panic mode too
- I assumed the worst - I had no idea what to do and thought I might
faint. One of the older kids, of clearer mind than any of the adults,
ran to get another neighbor who happened to be a pediatric psychiatrist
at Children's Hospital. He checked out the baby, reassured the mother
that babies almost always recover fine from head bonks, and drove her to
Children's, calling ahead first. The baby was completely fine, was back
to normal by the time they arrived at the hospital, and just had a bump
on its head. I felt so bad for that mother - a parent's worst nightmare
is to drop the baby. But things like that happen to the best of us, no
matter how careful we are. So we just have to keep doing the best we
can, and admit that sometimes accidents happen, and we make mistakes,
and that's just how it is. So give your child a kiss and be glad she is
fine, and keep on doing the best you can.
It happens. I managed to drop my son out of a car seat onto a concrete
sidewalk when he was under a year old (he's 7 now). He fell on his
head, and I was absolutely terrified. It happened right next to a payphone,
and for the first and only time in my life the Kaiser Advice line nurses
answered on the first ring. As with you, they recommended watching his
behavior closely for the next few days. My wife and I brought him in
to Kaiser anyway for them to look at him. He ended up being fine - no
concussion or other detectable effect.
Welcome to every parent's pain of knowing you cannot protect your
child from everything. It gets worse -- bites at pre-school, wounding
words from friends in kindergarten, broken teeth from skateboard falls,
and on and on. We all do the best we can, but we can't protect our kids
from everything. I tripped on the stairs while carrying my oldest son
when he was a newborn, and he hit his head; he was fine but I felt
destroyed. My second son rode his new Christmas tricycle down the stairs
at 15 months and looked like a Klingon for weeks after. It hurt us to
look at him -- especially my nanny and my husband, who were there when
it happened and felt terribly responsible. But he was fine, and learned
a healthy respect for stairs; he has never gone down them the wrong way
since. So forgive yourself, let it go, and enjoy your child's growing
independence -- with all the hazards it brings.
My baby fell off the washer dryer where I was changing him when he was
about 5-6 mos. I know exactly how you feel - from terrified and extremely
worried to incredibly guilty. One of the big things to look for is whether
they cry hard for more than 15 min. in addition to the other signs you've
had checked out. Since you said your baby just cried for a few minutes I
think she's fine. Mine was. Those little heads are actually kind of hard.
Nature knows these things can happen even with the most careful moms.
To the Parent whose 11-month old fell down the stairs: my 3-yr old son
fell down the stairs to our garage on his first birthday (landed on the
concrete garage floor). He cried furiously, but did not show any of the
danger signs the advice line warned you about. Our feelings matched yours
exactly -- it was a rough few days. He really was okay, though. Now, two
years later, my heart still sinks when I think about that fall, but, with
hindsight, I also know how lucky we were. It sounds like your child is
really okay, too. Hang in there. As each day passes and she's just her
regular sweet self, you'll be more able to chalk it off to the hard work
of parenting.
THIS HAPPENS! My son fell out of a hammock when he was 5 months old, off
the bed a couple of times in his first year, down the stairs at least
twice, off a bench in the backyard (which resulted in a recommendation
for stiches) and numerous other falls. He is particularly active and
adventurous, and seems to take it all in stride. Of course, these
things could have and perhaps should have been prevented, but other
than the serious cut on the forehead at 15 months from falling off the bench,
I don't beat myself up about it. I know what you mean about feeling your
body and spirit have died though, as that's how I felt when my son's
forehead was cut. Five months later, he still has a faint scar, and may
have all his life. But stairs? I'm curious what other will say, but I
think most of our babies have fallen down stairs.
Kids will have lots of accidents as you go along. My first daughter
fell out of a baby sling at 2 months onto the kitchen floor. My heart
stopped and I felt guilty for months. Now that she's 4 the incident has
entered into our family lore. Whenever she does something wacky my husband
reminds of the time 'I dropped the baby on the floor'. You do get over it.
My second daughter (17 months) fell down a couple of stairs last month. My
mother who had 4 children commented on how amazingly 'flexible' kids are
at that age, my sisters and I are all fine as adults. I wouldn't be
concerned as long as your daughter is not showing any warning signs of
serious damage.
To the person concerned about their hurt baby: I fell off of tables and
couches when I was a baby and am fine. I've also once dropped my son
straight on his head and he's fine... very intelligent... a little
silly, but fine! :0)
If everything is fine, then don't worry yourself about it. My 4 year
old daughter fell (actually rolled) down about 5 steps when she was a
baby. I really can't remember how old she was but was in the
crawling stage. She was crawling up the stairs with me sitting above
her. I guess I must have stood up and so did she, but she leaned
backwards and over she went. I was horrified and I couldn't catch
her since I was above her. She cried for a few minutes and has been
just fine. Kids are going to get cuts, scrapes, and bruises as they
try new things and they and you will survive it all. And remember,
stay below them on the stairs when going up.
My 16-month-old child has had several bad falls on his
head and seems none the worse for it. His little
cousin of the same age has had stitches 3 times
already! But she seems to be just thriving. It's so
easy to feel guilty as a parent, and of course we want
to minimize the bumps and do our best to make sure
nothing serious happens, but most of the time the
children just bounce right back. It helps me to just
find a place in myself that can trust in life and let
go, just knowing I'll do my best and that mostly my
child will find his own way no matter what I do
anyway.
I was changing our one year old son's diaper and, while I was reaching
for a fresh diaper, he managed to roll over and off of the bureau we used
as a changing table. I saw him falling through the air -- three feet
straight down! He screamed and cried and as I held him and checked him out,
I was crying, too, though trying not to freak him out further. It was a
horrible moment, as you can imagine. I called the doctor, as you did,
monitored him and found no abnormal symptoms.
He's seven years old now and an extremely healthy, bright and happy boy.
I think I know exactly how scared you felt and may continue to feel about
your child's tumble, but my experience tells me that -- with luck -- children
can escape such accidents with no lasting effects. In your case and mine,
it seems, luck was with us. The more lasting effect may be on you. My
heart goes out to you as you feel the aftershocks. If the incident serves
as a cautionary experience (as mine did), raising your awareness of how
quickly things can happen with children without turning you into a paranoid
wreck, it may actually safeguard your child's future. Good luck.
Our daughter fell out of her high chair and landed on her head when she
was less than a year old -- we'd left her strapped in but she had somehow
managed to wriggle out. The worst of it was that we (her parents) had
left her on her own in the kitchen because we were having a huge yelling
argument in the next room. We did the same as you -- called Children's
Hospital, watched out for signs of brain damage -- there were none and
she was fine. (She's now 4.) We felt _unbelievably_ guilty!!! Just like
you, for a day or two I cried whenever I thought about it. But I am sure
this kind of thing happens a lot. Accidents happen to everyone, and babies
are very resilient (they evolved to be that way). I understand your feeling
terrible, but don't beat yourself up about it any more. Your baby is
obviously none the worse for the experience -- it was probably more of a
shock to your system than it was to hers.
Regarding the baby who fell down the stairs. It is awful when it
happens, but yes, it does happen to every baby. Even when we are ever
vigilant, things happen and the babies fall down, fall of beds, fall
out of highchairs, etc. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Your
baby will recover from all of her falls and bumps long before you do!
The very same thing happened to my 10-month-old daughter about three
weeks ago. We had just installed our upstairs gate and I ran down to get
something and came back, forgetting to latch it. My husband and I weren't
paying close attention and the next thing we knew the baby was tumbling down
our (carpeted) stairs. My heart stopped and I'm convinced I lost several
years of my life. She was screaming, naturally, which lasted maybe 90 seconds,
but she appeared completely unhurt. I also called Children's and the nurse
told me what to look for. We monitored her and could see no ill effects. Of
course I felt like the world's worst mom but I've talked to lots of parents
since and I'm fairly confident that, yes, these things happen, and yes,
she'll be OK. I know just how you feel!
My child catapulted out of his baby carrier/car seat at 2 months,
landing face first in a gravelly, oily parking space! His face was covered
with blood and his lip was so swollen and bruised that nursing was difficult
for a few days.
His doctor was so sweet to me about it, explained that the first
"wake-up call fall" happens to every parent. Parental guilt can far outlast
the child's pain! He's a brilliant, thriving 5 year old now. All we can do
is learn from our mistakes.
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