Dissertation writing-overwhelmed and distracted!

Once upon a time I was able to organize and self motivate, but currently after many ''opportunities for personal growth'' including caring for my 3 year old with cancer, my mind isn't what/where it used to be.

I need advice to help me with organizing my time and writing, and keeping me on task. I have ADD, and a lot of stress in my life but I've got to get it together and FOCUS! I need to get a writing plan and tools for focusing but I'm so distracted I don't known where to start.

Really, it's getting ridiculous. Don't let me become another ABT chump. girlscientist

Conflicted about writing dissertation vs. time w/baby

I have a question for those of you who have written / are writing / plan to write a dissertation while having babies. I have a 4 month old daughter and at some point in the next few months I plan to hire a part time nanny so I can work on my dissertation. I figure it will take me anywhere from 15-20 months to write the dissertation. However, I am enjoying my time so-o-o much with my daughter that I know I'll be so jealous of the babysitter who gets to spend time with her! I feel very very strongly that I want to finish the dissertation so I can move forward with teaching, as I hope to find a part-time teaching position. However, I am really really conflicted since she will be this snuggly and little for such a short period of time. I have my whole life to write the dissertation, but only this little bit of time to be with her as a baby. On the other hand, it really is only a few hours of each day that she wouldn't be with me so I can write and do research, and ''inch by inch,'' as it were, finish the dissertation. How did you come to terms with a similar decision? - dissertation mama

1. Enrolled our child in the UCB childcare program open to graduate students. (We did not meet income eligibility requirements, but the program had to allow full-fee paying students to participate as well). This provided me with a built-in support system - others trying to write a dissertation while parenting. What was also wonderful is that the program required parent participation, so I got to know the other children and parents. An invaluable community.

2. When the baby was as young as yours, we hired a babysitter to take care of her in our (small) apartment while I wrote in the morning. This way, I could see/hear what was going on, and also get some work done. This took a bit of discipline, but worked really well. In the afternoon, I would take my daughter to the campus program. At the time, the infant care program was half-day only. It was a nice balance for me. As our child got older, and progressed to full day care, we had her in the program all day on the days I needed it, and took her home early when I did not.

I do not know if the program is still structured this way, because my ''baby'' is now 11. It can be PHinally Done

Remember, too: you don't actually have your whole life to write the dissertation. There are timelines for the university that you have to follow. And beyond that, I think there are emotional barriers likely to arise the longer you wait. Ph.D Mama

However, taking a break finishing the dissertation, might result in more years than you ever planned for or anticipated. Taking care of your child will just get more demanding over the next years. And you will be more removed from the 'career' path than you might imagine now, not even wanting to finish the dissertation anymore, because you might consider your role as a caretaker more important.

If you plan on spending only a few hours a day and not full time for writing, I would encourage you to do it now and finish it. It will be so rewarding having finished the dissertation, and having the chance to get a job when you find your child is old enough to be in some day care/preschool situation. Don't give up your personal goals.

In my experience, it is much, much harder to concentrate on writing during the toddler and preschooler stage! They sleep less, they really want to play instead of just cuddle, and for my kids at least, it is unacceptable for me to be in the house but unavailable to them. So unless you want to wait until your little one heads off to kindergarten, I'd encourage you to get it done now, in small, focused, consistent blocks of time. Good luck! Ph.D. Mommy

Best of luck and enjoy your baby...before long you'll be chasing after her! another mom

I did have some great support at one point - a bunch of ABD moms met through BPN, and we met periodically to commiserate - we all went our separate ways, but it was great at the time to hear from other people trying to balance two loads - you might look for a similar support group. neriss

Finishing dissertation/Ph.D. after child's birth

Ever since having my daughter last summer (even before while I was pregnant) I've had no interest in writing my dissertation. I've been away from it for over a year now and just the thought of starting the process again (I've written very little) gives me real anxiety and depression. Also, I'm beyond normative time, so my department is not very supportive. Most days I just want to chuck the whole grad school thing and be done with it, but then I also have feelings of failure and anxiety about that-- what would I do, wasted time and money, starting over, disappointed loved ones, etc. Has anyone else been in this situation before? Any advice, words of wisdom and support would be welcome.

Your message struck a chord because I've been there and have just finished the doctorate, many years past my school's 7 year limit. I don't know if finishing is the best decision for everyone, but it was something I felt like I needed to do because I'd lived with it for so long. I had always worked full time during school so had a marathon rather than a sprint mentality about it.

Despite that, just before my daughter was born, I worried that I'd never have time again ... and had only just gotten the proposal passed. Our baby had health problems, then family members had health problems, and over the next 4 years, armed with health related extensions that put off my school from pestering me, I finished. What helped? Babies wake you up at weird hours and then go to sleep again, so I'd work at weird hours. Work was flexible. I gave myself permission to put it aside, sometimes for up to a year. When I got back into it, I got used to writing at night on a regular basis. I was helped to understand by some of my readers that this was not my life's work, that it was ok to ''just get it done'', and maybe it was normal to be sick of it and just plain disinterested. And probably most useful, I had friends who were taking as long - some with kids, some without. Some would finish before me and be inspiring. Some would have life troubles and keep working slowed down - and be inspiring. My kid grew bigger. It felt like I was being a good role model by telling her I was working when she'd find me if she woke up in the middle of the night, and I'd stop to be with her. At graduation, one of the people from my cohort had her 7 year old burn all her papers because her child was so sick of living with them - it was cathartic for them all. There was a nursing mothers club in cohorts behind me. This is all to say - you are not alone and having company is important to spur you on or to commiserate ... or to make it ok to stop and reprioritize.

I hope this rambling helps. If you want to talk about it, feel free to email. Enjoy your daughter and good luck with your decision. fred

One is a writing group, which can be formed by you and another person or more people. It does not have to be big. The group aggrees to meet at regular intervals (I have done it weekly and monthly). Each time, a member distributes a chapter or paper beforehand to be read by the group and discussed at the meeting. The group support and feedback is invaluable and the structure of deadlines helps you get some writing done.

The second is consulting with Neil Fiore. I first worked with Fiore in the mid eighties when he worked at UC's Counseling Center. Later, I joined a group at his private practice. He is great about helping people move along in their work. He is a psychologist and author of many books. His contact info is:

830 San Carlos Avenue
Albany, CA 94706
Phone: (510) 524-4626
Fax: (510) 524-9149
E-mail: neil@neilfiore.com
Web site: www.neilfiore.com

The third is working outside your home, even if for some of the time in a regular place. My brother-in-law worked in a cafe. Years later, I worked in his office in the evenings and weekends. In addition, Stanford's Tomorrow's Professor E-mail List had a posting last week on writing and publishing with interesting research data that might be helpful. You can find it at http://ctl.stanford.edu/Tomprof/index.shtml Research cited indicated that people who write between 15-30 minutes everyday write more than those who write only in big time blocks. People who write everyday and also account to someone weekly on their writing wrote more than any other group. These were helpful tips to me and they may help you too.

Finally, make the task as simple as possible. Cut down to the bare minium you need for a dissertation. Tell people who care you need their support and how they can help you. It can be so lonely, that you need to do what will make it work for you. Good luck! Been there

How do you research and write and care for baby too?

I would like to know how moms out there manage to balance their lives between caring for their infant(s) and doing research / writing the dissertation. Is such a thing possible or am I just kidding myself?

I know other people manage to get work done by working "around" the baby's schedule (while the baby is sleeping). While that never worked for me, I can imagine it working if you can psychologically switch gears quickly (I can't), if you think clearly either very early in the morning or late at night, if your partner is willing/able to take over when he/she comes home, and if you have a decent space at home in which to work.

If you are enjoying your baby, don't feel ready for childcare at this point, and are frustrated trying to work around the baby, it may work better to just decide not to do writing for awhile, take a maternity leave, and not feel like you *should* do it.

The most important things are: get enough sleep. Otherwise your brain won't work right and no matter how much you tell yourself you must do things, you simply won't be able to do them. If this involves taking midday naps, going to bed early, sleeping late, whatever it takes, you must do it.

The other important thing is to have considerable (4-6+ hour) blocks of time to do your work in, baby free. In my case this involved living with my parents for a summer and getting 3 free days a week to write, not my ideal situation, but it worked.

Last, set up a schedule to allow for the above and stick to it. Babies and children in general usually respond well to schedules, and when you see your slow but steady progress you will stop feeling so panicked and stressed.

Some advice for surviving a dissertation with a baby: Before getting started: If you're just entering the dissertation process, think hard about *logistics* when designing your proposal. I wouldn't mention this to your committee, but think hard about practical matters as well as scholarly ones. Is your research in a lab close by, or does it require hours of travel to interview subjects? Can you choose a site close by? Can you conduct research on a schedule that matches your childcare or other parents' availability? Factor in childcare costs and how much time away you want to spend.

Now, for the writing part:
1) consider writing a job with deadlines and get several hours of real child care a week if possible. The older the baby, the more you'll need childcare.
2) However, in a pinch, never underestimate the focus and productivity of working in the middle of the night or intensely for one hour during baby's nap to meet a deadline.
3) Re. #2: Don't set yourself up for failure by approaching a writing or analysis task completely exhausted b/c you'll spend more time staring at the screen and berating yourself than getting anything done. If you can't keep your eyes open, go to bed.
4) If you find yourself using childcare time to clean house/apt. Instead of writing, get a cleaning service. True, you probably can't afford a cleaning person when you're a student. On the other hand, can you afford to be a student for another year or more if you don't finish writing? Are there other home or dissertation related things you can "hire out?"
5) Create real deadlines with your advisor by promising drafts by certain dates, and do #2 now and then to get it done.
6) It is absolutely essential to find time and ways to replenish your energy and have fun. (Take a hike, read a magazine, get a manicure, rebuild an engine, meet friends for coffee, or whatever is your thing.) It is OK to use paid childcare time for these treats, the same way you might take a lunch hour if you were in a normal job. If you are always taking care of others, and obsessing about your dissertation, you will burn out, procrastinate, and resent your work, your kid and spouse/partner.
7) Be prepared to having that nagging feeling of having something hanging over your head, b/c you'll always feel you could be doing more, writing more, analyzing better. Try, try, try, to turn that feeling off and ave real breaks from writing, *and* from thinking that you should be writing. Easier said than done, but you'll come back to the computer in better shape too write and you'll be able to savor that baby time.
8) Form a writing/dissertation support group with other parents or friends. My writing group all finished our dissertations in record time, due in large part to support and encouragement from each other.
9) Attend a workshop by Dorothy Duff-Brown (dissertation/writing consultant) offered by the Graduate Division, or other dissertation-survival workshops. Or read _How to Complete and Survive a Doctoral Dissertion_ (I forget the author and I happily passed the book along when I was done).
10) When the going gets tough, keep in mind that having a baby tends to move people along because it helps them be realistic and practical about narrowing the scope of their findings sooner along in the process, and kids provide an external deadline/motivation/reason to finish. Kids keep you from dragging it out and trying to write the "perfect" dissertation (of which there is no such thing). p.s. the VCR is a perfectly acceptable emergency babysitter.

I'm looking for advice from the trenches from anyone who has written a dissertation while being a new mother or father. My baby is due mid-June and I'm trying to graduate (ph.d. in physics) by December. I've done most of the research so it's mostly a matter of writing up what I've already done. I'm set up to do this at home. My husband has a full-time job plus 2 hours of commuting a day. What I'm considering at this time is part-time day care beginning in September. I'm looking for opinions on whether it would be better to do this for 2 or 3 full days each week, or to do half-days every week day. Which would allow more productive time? Which is easier for the baby to adjust to? Which is easier to find? Another option would be to have a part-time in-home (my home) sitter while I work. Do you think I'd get any work done this way? Is this type of care hard to find? Much more expensive than day care? Thanks for any tips, Anita

I was in the same state as you, although I did have a couple of chapters, the big data ones, half written by the time my son was born. I thought in the three months I had off before I went back to work TA'ing would allow me to get quite a bit of work done on my thesis. Hah! My son was the type of baby who woke up several times a night and seldom slept day or night for more than three hours. A friend had warned me that my brain would turn to mush after the baby was born, and I'm sorry to say that she was right.

When my son was 3 months old I started TA'ing a class I had never taught, or even taken before, and was only really familiar with about half of the material. So although my thinking skills did improve as my son finally got to where he was only waking once a night, I used most of my spare time learning this new material which I was teaching.

That summer I moved back in with my parents, and arranged for my mother to watch my son for 3 days a week (all she would give me) while I drove to a nearby university and wrote my thesis sitting in the basement of the main library there. This had a wonderfully focussing effect as I knew this was probably my only shot at completing a first draft of this monster. This led me to leave some things out I had planned to include, but I'm convinced that it made a better, leaner and more focussed, thesis in the end.

I did complete a draft that semester, and ended up filing the following April, after various rewrites and such.

Something different about my experience than yours: I am a single parent, completely self-supporting (except for that little stint with my parents) and so had to keep working the whole time, although only part time. The most important thing at first is how much sleep you are able to get. If you happen to have a baby that sleeps in long stretches from the first, you should be able to get to work within a month after the birth, albeit only slowly at first. If it were me I would have child care away from my home while I was trying to work; but that has more to do with my own distractability, perhaps, than with the advisability of this practice for you.

Whether part time every day, or 2-3 full days a week: I think either could work for you, once you get on a schedule. How long does it take you to get down to work? Can you work for long stretches, or do you need a break every two hours? If it takes you a good hour to really get started, but then you can work for 6 hours with only one break, full days should work fine; but if you can get right down to work at the beginning, but need a long break every two hours, then half days will probably work better.

I can just advise that you try to find a child care giver who is flexible and will let you change your schedule depending on what you find is working and also how much sleep you are getting. Not to mention deadlines. I won't mention them.

Good luck. Dianna

It is important to have a room you can work in and shut the door. However, I found that being able to hear that everything was okay with Hannah allowed me to concentrate on my work!

A few friends of mine suggested finding a student (high school or undergrad) to care for the baby, someone who you wouldn't necessarily leave the baby alone with but who would be fine in a non-emergency situation. This is a cheaper way to go, and may be all you need. I didn't take that advice, but we did hire someone who does light housekeeping. I love this, and it takes some pressure off of my husband and I. You could also do a nanny share.

Good luck. Suz

Given what you're paying for (someone to substitute for you!), childcare is not overly expensive, though it does hit most students' budgets hard. We're paying $435/month for three days, 9:00-6:00. In-home sitters are usually slightly more expensive, though you can often share a sitter with another family and split the costs (note that sitters usually charge more for two kids than one, with obvious cost implications). Working in the same space your child is being cared for can work if you can get behind a closed door and not jump up at every noise marking discomfort, and I have to say that I hadn't realized how hard that would be until after Nick came along--they're all just babies until you have one of your own, and then they all crank the empathy-meter to the max! The real key is to look around and find something you are 100% comfortable with, because unless you really are at ease with your choice, you'll be spending your work time worrying instead of writing. Good luck!

Elizabeth