41 yrs old and considering single motherhood

Hello, I never thought I'd still be single at almost 41 years of age and have to considering having a child on my own, but lo and behold this is where I'm at. I'm a heterosexual woman who has not had the good fortune of connecting with the right man, and I am growing increasingly worried (and very sad) about the very real possibility of never becoming a mom. This is something I have been pining over for awhile but have been 'holding out', as I really wanted to share parenthood with a loving partner. But I am very clear that I cannot wait much longer (if at all). I guess I am looking for advice from women in their late thirties or early forties who have intentionally/consciously made the decision to have a child on their own. I'm looking to understand any emotional, mental and spiritual issues that a woman who has made this decision has had to grapple with. I am also (very importantly), looking for the reality-based advice of how 'doable' this is. As *much* as I want a child I am nervous about doing it on my own. I want to have a better understand of what this is like, but at the same time realize that everyone has different situations of course. Would also be interested in knowing if there are any intentional single-mother communities out there, and if women ever choose to live and raise their children together in like-minded community. I have started to take some steps forward (instead of just spinning about this)...i.e. -- had a consultation at Pacific Reproductive Services (sperm bank) a couple of weeks ago, and went to get my hormone levels checked (FSH: 7 and Estradiol: 31.5), and I'm think I'm still in the 'normal' range. In general, just feel like I'm all over the place, but the gist of this post is that I am just really needing to connect with women who have had some experience in the range of what I'm talking about. I would even be grateful to connect in person or by phone if you feel so inclined. Thank you.

The first thing I HIGHLY recommend doing is getting the book ''The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Birth and Parenting''. Yes, I know you're not a lesbian and neither am I (bisexual) but as it turns out this book is incredibly helpful for single women. It breaks down all of your options and everything you need to consider to have a child on your own.

There are tons of local single mama support groups in the Bay Area and I'm sure if you google them you'll have no problem finding them. Most people are scared of the financial burden and that is indeed challenging. You just have to learn to think outside the box. Same goes for childcare. While there are challenges, there are also bonuses that no one ever tells you about. YOU get to make all the decisions for you and your baby. There's no arguing with anyone because you're the decision maker. You and your baby become a ''team'' in a way I think you don't normally when there's another adult involved. You can focus on one relationship (you and your baby) instead of having to focus on maintaining 2 relationships (baby & partner). My sex drive left for a good year or two after my daughter was born (fairly common) and that was just fine since I didn't have a partner anyway.(Once my sex drive came back I started dating. Yay!) People tend to lend an extra hand to a single mama in ways they wouldn't normally to a woman with a partner.

I feel it's empowering and at the same time I've learned to rely on my community for support. As someone who really believes ''it takes a village'' it's been amazing to watch how this as evolved for me over the years. Because I utilize community I have WAY more childcare givers than most couples with children and this has resulted in me being able to have more respite than most couples.

There are plenty of single mamas out there looking for others to live with so you shouldn't have a problem in that arena. My biggest piece of advice is to keep open to all the options and situations you may not have even thought about! Smiles, Simona

* When I thought about getting older and not having a child I was so sad I would weep so that was a sign to me that I would have enormous regret if I didn't do it.

* There is a strong support community in the Bay Area, a group called Single Moms by Choice, I made wonderful friends and we helped each other all the time.

* Married moms who say they are like single moms b/c their partner is away a lot don't get it - having someone to share the good and bad with, who brings home a paycheck, who you can consult with on big and small decisions - these are things the single mom does without.

* I think it's harder to be a single mom after divorce than from day one, b/c the divorced mom went into it thinking they had a partner, while the single mom by choice knew from the start they were on their own.

* The hardest part of being a single mom for me was the absence of someone to share the joy with, someone who loves your child the way you do and revels in their accomplishments. I don't regret it for one moment, having a child opened my heart. Jane

I'm 38, single, and I want kids

Hi, I am a single 38 year old woman, and I want to have kids. I can afford to be a single mother, but I wanted to hear from other single folks or non-traditional couples any advice. I am thinking of both a sperm bank or adoption--I am not really sure if I can conceive,not based on any facts, just the scary info one reads about regarding my age group. But I am ready to adopt if not. I have been with a man I love for 8 years, but we have issues, which include his not wanting to have a baby. I am scared to be alone, but more scared to not have a baby. I am the single girl (woman) who everyone looks at sympathetically because I am a baby-child-(animal) magnet who doesn't have her own baby. Anyway, any thoughts are appreciated. Also to be clear, the man in my life isn't part of this question--I would love him to participate, but I don't think he is up to it, so I just want to proceed as if he won't be involved. single and baby?

For what it's worth, having a child by myself was the best decision I ever made, and I'm not exaggerating. When I pictured not being a mom, I would start crying. My child, who is now 11, is my joy. It's not easy being a single mom, but to me the alternative was not acceptable. Go for it! Jane

People will have opinions about your life no matter what you do--you might as well do the things that matter most. Family, friends and complete strangers gave me the whole range of responses from ''how unfair to have a child without a 2 parent household'' to ''why don't you adopt from the Ukraine?'' Almost as bad were the two extremes: ''how selfish of you'' to ''how selfless of you''. Being a parent is a deeply personal decision--having a relationship with a child that you are responsible for changes everything in ways no one else can describe to you.

As a woman in the same boat, I just want to tell you my experience: it is all worth it, as scary and intense as anything you can imagine, but surpassing imagination in its joy, love, challenges and surprises. If you feel this is what you're supposed to do, don't let anyone stop you. Once a single mother, now just a mom

Having gone through it is like speaking an entirely different language and knowing most of it is lost in translation and that you can't really transfer what it's like to live on Mars anyway. Sleep deprivation is hell and a baby is not only a 24-hour job but takes over your life. You'll need that desire you naturally have and all the love you have and all the family and support you can find, for a long time. Also btw, if your boyfriend isn't on board this will break it up just because you'll be on a different planet. If all this doesn't stop you... go for it

I joined Single Mothers by Choice before I gave birth. Women in the group chose sperm banks and adoption. I have noticed several trends in the parents who are very satisfied being a single mom and those who are often overwhelmed with the tasks and responsibilities of child-rearing. I will start with the moms who are happy with their decisions:

The happiest moms are those that wanted to raise a child, not wanted to have a baby. They are the ones who do not get too attached to any phase. Moms were very clear whether they wanted to stay home with their babies/children or whether they wanted to work in their home or outside. Some changed what they first believed they wanted, and made that change after thought and preparation.

Moms have figured out what kind of childcare is best for them and their child and looked at childcare options BEFORE their children were conceived or applied for. The happiest moms took child development classes BEFORE having a child. The children of these educated moms are happier and have happier children, including those of two parent families.

The happiest moms know and pay attention to their children and raise their children in a way that works with and for the particular child. Moms and children who have dinner at home after cooking dinner together were very happy.

The happiest and most satisfied moms gave birth to their children, tested for prenatal abnormalities and chose to deal with any abnormalities before birth or made the hard decision to abort and become pregnant again.

Things to watch out for and to pay attention to:

Of 16 of us becoming single moms 7 adopted. Five of the seven children who are adopted have moderate to severe learning disabilities. Moms who are the least satisfied wanted babies, they did not think about developmental stages beyond age four or five.

Moms who are the least satisfied depend on the opinions of others and put their friends needs, opinions and time before that of their children. Moms who are least satisfied have not taken care of their weight, emotional- wellbeing, spiritual well-being and personal growth.

Moms who are the least satisfied where extremely insecure about having a childcare worker, or other person witnessing their children's ''firsts'' - first step, first word, etc.

One final thing - as hard as this is to say - I would not adopt as a single mom if I could not be home or provide the education, psychotherapy, time, and one-on-one attention that a child in great need would require. Happy Single Mom of a Happy, Well-Adjusted Daughter

Every woman who wants to have a baby should get to have one-- it's too big a thing to give up because your circumstances aren't exactly what you wanted. Good luck to you. Lucky Single Mom

I don't know about the logistics of including a partner who never wanted the parent thing in the first place. Doubtless he will feel very excluded, all the more so because he is not the baby's father. He will just feel like you have found a worthier love object to replace him - and he would be right. You really will see him very differently after you have a baby, and probably not to his advantage.

Good luck to you. My experience taught me that having a baby surpasses any other kind of love you may have thought was deep. This is the ultimate. Anon

I worked weekends at a local restaurant during my entire pregnancy so I had some disability $ for six weeks post-partum, however I went back to work 20 hours a week @ 2weeks. My sister lived with me and was some help when my son was sick or at night so I could work, I managed the apartment building I lived in. I didn't ''pay'' for childcare as I took my son with me. I worked 40 hours a week at $10 bucks an hour. I ran a 36 unit building including maintenance for another 20 hours a week in exchange for free rent. Most of that was done while my son was asleep or strapped to me. I didn't collect welfare or child support as my son's father wanted out the second I was pregnant. I used the childcare at the gym so i could work out 5 days a week for 90 minutes simply as relief. I had a car note and insurance and health insurance and little debt. I still managed to empty my savings($20,000) and wrack up about 5K in debt. My social life as far as dating was non existent and my only adult time was when my girlfriends, mostly childless, would hang out with us on a weekend day. If my son was sick I stayed home with him, of course not paid. Childcare is the biggest stumbling block for most people. Infant care can easily run $800 a month at a center. Private in home care or a nanny share can be more. Neither of my parents were retired and able to help with that area except an occasional weekend day when I took a class. I was 34 at the time, so not really a child. If you are completely ready to give up your life as you know it, then by all means. If you still hope to meet someone, date or have asocila life-not so much the right choice. realistic single mom

From the time my child's infancy, I have been blessed with wonderful friends who are also single mothers, and our kids have grown up together. But as we adults struggle with our teens' risky and frightening behaviors, we're all frantically bailing out our own leaky boats and can't be of that much help to each other. Both my child and I need serious support from many, many other adults: for me, to ward off emotional exhaustion; for my child, to get a break from me and for the love, support and guidance of other adults. If you have family nearby and/or a network of adult friends who are committed to sharing the parenting journey with you, then go for it. If you don't, start building what community you can now and make it as big and diverse a network as possible. In 12 or 13 years, you are likely to need it. I don't mean to discourage you, just urge you to think beyond the nursery. Could use an armada

In my mid 40's, considering single motherhood

Hello,
I have recently ended a relationship with a man, because, though we loved each other a lot, he does not want to have a family. I am in my mid-forties and still feel the intense yearning to have a family, but have not found a partnership that feels right to me. I'm considering single motherhood.

I am seeking advice on how to plan and organize myself to make this transition to single parenthood. I am wondering how other single women make this work in their lives. Is it crazy all the time or can it be fairly calm and organized? I would like to have a fairly clear picture of what questions I should be asking and what money I will need to continue working and caring adequately for my child.

I live and work in Marin. I make around $80k/year. Some people have told me that it is impossible on this amount of money. I am still paying graduate school loans and some credit card debt. I don't want to feel so stressed that I am passing that anxiety and stress on to a child. Could you give me some suggestions, helpful tips and resources that make the planning for a child successful?
With gratitude,
A hopeful single mom-to-be

I have been a single mom for 11 great years. Being a single mother is hard work, AND you can do it.

I hear you about the money concerns--and I can say that $80K per year is plenty of money. Don't let people scare you into thinking that is too little; maybe they aren't aware of individuals who raise their kids here on $30, $40, or $50K. I was an undergraduate and graduate student with my child, and managed on $30K a year for years...so don't let the cost scare you. Marin has great schools, so you won't have to worry about private ones. You will be fine.

In the Bay Area, where there is a lot of wealthy ''entitlement'' and where there are a lot of opinionated people, you really can get brainwashed into thinking that your child will only survive if he/she has the best possible parenting with 2 parents, years of therapy, all the zillion-dollar baby gear, and private schooling. The truth is that most of us got here as adults without all of that and we are okay. Lots of people in our world get by without excess, and grow up to be healthy, happy, productive, and admired individuals. I think if you square your values solidly around having a happy, thriving family, you will be able to identify what you HAVE to HAVE, what would be nice to have, and what you can get by without.

The best advice I ever got when I was pregnant was that it doesn't cost a million dollars to raise a kid. If you have friends and family who can help and support you so you'll get some down-time (and who will also love your child), I say go for it. You won't regret it. EB

The hardest part about being a parent - and that's double for a single parent - is organizing your life so you can be 'there' for a child. That means 40% of your time goes for child-related everything - from buying diapers and arranging babysitters, to caring for a sick child, to getting baby/child/teenager fed and off to bed, arranging playdates, volunteering at school, etc etc. All that's not bad. It is just what comes with being a parent.

Get some resources lined up early -- a good babysitters list is worth its weight in gold, a teenager who can help while you make dinner, a good pre-school you get on the list for early (our family praises Step One in Berkeley), a pediatrician you like.

Enjoy your parenthood. mom at 45

As a sole parent you are on 24/7, no real relief in site. Adoption and Donor sperm choices will both present their own challenges as well. I would never go back and my boy is the light of my life, but it's a complicated life path for sure. single mama

I think that if you feel you really want a child, you should make that happen for yourself. There are many sacrifices to be made, and I recommend you get serious and realistic about your budget and figure out now how you can budget for child care till your child is ready to go to a free public school. Also, if you have family around who are willing and happy to be involved it will be an incredible help.

I would also suggest that you consider adopting a foster child, as there are so many children out there who desperately need homes -- even very young children and babies.

One more thing: For an extremely realistic view of what it's like to be the truly single parent of an infant, please read the wonderful book ''Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year'' by Anne Lamott. This is the best book I've ever read about parenting a baby. Lauren

Think of all the families who get by on your income for four people and then know you can do it. Don't let money stand in the way. - happy mama

Being single is not a barrier, neither is your financial situation. I recommend you contact them and ask to attend one of their basic evening orientations. It's a safe way to dip your toe in the water and learn something. I did as a complete beginner exploring mid-life motherhood. It's a low-risk way to get some basic info--I was not pressured in any way or made to feel uncomfortable. ---Still exploring my options

There have been times when I've almost longed to be a single parent, because then at least I would have no expectation of help (I don't get as much as I need from hubby)and nobody screaming at me b/c I can't fulfill his needs. When I was in a new baby group, we were in awe of the single mother by choice-she could do what she saw fit without consulting with anybody. It would be easier to be alone than to be cleaning up and organizing and planning while your husband flips TV channels. That said, it IS much easier with help, especially in terms of being able to go out w/o a babysitter, being able to participate in school (taking time off work, school things that assume 2 parents), or just being able to go out on a run Saturday morning (which is even hard as a married parent). But seriously, you'll figure it out. I think, if anything, you'll want to develop a network of friends/family--preferably close ones that will be happy to help with babysitting, and be closely involved. And cozy up to folks you respect who have younger children so it doesn't seem completely mysterious and overwhelming. But the good news is that, because you're on your own, you'll learn quickly to trust your own judgement. Especially since there's really nobody around to question you.

Don't worry about the money; you have plenty. 80K is a substantial income.

I haven't found it to be unbelievably difficult to raise a child from infancy. You'll just adapt to be able to do it. You'll will give up some freedom and things you like to do, but the trade off is immeasurably worth it.

In the planning of it, one of the things I did was to stock-pile vacation and sick leave so that I could take 7 months off at full pay. If your employer will let you do it, start planning now. If not, make sure that you have enough saved to get you through your maternity leave.

Good luck and God bless! Been there, doing that

one challenge you might have if you want to have the baby yourself (as opposed to adopt) is fertility. you say that you're in your mid-40's, which are a challenge on average and have higher rates of downs and other chromosomal abnormalities. IVF is very expensive.

have you considered adopting a foster child? the state then helps you with health care, and some other parts.

bottom line: people do it every day with less, alone or with help. it's a big commitment but worth it if you really want kids. i say it's the best and hardest thing i've ever done. anon

--Childcare is a crazy expense in this area--I pay as much for childcare/month as for rent. In my case, I needed to find a roommate so I could afford good childcare, but that's turned out to be positive in unanticipated ways (beyond the $$$).

--Babysitting/support has been an issue. I don't have family close, but I do have very close friends nearby who also have children--I've had to get over my fear of asking for help and have had to learn to trust folks to draw their own boundaries!

I work in a female-dominated field, and have found my co- workers and bosses to be extremely accomodating and helpful--I am allowed to ''make up'' lost workday time at night from home, and that has been invaluable. You'll definately need some amount of flexibility at your job to make it all come together.

Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm dating. Yes, this was the right decision for me. Yes, I was terrified at first, but everything has changed because of my boy--and while my days are now PACKED to the limit, my tolerance has increased, my ''standards'' have become a lot more flexible, and I have so much more joy and wonder in my life! Fellow SingleMom

Its for women who choose to parent on their own. There is lots of advice on fertility and choosing a sperm donor as well as adoption (I am a Choice Mom via adoption). You can also sign up for her Yahoo discussion groups which are really good for ''thinkers'' and ''Tryers''.

I think Mikki - she wrote the Book Choosing Single Motherhood and she runs the website - is going to be back in the Bay Area for another conference this year. I went to one 3 or 4 years ago and its great to meet lots of other women who are on the same path. SingleMominCA

I was 42 when I gave birth, and I lived on less money than you make. The first five years are very expensive, childcare being the largest expense. Once your child goes to school, assuming it's public school, expenses go down a lot.

This is very doable, especially in the Bay Area, where there are many single moms and dads and many places to go for help. You can do this. Having a baby was the best decision I ever made. anon

38 and single, should I get pregnant??

Hi everyone, I'm single and reaching the end of my childbearing years. Educated and smart but working for a nonprofit, so I don't have a big income. I'm in a wonderful relationship, but my sweetheart has decided he doesn't want children. Yes - I'm in that awful place of deciding whether to be an older, single, working mom, or childless in a relationship that otherwise fills me with feelings of being loved, being safe, being cared for (something that has been lacking for me most of my life).

I am worried as well of course about the risks of pregnancy at my age - I'm in great health but I think having a special-needs child (seeing my friends who do), without the emotional or financial support of a partner, would completely undo me.

I wonder if I would be happier keeping the relationship and sacrificing the gamble of having a child on my own.

I do know about Parents without Partners, but if there are single older moms out there who have two cents to offer (or older moms of any relationship status that can share about their pregnancy, birth and parenting experience, and about their child's health) I would LOVE to hear it.

Thank you all so much! 38 and Childless

All of that said, it *is* hard, however. Good for you if you have a social support network set up (though many SMC's find that those relationships fall away or change significantly once you join the ranks of ''moms''). You'll likely need help of various sorts; doing it on your own is probably more-than-twice- as-hard as doing it w/ a partner.

But again, many of us do it. Look into the organization ''Single Mothers by Choice''; there are others (organizations) out there, but I believe SMC is the largest.

Good luck! SMC of a teen daughter

Her story was more: she got pregnant, she was older, she was financially stable, and my Dad did NOT want her to have a baby at all. She decided she was going to keep me, and he and her went their separate ways.

We have talked at length about why this was a difficult decision for her, and how ultimately she knew she wanted to be a mother more than she wanted to keep her boyfriend. And she, much like you, knew her biological clock was ticking.

Granted, she got pregnant the old fashioned way, her situation was very similar. She was older and alone. But, her and I had the best life, and even though I know things could have been easier if she had a partner raising me, I wouldn't change a thing. We are still very close, the best of friends, and she is such an important part of my life. I know she has regretted many things, but having me was not one them.

If you know deep down that you want to have a baby, do it. You'll never regret listening to your heart. Oh yeah, and 25 years later, her and my Dad are back together. weird huh? daughter of a 38 and single

Great that you are reaching out for support, yet I think this is a therapy (or coach or spiritual advisor) worthy issue. (I wonder if couples therapy would be valuable, too, to look at how this is impacting the relationship, and whether there are any relational issues impacting your partner's decision.)

I would worry about your grief if you leave and your resentment about losing the motherhood option if you stay (I've seen this happen, especially when the rel. ended some years later and there was no going back to rechoose).

In any case, I suggest you check out Single Mothers by Choice as one way to explore the single parent life. there are also quite a few books out there now. And there are lots of us SMC's, many of whom still hope to find partnership, but aren't/weren't willing to lose the opportunity for childbearing or parenting through adoption. It's very hard to be a single parent, but I have no regrets about having decided to take the terrifying, wonderful leap! (Then again, I didn't have to choose to leave a relationship.) wishing you clarity

It all comes down to this question: Which would you regret more, loosing a lover or not having a kid? Breaking up is hard to do, but having been there I'd say missing out on being a mother trumps that. You have no idea the love you're going to feel as a mother...its honestly the best.

I had a baby pretty much on my own at 37. I wasn't in a relationship with my babies father...our daughter was a miracle. He's not around so I'm raising our two year old daughter solo while working part time. Its hard work. I've gone four months straight without a break. We're totally broke all of the time. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. My daughter makes me whole and gives me a greater purpose that I have ever had. She makes me proud, excited, and able to appreciate the simple things in life. No man has ever made me feel that way.

I feel like men have more of a choice when it comes to parenting or not. Women sometimes cannot deny their biology. If your current partner is hell bent on missing out on life's greatest experience, then either let him go or stop using birth control and see what happens. You don't have to miss out because of him!! That's my two cents. Hope it helped. chandra

Also, when you talk about getting pregnant, I hope you don't mean to do it with your partner who does not want kids. I think this would be unfair because he would be tied to this kid no matter what and I think that would be very unfair.

I also think that having kids is not the end-all/be-all to fulfillment. No matter what you choose you'll always wonder how things would have turned out if you had opted for the other.

I love my children dearly. But, there are times when I worry about the fact that I had my kids at an age when I was really into self reflection, creating more art, making great money at my career. All that stuff has to take a back seat and that's tough and I worry about that. My career has suffered and I have no time for my own things. You need to be ready to give that up or understand that that will change.

Good luck. Having children is wonderful but it's not a requirement. I think you need to examine how you feel about your current relationship. I don't know if I would have broken up with someone who didn't want kids. I never could think of having kids in the abstract. anon

We older moms definitely suffer from lack of sleep more than we would have in our 20/30's, but I find I'm so much more patient and sensible; I was really ready to become more house-bound and internally-focused. Everything takes a bit longer (often the birth itself, recovering your body afterwards - I still have my tummy & an extra 8 pounds, etc) but otherwise, there are a lot of us older moms out there. We're even contemplating a 2nd child - I'll be 43 if we do that.

I will say that raising a baby on your own is really tough; I have a partner and it was tough! It's nice to be able to hand off responsibility to someone else after a long day or night. Best of luck!

As my children grew into adults, I watched as they and their cousins made choices about marriages, families, and how to be in their lives. Not everything worked-out as planned.

Some girl-cousins ''married'' just in time to have babies before their baby-clock alarm put them out of range to carry a baby themselves. Mostly, those marriages did not work. Years of nasty, expensive warfare over custody and money and who's-right/who's-wrong ensued.

One of my wonderful daughters, adopted herself, adopted children as an almost-forty well-established home-paid-off unmarried adult.

Another of my wonderful daughters, also an almost-forty well-established home-paid-off unmarried adult, chose to have biological children through sperm donation.

My other children are happy adults in long-term marriages. Some had babies, some didn't have babies; their choice for their reasons.

Both our single-moms have struggled with child-care issues, how to keep pace in demanding professions, and the loneliness of being a single parent - - - but there were no battles with a another parent. My daughters' children are not torn between disgruntled adults. These children with their single-moms are happy, well-balanced, well-traveled, sophisticated, and growing-up far too fast ! Loving grandparents

as a dad of college aged kids, divorced when kids were adolescents. i had full custody of kids, and made a very good living and it's REALLY hard work.

kids are a huge commitment and i totally understand sometime you just gotta make them. but, the romantic ideal that you can make this in an easy way is totally nuts! being a real single parent is very hard unless you have an amazing support system. if you don't have that backup/support system in place and stable for the next 20, lets stress TWENTY YEARS, your life will be hard. the woman who is 'taking one for the team by staying in a marriage for kid's support is a good example.

i sometimes think what life would be like without lids, maybe a bit more shallow? maybe a bit lonely? maybe i would have found some other passion to devote my life to...

the woman who took on kids with her partner at 40 something used her head AND her heart. i ask you to do the same. love does not conquer all peace, dad

After talking with friends and family, it seems the biggest expense is daycare. You can use a home daycare, nanny share, or family to help offset that cost. Also, have a backup/emergency daycare provider in case the primary one gets sick.

I've had experience with Pacific Reproductive Services in SF and Rainbow Flag Health Services in Alameda, both were friendly and helpful. Best of luck to you! Right There With You

Pregnant Single Friend

I need some advice for a friend. She is single and she just found out she is pregnant. She just moved to the area and recently got a good job. She has been wanting a baby for the past year or so, but not without a partner. I don't feel like I can give fair advice because I was single with my first pregnancy, but I had my sisters supporting me and I met and started dating my current husband while I was pregnant. She does not have a very supportive network here and she is terrified of being alone through her pregnancy and then beyond. She is already thinking of this pregnancy as a baby and though she is pro-choice, she does not think she can go through with an abortion. Do you have any advice? Either how to help her make her choice, or some resources for single pregnant women? seeking advice