Biracial Son Wants School w/ More Black Kids
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Biracial Son Wants School w/ More Black Kids
March 2004
My son attends a private school that prides
itself in diversity. He is in a class of about 20 kids 3 of them
being black and the rest are mostly white. He is mixed race but
doesn't have contact with the black side of his family. I feel a
bit concerned because he has expressed that he would like a
school that has more black kids. I asked him why and he didn't
really give me any reasons. I told him that I could look into it
but he of course expressed the worry about leaving his friends.
I thought to get him involved in some more activities that
would expose him to more kids like him ethnically and in a
family/economic sense --as he does definitly notices the
differences between himself and his friends (unlike nearly all
the kids in his class we are not homeowners or financially
equipped to do/have many of the things most of his friends
families do and have.) I see him starting to see himself as a
black young man where as before he didn't really talk abt. being
a certain race. I have also become aware that other people --the
public---are looking at him as a young black man with negative
associations--and not a ''cute little boy'' (not all of course)
but I am seeing how things are changing in that sense.I really
want him to have a positive self image and am concerned that his
being in this school environment and extra curricular activities
where he is the only black boy may be making him feel like he is
very different and longs for a sense of belonging in a more
comfortable way and not feeling alienated. I would like any
advice that someone may have if having gone through this or any
ideas.
This may not be exactly the kind of response you were looking
for, and you didn't say how old your son is; but if he is still
elementary-school age, I would recommend that you look into
Northern Light. Northern Light is a private elementary school on
Redwood Rd. in Oakland with a student population that is
predominently black or biracial and truly diverse in terms of
family backgrounds and economic status. I am only familiar with
the school from the standpoint of a reporter who did a story
about a student; but from what I heard from students and parents
when I wrote my story last summer, I think Northern Light runs a
phenomenal program. They provide a great deal of after-school
care (so that your son could potentially be involved in
extracurricular activities with his schoolmates). Teaching about
leaders and hero/ines of all racial backgrounds is something the
school does is a way that outdistances by a thousand leagues the
standard PC emphasis you'll find anywhere else in the Bay
Area--it's ingrained in every aspect of the school's environment.
You mentioned finances are tight--Northern Light offers a huge
variety of scholarships. Their program may not be for everybody,
but it seems to me it might be appropriate for your son. Web
address is http://www.altrue.net/site/northernlightschool/. Good
luck.
darcy
Hum this brings back memories..I think its really important for
your son to have a strong sense of who he is, where he comes
from and to make sure that he gets his African American roots.
If moving him to another school isn't really an option, then
think about having him participate in prog! rams that have a
higher percent of african americans who attend. One suggestion
perhaps is Boy Scouts. There is a predominately African
American Troop at Allen Temple in Oakland. Another way is to
join or attend an African American Church that has many youth
such as Bethel or Allen Temple to name a few in Oakland. I know
from experience what you son is going through, having gone
through similar experience as a youth, it took me years to
figure out where I finally belonged. I wish my parents when
growing up were not so color blind because the world isn't and
by telling your kids that all people are the same is false. The
world treats you according to what you look like. Raising an
African American son is harder. The expectations and fears for
AA boys is higher, they will be stopped by the police and most
of the time for no reason. Its really important that your son
has an African American adult male who can help him through
transistions.
If you want to further discuss this, please feel free to contact
me via my email.
cm
Regarding your biracial son. I can completely understand how he
feels.I could go on for ever on this subject but I promise I
won't. He may not know how to put it into words or may not want
to yet. It's natural for him to want to have more associations
with other Black kids. You did not mention where you live but
there is a wonderful organization called Destiny Arts in
Oakland (597-1620 or www.DestinyArts.org) They have martial
arts classes as well as dance classes. Their main goal is to
help children of all ages with their self-esteem, and conflict
resolution skills within the context of the martial arts.! There
are a lot of people from mixed families and lots of Black
children as well. This or another organization like it would
be a nice balance for him. A bit of both worlds sounds great to
me. He will FEEL the difference and when and if he chooses to
talk about it there will be people around who understand of
what he speaks. My son is younger but he loves it and so do I.
I love the feeling of being in a group of all different sorts
of people. We drive all the way from Richmond to be there.They
are a group of very commited people who have a passion for what
they do. Glad to hear you are listening to what your son has to
say.
Loving Destiny Arts!
We are white parents of 2 African-American boys. You are so
lucky that your son is clear in his wishes. You don't say how
old is your son or what is the other ''half'' of his race but a
mixed African-American boy will b! e judge as a black boy by the
majority of white people. And being judged as black, he will be
judged as an black adult in his teen years. You have already
picked up on that. Your child is starting to figure out his
racial identity and he will definitely need exposure to his
entire culture. If the only exposure he has is from the 2 other
black kids in his class and what he sees in society at large, it
might give him a distorted view of what it means to be black in
the U.S. There are wonderful books about racial identity that
you should read to make up your own mind. My favorite is ''Why
are all the black kids sitting together at the cafeteria'' by
Daniel Beverly Tatum. Pact, an adoption alliance, has a
great ''best of press'' books on racial identity and another one
specifically on bi-racial racial identity. They would be a great
source of information for you even though your child is not
adopted since they specialize in ad! option of children of color
and transracial parenting. They have a website with book
suggestions at www.pactadopt.org.
good luck
My 5 year old son is biracial. Last night he said that he does
not like having darker skin as most of his friends have lighter
skin. I too, am wondering how to proceed with this. It is not
the first time he has said this. I feel that I just have to
impress that everyone is different. I get the sense that your
son is a bit older. I look forward to seeing other responses.
anon
I have been reading ''why do all the black kids sit together in
the cafeteria'' (or similar title) and maybe you should run out
and get this book. Honest discussions about race are very
important and your instincts about your son having a positive
self-image are right on target, according to the premise of this
book. This is not practical advice on finding friends for your
son, but the book addresses how to discuss race with children of
different ages.
eve
I'm an African-American who grew up in all white neighborhoods
so I think I can relate some to your child's issue. Somewhere
between the ages of 6-9, you realize that your hair, skin, and
facial features make you different than everyone else in your
school. And at that age belonging (witness girl ''posses'' and
boy ''clubs'' in 1st-3rd grades) really matters. So having other
students that look like you helps validate yourself.
Since transferring schools isnt always an answer (wasn't in my
case) I'd see this as the beginning of helping your son feel
comfortable with his African-American heritage. I know from
experience, that you can't take this for granted. Either your
child will feel estranged from that part of his heritage or will
take his cues from media stereotypes and may embrace the ''thug
life'' usually depicted on tv as being what ''black'' is. Do you
have family that live in primarily black neighborhoods and with
whom your son could spend regular time with (every summer I was
sent to the South to stay with relatives - that's where I
learned to dance, listen to ''Philly'' and ''Memphis'' soul, and
really was exposed to every day black culture). And, while my
parents chose to belong to a very progressive ''multiracial''
church, attending Southern Baptist church with my grandparents
was incredibly important to my cultural self-identity. Because
of ties to my Southern relatives, to this day I remember going
to a graduation ceremony at an all black college with Julian
Bond speaking and feeling really proud and part of a great
history of struggle and achievement.
I'm now married to an African-American man and live in a ''mixed''
neighborhood that is probably 40% black (and our children go to
a public school that is probably 35% black). Even so, we've
never taken our children's postive African-American image for
granted. We have alot of black art on our walls, buy books with
black and other charactors of color, don't allow tv shows that
we believe perpetuate negative black sterotypes, and regularly
discuss issues of positive black identity (and listen to opera
and enjoy French and Italian culture so we are hardly Afro-
centric).
From what I know from friends, at some point your child will
also deal with how he is black but also white. But that's
another topic...
Sometimes a stranger in a strange land
It sounds like more exposure to biracial & african american
kids/families could help. You could do this through sports or
other activities outside of school. Since my children are also
biracial, I've been reading a great book called ''Does Anyboday
Else Look Like Me: A Parent's Guide to Raising Multiracial
Children''. The author gives concrete ideas on issues
multiracial children deal with at different ages & age
appropriate discussions we should be having with them.
Jill
Have you thought of joining a church? You may want to check
some out to see if there are any that suit you and your son and
get involved with church activities for youth. Then your son
could stay in school with his buddies.
anon
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