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Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > All Kinds of Families > Bilingual Families



Maintaining child's Spanish she learned from babysitter

Aug 2005

My two-year-old daughter currently spends three days/week being cared for by a bilingual babysitter who speaks Spanish to the kids. My husband and I are both native English speakers, and I speak fairly decent Spanish (and he speaks a little). My daughter is somewhat bilingual, though her English is miles ahead of her Spanish. This fall she's starting preschool and will no longer have any regular exposure to Spanish. I try to speak Spanish to her some, but truth be told it's not that much (and she'll only speak English back to me). I strongly value multilingualism and would really like to encourage and develop her Spanish. I'm trying to figure out what I can do that will keep her from forgetting everything before she starts kindergarten. It's easy to get her videos and books in Spanish, I can try to speak it with her some, but I doubt that's enough. I know that she needs to spend time around monolingual Spanish speakers, but how? Unfortunately I work very long hours (medical resident) so I can't just hang out at a park in Fruitvale until I start meeting the moms. Anyone out there have any success maintaining a language learned from a caregiver after the kid left that person's care? My husband feels much less strongly about this than I do so I don't think he'd go for a bilingual school or preschool. Specific places and times of toddler/preschool activities in Spanish would be particularly welcome. Muchas gracias! Kate


There is a new pre-K through grade 8 bilingual Spanish/English private school that is currently being organized in the East Bay. They plan to open in fall 2006, and I believe they are looking for a site in the Berkeley/Albany/Oakland area. I personally do not know a lot about it, but you can check out their website: http://www.ebinternacional.org/ Burr
With all due respect, but what is your goal? If you want your child to be truly bilingual, then it takes a commitment- it takes classes, friends, schooling, time.

From your posting, it sounds like this ''My child has been playing the piano for the last two years, but now we've gotten rid of the piano. I don't have time to take her to piano lessons and my husband doesn't really support piano playing. Given all these obstacles, what have others done to make sure that your child learns to play the piano?'' If this is truly your situation, then wait until your child is a little older and enroll her in a private school or excellent public school which has Spanish classes. Kindergarten is not too old to start learning a language and there are many good immersion programs around the Bay Area. You can do what you can with books until then, but don't worry about what she loses, she can get it back.

If, instead, your goal is to really work more toward bilingualism now, then I have lots of suggestions, but I don't know where you live (and given your tight schedule and the distance this network covers, knowing that would be helpful).

Most important to her language development, however, is your language development. So, attending activities is so less important than your interaction with her. You should do your best to speak and read Spanish to her and to improve your skills. Practice on the job with other native speakers and you'll feel more confident to bring that home. Bring out those old dictionaries, conjungation sheets and high school workbooks and build her vocabulary through your re-learning.

Just trying to be realistic not negative- smile. Diane


I'm native Italian but my children barely understand it

Aug 2005

I am native Italian, and my children (4 and 6) barely understand it and don't speak it at all. Now they seem interested in learning and I am looking for some help. Other then speaking Italian to them, what should I do? I know it is not too late, and this time I really would like to be rigorous! Do I need books, videos, classes (if any available), etc... Thanks.


I am italian and I have a 6 y.o. practically bilingual daughter. Please contact me directly, if you wish, for tips/books/videos. Grazie, Silvia
I am completely bilingual, and so far I have managed to keep my kids bilingual, though they both lean heavily towards English. When I was growning up, my parents spoke ONLY Japanese in the house. It was a strictly observed rule. I speak only Japanese to my kids, and they are supposed to speak only Japanese to each other. They have both attended and one still attends a native Japanese school every Saturday. My older child started off speaking only Japanese, but now her Japanese is starting to get iffy. I've known many kids who have two Native Japanese parents that end up not speaking Japanese. Playmates that speak the language help a lot, but most often when they start school, the kids start playing in English.

What I'm trying to say is, it takes real dedication, dicipline and conviction to keep this language thing going. Keeping a language in a society with a different language takes lots of work, though I wouldn't have it any other way. To me it's worth it, but it only gets harder as the kids get older!

Also remember that once a child reaches 5 or 6, the language is never lost. Even if the child stops speaking Spanish, when he/she decides to learn it again, what he picked up earier will come back.

Good luck! Bilingual mom


(to the native Italian parent) I am also native Italian, with an American wife. She speaks Italian pretty well but understandably prefers to speak English to the children. My children are 3 and 9. Other than speaking to them in Italian, I buy pretty much all of our videos from www.dvd.it, and they are allowed to watch them with the Italian soundtrack only. Books also work well until about 6 years old, when they no longer need an adult to enjoy a book. (I read a couple of Harry Potter books in Italian to my elder daughter). Check out www.ibs.it. Before 9/11 we had au pairs from Italy with 6-month tourist visas. Now they don't give out 6-month visas any longer and 3 months is a bit too short. But of course the most useful experience of all is to visit relatives in Italy---that's when they hear a lot of Italian and switch to it pretty quickly. Each time I noticed a large change after about 2 weeks. Luigi
I have a close friend who is a linguist specialized in language aquisition and many friends and family members who speak to their children in a language which is not the dominant language where they live. My friend has told me that the key to bilinguilism in these situations is for the mother (or father -- but because mothers usually spend more time with their children it works better with them) to be consistent in using this second language every time she addresses her child. It does not matter that the child speak back only in English (in the US), because the child is assimilating even without speaking. Consistency is key. For some linguists, language aquisition takes place even much after the age of four, so in their view older children can become bilingual if exposed to another language later in childhood. Another very helpful strategy according to my linguist friend is to expose the child to videos and TV in the other language daily or as much as possible. It is more effective if the child is watching new programs or films as opposed to the same 6 videos all the time. I have seen the effectiveness of this strategy as well.

The best success stories of friends and family around me are of mothers who are consistent in speaking the other language with their children. They do this even when there are other people around who may find it rude or weird, explaining their reasons. One of my friends is American and learned Spanish as an adult and has spoken Spanish consistently with her daughter since she was born. Her 12 year old daughter speaks Spanish fluently. I know Berkeley has at least 2 bilingual public schools (one is Cragmont). On the other hand, children in my family who have not had consistent exposure from parents do speak and understand the second language, but with greater limitations in terms of vocabulary, grammar and fluency.

Finally, since I am bilingual, I would just like to add that acquiring a second language with no effort as I did with exposure from an early age is priceless. It has opened doors and affected my life in so many respects, it would be impossible to list all of them (professionally, travel, friendships etc). If anyone can give this gift to your child, by all means make the effort to do it and you will not regret it.


I am a native Italian mum with two mainly English-speaking kids (well, the second one does not really speak yet - but i know he'll speak English first...). Here's my advice, for the Spanish speaking mom as well: I have found that the most important thing is one's own commitment to speaking (and reading, and watching movies etc..) the foreign(native) language. I ALWAYS speak Italian to my daughter. She almost never replies to me in Italian, and I never push her to do so. She is exposed to way too much English to ask her to do such an effort. But she does understand Italian perfectly, and will in fact look at me amazed if I talk to her in English. I have come to accept the fact that maintaining her ability to understand Italian is the most important thing I can do for her, without forcing her active involvement. And from time to time she surprises me by trying to answer in Italian, or by quoting by heart the Italian books I read to her. When my mother comes visit, my daughter realizes that my mom does not understand English, and makes a big effort to speak Italian to her, and actually manages to communicate. I am sure that when she will be old enough (she is 3 1/2) to spend some time in Italy with the ''nonni'' and her cousins she will end up speaking fluent Italian. To the Spanish-speaking mother I recommend trying to keep a level of consistency in her speaking Spanish to her child, as well as of course finding other Spanish-speaking activities (I am sure you'll get a lot of answers about that).

As for products, groups etc. in Italian, there are groups of Italian parents meeting regularly at Royal Caffe, in Rockridge, and there is a Friday morning child-care program for Italian children starting this fall.

As for products: I have lots of Italian DVDs and books, you can easily find a DVD player that reads European DVDs as well, or use a european computer. She does not watch a lot of movies anyway, but it's a start. We also (my boyfriend is trying to improve his Italian too) read them books in Italian, play Italian kids' songs, etc. I know of a company called ''Professor Toto''' that has very good educational DVDs in Spanish, French and English, and will soon have an Italian version. You can email me if you would like to have more info on that. Good luck to both of you! svalisa


Want to raise our baby as Spanish/English bilingual

October 2003

My husband and I are expecting our first child (a girl)! I'm wondering if anyone out there has advice about how to raise a child to speak two languages. We speak English in our home, although my husband is fluent in Spanish. (I understand a lot of Spanish, though am not always comfortable speaking it.) His parents speak only Spanish. Mine only English. We feel it's important that our daughter be able to communicate in Spanish with her grandparents, and to be fluent in Spanish. But I also worry that trying to teach her two languages at once may be confusing for her and delay speech, and since she'll have to be in day care before age two, I worry about her not being able to communicate. Does anyone have any experience with this firsthand, or recommend any research or books on speech development in bilingual children? kck


Your daughter is very lucky to have a chance to become bilingual. I'm a mother of four bilingual (English/Finnish) children. I strongly feel that the best gift I've been able to give my children is their bilingualism/biculturalism. Kids are amazing....they are not limited to learning one language. In most of the world, children grow up with more than one language. And your second one being Spanish....what better combinaton in California!

Children may mix-up languages at the beginning...but figure the separate systems out quickly. The mixing is the result of using everything they have in their possession to communicate; and lucky them...they have two languages to use. Your job is to provide your daughter with enough input in each language. Luckily, with Spanish that is easy. Make sure your husband will start speaking Spanish from the moment your daughter is born....or even before (songs, books). According to some research, the auditory maps of babies are completed by the time they're 6 months old, so you want to make sure all the sounds necessary for the two langauges are included for her. You will also benefit from a Spanish-speaking daycare, play groups, etc. Excellent books, a newsletter, etc. are available from Multilingual Matters. I have been writing an ongoing 'process'-article based on my experiences for years; I can send it to you if you're interested. Feel free to get in touch!

Good luck! Buen suerte! Sirpa

PS. A bonus: most bilingual children become multilingual adults, due to their interest and ease of adding other languages.


For the mom who comments ''But I also worry that trying to teach her two languages at once may be confusing for her and delay speech'', I would like to say that, outside the US, all over the world, people routinely learn at least 2-3 languages as children with no ill effects whatsoever. Though I was born here I was lucky (or curious) enough to have learned 4-plus, and although this flabbergasts many folks here it is quite routine elsewhere. I can't express what a joy it has been to speak other languages well. It has made my life far more interesting. Probably the best method is for each parent to speak his/her native tongue, and encourage the child to learn a third in school, such as French. I discovered that once I got Spanish and French under control by studying (and only a little of this was in school), it was not much more work to understand Portuguese and Italian, Catalan, and Provencal, and even a bit of Romanian. The thrill of being able to understand so many people is absolutely indescribable, ecstatic. The history of the world is embedded in language in ways you could never guess. Good luck and keep your kid going with languages without fear! berkeleynurse at earthlink Christine V
I am now working on raising my third trilingual child. My oldest is 13 and is quadrilingual. She speaks Spanish at home, French at school, German with one grandma and English with everyone else. She is at the top of her class and has never been confused. My other children are not confused either and none were delayed in speaking. In fact, they are incredibly verbal. I know plenty of monolingual kids who have delayed speach. But really what does that matter if in the end they are bilingual.

My daughter started pre-school speaking very little English but was managing English quite well after a couple of weeks. She was 4 years old when she learned English and just scored in the 99th percentile on her verbal English score for sixth grade.

The benefits of being bilingual are numerous and yet many people seem to be afraid that allowing their children to learn more than one language might have some ill effect on them. Not only will your children not get confused or speak late because of bilingualism, their verbal ablilty will quite likely surpass that of their monolingual peers.

Your husband should definitely speak in Spanish to your child. You can also participate by reading books to your child and learning Spanish children's songs. I participate in a Spanish-language play-group which you could also look for when your child is one or two.

One thing to note is that it is very hard to keep children speaking a language that is not English. Even children who come from pure Spanish-speaking homes tend to speak more English than Spanish as the result of the overwhelming influence of our mass media and surroundings. Learning English will definetly not be a problem, maintaining Spanish could be.

Speaking Spanish will give your child pride in their heritage and connect them with their grandparents who could have a profound relationship with them. Spanish will open doors to relationships that would otherwise be closed and vastly improve their prospects of getting a job in the future. I hope my perspective helps you and good luck with your new baby Liza


I had the same questions as you regarding a bilingual child/household. My husband and I are both Latino, but neither of us was raised in Spanish-speaking families. My husband learned Spanish in college and through extended work experience in Latin America; I still struggle with decent comprehension, but no confidence in speaking. We are raising our 1-yr. old with 100% Spanish from ''papm'' and 90% Eng./10% Span. from ''mommy.'' I worried that we were confusing our son when mommy says ''ball'' and papm says ''pelota.'' How would he know which was ''right'' when learning to speak? All I can tell you is that our son's verbal aquisition has been lighting fast. He clearly understands both simple commands in English and Spanish. It's been truly amazing. He has many words and very good comprehension for his age. I'm just not worrying about confusing him anymore, and I would encourage you to proceed with sharing both languages with your child if that is truly important to you. Another Mommy/Mamm
Please speak both languages to your child from day one! There is absolutely NO evidence whatsoever that being raised bilingually is confusing (in fact, this is a very monolingual belief; children all over the world are raised bilingually, and in many cases, trilingually). Brain scans of bilingual children show that they have activated more of their brain than monolingual children. There is a slight delay in speech production of bilingual children, as they are working with two separate linguistic systems; there is NO delay in language comprehension! Not only are you passing on a language, but you are passing on a set of beliefs, a culture, an identity, and much more. Finally, language classes at UC Berkeley are filled with students whose parents chose to speak only English with them, and now as young adults, they are enrolled in Chinese 1, Spanish 1, French 1, and so on, trying to reclaim a language that was never taught to them. Do your child a favor, and speak in both languages. It is a plus for everyone (including society as a whole). Ph.D. in Linguistics and Pro Bilingual!
My husband was raised in a tri-lingual environment (English, German and Spanish) and we are raising our children in English and German. It's the best possible gift you can give them and it does nothing but good for the child's development, not to mention language skills.
I'm in the same situation as you. My husband is from El Salvador, and his parents speak only Spanish. I think it's crucial that our son speak Spanish well, but I am not comfortable enough in Spanish to have it be the main language of the household. Research on raising children bilingual shows that children benefit from learning more languages at an early age in terms of the neurological connections they make. They also begin with muscles in their mouths that allow them to pronounce any language, and the unused muscles disappear when they get older. So the earlier, the better. One of the key findings is that children learn the languages they NEED to learn. So many children begin bilingual and then allow their non-dominant (not English) language to become passive when they figure out that they can answer back in English, even if they continue to understand the non-dominant language. Plenty of exposure to the grandparents who don't speak English will help with this, as will being in places where Spanish is the dominant language. Some children speak a little later when they are processing two languages, but then manage them both well.

I've witnessed several approaches that seem to work. In one family I grew up with, the father spoke to the children only in French, and the mother only in English. They also took regular trips to France. The children, now in college, speak both languages well. One of my nieces speaks Spanish very well because her mother insisted that she answer back in Spanish always, and that is the dominant language of the household. My other nephews and nieces don't do so well, as their parents, who both speak Spanish, allow them to respond in English. Once there is more than one child, it's also harder, because they bring English into the house from school.

Our approach is to have my husband speak as much Spanish to our son as possible, and for me to speak English. We also try to see the Spanish speaking grandparents regularly, play Spanish music, and are looking into Spanish speaking preschools for when the time comes. I would encourage you to try to raise your child bilingual as much as possible; the early years are not the really tough ones, it's the later maintenance of the language that can be challenging. ryquill


How to pass on my Tamil when we speak English at home?

July 2003

I am struggling as a Tamil-American parent to pass on the Tamil language to our children. I am married to a Scandanavian-American and we speak English at home. They know few words here and there, but I would love to be able to immerse them somehow in Tamil a few hours a day, but how? Any suggestions? Most Tamils live in the South BAy, so, it would be difficult to go so far! thanks for any suggestions! Nagarajan


My son who is seven now speaks very well in Hindi. But I have to tell you that it has been a long hard road to get here. Specially because everyone around him has been talking in English. I am not sure how old your children are but between the ages of four and seven is the best time to learn your native language. Later than seven it is really hard to pick up tones. When my son was three and someone told me this, I really got nervous and started right away. The first rule is you always talk to them in Tamil, there will be months when they keep replying back in English and you will keep talking in Tamil and that is frustrating but slowly that will begin to change. Children learn really fast and will be really proud of themselves once they have learnt a bit. Listening to songs and watching movies in the native language has helped us. If you visit India often, that will make a huge difference. My son just progressed by leaps and bounds once we started making the effort to go to India often. Keep talking to them in Tamil and they will thank you forever for it. Bipasha

Bilingual child learning sign language - too much for a 1-year-old?

April 2002

My one-year old is exposed to 2 different languages. My husband and I have spoken and read to our baby in 2 different languages from birth. Additionally, we are planning on adding American Sign Language (as a third language?) to give him another tool/means to communicate with us. So far, he has been able to say only a couple of words. I am a bit concerned that all this exposure may delay the development of his verbal skills (due to confusion). Can this be too much for an one-year old? Any suggestions or books/research on this matter? Thanks. Monica


First things first: congratulations on teaching your child to be bilingual! I did some research in this area a while ago, and now I find I've forgotten most of what I read. However, I do remember reading that one way to help your child become bilingual is to have one parent speak one language to the child exclusively, while the other parent speaks the alternate language. I think some theories position that children are 'hardwired' to develop grammar, and mixing up two languages can confuse their natural grammar abilities a little (they hear two unique grammars, and have a hard time understanding the rules of each as a result.) Even if you don't feel like doing this, I would think that the ultimate benefits of bilinguality (more creativity, understanding of different cultures, not to mention just knowing two languages) would outweigh any possible delays. I am interested to see other posts about this to know if I am correct.

As for teaching sign language as well, I'm not sure how this would affect those grammar abilities. Signing is unique in that you can speak english or another language while you sign, so the languages are more simultaneous, although usually it is impossible to maintain both ASL grammar and another spoken language grammar at the same time for long. I don't know how fluent you are, and if you planned on using ASL grammar and not speaking while you sign. As you probably know, signing with children is very beneficial, and they can usually produce many signs before they can say words. I will look into this more for you (and for my own curiosity) but it may take some time, so please email me and I'll let you know what I learn. Kelly


i think the more exposure to different languages now, the better in the long run. boys tend to develop language skills more slowly than girls anyways, so i wouldn't worry about that yet. my son didn't utter his first word until he was 18 months, whereas my daughter spoke before age 1. both of them were exposed to 2 or 3 languages in infancy. my son heard english and spanish and then mandarin. my daughter hears english and mandarin. suzie
Our family only has one language, however, I have heard from bilingual families that it does take kids exposed to multiple languages longer to start talking-- they understand both, but the talking part takes longer. Once it clicks, however, they just take off verbally.

As for sign language, we taught our son some ASL signs, and it was great fun. I used a book called Signing For Kids, by Mickey Floodin. It's a beginner's book, but has most of the signs you'd want for a toddler and good, clear diagrams about how to make the signs.

When we started, someone told me to start with just three signs, use them over and over whenever I used the word--you might want to the same sign with both languages--and wait until my son was able to use those three before adding more. To be honest, I didn't want to wait. But it was good advice. Once he got the three, it was clear he understood what sign language was, and I was able to show him a new sign just a few times before he learned it.

One more note, don't be concerned about your son saying only a few words at one year old. That's normal with only one language in the family and gives no indication about his ultimate verbal abilities. So try to relax and enjoy the next year as language comes pouring out of you son! Carolyn


The book _Bilingual Families_ gives good information on language acquisition in bilingual and multilingual households. It's clearly written, not preachy, and (I believe) relatively easy to find.

It's pretty normal for monolingual children to speak only a few words at one year, so I think it's too early to worry. My older daughter wasn't saying anything at a year either, and but these days (at 3.5) she can outtalk most of her friends in English. For various reasons, her French proficiency is about a year behind that. Jennifer


Mandatory ESL testing for bilingual kids in public school?

Feb 2002

I wonder if anyone has heard that California law requires a school district to conduct mandatory English Language Proficiency Testing for children who come from homes where a language other than English is spoken (as determined by the language used by parents), a test that does not require prior parental consultation.

We are a professional couple and recently moved into the Lamordina area. Within 2 weeks after school started, our daughter was pulled out from her classroom by the ESL teacher to undergo an English proficiency test. Our daughter passed the test with no problem -- she was born and raised here and English is really her first language. When we queried the school district, we were told that our daughter had to take the test because we had indicated on the school enrollment forms that the parents speak a language other than English at home. (By the way, we deliberatly do that in order to train our children to be bilingual.) And, we were told that prior parental consultation is not mandated by this law.

As far as I know, some school districts do not have this kind of mandatory English proficiency tests. If this is the law, why is it not enforced in every school? Did any other bilingual families out there have a similar experience? Can someone enlighten me on this issue? Thanks. a Bilingual Parent


Hi, I had a terrible experience with this mandatory ESL testing. We speak spanish at home and I innocently indicated this on the form. Not only was my son tested for English proficiency, he failed and was being pulled out of class for ESL classes without my knowledge. I found out after a while totally by acccident. My son spoke perfect English as I'd had him in an English speaking pre-school for a year and a half before he started kindergarden! When I demanded that the ESL pullout stop, I was told I was not allowed to make that desicion. When I talked to the ESL teacher who tested my son, he told me he had talked to my son in English and my son had not answered any questions. (My son was painfully shy at the time). When I asked him if he had asked my son any questions in Spanish (which my son would not have answered either) all I got was some stammered non-explanation and a firm ''you are not allowed to pull your son out of ESL''. I was ready to sue the school district! Fortunately, the teacher is allowed to determine that a child does not need ESL (and my son's teacher thought the whole thing was as outraegeous as I did) and had it stopped! I learned my lesson though! I will never put anything but ''English'' as the language spoken at home on any form ever again and I recommend anyone who does not want to lose control over what goes on with their child at school do the same. This was at a Berkeley elementary school. Anonymous
I am a new teacher, but not an ESL teacher. I am friends with several of the ESL teachers at our school and have a little information on the topic. The head teacher at our school told me that she recommends to her friends who have bilingual children that they not put that information on the forms. This avoids the child being called out of class for testing. Our district automatically tests all kids whose families list any language other than English as primary language, or language spoken at home on the enrollment forms. The reason they do this is because they are required by Federal law to provide English language development classes to the children. Districts are audited and can be fined if they do not comply with the law. By automatically testing kids, they are making sure that kids don't ''fall through the cracks.'' Obviously, there are going to be differences between districts based on their interpretation of the law, and also based on their previous interactions with the Feds. anonymous
We had the same thing happening to us when we arrived in Moraga : I speak French to the kids at home, since birth, and their father English. I was eager to have the kids tested. I thought that if any of their skills was not up to the local standards, this was the perfect time to address it, and have the school district pay for it. It turned out that the kids did not need any extra tutoring. Then in september an other French/American family arrived from France where the kids had been raised. Their second grader who spoke English beautifully, did not read or write it. Within 6 months, and with the support of the ESL teacher, she's catched up brillantly. THe same thing happened with a young Corean girl entering 3rd grade. I have been pleasantly surprised by the interest the other kids have of their classmates different language and culture, and I'm allways happy to get free support for my kids. mother of 3 bi-lingual kids
We live in the Walnut Creek School District, where our daughter is in Kindergarten.

Both my daughter and my neighbor's were given the ESL test last fall because we both indicated during registration that another language, along with English, was spoken at home. My neighbor had a similar reaction to yours, calling to inquire why this was done, and feeling a bit offended by it.

I assume that the district is checking to see if the child needs special help because his/her English skills might not be as strong. As you know, there can be large differences in the fluency levels. Do the parents speak to the child in another language all the time, or do they speak English all the time? Does one parent speak one language, and the other parent another? I'm not familiar with the actual law, but I assume they are looking out for my child's best interests in this case, and this is one of many tests they conduct, along with vision, hearing, etc. Suzanne


I believe the testing is done for the benefit of the child. Some school districts are more pro-bilingual education than others. By testing her, they know she does not need to be in a bilingual class.

When you indicated you speak a different language at home, a lot of times this means the child does not speak very good English and they need to know how best to help the child. Some parents do not teach English as well as the native language.

This was explained to be my my childs principal. I am not bilingual, but I was curious about your question. Her school is a pro-bilingual school so they make sure everyone who needs to be in a bilingual class is in one, hence the testing. Just one way to ensure every child's needs are met. marianne


Family speaks German, French and English

Sept 1998

I would like to hear about your experiences with children that grew up with two or more languages. We have a 2 1/2 month old son and since we cherish our mother tongues we would like him to master German and French just like any native speaker. I try to talk to my son as much as I can in German. However, when Daddy is close by, I often switch to French which is our common language of communication. During the day, my son is essentially exposed to English due to daycare now.

I am afraid that French might become the predominant and preferred language of my son. This is of course not a problem, but I still would like him to be able to talk in an accent-free German. I am wondering which is the age when the kids are most open to learn a language perfectly. Is there something like a preferred language? Might he refuse to talk to me in German later if the family language is rather French? Will his German be so so, spoken with a French accent if I talked in French to him quite a bit? How important is bilingual education at school and the environment in all this? Is it possible at all that one can learn two or three true mother languages equally well?

At his baby age will our son be very confused to have to learn three different words for everything? Could it be easier for him if he associated the German word with me, the French words only with daddy, the English ones with his nanny? Is it likely that he will talk rather late due to such a complex situation?

I would very much appreciate peoples' comments and observations on these questions. Petra


My son just turned three and he speaks two languages fluently. I started speaking Dutch to him right from the start, and his father speaks English to him. I never intermingled the two languages. I only speak Dutch to him, even when we are in a large group of just English speakers. When he just started saying some words, I would say at about 18 months, he would mix them up. When he was about 2 1/2, he really knew the difference. He would speak Dutch with me and English with everyone else. Now, he even translates to me when someone tells him something in English. It is a lot of work to teach your child another language when everything surrounding him is in English, but it can work. The one thing is consistency. You have to keep the languages separate and only speak one language. Once you start mixim them together, your child will get confused. Also, keep repeating everything your child says but then with the correct pronunciation, instead of "correcting." When they hear it the right way often enough, they take it over. My son is in day-care full-time now, so it is more challenging than ever to keep up the Dutch, especially since he comes home everyday with many new English words that he has not yet heard in Dutch. But I always tell him, "this is the English word, and this is the Dutch word for it." He does remember to say the word in Dutch the next time. Once in a while when he wants to be silly, he talks to me in English. It sounds harsh, but I ignore him until he talks to me in Dutch. I know he understands. Once, I was not paying attention and he asked me a question in Dutch, which I answered with "sure honey, just a minute," when he told me (in Dutch) "mom, you speak Dutch with me." I hope that he will always speak Dutch, but there might be a time that he will refuse. But as long as I speak it, he will at least understand it. It will be interesting to see the long-term results. Jannette
There is a very good book on the subject that might help -- it's full of case studies of situations not unlike yours! The title is "The Bilingual Family: A Handbook for Parents" by Edith Harding and Philip Riley, published by Cambridge University Press. I ordered mine, but I think I saw it at Barnes and Noble -- you might give them a call. Maria
Hi! What I've heard is that when the two parents each speak a different language, it's best to have each parent focus on their own language with the child (whatever language is most comfortable to you). As for learning without an accent, the accent usually comes in as a result of learning the language after the critical period for language has passed (ie around 10-12 years). Presumably, if your child hears your native French and your spouse's native German (and everyone elses native English), he will learn the languages without accents. A lot of it has to do with hearing- a young infant makes all sounds possible to human languages. By about 6 months, s/he starts making only the sounds that s/he has been hearing ("cooing" vs. "babbling" I believe). This is why it's so hard to learn accent-free language later in life- we have simply lost the ability to make some of the appropriate sounds for the "new" language.

I think as long as the languages are natural to your speech with the child (and not a drill to try to instill early learning), he will have no problem learning to speak each. However, it is known to take a little while longer! My partner is German and I am American- he speaks to our son primarily (but not exclusively) in German, I speak primarily in English, as do most other people he knows (I am learning German, so I practice talking to my son in German, and I also know some French, so I read him children's stories once in a while that are in French). Now that Zak is 22 months (and we have both heard his father's German speech for about the same time), Zak clearly understands much more of it than do I. He is starting to talk, a little bit slower than some of his age-mates but still within normal ranges, and uses both German and English words, although at this point he has many more English words. I don't think he'll necessarily pick up the French (especially since I'm not a native speaker), but maybe it'll be easier for him to learn later if he chooses to do so.

Good luck! In any event, it is definite that learning earlier is much easier than learning later, so it's not going to hurt your son to hear several languages, even if he chooses to express himself in just one of them (he'll probably understand the others, if nothing else!). Naomi


Re: bilingual kids:Our son, now almost 3, has grown up speaking two languages: Hebrew at home and with our family and English at daycare and "around town". He speaks both languages well now, although he did start to speak a bit late. Amazingly, he knows what language is the "right" one for each situation and always answers a question in the language asked. He does not mix languages often, even when he can't find the right word. He usually resorts to a literal description ("that blue thing") as opposed to inserting a word in the opposite language.

My feeling is that he has picked up these two languages well because they were being spoken to him constantly. He also hears songs in both languages, and watches videos, and has books read to him, so that the language goes beyond conversation. We have also begun showing him the Hebrew letters as he is already mastering the English alphabet at daycare.

Sometimes I have the feeling that if someone spoke another language with him, he'd pick that up too! It seems that kids at this age are just sponges, soaking anything and everything up! Good luck! - Hagit Hagit


Mom is bilingual but Dad is not

Nov 1998

Does anyone living in a bilingual household where one partner speaks two languages and the other only speaks English have any thoughts that they could share with me about their experiences? My brother is expecting a new baby. His wife is bilingual and he is not. Several questions have arisen for him: --what does hearing two languages from birth do for language and cognative development? Can it delay learning english or does it enhance language capability? --how does the situation in which one parent and child speak a language fluently affect the parent who does not have the same command of the second language? What happens in the social dynamics of a family in this situation? Is there the potential for exclusion and if so how can one best prevent this? ( Obviously, the ideal situation would be for english-only parent to learn the second language as well, but this is easier said then done, especially when one is working full time and does not have extreme facility with foreign languages.) Any advice, personal experience or suggested reading that members of the list could offer on the topic would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Jenny


My 19 months old daughter is growing up with German and English. My husband speaks English only, and I speak German with her and only English if someone else in the room needs to understand what I'm saying to her. She understands instruction in both languages and forms two to three word sentences in both languages. I have not read one book about how to do it right and I probably won't, because I don't have specific expectations about her mastery of German, as long as she can communicate her needs. Everything above is a bonus. So far, it has been a lot of fun, she seems to know that there are two words for everything. Often she will pick whichever word is easier to pronounce and sometimes she will say both words in both languages. "Two cars" she will tell me and when I say "Ja, zwei Autos" she will repeat "zwei Autos" with a big smile while pointing at the cars. I am not concerned about leaving my husband out, because I won't. He learns a little bit along the way, because he wants to understand every word she says. As her communication gets more complex, I will simply translate whenever appropriate. However, I think it is important to keep in mind in which country the child is going to grow up and accept/ understand that the child naturally will and should give priority to the language spoken there. Heike

Does a bilingual household affect child's language capability?

Dec 1998

Hi, I haven't been following the digest very closely lately so I might have missed others' replies, but there was a discussion recently on the child language acquisition mailing list* on a similar question about bilingual households.

--what does hearing two languages from birth do for language and cognative development? Can it delay learning english or does it enhance language capability?
Joyce
Yes and yes. It does temporarily delay learning English, BUT in the long term (by school age) English is fine AND future language learning capability, and other cognitive abilities, are enhanced. You have to keep each language separate though, and the recommended way is to have each parent speak exclusively one language in the presence of the child. The point is to not model mixing languages up with one another. There is a good and practical book but I don't remember who wrote it, whose main idea is "one parent - one language". There is also a book edited by Ellen Bialystok that might be useful. I know less about the social aspects, but there is research on that too. One of the world's experts on bilingualism (especially the social aspects) is Susan Ervin-Tripp, a professor in UCB's psych dept, but I don't know if she is retired now or not.
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