Berkeley Parents Network: International Adoption

Berkeley Parents Network

International Adoption

The Parents Network > Advice > Adoption > International Adoption

Connecting with my adopted child's Yemeni Heritage

October 2006

My adopted 5 year old daughter is of a mixed-raced background and I really want her to understand where she comes from. She's quite exotic and two of the cultures are fairly obscure, one in particular, Yemen. I've located a website called www.Asiaforkids.com that I can get wonderful books suited for children with lots of pictures of two of three of her cultures but I haven't been able to locate anything appropriate for a child about Yemen. On the website I was able to find age- appropriate literature with photographs about Saudi Arabia but nothing on Yemen. So my question is this, would I been confusing her by showing pictures of a people and culture I suspect have great similarities or are the Yemen people so drastically different that I should keep looking? I don't think we will be traveling to that part of world anytime soon but really would like her to have an understanding of her make- up since I can't provide any personal references -thanks for any advice!

You are so right. Teaching any children about their cultural heritage, whether you share that culture with them or not, is a very important thing. Since your daughter is 5, she is at an age where she and you can do the research together. The great thing about the Bay Area is that it attracts people from every corner of the earth. So, you don't have to stop at images and facts of Saudi Arabia just because that's more common. You and she can create a ''Where in the World...''-type project that will turn both of you into super sleuths trying to find as many facts as you can about Yemen's history and culture. Maybe you want to start with the Yemen consulate in SF.

Also, as you are finding these things out, be sure to look not only for differences but also for similarities between what happens in Yemen and what happens in her other culture of birth as well as her home culture, your home, where she now is part of the family. You don't want to make her feel like she is so exotic that she doesn't actually fit into her own family. If you haven't already, connect with East Bay-based IPride (www.ipride.org) whose work is bringing multicultural families together. Lynn

Ofra Haza was an incredible singer from Yemen. It doesn't solve your problem, but might be something worth bringing into your home for cultural value and enjoyment. Her albums spanned both traditional and dance. You might start with ''Yemenite Songs'' which is available on iTunes and other online sources (according to the search I just did).

I love her music and saw her in concert in the early 90s in San Francisco. She was beautiful and her music uplifting and I think it would be a nice thing for you and your child to experience together Berkeley Mom

No advice. i just had to share something with you after reading your post which made me smile.

My daughter's father is North African and I always tried to avoid ''white-bred'' environments and provide her with exposure to other cultures but I didn't make a big deal out of it. I thought I had done well.

Then she was 20 went to Morocco and told me how strange, in a good way, it felt to be somewhere where ''everyone looked like me''. That's when I realized how pitiful my efforts had been. So I applaud you for your early, earnest concern. Not totallly colorblind

I have zero knowledge about how to handle cross-cultural adoptions. But here's an oddball thought: the Eunice Cafe in Albany (Solano at Stannage) is run by a very nice Yemeni family. If all else fails, you could start stopping in for lunch or coffee, get to know them, and who knows, maybe they'd be able to help you out with some tips on Yemeni resources in the Bay Area. anon

Hmmm, this brings up some interesting issues you might want to consider:

First of all, a person's culture is not determined by their ethnicity, but by the culture in which they are reared.

Secondly, I can imagine that there may at least be periods in the life of an adopted child where they just want to belong, and too much focus on their ''heritage'' could feel a bit like they are being told they are not really a part of the family, or the culture in which they live - that they are an outsider in some way. Obviously, this depends upon how you present the information, I'm just suggesting to be considerate of this possibility, I'm not suggesting that you not bring it up.

All of this is NOT to say that ''you shouldn't'' introduce them to the Yemeni of their background, but I wonder if it might not make sense to put it in terms of ''these are the cultures of your birth parents'' rather than ''these are YOUR cultures.''

I don't know, perhaps I am way off base and an adult adoptee can correct me? But those are the thoughts that were provoked for me. Anon

Hello, I am half Yemeni and I grew up in a multicultural household. I think that it is very important and great that you are instilling a sense of identity and understanding in regards to your daughters heritage. During your quest to enrich her knowlege of her heritage, I would be careful not to make her feel too ''exotic'' or like er culture is ''obscure''. Having been brought up in a multicultural family, I can say that sometimes we tend to feel like we are falling in between the different cultures rather than fitting in. As a child, the only place that I ever felt completely normal and accepted was in my own household. I think that you have a great opportunity to expose her to not only objects and information about her heritage, but to the people and community. I offer myself as a personal reference when it comes to some aspects of the culture, but I too, find it challenging to fully integrate into the community as we are so few and very tight knit. Personally, I have found it frustrating to be confused with and lumped under larger and more common ethnicities. Yemen has such wonderful cultural gems that may be hard to find, but once you do, you will appreciate them and so will your daughter. I was so surprised at how much I loved living in Yemen and what a great experience it was for myself and my family. Please feel free to email me if you have any further questions. I wish you the best of luck, and it sounds like you are on the right track. Sincerely, Nydia nydia

Adoption agency for international adoption

March 2004

My husband and I are trying to gather information about international adoptions. Does anyone know of reliable agencies that facilitate international adoptions? Karen

Recommended:

ACCEPT Adoption and Counseling Center

Adopt International

General advice

From: Nicole

Re the question about adopting from Brazil and adoption in general: I have a friend, a single mom and economist, who adopted from Brazil. After getting her Ph.D. here at UCB, she now lives in Anchorage, Alaska now and I could get her e-mail address if you're interested in communicating.

There are quite a few adoption websites which refer to agencies helping people adopt internationally. There is also a good resource catalog from Adoptive Families of America (AFA). I am adopting a child through Alameda County. They have a program called MAPP (Model Approaches to Partnerships in Parenting), which is a ten-week course which paces you through the paperwork, helps you understand the children and your own family in relation to adopting, and builds a support group from the participants. The cost to adopt locally is minimal (a few hundred $$), compared to 1000s of $$ for private or agency adoption. There are advantages and disadvantages of going through the county and getting a "local" child, but for the most part, I have been very favorably impressed with my interactions with "the bureaucracy."

There are over 120,000 kids in foster care in California right now, and only perhaps 20 percent of them will be reunited with their birth families. The rest need loving foster homes and eventually, permanent homes. While some of the kids have special needs (e.g. medical conditions, or psychological, emotional or physical damage), many of them just need a safe home and a loving and committed family to help them live happy lives. They are of all races and ages, including newborns to older kids, and single kids or sibling sets. The county is very open to people traditionally disadvantaged in adopting, including single people, older parents, and gay/lesbian couples. They also need foster parents for short or long-term care. To find out about the next info session for Alameda County, the number is 510-268-2444, or the local county adoption office is listed in the blue pages of your phone book.

From: Jessica

Have you considered international adoption? There are many many infants in need of loving homes, waiting either in orphanages or with foster mothers. My husband and I are going to China next month to adopt a baby girl. We've met many, many parents who've done this successfully. We're working with an agency I highly recommend. It's called "ACCEPT" and is listed in the yellow pages.

From: Melinda

Regarding citizenship:
I am a U.S. citizen (born here) who adopted two children from Guatemala, and I can guarantee you that they did *not* automatically become U.S. citizens. You have to apply for their citizenship through a lengthy, expensive, complicated process with INS. They then become naturalized citizens. I completed the process for my older daughter when she was three, my younger is still a Guatemalan citizen, with a Guatemalan passport, and I would definitely not take her out of the U.S. until her citizenship is complete.

The opinions and statements expressed on this website are those of parents who subscribe to the Berkeley Parents Network. Please see Disclaimer & Usage for information about using content on this website.