Berkeley Parents Network: First steps in adopting

Berkeley Parents Network

First steps in adopting

The Parents Network > Advice > Adoption > First steps in adopting

Thinking about adopting a third

February 2003

My husband and I have been discussing adopting a child. We currently have 2 beautiful biological children ages 5&6. We are finally at a place where we are considering a third child. I am 42 years old and do not want to be pregnant at this age. What are some of the first steps one should take in the adoption process? We were hoping for some introductory meetings or sessions, that can address questions and explain the process. We think we want to do a domestic adoption or a girl from China. Also, what do adoptions cost these days? I have checked the archives and this is not addressed. Karen

We went the opposite route, adopting first, then having a biological child. We lived in Ohio when we adopted our daughter, so can't give advice about specific adoption services in the Bay Area. But www.adoptionnetwork.org (a Cleveland, Ohio organization) has excellent information on its Web site and you might be able to contact them to ask about similar organizations in California. When we first started looking into adopting, we attended one of their ''Adoption 101'' workshops, which was extremely helpful (maybe they can send or e-mail you some of the materials they typically hand out at the event). Best of luck, Bradley

We did a domestic adoption of a newborn 4.5 years ago. I would be glad to fill you in in more detail if you would like to send me e-mail directly, but I would recommend contacting Adoption Connection in SF (don't let SF deter you - they have staff all over the Bay Area) first. Their website is http://www.adoptionconnection.org/. They are a wonderful organization with great people. They are also less expensive than others. Another person you might set up a free interview with is Diane Michelsen in Lafayette. Her website is http://www.lodm.com/. She is an adoption attorney. We used Adoption Connection for our homestudy (though they also have services to help you find a child) and used Diane Michelsen for attorney services. We would not use our adoption facilitator again. If we were to do another adoption, we would use Diane Michelsen again for attorney services and Adoption Connection for both the homestudy and finding us a child. Good luck! Lori

We have adopted 2 kids into our family and also had one by birth. I can tell you a few things that might get you started. First, the ''biological children'' term should be replaced by ''children by birth''. That is the politically correct way these days because all children are ''biological'' anyway. Second, talking about human beings and money is always a very touchy subject so I'm not going to share that because it all depends on what type of adoption you do.

I can tell you that our children were adopted through PACT. They are a non-profit (that's probably what you would want to use) located in Richmond. They are wonderful people that are very helpful. They specialize in adoption of children of color but can give you referral for international agencies and other type of adoption agencies. They offer a free orientation session. It is on their website at www.pactadopt.org (510 243-9460).We have also used Adoption Connection in San Francisco (415 359-2494).

Things you will need to do. Decide what type of adoption you want to do. International or domestic. Depending on what child you want to adopt, waiting time and financial will vary. Adoption is all about making choices for your family and life.

Read books. Pact can help you with that. They have a wonderful range of book recommendations on all topics touching adoption. Unfortunately there are no ''Adoptive Parents Association'' in the Bay Area so you have to find the information yourself. Talk to people you know who have adopted. If you want to get in touch with me, I'd be happy to share my adoption experiences with you if that would help. marie-claude

Contact Alameda County Social Services - they have a tremendous number of children in need of adoption and a dirth of willing parents. Five months ago we foster adopted our son from the county and have been thrilled with the entire process. If you adopt with the county, you need to attend three months of parening classes. For us, these were great but some of the other parents in our group who already had children found them to be not as helpful. We were placed with our son a few months later. It's now been a year since we started the classes and most of the families in our class are now with their foster/adopt child.

If you adopt with the county, there are basicaly no costs. During the foster period, you receive a stipend to help offset costs, and this can be anywhere from 6 months to a few years. The health care is covered by the state and, in our area, that means Childrens Hospital, which has been excellent. The best part of the whole process has been the partnership between our social worker, our son's, the health care system, and the county. All of us are looking out for the best interest of this child which has been great. I know that people give the county a bad rap with adoption because the children often come from troubled homes. But frankly, no matter how you have a child, it is always a risky thing. Our experience with the county has been full of support, cooperation, and - believe it or not - love from the other families, children, and employees that took part in the process.

If you have any questions, please give us an email and we would be happy to talk or refer you to someone in the county office. They really need loving parents to help these kids. David

We went to a workshop that Resolve does once or twice a year. It was very informative about the different options that are available (domestic vs. international, agency vs. attorney, newborn vs. older child, etc.) and there were representatives from all the local agencies. It's worth checking into when you are first starting out. See http://www.resolve.org However I must admit it did not really prepare us for the reality of the adoption world. I think we had a rosy view that we would consider all the options, select the path that suited us best, and then go from there. The reality was: a lot depended on how much money we could put in to it. This was not what we wanted or expected. First the good part: from the outset we worked with Adoption Connection. They are a very fine nonprofit organization that I would use again without hesitation. I highly recommend using them even if only for the home study. But they didn't do "outreach" (I think they may be doing it now), so after two years of waiting for a child to adopt we found we needed to "ramp up" and hire an adoption facilitator. I personally found dealing with an adoption facilitator to be a very unsavory experience that I would not like to repeat. The one we went to was highly recommended and she talked a lot about lofty motives but adoption facilitators do not need any special training or licensing - their only bounds are whatever the market will bear. And there is an endless supply of people like us who are desperate to adopt who can afford the facilitator's fee, which will be in the low 5 figures, not to mention the additional unpredictable expenses of the birth-parents-to-be, which may be anything from nothing all the way up to a place to live during the pregnancy, groceries, clothing, and medical expenses. I couldn't help feeling that our adoption facilitator had so many birth parents placing 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies with her because of the deep pockets of her clients. She had a thriving business. Everything has its upside though. Because we used an adoption facilitator, we connected with birth parents within a few weeks, got to know them, and were present at the birth. The adoption process went through without a hitch, with great support from Adoption Connection, and we have a very wonderful healthy smart adorable happy toddler now. Adoptive mom

Hi Karen.. my husband and I adopted a beautiful baby girl from China in July, 2002. We find ourselves thinking about going back to china to bring home another child. The process takes about 1.5-2.5 years, depending on how much you perservere through the mountain of paperwork. We went through Bay Area Adoption Services in Mtn. View, (www.baas.org) a terrific, very organized, well-run, small parent-run adoption agency that specializes in international adoption, with china adoptions being their most active program. Email me and I'll be happy to address specific questions, or can chat with you on the phone. linda

Since no one else seems to want to answer your question about the cost of adoption -- adopting a child from foster care is free (in fact, you may be eligible for financial assistance as a foster parent), a domestic newborn adoption generally runs about $15,000 to about $25,000+, and foreign adoptions tend to be slightly more expensive than domestic newborn, but it's highly dependent on the country you choose, as well as the age of the child. You mentioned being interested in adopting from China -- this is one of the less expensive countries to adopt from, but expect the process, from start to finish, to take you a good two years.

Don't forget though that there's a $10,000 tax credit for adopting. That's a tax credit, not a tax deduction, so you will eventually get the full $10,000 back (actually, I think they've indexed it for inflation, so in 2003 it's a little more than $10,000), as long as your expenses were more than $10,000. So, an adoption whose up front costs are $15,000 will eventually cost you a net of $5,000. And, if you adopt a chid that is considered ''special needs'', you can get this $10,000 credit even if your expenses were less than that -- for example, even if you adopt a special needs child at no cost through the foster care system.

Someone mentioned the organization RESOLVE as a good place to start -- I agree with that advice. And they *will* give you info about the costs, if you ask!

Good luck! -- another adoptive mom

I would also like to put in a plug for looking into Alameda County Adoption Services. We went through the foster/adopt program six years ago and adopted an infant girl. She is now a beautiful 5 1/2 year old kindergartener. And I am still in close contact with our social worker who continues to provide valuable advice and support whenever we need it.

Everything we heard about adopting through the County turned out to be wrong--it would take forever, we would never get an infant, the child would have medical problems, etc, we would not get the support we needed.

We went through the parenting classes which I thought were great though kind of scary as they covered every type of ''problem'' situation you could possibly face. A child was placed with us before we even finished the classes. My husband and I were willing to consider any child--older, medical problems, drug addicted, any racial or ethnic background. Our daughter was a newborn with no medical problems or drugs in her system. She is white. The state is not allowed to consider race in placing a child and our daughter does not ''match'' us. If this is important to you then County adoption is not the way to go.

I still hate when people ask how much it cost to adopt our daughter, but the true answer for us is that it was virtually nothing. The County covered almost every cost, except for a $19 filing fee. And while she was still officially in foster care they gave us a small stipend, and covered all her medical bills (Children's Hospital--great care). Adoptive Mom

I am a proud adoptive Mom of two. We started by asking around -- just like you. Its best to first narrow down whether you want to do an international or domestic adoption. Probably reading and talking to people is the best way to do this. The next important decision is to decide if you want a newborn/infant or if you are interested in / willing to consider an older child or children. Finally, it takes a lot of soul searching and serious consideration to determine what parameters (if any) to set on the age range, potential disabilities, ethnicity, health issues, etc. that you think you would be prepared for and comfortable with. These are very private and personal choices that you can only make within the context of your family, personal background, financial situation, etc. You certainly don't need to figure all of this out before you contact an agency. However, it seems that most agencies either do international or domestic and not both.

We decided early on to pursue a domestic adoption (I frankly don't remember why, we just seemed to agree on this) so we didn't spend much time researching the international route. Our original idea was to adopt one older (2-5yr) child and at the same time work on getting pregnant. However, as we learned more about the sheer number of kids in ''the system'' and the number of sibling groups who needed fost-adopt homes we decided to adopt a sibling group and not try to get pregnant ourselves.

Based on the positive experiences of a friend we contacted Partners for Adoption in Santa Rosa. It's probably a bit far for you (it was for us too) but they may be able to direct you to something closer to your house. They specialize in domestic adoptions through public and private channels in the state of California. We had an excellent experience. We did our classes, home study, search, placement and finalization all through them. They were very honest, understanding and supportive. They charge about $6,000 for their services. This is phased in at stages during the process, not all up front. You should be aware that if you choose the fost-adopt route you will receive foster care assistance payments until the adoption is finalized. In some circumstances the state provides adoption assistance payments from the time the adoption is finalized through the child's 18th birthday.

From the time we contacted the agency to the time the kids came to live with us was about 6 months. We were a bit surprised by how quick it happened! We were able to finalize the adoptions about 9 months after the kids were placed with us.

Hope this helps! Good luck

I found it very useful to read ''Is Adoption for You?: The Information You Need to Make the Right Choice'' by Christine Adamec. I bought it at Cody's (a few years ago); it is also available on amazon.com (now). The book isn't long, and it has a lot of questions to ask yourself. Reading the book helped me decide that adoption would be a good choice for us (my husband didn't read the book, but I got him to discuss some important topics with me, which worked fine). It also helped us decide which type(s) of adoption (e.g. domestic vs. overseas) would work for us. I think what really made us decide to take action was seeing how adoption worked for our good friends--so I'm recommending that you try to decide which type of adoption you're interested in, then find a way to talk to parents who have gone through it. By the way, I think adoption is wonderful! Lisa

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