Will We Be Allowed to Adopt?
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Will We Be Allowed to Adopt?
My husband and I are looking into adoption - we've just only
begun. We tried to get pregnant for a year then went the
fertility route (Clomid and IUI), however, b/c I have a history
of depression, I had a really hard time on the CLomid. I have
been going to counseling for about 6 years and on anti-
depressants for the same amount of time. I've never been
suicidal and have not engaged in destructive behavior due to the
depression. I am stable and have been for years up until my
experience with Clomid. Once the Clomid is out of my system, I
am ''back to normal.'' However, I am worried that we will not be
able to adopt given my experience with mental illness. Does
anyone know anything about this? We would probably adopt
domestically since many countries DO have restrictions regarding
depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My dear, doesn't 30% of the country suffer from depression?
It's really not an unusual medical situation. Besides, if
you're infertile, you're almost always depressed
But let's talk about Clomid. It's a STEROID. I took it and I
swear to God it turned me into Mike Tyson. I was lifting weights
at the time and would go to the trainer once a week (other than
that one week I sat on my butt all week.) When I took clomid,
every week I could lift 10 more pounds. He thought it was great
until one day he asked me how my husband was and I ranted -
seriously RANTED for the entire hour. Then I walked out, called
my husband, yelled at him, and then drove around fast for a
while. I went home, called my doctor, and told him that I was
DONE with clomid. Later, I asked him about it. ''Oh yes,'' he
said, ''that's a somewhat common reaction.''
I was shocked. Why on earth did he give it to me? quick answer:
because at the time, clomid costs $75 a month, and when I did
IVF, my drugs were more like $1400.
That said, being on fertility meds (REAL ONES) felt like riding
in a LIMO next to clomid.
So don't worry. They gave you a nasty drug. Don't let it freak
you out. For more information, go to my FAVORITE site:
www.askapatient.com and check it out. Askapatient.com lets people
log their opinions of their medication. It is run by two
sisters. It is one of the few resources around that is NOT
TOUCHED by the long, all-powerful arm of the drug companies. Ha!
I wouldn't even go into the clomid thing with them. Someone gave
you a nasty med; you had a bad response. finis. And stay off
hate clomid too
This comes up time and again on adoption boards that I was on.
The best advice I can give you is to not have this mentioned at
all in your homestudy or on your medical. Many doctors
understand the need to omit information in this fashion as
there are a lot of countries out there with outright bans on
anyone who has ever taken medications for depression (and
similar types of things). If your doctor isn't one of those
ones who can be cooperative about this, I suggest going to
another doctor. As for your homestudy, I don't see any reason
to mention it to your social worker. I don't generally
encourage people to lie about things, but some of the rules
from countries that permit adoption are very stingent and don't
allow for any considering of individual circumstances. If
whatever the issue is won't affect your parenting, then take
steps to make sure it doesn't appear in your paperwork. Good
Hi, we adopted two children in 1997 and 1999. I don't remember
anyone looking that closely at our medical backgrounds. You do
fill out some forms and they do a 'home study' which is not
really that big of a deal. They are more interested in...is
your home safe...can you provide for the child...would this be
a good home -- not judging you based on other things. I am
very large but it never came up as an issue. If your
depression is under control with meds (you and about a million
other people in the area) then I don't see why you have to
disclose it at all. (Maybe you do, but you can state it in the
mildest sense not the most extreme.) I did fertility drugs for
years and it was horrible emotionally. Having infants and
going thru menopause was nothing compared to that time - my
point is, you've survived the worst, and have everything to
look forward to. My advice is to proceed full steam ahead with
adoption and just let the depression non-issue recede into the
background. Adoption brings out our insecurities about
ourselves; try to focus on all your good qualities and putting
together a good brochure. Good luck and all my best to you.
Happy mom (on meds)
My husband and I are considering adoption, probably
international but not sure yet. I am wondering if the fact
that I have a misdemeanor drug charge (possession of marijuana)
on my record, plus a number of political arrests (unlawful
assembly, trespassing and the like -- all misdemeanors) from
about 13 years ago will come up or be a problem in the
I'm not sure how your past arrests will affect the possibility
of adoption, but it may be possible to clear some or all of the
arrests from your record, and even convictions if you have any.
The San Francisco Public Defender's office has a program
called ''clean slate'' that can help you with the paperwork - if
the arrests are in another jurisdiction contact a reputable
criminal defense attorney to find out what you can do to clean
If the marijuana arrest was as a teenager, look into having it
sealed. Then, your record would not show this at all, and you
would not have to claim it on any forms. I was able to do this,
but I didn't have any addtional arrests. I had to call the
county where the arrest occurred to have it sealed. It's worth
a try. Good luck.
I am the Director of an adoption agency for both domestic and
international adoptions. In both kinds of adoptions someone
with an arrest record like you describe CAN adopt a baby! We
would interview the client in more detail and may want more
information, but small offenses, a long time ago are generally
exempted, at the discretion of the agency.
I'd be surprised if this is a problem but don't know for sure. I
would advise discussing it with whoever you'll be working with to
facilitate the adoption. We did our adoptions working with
Jewish Family & Children Services in San Francisco. They were
great, highly helpful, and I'm sure you could ask them this sort
of question and get it readily clarified. I imagine they'd be
happy to do this even if you don't have an existing relationship
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