Policies for the Advice newsletter

1. All postings to Advice Wanted must be a question posed to parents on the list. General discussion items and open-ended "why?" questions are not accepted.

2. All responses in Advice Given must answer the original question. We can't accept responses that comment on the original question, or comment on others' replies to the question, or make general observations about the topic, or follow up on the original question with clarifications or new questions.

Guidelines for posting a question to Advice Wanted

1. Very Long Messages: Long questions tend to get fewer replies, because most subscribers skip over questions that require a lot of effort to read and understand. There is a limit of about 3 short paragraphs, to keep messages easy to read and improve the chances of getting good responses. It's best to be as concise as you can, and leave out details that are not revelant for the question you're asking.

2. Whining, Venting & Complaining: Make sure you are asking a question rather than complaining and venting. BPN can only accept postings that ask a question that other subscribers can reply to, per our Q&A Policy. Posting a laundry list of complaints about your husband or your mother-in-law doesn't meet the Q&A requirement, and also does not meet BPN's goal of being helpful to the parent community.

3. Hypothetical & Metaphysical Questions: This includes questions like "Why do people disrespect Stay-at-Home-Moms?", "Why do people allow their children to misbehave in restaurants?", "Why do people think private school is better?". These are not really questions looking for answers. They are discussion items, and they often provide a context for complaining and venting. As explained above, BPN can only accept postings that ask a question that other subscribers can reply to, per our Q&A Policy.

4. Too Much Information: Messages that go into too much detail about sex, morbidity, obsessions, bodily functions, etc. tend to get fewer replies because 1) they make many readers uncomfortable and 2) they can have the appearance of being gratuitous. For the best response, use some discretion about descriptions of very personal information.

5. Will your friend or relative recognize themselves in your post? Be careful about asking about relationships with people who may also subscribe to BPN or who might receive a forwarded newsletter from someone who does. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It's best to not include details in your question that would allow people to recognize themselves or others, such as schools, ages, neighborhood, family background, etc.

Questions about relationships

If you are posting a question about a relationship, we recommend following the guidelines for posting above; in particular, trying to be concise and clear about what the problem is, and taking care not to provide so many personal details that people are recognizable.

Questions seeking expert advice (medical, financial, legal, etc.)

WE DO NOT ACCEPT:

• Questions that require expert knowledge to answer (i.e., "Is it legal to do X?" or "Is Y a safe medicine?")
• Questions seeking a definitive answer (i.e., "Do I qualify for dual US/UK citizenship?")

It is OK to ask for other parents' experiences and suggestions, and we do welcome advice from BPN parents who are also experienced professionals. But if you are posting a question looking for a specific "right answer", hoping that someone on the list might know the answer, you should instead consult with an expert - a lawyer, doctor, financial advisor, etc. The BPN website has many archived recommendations for these professionals and you can ask for a new referral using the Recommendations posting form.

Why we have this policy: We don't want subscribers to get inaccurate or misleading advice from well-meaning BPN subscribers who are not licensed to practice law or medicine, or who have no background or training in the relevant field. Subscribers who *are* lawyers, doctors, accountants, etc. cannot give you accurate advice based on a brief message you posted to the newsletters. In fact, this is prohibited by most professional organizations.

Examples of questions that are OK

• "What has worked for your child's eczema?"
• "What was your experience with hernia surgery?"
• "Do joint custody agreements work?"
• "How can I find health insurance for my nanny?"
• "Did you get a passport for your newborn?"

Examples of questions that are NOT ACCEPTED

• "How can I legally change my custody agreement?"
• "Are vaccinations safe?"
• "Is it OK to feed my baby rice milk instead of formula?"
• "Do I need to report my consulting fees as income?"
• "Can I sue my neighbors for leaking sewer lines?"
• "How can my nanny get residency status for college?"

Expressing your opinion in the Advice newsletter

However, BPN does not accept responses that don't answer the question that was asked, or that disparage others' opinions, or preach about proper behavior and parenting styles. Politeness is one of the core BPN Rules and the BPN moderators do their best to enforce this policy.

Therefore, your posting should stick to your own experience or opinion without making a negative reference to others' opinions, and should be a response to the question that was asked.

Also see the Negative Review policy for information about critical reviews of businesses and business owners.

Judgemental advice & unwelcome advice

BPN does not accept responses that disparage others, including making comments about the person who posted the question. However, as long as respondents stick to answering the question that was asked in a polite way without questioning the motives of the person who asked the question, BPN does publish their advice, even though it may be at odds with the views of the person who posted.